Step Away From The Water With Your Nets In The Air! It's The Goldfish Police!

Following on from the case of pet shop owner who was electronically tagged for Crimes Against Nature (chief witness: one goldfish), it seems someone decided that wasn't the end of the madness.

Oh, no. That was merely the beginning...

A voluntary hospital worker who rescued 60 goldfish from their ornamental pond when it was being drained is facing prosecution and a £1,000 fine - because he didn't have a licence to move them.

Say what!?

Clive Roberts, 58, saved the fish in an act of mercy by scooping them into a bucket and preparing to move them to his own garden pond.

But officials at the Environment Agency were tipped off…

By whom? I mean, seriously, the twonks at the EA are just doing what bureaucrats do, being, well, bureaucrats.

But someone took it upon themselves to phone the EA to report him.

I mean, is it me, or is that even scarier than the fact that you apparently need a license in Brown's Clegg's Cameron's Britain to move pet fish..?

…and told him he needed to go through red tape to get a formal licence to move the goldfish.

Sheesh....

Still, maybe the anonymous scumbag concerned citizen was worried in case he was stealing the fish from the hospital? I mean, that's plausible, isn't i...

Oh.

Mr Roberts, who has maintained the pond at the University Hospital of Wales in Cardiff for 12 years, was shocked that he could be taken to court as he donated the goldfish in the first place.

*sigh*

Mr Roberts, a window cleaner, has been told he should have applied for a licence to move the fish - which takes around 30 days to complete.

'This was an emergency,' he said. 'The fish were already distressed by the falling water levels when I took them out. They didn't have 30 days.

'I maintain the pond at the hospital - it is a simple plastic-lined ornamental pond. Do gardeners break the law whey they remove fish from their back garden pond to clean it out?'

Good point. Better hope if you plan to do that this weekend, you haven't got a neighbour with twitchy curtains and a finger on the hotline to the EA's PondBusters...

But the best bit is reserved for last.

Mr Roberts has been warned that he will be interviewed under caution by Environment Agency officials and could be prosecuted.

Under caution. For moving fish...

And even if he wins, he loses, naturally:

He faces a £1,000 fine for breaching the Welfare of Animals (Transport) Order 2006.
He has been advised to get legal representation but could face a £600 legal bill for hiring his own solicitors.

As Al Jahom points out:

"I’m beginning to wonder if M C Escher is Minister of Justice and Salvador Dali is Home Secretary."

I think we'd be better served if they were...