A wedding was wrecked when the bride's dad was punched to the ground by a guest – just as he was about to make his speech, a court heard.*gets popcorn*
Dad Stewart Waters was rushed to hospital by ambulance with head and mouth injuries after the blow from his nephew Daniel Porter at the reception in a Cotswold barn near Dursley.Ah, not just a ‘guest’, then? Also a family member?
*gets more popcorn*
The prosecution alleged bodybuilder Mr Porter, 29, struck out because he was angry with Mr Waters for breaking the news to him that his dad, Michael Porter, had been married twice before marrying his mum.
It was a family secret Mr Porter had never heard before that day, said prosecutor David Chidgey.Blimey, it’s like ‘Eastenders’!
Mr Porter, of Billingham, near Middlesbrough, pleaded not guilty to assaulting Mr Waters causing actual bodily harm.
After telling the jury he had acted in self defence he was found not guilty.The judge, it seems, wasn’t all that happy with this turn of events…
But Judge Jamie Tabor (Ed: Oh, hai!) refused to grant a defendant's costs order to Mr Porter.
He said: "He misread the situation entirely and ruined a jolly nice wedding."Perhaps the judge was rather incensed at his feeble attempt at an excuse?
"I swung a punch at him and unfortunately hit him in the face and he went down. I only hit him because I thought he was going to hit me. It was self-defence."How do you swing a punch hoping not to hit someone? Unless you’re a Hollywood stuntman, that is?
Jason Coulter, defending, said: "Family weddings can be fraught with difficulty.
"They have almost become caricatures, haven't they?"No, most of them are normal, because most families are normal…
I don't think it's self-defence if you hit them first, is it?
ReplyDeleteIf it is, I would be justified in walloping the Dreadful Arnott because I think she has more attacks on smokers planned.
Saw him yesterday, too:
ReplyDeleteJudge Jamie Tabor QC remanded Willis in custody at the Wotton Lawn hospital.
He appears to be trying his hardest to do the job, as did the police and CPS but the jury has spoken.
Do we have a problem with the values of jurors now?
What's the difference between an Irish wedding & an Irish funeral ?
ReplyDeleteThere's one less punchy drunk at the funeral .. ;)
A mate of mine is a wedding photographer. He has seen some things. His "favourite" was the bloke who got his cock out and yelled, "Oi! mate take picture of this if you've got a lens big enough!"
ReplyDeleteAnd that was the father of the bride.
It's the fashion now for the lensman to stay for the after nuptial "do" and take piccies of the revels. Paul's MO is to then get home and stick 'em as quick as on his website so the revellers can order prints etc. Nice little earner on top of his fee for the main set-pieces for the family etc.
Obviously he hates a pagga breakin out because whilst he's a handy lad he's a handy lad with a lot of very expensive kit on him.
"I don't think it's self-defence if you hit them first, is it?"
ReplyDeletePre-emptive self-defence? It's a modern concept...
"Do we have a problem with the values of jurors now?"
They do represent wider society, don't they?
"There's one less punchy drunk at the funeral .. ;)"
Lol!
"His "favourite" was the bloke who got his cock out and yelled, "Oi! mate take picture of this if you've got a lens big enough!""
Royal weddings must be the worst... ;)