Monday, 18 July 2011

The Latest Gateway Drug – Powdered Asparagus!

No, really!


It was created for a party thrown by a group of designers but is now being offered to the London-based company’s other clients.

The recipe remains a closely guarded secret but the vegetable is put through a variety of scientific processes and some ‘molecular gastronomy’ to achieve the end result.
So far, so Heston Blumenthal…


Not surprisingly, there have been accusations that the powdered asparagus is glamorising drugs…’.
Wait, what?

‘Not surprisingly’..? Who wouldn’t find that surprising?

So, who’s the idiot claiming it glamorises drug use?
However, the dish was called ‘deeply irresponsible’ by drugs campaigner Lucy Dawe, from Cannabis Skunk Sense. ‘This helps in no way whatsoever with educating people about the dangers of these drugs,’ she said.

‘It risks drawing more and more people into a world where there’s nothing but misery waiting for them.’
Yes, today you’re snorting asparagus, tomorrow you’re mainlining carrot juice.

It’s the way of the world…


And if you want to try the powdered asparagus, start saving: it’s £50 a gramme.
And you have to get it down a dark alley in Streatham from a man with an afro and a gold tooth.

Probably.

30 comments:

  1. I'll have three lines of cabbage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Pass dem Hartichoke 'pon de lef' 'an side...

    ReplyDelete
  3. "you have to get it down a dark alley in Streatham from a man with an afro and a gold tooth."

    One of the many things that puzzle me about the oh-so-righteous, the Gaurdianistas, is that they will INSIST that their food is 'healthy',organic,free range,carbon neutral,suitable for vegans,soil Assoc. approved,untouched by child labour and MUST come fat, nut and responsiblity free...

    BUT

    ...put them in a night club, non-smoking of course, and they'll make a bee-line to the toilets to buy some tab or dodgy powder containing ,or supposedly containing, some substance made in unhygienic conditions in someone's shed and is untested, unapproved and 'cut' with rat poison or baby formula.

    There is no label, no 'traffic lights', no guarantee of Nutfreeness. No guarantee that it was made in a smoke free environment even and yet they'll merrily swallow or snort it without a seconds thought...

    ...before demanding that the drinking of alcohol in public be banned..for the sake of the children of course!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Pass dem Hartichoke 'pon de lef' 'an side..."

    Hey Mr Tamarind Man play a song for me..

    ReplyDelete
  5. Captain Haddock18 July 2011 at 11:39

    @ SBC ..

    By Gad Sir .. I think you've hit on the very thing to rid us, once & for all of the Guardianistas and the "righteous" ..

    Flog 'em tabs & "marching powder" made from very finely milled peanuts and leave Anaphylactic shock to do the rest ..its pure brilliance in the simplicity of its concept !!

    Oh .. and I'll have a small bag of that Fennel, whilst I'm here .. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  6. The more things change the more they stay the same. I'll have you know that Oregano in a ziploc bag is exactly like best Dutch skunk, Knorr chicken stock cubes are just like Lebanese gold, and pro-plus tablets with a drop of blue food colouring are just like er..blues like in Quadraphenia.

    My mate used to sell this stuff to the rich kids down the clubs, and they'd come back to him week after week!!

    I'm convinced that 90% of the effects of illicit drugs is psychological.

    Maybe it's time to get myself an assortment of snuff and get into the podered asparagus trade...

    ReplyDelete
  7. "I'm convinced that 90% of the effects of illicit drugs is psychological. "

    POS 51

    ReplyDelete
  8. Its the work of the FDA I tell ya!

    ReplyDelete
  9. "POS 51"

    If anyone doubts what I say, anyone recall the urban legend of the mid 70s about getting off your head with cans of coke and aspirin?

    Let's not forget the medically proven "Placebo effect" too.

    There's a rumour although I've no actual proof, but I suspect it isn't far off the mark that the majority of illicit drugs are cut with so much crap as to have a negligible effect on a person. The occasional "Hot batch" that has junkies dropping like flies ODing does lend credence to the theory.

    ReplyDelete
  10. By "Negligible effect" I mean "Buzz wise" and not adverse effects of injecting/digesting crap the drug is cut with.

