'Would You Like A Sweetie Political Sticker, Little Boy..?'

Southend Tory candidate, the hapless David Amess (whose surname must surely be the worst anagram ever), came a cropper when deciding to update the politician's favourite gambit of kissing babies by offering their older brothers and sisters political stickers and balloons:

Mums at Edwards Hall Primary School, Eastwood, were furious after spotting Mr Amess, a candidate in Southend West, and campaign supporter David Atkinson offering the blue treats to pupils.

The parents say the politician’s actions encouraged youngsters to approach and accept items from strangers, undermining their efforts to reinforce the “stranger danger” safety message.

*rolls eyes*

Mr Atkinson, a former MP for Bournemouth who is working with Mr Amess on his re-election campaign, insisted the stunt was something candidates all across the country had historically done, and denied encouraging youngsters to approach strangers alone.

He said: “I was saying ‘who would like a sticker?’ Needless to say, kids being kids, I was mobbed by them wanting to accept the offer. These were children coming out of school with their parents.

“The kids were saying ‘mummy, daddy, can I have a sticker’ and I was doing so.

“I was not, heaven forbid, approaching a child in the street.”

You know, I think I'd actually be tempted to vote for Mr Amess (despite his blatent troughing) if he put a hand up to halt Mr Atkinson's hastily blurted apology and needless explanation and said to these hysterical women: 'Look, dearie, this is politics. Don't worry your silly little head about it, or fret that little Johnnie is now groomed for the first paedophile that comes along, because you are being an idiot. Now, don't you have a bridge meeting or kitchen to scub, or something?'