Ostentatious Consumption

Rebecca Seal in the ‘Guardian’ on that tricky question of how to ensure that your barbeque is as eco-friendly as possible:

Last year, in spite of the dire summer, we hardy Brits had 120m barbecues, making us the barbecue capital of Europe, according to the National Barbecue Association. The "alfresco eating industry" is worth £7bn annually (presumably companies making rainproof gazebos and waterproof fleece are also doing well), but, unfortunately, few of us realise how environmentally unfriendly a traditional barbecue can be.

I think that ought to read: ‘few of us care’, don’t you?

Those who think an outdoor gas grill is the green solution are quick to point out that charcoal releases more than 100 times as much carbon monoxide as gas. But although it's true that gas is a more efficient fuel for cooking, charcoal is carbon neutral as it releases carbon tied up temporarily in the tree it was made from.

And we wouldn’t want to be too efficient, would we? Not when we can be less…

Most charcoal briquettes are made from hardwood culled from tropical forests that could do with being left alone. And they are also usually doused with firelighter solutions which can taint your food. The solution is to buy British lumpwood charcoal from sustainable sources, such as coppiced trees in managed woodland and forests.

Hmm, sounds a bit on the pricy side, doesn’t it?

Sarah Mooney from Bioregional, an entrepreneurial charity that sells British charcoal (available from Homebase and Sainsbury's, from £7 a bag), says: "Our charcoal has a more open structure than hardwood charcoals, so it doesn't need to be impregnated with lighter fuel. It burns for far longer so, although it's a bit more expensive, you'll use much less."

Yikes! £7 a bag! I should hope so! I'd expect it to go all night for that price.

Start your barbecue using twists of rolled-up newspaper, with the charcoal stacked on top, or natural firelighters such as those from If You Care (available from goodnessdirect.co.uk, 72 for £3.97), which are made from wood and vegetable oils.

Why not encourage people to rub two sticks (of sustainable British wood, natch) together..? Or would that be a health and safety risk?

You could also build your own barbecue using an oven rack and some old bricks, or an old oil drum cut in half – you'll have to weigh up the ethical points scored by not buying something new against less efficient cooking.

Mmm, weighing up ethical points. Yes, that’s certainly always on my mind when I’m planning a BBQ…

Rather than using paper plates, stock up on crockery from charity shops or buy palm leaf plates that biodegrade (25 plates, £11.99).

£11.99!!!

At this rate, I won’t be able to afford any food for this BBQ. Let’s hope that that’s not also an ethical minefie…

Oh.

Finally the food. There are far more interesting and ethical things to cook than cheap beefburgers, sausages, or Day-Glo chicken. Ben Spice, head chef at Acorn House and Water House, two of London's most environmentally friendly restaurants, suggests farmed tilapia fish or arctic char. "Unlike lots of farmed fish, tilapia is not fed dried fishmeal (which could have come from all sorts of untraceable, endangered fish), but sustainable organic matter. Similarly, farmed arctic char, a pale pink fish halfway between salmon and trout, barbecues well and is also fed on traceable fish meal. M&J Seafood is good for both."

They don’t say how much it costs, this time. I suspect I know why…

Both he and Henry Dimbleby, a restaurateur and founder of the Sustainable Restaurant Association, agree that squid is also a great choice. "It's the most sustainable fish at the moment, as we have overfished their predators and they're multiplying with abandon," says Dimbleby.

Thanks to our ‘green’ waste disposal efforts, so are rats and foxes. Want me to throw one of those on my barbie too..?

Seriously, who, other than neurotic Guardianista, can afford to concern themselves with this sort of thing?