    ReplyDelete
  11. @ budvar your right, often taken in circumstances with loads of booze etc. smoking anything will deprive the brain of oxygen. carbon monoxide being taken up by haemoglobin more readily than oxygen, result, buzz

    the effects of recognised chemical compounds tested scientifically on human physiology and psychology are irrefutable. you just can't get decent shit off the street far better to make it yourself, stick to 'soft' drugs like pot, fags n booze, or forget it all together.

    If you want to get high there's no substitute for doing a bit of research because nature offers loads of free stuff, important to do research cus nature also offers some pretty potent poisons too.

    enjoy ;)

    ReplyDelete
  12. in fact if you want a realy good trip just deliberately remove all sugar and salt from your diet for 48hrs and drink coffee to stay awake. you'll see all sorts of wierd shit

    ReplyDelete
  13. disclaimer....don't blame me if you end up in Hypoglycemic
    coma lol

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm having terrible trouble keeping this Camberwell Carrot alight.

    ReplyDelete
  15. btw, anyone wanna buy a Kenwood mixer, I got a blender, coffee grinder and the bowl with three mixers, wisk, dough and the K one.

    Had it and loved it for years but they use funny electricity in Canada :(

    ReplyDelete
  16. suppose I could jig together some kind of transformer?!? *thinks* BANG

    ReplyDelete
  17. WOAR, you need to seek professional help. You THINK you have it under control but you don't, I know... 'I can stop anytime I want, it's just to relax'. I've been there...the whole 12 Steps -away from the allotment.

    From carrots its only a small step to yams and then there's no hope, you'll end up on the game trying to scrap enough money together just to be able to 'Chase The Potato Peelings.

    Face your addiction, get help. There IS life after vegetables. Tofu has a pleasant 'kick'.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Captain Haddock18 July 2011 at 18:45

    @ Mike ..

    Speak to that nice Mr Huhne, I'm sure he'd be only too pleased to advise you how to go about getting your Kenwood powered by wind ..

    PS .. vis a vis last comment by SBC ..

    Has your Kenwood got the Tofu knitting attachment ?

    ReplyDelete
  19. nope, if it sees tofu it growls!

    ReplyDelete
  20. it does have a vegatairian slicer though ;)

    ReplyDelete
  21. "Has your Kenwood got the Tofu knitting attachment ?"

    SNORK!

    ReplyDelete
  22. anyone recall the urban legend of the mid 70s about getting off your head with cans of coke and aspirin?
    Yes, the urban legend reckons that Coca Cola changed their recipe as a result. (The original coca cola recipe contained cocaine and that may have been the source of the story)
    The other one was smoking banana skins. I was on 5-a-day.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Check out waitrose mmm organic asparagus ready cut

    ReplyDelete
  24. Captain Haddock18 July 2011 at 23:23

    @ Mike ..

    "it does have a vegatairian slicer though" ;)

    There's little else beats a nicely sliced & diced vegetarian .. Maybe a freshly pureed vegan .. but its a damned close run thing .. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  25. "Maybe a freshly pureed vegan"

    That might explain 'Marmite'....hell don't the aussies even call it 'VEGEmite'? What further proof...?

    ReplyDelete
  26. fuck it, I might just take it to Canada and see if I can get a moose mincer attachment ;)

    ReplyDelete
  27. they'll all think I'm super gay talking about mincing moose and having a fag. Got to kick this asparagus habit its giving me the munchies and I'm spending a fortune on it right now.

    ReplyDelete
  28. "I'll have three lines of cabbage."

    I'll not be standing near you on the Tube then!

    "There is no label, no 'traffic lights', no guarantee of Nutfreeness. No guarantee that it was made in a smoke free environment even and yet they'll merrily swallow or snort it without a seconds thought..."

    Amazing, no?

    "My mate used to sell this stuff to the rich kids down the clubs, and they'd come back to him week after week!!"

    :D

    ".. nature offers loads of free stuff, important to do research cus nature also offers some pretty potent poisons too."

    A fact often discovered by mushroom pickers.

    ReplyDelete
  29. "I'm having terrible trouble keeping this Camberwell Carrot alight."

    Lol!

    "The other one was smoking banana skins. I was on 5-a-day."

    Was it the skins? I thought it was the little 'strings' inside!

    ReplyDelete