Detectives are hunting a man who attacked four people with a stick outside Bromley North station.Sign of the times, our lawless streets, modern society, knife crime prevalent in..
Oh. Wait:
Two men and two women were struck by the stick, thought to be a tree branch, causing no real injuries other than superficial reddening.Stick?
Police have recovered the stick...Whew! Thank the lord for that!
He won't get another weapon so easily. It's not like they grow on trees, is it?
Oh. Right...
Update: Dick Puddlecote has a photofit for us!
Dear God, this menace must be stopped, and stopped now.
ReplyDeleteThink of the danger to our children that the very existence of timber implies.
I say chop down all the forests NOW before it's too late.
I think I can state without fear of contradiction that our brave snipers in blue should be given permission to open fire without warning on any man believed to be in possession of wood - no matter how small it might be.
On A Guardian note by contrast - perhaps sending all convicted timber carriers on community carpentry courses ought to be the severest sentence for such offences, plus maybe to force them to confront offended beavers so they will understand the full harm that their crimes have caused?
Was it a pointed stick?
ReplyDeleteLucky he wasn't carrying fruit...
Now, be fair, Julia. This must be the most exciting thing to have happened in Bromley North for years. In decades to come, old men will sit in the bar of the Railway Hotel nursing their half litres of halal lager and boring the arse off anyone who comes within earshot with, "I remember the Great Stick Attack of 2010 like it wuz yesterday, you know".
ReplyDelete"One of the victims, William Bush"...
ReplyDeleteI bet he was really a High Court Judge .. looking for a Morris/Austin 1100 to thrash the living bejaysus out of ..
ReplyDeleteHow long did it take them to twig who it was? Will he promise the judge that he'll turn over a new leaf or point out that his bark is worse than his bite? I think we should root out this sort of behaviour. Continued page 94.
ReplyDeleteOr he could have walked into a bank and said "This is a stick... up!"
ReplyDeleteAttacked with a tree branch?
ReplyDeleteWhy am I having Fawlty Towers flashbacks all of a sudden?
More grim evidence of the reality of climate change.
ReplyDelete"...our brave snipers in blue should be given permission to open fire without warning on any man believed to be in possession of wood..."
ReplyDeleteThat'll certainly sort out the doggers..! ;)
"This must be the most exciting thing to have happened in Bromley North for years. "
Heh!
"How long did it take them to twig who it was? "
*groan*
"More grim evidence of the reality of climate change."
Undoubtedly!