A police officer paid pet shops across Bromley a surprise visit as part of a global crackdown on the illegal trade of reptiles and amphibians.Whew! The grimy underbelly of Bromley will be safe for box turtles, carpet pythons and gharials at last.
People? Well, no. They can look after themselves; ace crimebuster John Blackman is on the case…
PC John Blackman, Bromley police's wildlife crime officer, dropped in at stores from the beginning of September to the end of last month as part of international police force Interpol’s Operation Ramp.Unless the lazy sod just did one a fortnight, then Bromley must have a heck of a lot of pet shops flogging soon-to-be-sewer-dwelling non-Teenage Mutant turtles…
So, John, tell us. What was your haul? How many purloined pythons, counterfeit chameleons, forged frogs, etc?
He found all pet shops selling reptiles and amphibians were trading legally…Oh.
Well, that’s a bit of an anticlimax, isn’t it? Still, never mind, lad, down these mean streets a man must go, so don’t let it dent your enthuse…
Ah. I see you won’t:
… but says he will continue to monitor (Ed: varanus species, I believe…) stores in the borough.Fantastic! Don’t let a zero success rate hold you back, chum!
He said: "This isn’t a one-off strike but an ongoing operation that will continue to target illegal animal sellers.”Ummmm…
But you didn’t. You targeted shops selling these creatures perfectly legally. By your own admission…
Anyone with information about wildlife crime in Bromley should call PC Blackman on 0208 284 8857 or email john.blackman@met.police.ukIf you’ve been mugged or raped, however, just dial 999 and someone will get back to you later. Maybe.
This is all most unfair to our boys and girls in blue. You guys should applaud such efforts in prevention! Now where's the story about the Bobby who has eradicated domestic violence and bullying on a sink estate packed with snakes and reptiles?
ReplyDeleteBe fair, this chap would have been tasked with doing a walk-around and the whole thing would have been dressed up as some sort of "initiative". I doubt very much that wildlife crime is his full time occupation.
ReplyDeleteI didn't think they allowed anything as vulgar as pet shops in Bromley. Perhaps there are one or two in Penge, that remote corner of the borough the good burghers prefer not to mention.
ReplyDeleteThe sergeant duped PC Blackman when he asked if anyone was interested in a job which involved a trip to the canaries.
ReplyDeleteYet PC Blackman was not to be denied his freebies and takes home fresh crème de la gwano every evening.
Just empire building - why does Bromley NEED a Police Wildlife Officer? Too much bush meat being traded in boot sales? Animal smuggling rife in Bromley?
ReplyDeleteOr (on a serious note) maybe a Policeman is trying to use any excuse to actually patrol the mean streets rather than navigate the torrents of paperwork at the station.
A real life Ace Ventura! I wonder if he has the hair?
ReplyDeleteCareful now, officer. It's a jungle out there!
"Bring heavy gloves and a big stick. Ask for Fast Eddie."
ReplyDeleteHe'd better be fast! ;)
"Now where's the story about the Bobby who has eradicated domestic violence and bullying on a sink estate packed with snakes and reptiles?"
Well, could you blame him? The reptiles probably smell better, and have cleaner habits...
"I doubt very much that wildlife crime is his full time occupation."
Oh, I don't doubt that - in an emergency - he'd be pulled off this duty. But I wouldn't be too sure it isn't a full-time post in normal times, with all the training etc that that implies...
"I didn't think they allowed anything as vulgar as pet shops in Bromley."
Clearly, there must be more than a few of them...
"...why does Bromley NEED a Police Wildlife Officer? Too much bush meat being traded in boot sales? "
*muses* I wonder if Ilford or Barking has a Wildlife Officer?
"Careful now, officer. It's a jungle out there!"
*chuckle*
We have a pet shop that sells reptiles, it's hardly a secret though, it's on the main road to the police station and is called The Reptile Shop.
ReplyDeleteUp here they did the same trick on fifteen shops selling fireworks and all of them were selling them legally!
ReplyDeleteAllegedly one MOP tipped them off that a shop was selling them illegally to kids under 16.
I'll lay odds that MOP was a kid under 16!
Priceless.