Shocking…

A man had to be subdued with a police stun gun after wielding knives in an Oxford pub.

He brought the knives with him?

No:

Paul Udall had been drinking at the Holly Bush, in Osney Island, when he went into the kitchen and grabbed a pair of blades.

Oxford Crown Court heard yesterday the 25-year-old waved the knives at barman Dutch Harris before putting them to his own throat.

That must have been a bit of a dilemma for the cops, eh?

Just a moment of madness?

Udall, who has two previous convictions for six offences, earlier admitted affray and common assault.

*sigh*

Lucy Tapper, defending, said her client had been drinking heavily and smoking cannabis on the day and did not have a clear recollection of events.

Astonishingly, that’s considered a mitigation, instead of an aggravation…

Judge Gordon Risius said: “It appears you now genuinely wish to address your drug and alcohol problems.”

Translation: ‘You’ve been caught bang (or even Zzaapp!!) to rights and your defence is employing the time-honoured method of ensuring leniency from the bench…‘

Did it work?

Well, what do you think?

Udall, a father of two, from Burton on Trent, was given a 12-month jail term, suspended for two years, ordered to do 150 hours’ unpaid work, undertake a six-month drug-rehabilitation course and pay £100 compensation and £250 costs.

Guess who’ll really be paying that, in the totally-likely event that a convicted violent druggie won’t have a high-paying job.

Or any job…