I was writing in a quiet corner of a Starbucks on Monday when a young blonde woman with a book took a nearby seat. She hadn’t even been there five minutes when a man, probably 20 years her elder and clearly a stranger, grabbed the chair next to her and started talking. About absolutely nothing. Dude literally opened with, “Mondays. The worst, right!?” It somehow got less interesting from there.
It didn’t matter to him that this woman’s response was tepid at best, or that she was busy reading – an act that explicitly says: “I am choosing not to be in this universe right now.” He wanted her attention and it was her place to provide it. The guy was friendly, gregarious, poised (as if he’d been through these motions before) and even though he didn’t say a single sentence with any substance whatsoever, his delivery was studiously, unimpeachably innocent. He couldn’t be violating anyone’s boundaries – he was being “nice”!
What’s next – are the feminazis going to outlaw smiles!?Well, since they seem to think this is a problem solely experienced by women and perpetrated by men (the mad old bag who tried to engage me in conversation on yesterday’s train must have been in drag…), it wouldn’t surprise anyone…
And just in case you were thinking that she couldn’t top this, oh, believe me, she can!
Why is it that interrupting someone in a quiet moment, wilfully oblivious to their verbal and physical cues, is considered friendly, but rebuffing such an interruption is considered rude? Interrupting is objectively worse than not wanting to be interrupted. We only get one life. Wasting someone’s time is the subtlest form of murder.I...
I just....
A Guardianista in Starbucks? That coffee must taste bitter, what with all the tax avoidance by feeelthy capitalists, so against all the rag's principles.
ReplyDeleteOh, but wait, of course, the guardian's a tax avoider too, so all's well.
As is pointed out elsewhere, it's not that 'a man' dares to chat to her (or others she claims to have seen/imagined/made up to fit her narrative- it's the Guardian after all). It's that an unattractive, not rich, not famous, too old man does so (wrong colour, class, not enough or too many tatts, ….). (and that's ignoring the whole 'dress shorter than a belt, cleavage on display, get really annoyed if men don't notice' times – maybe if you had a hat with a light on, red maybe' to let us know who we are 'allowed' to speak to, and when).
ReplyDeleteMe? As a not entirely unattractive male (well I am if the light is dim, you squint a bit and being short-sighted helps I’m told) I'm getting really tired of being approached by ladies 'of a certain age'. That and, I think, I've been sexually assaulted (unwanted suggestive remarks, touching and the like) at least a hundred times this week alone. At work it's almost unbearable. I daren't bend over most days in case I get pinched (admittedly at work in a female dominated profession and I tend to deal with almost exclusively with confused, aggressive and occasionally violent, inebriated and occasionally incontinent, older women … and some of the patients aren't too nice either).
Wasting someone’s time is the subtlest form of murder
ReplyDeleteI agree. Just have sex with them without asking so they can get on with what they were doing, for example, queefing out a Guardian article.
Just not with Lindy West though, unless you're an undergrad Rugby player on a hog slamming night. In which case, the best pick-up line is "Are you related to Fred?".
XX when a young blonde woman with a book took a nearby seat.XX
ReplyDeleteTheft.
Lock her up!
Nothing sais "NO" like a) A Russian (NYETT!), or b) a well placed fingernails in the eyeballs.
ReplyDeleteThese days the 'lady' just needs to smile sweetly and say "Ohhh would you like to see my holiday photos from West Africa-me and my adult daughter have just come back? I was supposed to be meeting her here for coffee but she has a temperature"
ReplyDeleteMind you FT isn't wrong either, the russian 'нет' "Niet" is recognised by people-what-study-languages as being the 'strongest' or most emphatic sounding 'no' of any language.
There's always the Glasgow No, usually wordless (that's Glagow for you), accompanied by forceful forehead contact to the nose.
ReplyDeleteBack to being intruded upon. My father taught me to be pleasant and welcoming, he also encouraged me to learn ways of non-verbally communicating. When I sit in a pub posting this comment there is a good chance that I will be interrupted, if I stick my nose in a book the likelihood of interruption is reduced to almost zero. We're a well brung up lot here in St. Albans, it's the newcomers wot spoil it.
Some people just like to engage other people in conversation because they are gregarious. I've been on the receiving end from both sexes. So what? I've responded politely and maybe my life was a little richer for sharing someone else's life for a few moments.
ReplyDeleteWoman gets offended by man chatting up other woman. Hold the front page.
ReplyDelete"A Guardianista in Starbucks? "
ReplyDeleteI know, that shocked me too! I thought they had principles!
"... and some of the patients aren't too nice either"
LOL!
"In which case, the best pick-up line is "Are you related to Fred?"."
:D
"...and maybe my life was a little richer for sharing someone else's life for a few moments."
I suspect Lindy's the type for whom there's no room in her head for other people's lives...