”Some day, a hard rain’s gonna come…”

…but until then, I guess 'anti-vice patrollers' might help!

A member of a group set up to rid city streets of kerb crawlers has been caught slapping a prostitute.

Well, that’s one way to do it, I suppose...

CCTV captured Jordan Tudge assaulting the woman in a takeaway in Normanton.

The footage showed the 24-year-old go into the premises in Normanton Road, approach her and strike her face once before walking out.

Yes, indeed. He sought her out. She wasn’t even soliciting at the time, she was simply shopping.

Maggie Orton, for Tudge, said her client was part of the anti-prostitute patrol set up in the summer, adding: "They wanted to try and keep the streets of Normanton clear of crime and Mr Tudge was even pictured on the front page of the Derby Telegraph as part of that group.

"They wanted to keep the streets clear of prostitutes and drugs and were met by behaviour such as people urinating in the street.

"He feels he has compromised his position as one of the leaders of that group by his actions and he expresses his desire to apologise."

Nicely worded. I’m expressing my desire to have him horsewhipped right now, but you’ll notice he remains unharmed. Sadly.

What's that? You want to see what this He Man looks like? Well, here we are (he's cleverly avoiding Farenheit211's 'Beardred Savage Of The Day' award by ...well...):

 Impressive specimen of manhood, huh, ladies?

James McNamara, prosecuting, said the woman had entered the takeaway with two other prostitutes to buy ice cream and milk shakes when Tudge walked in.

Mr McNamara said: "He approaches her and says words to the effect of 'why do you come here? You don't have permission to be here'.

"She turns to ask him a question and he replied along the lines of 'don't ask me nothing' before slapping her face and walking back out on to the street."

I didn't realise you needed ‘permission’ from some gormless-looking street thug to buy icecream. No matter what your profession…

Say… could there be an elephant in this room, perchance?

Magistrate Philip Houckham adjourned sentencing Tudge until November 13.

Why bother? What are you waiting for?

Outside the court, Tudge apologised for his actions.

He said: "It was only a little tap to the face, the kind you would give to a naughty kid, but that doesn't excuse what I did and I am sorry.

"I should have remained calm and composed but I lost my self-control. "There was an air of tension at the time as earlier I had been threatened by a group of men who I approached who I believed had come to the area looking for prostitutes.

"The prostitutes in the street were also being brazen in their behaviour looking for business but, again, that does not excuse what I did."

Yup, I can see the tusks, the grey trunk, the wrinkled skin, all we are missing is the big ears.

Ah! Here they are!

Uthman Ali, leader of the anti-prostitute patrols, said: "At the time of the incident Jordan was not on patrol.

"We have now stopped doing the patrols, which we think worked very well."

You didn't get to stone anyone, though. Never mind. I'm sure you think your time’s coming…

Oh, and as for young Master Tudge, it seems he wasn't even keeping his own area clean of the streetwalker menace - he travelled all the way from Sinfin where he lives, a good hour to walk, to ‘keep the streets safe’ in Normanton.

Don’t they have prostitutes in Sinfin? Or are they just all bigger than him there?

But then, Googling the name, it seems Tudge is quite the travellin' man. Here he is in Derby helping to rid the streets of the 'menace' of gay rights protesters. He must take a lot of annual leave from his no doubt well-paying job to be able to attend all these protests, eh?

You'd think he'd have enough family matters to keep him at home, wouldn't you?