"Yeah, But No, But Yeah, But..."

Stacey Hallsworth took perfumes and gift sets from Boots and Superdrug to fund her addictions to drugs such as Spice.

In court she admitted three theft charges, where Paul Lamb, prosecuting said she stole £212 worth of goods at Superdrug in London Road, before further thefts worth £54 at Boots in North Street and £93 at Boots in St James’s Street in October.

Mr Lamb said the public tried to stop her leaving, but she managed to get away without making any effort to pay for the goods. The 30-year-old of Percival Terrace in Brighton has 13 previous convictions for 24 offences, including five convictions for shoplifting between 2008 and 2013.

I'm astounded the police bothered; didn't they have 'hate crime' to concern themselves with instead?

Ed Fish, defending, said Hallsworth has previously managed to get herself off drugs and alcohol, but since having her daughter taken away “things have started to go wrong”.

Errr, I think that's the first sigh od 'something going wrong', ism't it?

He said that because she has previously completed rehabilitation, she is “well capable” of conquering her addictions once again.

'Well capable'...? What sort of language is that?

Magistrate Nick Letherby told her he would impose a community order for a drug rehabilitation requirement.

She interrupted him in the dock and said: “I don’t understand you mate.”

“I am definitely not your mate,” the magistrate replied. He imposed a nine-month community order and told her to complete 15 days of rehabilitation at Pavilions in this time. She must also pay compensation of £359 as the goods were not recovered.

“How am I going to pay that bruv?” she asked.

Ah. Clearly, he'd been consulting with his client too long and picked up the vernacular.

Of course, we know who will pay, don't we, reader?

Mr Letherby told her the sum would be taken from her benefit payments.

*sighs*