I’m Not Too Bothered About Those Dreaded ‘Police Cuts’…

…when it seems they have the manpower and time – not to mention the desire - to play ‘SimTown’:

Police have launched a scathing attack on multi-million-pound plans for York’s Nestlé South site, saying they would lead to a surge in crime.

And this is the business of the police? Seriously?

The confectionery giant wants to redevelop some of its old factory buildings, to create homes, offices, shops, student accommodation, a community centre and a gym.

But North Yorkshire Police say Nestlé’s plans do not include enough anti-crime measures and the force has now called on City of York Council to refuse planning permission.

Here’s a clear case of the police wildly overstepping their bounds.

Incredibly enough, it’s actually a defined role:

Jim Shanks, the force’s architectural liaison officer…

The what..?!?

Once more, for the disbelieving:

Jim Shanks, the force’s architectural liaison officer…

Wow, it’s hard to see how that one hasn’t yet been dramatised for prime-time, isn’t it?

I can see it now:

'Tonight, on ITV4, our brand new drama series, starring James Nesbitt: ‘Brannigan: Architectural Liaison Officer.' He’s tough, but compassionate, and with his grasp of 21st century crime-fighting regulations, he keeps our building sites and streets safe...'

…said Nestlé had failed to work with police to make sure the site was safe, and raised a number of “serious concerns” about the plans.

I expect it came as a bit of a surprise to Nestlé that this was something that was their responsibility…

So, what glaring, specialised issues did the ALO raise, then?

There were too many footpaths and through roads, which could give alternative escape routes for criminals

Note that: ‘could’. They could also give access for the law-abiding, who surely even in York are actually in the majority, no?

There were too many open routes on to the Sustrans cycle track, running parallel to Hambleton Terrace, which he said was already a crime hotspot

Once again, what is he suggesting here? That planners shouldn’t design too many routes to a place? They should cut down or limit access so as to make things easier for the cops?

Car parks were too near the cycle track and would encourage car crime

So we shouldn’t have car parks? We should put them further away from the cycle track?

The play area was too near housing and would fuel antisocial behaviour

It should be further away? So that the people who want to use it – residents, that is – have to walk even further with their children?

The cycle stores were not secure enough.

What do you suggest, oh wise ALO? Pod-mounted mini-guns?

I mean, I’m all for intelligent design to restrict opportunities for crime, but not at the expense of making things more difficult for law-abiding people.

A Nestlé spokesman said: “We have consulted extremely closely with City of York Council throughout and the current application is based on the planning brief, which was approved by the planning committee.

“We will continue to work closely with the planning department to agree any amendments which will be necessary to enable to application to move forward to committee.”

Translation: ‘Oh, god, not again…’

It does make me wonder just what other bizarre job roles lurk undiscovered within police rosters, though.