”It’s worse than that, he’s dead not socially aware, Jim!

The price of alcohol must be increased and beer, wine and spirits companies should be banned from advertising, doctors have advised.

They believe Government and industry measures to tackle binge drinking are failing, and that more needs to be done to reduce the toll of alcohol-related deaths.

Don’t they have any, you know, doctoring to do? Are they just being paid huge salaries to churn out more and more nannystate demands for even greater interference in people’s lives?

Professor Ian Gilmore, president of the Royal College of Physicians, liver specialist Dr Nick Sheron and public health physician Dr Noel Olsen said alcohol misuse is behind a wide range of problems facing society.

Ah, yes, it’s for society! Well, that puts a different complexion on things, doesn’t it? Who am I to assume I’m a free woman able to make my own choices – I need to think of society every time I raise that glass of wine to my lips!

Research suggests that if prices are raised it will have the biggest effect on the heaviest consumers and on young people, who spend a relatively high proportion of their income on alcohol.

Dr Sheron, of Southampton General Hospital, said: "We need to re-establish the delicate balance between the price people pay for alcohol and the harm that it causes – valuable lives are being wasted to preserve our love for cheap booze."

I’d take issue with the description of ‘valuable lives’ if we are talking about the chavs staggering out of late-night bars in our local high street and puking their ‘5 drinks for a £5’ in the gutter, actually…

But that’s not the point. There cannot be an adult in this country who is unaware that drinking to excess is harmful. The tax on alcohol more than compensates the NHS for the harm those who abuse it do themselves, as is the case with cigarettes. I’d have more respect for these people if they just came right out and admitted to being Puritans who hate to see people enjoying themselves.

And if they insisted on serving nothing but water and fruit juice at their next taxpayer-funded PR shindig…