Sunday, 5 January 2014

We Don’t Need No Steenkin' Badgers….

…especially not GIANT MUTANT BADGERS!
A fed-up mum claims her life and garden is being wrecked by unruly badgers. Claire Mackay, 38, of Richmond Drive, Westcliff, has had enough of the pesky creatures living underneath her garden.
But…they’re just badgers. Aren’t they?
Mrs Mackay said: “It’s ruining my garden and my life.
“They’re as big as Shetland ponies, they’re huge.
“They have dug around all the supports. They finally broke the decking on Monday night and have dug up my lawn.”
Ah. Well, that’s clearly different! No wonder they broke the decking…
Mrs Mackay says the badgers actions have made it too dangerous for her young children Lana, five, and Ruby, six, to go into the garden.
She also fears for her pets – two cats and two Dachsund dogs – even though the dogs are bred to kill badgers.
Well, yes, but not Shetland pony-sized ones, I assume?
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11 comments:

  1. Longrider5 January 2014 at 12:19

    Er, badgers are nocturnal, so what are the children doing out when badgers are foraging? We get badgers in our garden, as there's a sett just over the way on the cycle path. They dig small holes in the lawn. So what?

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  2. Anonymous5 January 2014 at 12:44

    Jules, may draw your attention to this apparel?

    http://www.moretvicar.com/collections/the-daily-mash/products/the-daily-mash-bring-it-mens-t-shirt

    ReplyDelete
  3. Joe Public5 January 2014 at 14:31

    If she's really concerned about the problem, she could perhaps adopt a technique similar to this .

    ReplyDelete
  4. Macheath5 January 2014 at 15:30

    A confusion of scale from watching too many cartoons? If she expected something fluffy and mouse-sized, a full-grown badger might come as something of a shock.

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  5. Mr. Morden5 January 2014 at 16:33

    "Mrs Mackay says the badgers actions have made it too dangerous . . . "

    She keeps cat's. And I take it her animals are vegetarian and would not hurt a little bird ?

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  6. Ian Hills5 January 2014 at 18:25

    Kill, kill, kill!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ian B5 January 2014 at 20:58

    I'd be inclined to just kill them. Are badgers both edible and palatable?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Woodsy426 January 2014 at 00:52

    I wonder if she has ever seen a Shetland pony? She might have a nother shock coming?

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  9. JuliaM6 January 2014 at 05:48

    "Er, badgers are nocturnal, so what are the children doing out when badgers are foraging?"

    Good point!

    "A confusion of scale from watching too many cartoons?"

    Or as Woody42 points out, maybe she's not familiar with Shetlands?

    "Are badgers both edible and palatable?"

    Everything's edible (with the exception of polar bear liver).

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  10. Furor Teutonicus6 January 2014 at 14:11

    XX Ian B said...

    I'd be inclined to just kill them. Are badgers both edible and palatable? XX

    Watch out for T.B. But, as Julia sais, you can eat ANYTHING (Except polar bear liver), if properly cooked.

    Mice, Hens, Pigs, dolphins, whales, walrus, Badgers, wee bastards belonging to chav scum. (But then, A bit like eating a city pidgeon, or crow. Full of all sorts of shite, so....)

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  11. Anonymous6 January 2014 at 18:12

    The avg badg is 1 metre long. 300 mm high.

    A big bastard.

    ReplyDelete