It Takes Two To Tango, Yasmin...

The Yazzmonster seems to want to kick off 2010 in the same fashion as she spent 2009; writing pointless, easily-fiskable columns for anyone who'll pay her.

Today, it's the 'Daily Fail', a paper she'd be happy to castigate as a right-wing rag should any other paper fill her hand with green stuff. And the subject? Those bastard men and how they wreck women's lives, of course:

You look at the photograph of Maisie Copland, aged only four, and you see a cheeky lass, eyes the colour of Minstrel chocolates, full of light and mischief and total trust.

She is in the arms of her mother, Julie Harrison, 40, who looks much younger as she welcomes the camera with an open and optimistic face.

Yet behind this joyful image lies a story of such unbearable sadness that tears well-up, even though these two are strangers to you.

Yes, it's the story of the brutal killing and suicide in Hampshire, which Yasmin has wrapped up for the 'Fail' with a nice ribbon of mawkish sentimentality.

For you know that Maisie's father, Andrew Copland, must have looked into those same eyes, seconds before he decided to gun her down, and as her mother watched before she, too, was fatally shot.

Then the finale: his own suicide, a grandstanding gesture at Christmas, and a fitting melodrama to sign off his nasty life.

Now, anyone else might also think to ask why, given that he was a known bad 'un with a long history of violence and obsessive behaviour, Julie Harrison looked at this specimen and thought 'Ah, yes! The perfect stud! I must let this man impregnate me. What could go wrong?'

But not Yasmin, of course.

This truth is, this period of colour and songs, feasts and affirmation, makes some go wild and vicious and others feel unable to carry on with fakery, secrets and lies.

People lose their inhibitions and self-control, raw emotions are exposed.

Empathy vanishes as the ego swells and rolls like a huge snowball, crushing hopes and the true meaning of Christmas.

If there's anyone who knows about rampant ego, it's Yasmin. As we'll find out in a minute...

But first, some more 'Men are bastards!' laced with a dash of 'War is hell!':

Two weeks ago, in response to an an article I had written about the meaning of Christmas, I received a hand-written letter from a young woman whose husband is in the Army and was expected home from Afghanistan for Christmas.

Sarah (not her real name) was terrified of what that would mean for her and her young children. The 24-year-old soldier is violent and drinks too much.

So, why is she still with him, putting her children in danger?

'I hope you can understand my feelings,' she wrote.

'I want him home, and alive. But I know he will go for me and our son and make this a miserable month. I can't leave him because he will kill me.

'You don't know how unhappy Christmas is for many of us wives in the Army.

'War makes them monsters and when the whole country is rejoicing they feel bitter and take it out on us.

'Last December, I ended up with a broken wrist and rib. He took the tree and burned it.

So, Yasmin gleefully uses this (presumably private) correspondence to plug her themes that war makes men brutes (hang on, Yasmin, I thought they were anyway?) and women cannot hope to escape violent and abusive relationships.

Sorry, but it doesn't really add up, does it? Did the Army make this man violent and abusive? If so, why hasn't it made everyone else violent and abusive?

And you won't leave someone who might come home and kill you because if you do, he'll...kill you? Doesn't compute. Not when there are refuges galore all around the country.

But here we come to the kicker:

Custody battles, separations, betrayals, confessions, commotion and extreme brutality erupt during the jolly season, the surge suddenly throwing homes into chaos and darkness.

I know that better than most. Twenty-two years ago, my son and I were handed an unforgettable present.

The perfect father and husband decided to tell us about his mistress as we were just getting into our Christmas celebrations.

Yes, you read that right; Yasmin is comparing brutal beatings and homicide with...being told your husband has a mistress.

/golfclap

So, what does Yasmin suggest is the reason behind these occurrences?

So what is it that fuels such despair?

It can be the worst of times because of high levels of stress, debt and alcohol intake. But an overwhelming sense that everyone else is ecstatic and living the perfect dream must play its part.

There is nothing more pernicious in life to the millions who are unhinged or troubled than the idea of others living lives of perfect contentment.

There you go. No-one must ever enjoy themselves in public, because it triggers murderous rage in society's inadequates...

Not so hard to understand now why her husband had a mistress, is it?