Tuesday, 1 October 2013

The 'Guardian' Does 'Dear Deidre' - Hilarity Ensues...

Imagine my delight on realising that the dear old Gruaniad had decided to emulate the 'Sun' in their finest column.

This was sure to prove illuminating:
I'm a 27-year-old male virgin, with a history of self-harm. I started harming myself during a difficult childhood and have since resolved those issues, but have always struggled to develop any form of intimate relationship.
OK, well, the same questions present themselves as at the 'Sun'. Namely, is this a real letter, one made up by the staff, or is it actually one of the staff...?
My concerns about being inexperienced in bed are worsened by the fact my body is covered in a large number of scars, and I have difficulties in knowing how to approach either of those issues with any of the women I've dated.
Simple! Tell 'em you're a lion tamer/member of Special Forces/on the run from an underground experimental laboratory*. I mean, if they are fellow 'Guardian' readers, it's plain they'll swallow anything...

Blimey! This stuff is easy!

*delete as appropriate to physique, acting skills and gullibility of the lucky girl.
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8 comments:

  1. Anonymous1 October 2013 at 13:13

    ....And if you want to dump her, the quick call where you say; "They're on to me" and then fuck off, works a treat!

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  2. Anonymous1 October 2013 at 13:34

    "I mean, if they are fellow 'Guardian' readers, it's plain they'll swallow anything..."
    I went out with a woman who read the Guardian and I have to tell you, you're wrong!
    Penseivat

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jim1 October 2013 at 14:31

    Normally men who are as f*cked in the head as the author of the letter have no problem attracting equally f*cked in the head women........being covered in self harm scars would probably be seen as a plus point. Windswept and interesting no less.

    In fact I'd hazard a guess that a 27yo male virgin who was a trainee accountant with no tattoos, scars, drug addictions or major psychological conditions would have considerably more problem getting laid than a nutter covered in scars.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Joe Public1 October 2013 at 14:36

    Give up DIY and date a Fem-Dom.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Justin1 October 2013 at 15:14

    "I mean, if they are fellow 'Guardian' readers, it's plain they'll swallow anything..."

    They must be popular

    ReplyDelete
  6. Fidel Cuntstruck1 October 2013 at 17:34

    @Penseivat

    Fnaaaaar

    ReplyDelete
  7. John Pickworth1 October 2013 at 23:06

    Instead of writing to the G'dian he should try Channel4... they'd probably give him a series.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JuliaM3 October 2013 at 05:20

    "I went out with a woman who read the Guardian and I have to tell you, you're wrong!"

    Saucy! ;0

    "..would have considerably more problem getting laid than a nutter covered in scars."

    Sadly, I suspect you may be right!

    "Instead of writing to the G'dian he should try Channel4... they'd probably give him a series."

    Heh!

    ReplyDelete