Tuesday 4 May 2010

'Would You Like A Sweetie Political Sticker, Little Boy..?'

Southend Tory candidate, the hapless David Amess (whose surname must surely be the worst anagram ever), came a cropper when deciding to update the politician's favourite gambit of kissing babies by offering their older brothers and sisters political stickers and balloons:
Mums at Edwards Hall Primary School, Eastwood, were furious after spotting Mr Amess, a candidate in Southend West, and campaign supporter David Atkinson offering the blue treats to pupils.

The parents say the politician’s actions encouraged youngsters to approach and accept items from strangers, undermining their efforts to reinforce the “stranger danger” safety message.
*rolls eyes*
Mr Atkinson, a former MP for Bournemouth who is working with Mr Amess on his re-election campaign, insisted the stunt was something candidates all across the country had historically done, and denied encouraging youngsters to approach strangers alone.

He said: “I was saying ‘who would like a sticker?’ Needless to say, kids being kids, I was mobbed by them wanting to accept the offer. These were children coming out of school with their parents.

“The kids were saying ‘mummy, daddy, can I have a sticker’ and I was doing so.

I was not, heaven forbid, approaching a child in the street.”
You know, I think I'd actually be tempted to vote for Mr Amess (despite his blatent troughing) if he put a hand up to halt Mr Atkinson's hastily blurted apology and needless explanation and said to these hysterical women: 'Look, dearie, this is politics. Don't worry your silly little head about it, or fret that little Johnnie is now groomed for the first paedophile that comes along, because you are being an idiot. Now, don't you have a bridge meeting or kitchen to scub, or something?'

12 comments:

  1. I do like your preferred response. Mr Atkinson and Mr Amess are clearly old fashioned types who do not understand that all children are off limits in all circumstances.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I've just noticed your blogroll of honour, why not link it to

    http://nightjack2.wordpress.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. Having decided that I can't bring myself to vote for Amess I really can't decide who of the others is actually worth my cross.

    A spoilt ballot paper is still looking the most likely option.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Given your interest in Southend, what is the deal with Bob Spink? He used to be a Conservative MP for Castlepoint but is now standing (alongside local Councillors) as an Independent.

    I am guessing they were all deselected by Cameron but I don't know.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is the same David Amess MP who memorably asked questions about the "made-up drug" Cake in Parliament, at the behest of a campaigning group calling themselves "FUKD and BOMBD". The man is a stunningly gullible arse.

    ReplyDelete
  6. TDK, as a former resident of Castle Point and with connections to the local Conservative Association I know some of what went on.

    In a nutshell Spink wanted control of the Association but was opposed by various figures within it and after a long and bitter civil war (including interjections from central office) lost.

    When he lost he quit in a huff/was slung out of the party and has since made a nuisance of himself as an independent. The local press won't print anything but puff pieces on him these days (they are afraid of being sued).

    As for the 'independents' on the local council, they mostly used to be Labour and are confined to the Canvey wards of the borough.

    I've unfortunately heard stories that if he loses his seat some want to try for an elected mayor and get him installed into that post instead.

    Amess might be a tosser but Spink is a complete and total fuckwit (stronger words are available) of the highest order.

    ReplyDelete
  7. My cousins husband used to be Teddy Taylor's Constituency secretary,and mayor at one time I think, when he had the seat.
    Pity he isn't still around. I liked Teddy, he was refreshingly daft.
    To be in hip with the kids, he always claimed to love Reggae music, trouble was he always pronounced it Reggie, as in Perrin.

    ReplyDelete
  8. @ RAB,

    Sir T. Taylor is meant to be a big fan of Bob Marley. No don't laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh yes I know Foxy, and I didn't mean to imply that he was lying about it, just that like all the politicians I have met ( and I've met quite a few in my time) he doesn't seem to live on the same planet as the rest of us. Hence his pronounciation of Reggae. He doesn't know when he is getting it laughably wrong.
    Like the dreaded Wedgie Benn, who used to be an MP round my way in Bristol here.
    I have seen him do photo ops in greasy spoon cafes in order to meet "the workers" so to speak, but he always brings his own mug!
    And it is huge, more like a pint pot rather than an ordinary mug. Then a bit later he goes into a local pub for more of the same and orders a half pint of shandy, not realising that he has got it horribly arse about face.
    Like angels and demons, politicians are not of our world, but unlike them they are not figments of our imagination, unfortunately ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  10. "Mr Atkinson and Mr Amess are clearly old fashioned types who do not understand that all children are off limits in all circumstances."

    Or would be loath to do so in other circumstances, but this is an election, so all bets are off! :)

    "I've just noticed your blogroll of honour, why not link it to

    http://nightjack2.wordpress.com"


    Ah, cheers for that. I had the old site in my 'Gone but not forgotten' section but it was just ther Wordpress 'closed' page. Now I can link it to something tangible.

    "A spoilt ballot paper is still looking the most likely option."

    This gas been one of the most depressing elections for actual choice that I can remember, hasn't it?

    "Given your interest in Southend, what is the deal with Bob Spink? "

    Ah, I see Clarissa got there first.

    Yes, Mr Spink is a very special case. 'Special' in the same sense as 'special school' or 'special needs'. And a thoroughly nasty piece of work, too.

    ReplyDelete
  11. "his is the same David Amess MP who memorably asked questions about the "made-up drug" Cake in Parliament..."

    He's an embarassment. Seriously, could Southend find no better Tory candidate?

    "Pity he isn't still around. I liked Teddy, he was refreshingly daft."

    He was quite a good politician, too. Hapless and hopeless at public events, but very good behind the scenes. A real character.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks Clarissa.

    I knew about Canvey but the posters I saw were on the roads leading north towards Raleigh Weir roundabout. They always appeared to be in the same gardens as the Bob Spink ones.

    ReplyDelete