Gosh, Really?

When passing the verdict, magistrates described his testimony as "not credible".

Yes, it's the conclusion to this incident.

He initially stated he was taking the dog outside to do its business, and dragged it through a crowd of people, inadvertently strangling it.

But while giving evidence he claimed it was actually a tug of war between him and Mr Horsford which accidentally killed the dog.

James, who admitted he had been drinking that day, said: “He grabbed the lead, I said let go of my dog. He said he wanted the dog.

“I just kept pulling my dog not looking back. When I turned back around I saw the dog on the floor.

“I could never harm my dog, it's what keeps me alive.

“I've got a 15-year-old daughter I can't see, I bought the dog to keep me company.”

I think your legal adviser must have been drinking - and heavily! - to let you advance this as your excuse...

Giving evidence, neighbour Harlon Horsford said he heard shouting, and told the court: “When I opened the front door I saw Everald.

“He had the dog with a rope wrapped round its throat, repeatedly hitting the dog in the face and throat with his left hand.”

He stated the rope was wrapped around a metal railing, one end strangling the dog and the other end being pulled by James' right hand, as he hit him with his left.

Mr Horsford continued: “The dog was secured to the railings.

“I confronted him, I said let go and he wouldn't.

“He said he doesn't care about the police or RSPCA, he's named Shadow and no one can tell him nothing, it's his dog.

“So I punched him in the face, he fell back on the floor and Boyzee dropped to the floor.”

Three cheers for Mr Horsford!