He Might Be ‘Lucky’, But The Rest Of Us Aren’t, Judge…

A teenager has admitted to stealing more than £100,000 worth of cars from south Essex which were later stripped down and sold on for parts.

Aaron Newman-Portch, 19, was handed a 12-month suspended jail sentence after pleading guilty to nine counts of theft of a motor vehicle around Southend and Wickford, over a 16-month period.

Yup, that’s right. A suspended sentence…

Several members of his family sat in the dock at Basildon Crown Court to hear the sentence and wept tears of joy when they found out he would not be going to jail.

However, the judge, Recorder Patricia Lynch told him: “Looking contrite doesn’t work on me. Turn and look at those tears. How proud do you feel about that? How can you stand there and hold your head up and look at those tears, all because what you are is stupid and selfish.

“But you are very lucky today.”

What about the rest of us?

After all, it ought to be abundantly clear even to the dimmest, most bleeding heart judge that this hasn’t taught him anything. Because while on bail for these offences, he was caught stealing again:

Earlier this year, Newman-Portch confessed his crimes when he was questioned by police on a separate matter.

The court was also told while he was out on police bail, awaiting sentence for stealing the cars, Newman-Portch went out on a spree of stealing car radios in August.

He was caught by police and admitted to the offences.

Still, he was even busier ensuring he had a cast-iron reason for leniency:

Nick Bonehill, defending, said the teenager wanted to atone for his mistakes after he found out his girlfriend was pregnant with twins. He told the court: “He admitted to the amount of offences your honour has seen.

“The reason for that was he felt he was getting to the point where he realised he wanted to make a change and felt the best way was to accept these offences.”

Well, I suppose that’s one way of ‘making a change’…