Kenneth Lightfoot was wowing an audience of more than 100 in Canterbury, Kent, with a trick which involves ‘magically hurling’ a playing card onto a nearby roof.Councils are employing people to hang around and point out the potential consequences of an event in the possible future?
But it didn’t amuse one Canterbury Council ‘street scene inspector’.
The warden told the magician, who is originally from Colorado, that if the playing card – which ‘settled’ 80ft away on the roof of a building – fell to the ground he could be handed an on-the-spot fine for littering.
Shocked audience members rounded on the warden telling him to ‘get a life’ – but he stood his ground.That’s nice to see! It’s about time people stood up to these officious little busybodies.
In the end, Mr Lightfoot, who has toured all over the world, packed up his box of tricks and told his audience: ‘I’m never playing here again’.And the small, shrivelled little coal that rests in place of the heart of the sad bastard who opted to be a ‘street scene inspector’ twitched briefly before subsiding back into its normal inert state…
Onlooker Brian Thompson, 54, said: ‘I suggested to the warden that he would be better employed tackling schoolkids throwing away food wrappers.’Oooh, no! That can be dangerous, and the salary probably doesn’t stretch to body armour!
A council spokesman backed the warden, saying: ‘The street scene inspector spoke to Mr Lightfoot to advise that, if he causes litter as part of his act, he is just as liable to receive a fine for littering as anyone else.’Great!
No doubt you have all your traffic wardens walk up to cars at junctions, tap on their windows and advise them that if they park illegally just round the corner, they’ll be subject to a penalty?
And bin inspectors going door to door three days before collection to warn residents that if they overfill their bins, they’ll be fined?
Here’s a tip for you, Canterbury Council; focus on actual events, not possible ones.
I worked in Canterbury for years, and the pedestrian areas were often infested with crusties, wasters and layabouts.
ReplyDeleteOne memorable time, there were several hooligans, all out of their brains, making a very untidy mess of quite a pleasant part of the street near Boots.
One dishevelled oik was leaning up against a bollard, drinking from a can of Special Brew, and when I walked past, asked me for 'Any spare change'...
So perhaps I've answered my own question, because there was nobody around to move them on - again...
There used to be a bloke playing a saw though, and he was quite good! We used to get fed up with the Himalayan pipes band, because it was incredibly boring to listen to.
The key part of: "if he causes litter as part of his act" is actually the word "if"
ReplyDeleteIncreasingly we have a whole army of overfussy, brain-reduced "iffers" to plague us.
If we have global warming, if we don't do this, if we don't give way to yet more barbarians coming in, if we don't bow to the mighty if... well, the consequences for the world will be too terrible to contemplate.
Apparently.
Laydeez and Chennelmen, for my next trick I will turn a Street Scene Inspector in to a frog.
ReplyDeleteAre they serious... a "Street Scene Inspector"... an S.S. Inspector walking our fair streets, looking for easy targets to bully??
ReplyDeletePolicing thought crime. What percentage of our Council Tax gets wasted on that?
ReplyDeleteI think they should have told the braindead bastard to..
ReplyDeleteIf off!
As a current Canterbury resident, it is a source of some shame. As I understand it, the 'Street Scene' lot are responsible for: Rubbish and recycling collections
ReplyDeleteStreet cleansing (including emptying public bins, removing chewing gum, graffiti, dog fouling),
Public toilets (cleaning and maintenance),
Maintenance of flowerbeds, trees and shrubbery,
Stray dogs (and advice on being a responsible dog owner),
Bereavement services (cemeteries, memorials and burials),
Abandoned cars and other vehicles.
They don't have any enforcement powers.
I feel a letter to the local paper coming on, I may even plagarise your thorough demolition job.
With apologies to WOAR ..
ReplyDelete"Laydeez and Chennelmen, we have here today, a Local Authority Street Scene Inspecting p***k .. who is about to turn himself into a complete c**t .. you will notice that at no stage during this amazing feat, do I actually have to touch him" ...
Boom, Tish ..
Pedestrian areas, it seems, are only for nice tidy pedestrians like Scrobs.
ReplyDeleteThey should not be "infested with" "dishevelled oiks", "making a very untidy mess of quite a pleasant part of the street".
Scrobs tells us of "One memorable time", (Gosh, this is gonna be a really scary anecdote!) when one of them, (Skip this bit if you're of a nervous disposition), "asked me for 'Any spare change'"
Wow, those mean streets! It doesn't get much more memorable than that! Decent people should be protected from such blood-curdling trauma. We need MORE SS inspectors!
" We used to get fed up with the Himalayan pipes band, because it was incredibly boring to listen to."
ReplyDeleteWe used to get those in Southend High Street, but I haven't seen them for a while..
"Policing thought crime. What percentage of our Council Tax gets wasted on that?"
Probably a large one. Still, better than spending it on fixing potholes, right?
"I feel a letter to the local paper coming on, I may even plagarise your thorough demolition job."
Feel free! :)
" We need MORE SS inspectors!"
I suspect beggars are invisible to SSIs....
Himalayan Pipe bands are controlled by market forces. If everyone thinks they are boring they don't give any money therefore the band is not worth doing and they wither away.
ReplyDeleteAs for the drunken oiks not being moved on because of the lack of Street Scene inspector. That's not a job for the SS, that's a job for the police.
So what happened to this idea brought in by the P.A.C.E act, that the "Suss" laws were abandoned?
ReplyDeleteSeems as if they were merely transefered to a bunch of twats that can not tie their own shoe laces without causing serious injury to meandering passers bye. The kind of idiots that would go to the middle of the Gobi desert and manage to cause a serious yachting accident.