Saturday, 19 March 2011

”While you sleep there’s a whole world coming alive, Abel and his brother, fighting one another…”

Five alleyways are to be named in a bid to improve safety and combat antisocial behaviour on a Bournemouth estate.
Huh..?!?
Leaflets will be sent out this month with consultation sessions on March 15 and March 18.

Name plates will be produced and installed in late spring at alleyways between Kinson Road and Moorside Road, South Kinson Drive and Rochester Road, Draper Road and Poole Lane and Pilot Hight Road and Moore Avenue.
I…I just…
As part of the council’s safer communities campaign, householders and local schoolchildren will be given the opportunity to christen the West Howe thoroughfares later this month.

The initiative follows concerns voiced by residents about antisocial behaviour and accessibility.

Cllr David Smith, cabinet member for communities, said: “This is a really simple but effective scheme in tackling antisocial behaviour and will give a real sense of identity to the West Howe area.

“I would encourage local residents to come forward with their suggestions which may include inspiration from local history to well known community members from the area.”
I’m guessing ‘Stabby Alley’ and ‘Assault Avenue’ won’t be considered, no matter how accurate?

I mean, I’ve heard of some wacky ideas in my time, but this one takes the biscuit.

Still, it’s not like it won’t have some beneficial aspects:
PC Rob Hammond from the West Howe Safer Neighbourhood Team said: “We fully support this initiative. The new signs will help keep people safe by enabling those who use the alleyways to identify where they are and assist the emergency services to locate people in an emergency.”
Yeah, yeah, I know, that’s after the anti-social little thugs have relieved you of your wallet, but hey, baby steps, right?
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10 comments:

  1. Short Cuts19 March 2011 at 12:24

    I understand that, for some reason, 'Rear Entry' and 'Back Alley' will not be allowed.

    However they could be named after famous murderers: "It all began when I was walking down Jack The Ripper Way..."

    WV= tentedif = Doubts over the proper use of camping equipment.

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  2. Anonymous19 March 2011 at 14:41

    My suggestion woulf be Mohammed Alley.

    Or would that offend some?

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  3. Trevor19 March 2011 at 16:16

    '...schoolchildren will be given the opportunity to christen the... thoroughfares.'
    In the way that lifts, bus shelters and shop doorways are routinely 'christened'?

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  4. blueknight19 March 2011 at 20:28

    A mile or two from where I used to live a footpath was known by one and all as 'Dog shit Lane'.

    In the best traditions of the TV show Catchphrase, 'say what you see'

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  5. John19 March 2011 at 21:59

    Being a Bournemouth resident, I feel it will take a lot more than a few nameplates on alleys to make the whole of West Howe safe.

    It's a bit like handing someone a crash helmet before telling them it's safe to run around the M25.

    But I expect the idea makes sense in Bournemouth town hall. You've got to love those senile councillors.

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  6. JuliaM20 March 2011 at 06:21

    "I understand that, for some reason, 'Rear Entry' and 'Back Alley' will not be allowed."

    :D

    "My suggestion woulf be Mohammed Alley."

    /applause

    "Being a Bournemouth resident, I feel it will take a lot more than a few nameplates on alleys to make the whole of West Howe safe."

    It's that bad?

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  7. Furor Teutonicus20 March 2011 at 06:58

    The first twat I ever heard come out with such an idea was the spastic dwarf, Frank Field, who renamed the Ford estate in Birkenhead "Birchwood", in the hope the scum he was always supporting (and shaking.....hands with in the news papers at the opening of a new "Youth club", shortly before the same scum, having waited for the press to subside, duly ransack the place for copper, electric goods, furniture, etc, then let their wee bastards finish the days work with a nice "bonfire", using the remaining doors, window frames, roof timbers, etc), would stop being scum because the name of where they lived had changed.

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  8. Furor Teutonicus20 March 2011 at 06:59

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  9. Anonymous20 March 2011 at 12:28

    "In the avenues and alleyways..."

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  10. nightlurker22 March 2011 at 00:06

    xx“This is a really simple but effective scheme in tackling antisocial behaviour and will give a real sense of identity to the West Howe area.xx

    Also I and the rest of the council are running a book on how much money we can piss up the wall on this.
    There, I've finished the sentance for you.

    Also as a bournemouth resident, I think the only way to improve the West Howe area is to nuke it from space, but that would harm the most useful & productive residents of the area, the rabits and foxes.

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