The Miracle Of The Five Loaves And Two Fishes Two Bags Of Stale Breadsticks...

“I’m going to toss these,” my director says of the two bags of breadsticks left over after our open house. My coworker, Jack, and I look at each other wide-eyed before I quickly announce that I’ll take them. “Really? They’re gross and stale!” he exclaims. “Really,” I say, and look to Jack for confirmation that he wants some, too. “I’ve got six people to feed."

Blimey! Those two bags of stale breadsticks are going to have to stretch almost as far as my bloody credulity...

I’m glad I stuck around that night – because the leftovers from the open house fed me and Jack and some of my roommates for two days. I only wish our third food-insecure coworker had been there to take home some of the haul. I don’t think my boss had ever considered that his employees might be hungry before that night. It took a lot of guts for me to admit that I could use help, and I’m still afraid of the impact it might have on his perception of me as a valuable employee, but I’m glad I spoke up.

Oh, so am I. This is comedy gold!

Whether you’re coming from a place of compassion or a place of wanting your employees to be more productive, making sure they have enough to eat is essential.

No. Paying them money is essential. The alternative is slavery.

It's up to them to spend some of that money on food, and if they choose to spend it on 52" flatscreens or rent or holidays in Spain instead, well, that's no business of their employer.

But it seems 'food insecurity' is another stick these millenials are using to beat 'the man' with, so this idiot has actually come up with rules for employers! 

And yes, they are every bit as hilarious and infuriating by turns as you'd expect:

4. Whenever possible, allow privacy in staff kitchens, at shared tables, coolers, and other places staff may interact with non-claimed food.

Translation: "Fall upon the remnants of the meeting buffet like half-starved beasts..."

"Good meeting, Brad?" "Yeah, Accounts raised some issues, though, and HR want to... Ooh, rotten liver! 'Scuse me!"

6. Handle food theft carefully. Although, clearly, theft should not be tolerated in the workplace, sometimes people steal because they feel that they have to.

By which I'm assuming they mean 'When Janet from Reception complains that someone's stealing her yoghurt from the company fridge, berate her for not thinking of the poor unfortunate moochers co-workers.."

H/T: @Johnb78 via Twitter