Sometimes, You Aren’t Sure…

…if you are really reading ‘The Daily Mash’:

A suspected pimp has told the Gazette he was forced into the sex industry because his bid to open a children’s nursery was rejected.

*boggle*

The Colchester dad, who asked us to refer to him under his professional alias, Donovan Brown, is out on police bail after a seven-bedroom home he bought, in Stanway, was raided by vice cops.

That’s….well, not much of a pimp name, is it?

The former Londoner told how he purchased the property, in Winstree Road, after a planning agent advised him it would be a suitable venue for a nursery. He borrowed £100,000 against his mother’s London home to buy it, together with a second Colchester home, to share with his wife and 18-month-old son. Now juggling three mortgages – his mum’s home, his own, and the Winstree Road house – he said he was floored when councillors voted against the nursery scheme.

So, what’s an aspiring businessman to do, but go into the flesh-peddling business?

Mr Brown said: “I needed to use the house for something, and it had to be a business which could possibly raise the same kind of revenue as the nursery.

Well, of course! It all looks so logical laid out like that, doesn’t it?

“It’s not my choice of business. I wouldn’t want to do this. “I believe we can still pick it up, turn the situation round and make it into a positive thing. A nursery would still benefit the community.”

Oh, absolutely. I’m sure everyone will flock to a nursery run by a brothel owner. In what used to be a brothel.

Mr Brown explained 65 residents signed a petition against the nursery scheme. He said: “If you don’t want a nursery, you don’t want a brothel.”

Well, I suspect the thought that if they voted against a nursery, that would be the alternative never crossed their minds, ‘Mr Brown’. Perhaps you should have explained that to them?

The house, in Winstree Road, was one of seven raided in Colchester and Ipswich, as part of a crackdown on human trafficking, on Monday. A young woman answered the door in her underwear, and a search revealed one room was decorated black and lit by a red lightbulb. There was bondage gear on a mattress with black sheets.

Hmmm. I’m not convinced. What made the cops think this was a brothel, then?

Mr Brown denied involvement in human trafficking and said he was frustrated by the high-profile police raid, as officers had known what he was doing for several months.

Had they really..?