Rock Beats Knife, Paper Beats Rock, Kitchen Knife Beats Samurai Sword!

Well, I think that's how the game goes now:

A dog owner has been jailed after he armed himself with a large kitchen knife in a row with neighbours about his pet.

Matthew Brown, aged 26, waved the knife in the street and shouted racist abuse after using the weapon to drive a gang of ten residents away from his home. He was jailed as a judge at Exeter Crown Court enforced the government's crackdown on knife crime.

Labourer Brown, of Dawlish Warren, admitted having a knife without good reason at his former home in St Marychurch Road, Torquay, and was jailed for nine months by Judge Barry Cotter, QC.

The judge told him: "You went out after midnight in a busy residential area of Torquay beside a pub with a knife and shouted racist language. You were in a degree of high emotion and every weapon taken onto the streets of this country is a risk to public safety and the potential for harm was considerable.

"Given the serious danger which any knives taken onto the streets of this country poses, anyone who comes before the courts having been found brandishing a knife will almost certainly receive a custodial sentence."

Well, hurrah for Judge Cotter! Clearly, you wouldn't want to be up before him with a knife-crime related charge!

Or, would you...?

A teenager who armed himself with a Samurai sword after a gang of youths robbed him of his MP3 player has escaped an immediate jail sentence.

Bradley Mallett, 18, boasted to friends "I'm going to fetch my sword" then rejoined two friends who joined him as he walked through the Beacon Heath area of Exeter waving the sword.

His friend Connor Knight, also 18, took the weapon from him and had taken it out of its sheath and was flashing its blade when he was arrested.

Mallett, of Fouracre Close, Exeter, and Knight, of Henty Avenue, Dawlish, admitted having a bladed article in a public place and were jailed for nine months, suspended for two years by Judge Barry Cotter, QC, at Exeter Crown Court.

Errrr.....

He told them: "You took this weapon onto the streets when you were in an emotional and highly charged state and no one knows what would have happened if you had come across the people you were looking for. The sort of injuries that could have been inflicted by such a weapon are grievous. This country has a real problem with young people taking weapons with blades onto the streets and those who come before the courts for such offences will get little sympathy.

"I take into account that you were victims of crime and this was reactive offending. You should be aware that you have come perilously close to immediate custody."

Clearly, poor Matthew Brown should have had a get out of jail free card MP3 player stolen from him...