Wednesday 27 October 2010

Signs That Christmas Is On The Way!

Decorations go up in the high street, 'Do They Know It's Christmas' and Cliff Richard blares out from every shop, and some desperate-to-make-us-all-miserable charity or pressure group starts to see how they can tie their hobbyhorse to the season.

Making kiddies cry at the thought of Santa keeling over on his sleigh is optional:
Santa's age, weight and lifestyle make him a prime example of someone who could develop diabetes, a charity has warned.
*sigh*
Clinical advisor Cathy Moulton said: “Santa needs to watch out for some of the risk factors for developing Type 2 diabetes, such as having a large waist, being older than 40, a white man, and having a diet largely made up of mince pies and sherry.”
A hearty 'Bah, humbug!' to you too, Cathy.

I hope you get a lump of coal in your stocking this year. A smouldering one, preferably...
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14 comments:

  1. Longrider27 October 2010 at 09:50

    What psrt of "there is no sants claus" do these fuckwits not understand?

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  2. Hogdayafternoon27 October 2010 at 09:55

    Our christmas decorations went up on christmas eve and came down again on 12th night. I loved the indian-chief headdress and the toy six gun and cowboy hat I got when I was six. (Turned me into a racist gun nut with a dual personality, but I was happy).

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  3. RantinRab27 October 2010 at 09:58

    Longrider, I can see a little blogger only getting a lump of coal on Christmas morning!

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  4. Akvavitix27 October 2010 at 10:37

    Jesus Wept. What a bunch of miserable shitstains these people are.

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  5. Reverse Dutch Steamboat27 October 2010 at 10:37

    Argh! Mummy, please make it stop!

    Bloody fake charity deserves a visit from Mr Pickles, who'd make a wonderful Santa.

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  6. Woodsy4227 October 2010 at 10:49

    The problem is that these do-gooders will stoop to any level, even to trying to despoil Christmas for small children, as they vandalise and desecrate the most innocent of life's pleasures to support their warped propaganda and lies.

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  7. Anonymous27 October 2010 at 11:50

    Fakecharities.org is down.

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  8. Anonymous27 October 2010 at 11:59

    I was born in 1944. Being older than 40 is much better than the alternative.

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  9. Longrider27 October 2010 at 12:04

    Longrider, I can see a little blogger only getting a lump of coal on Christmas morning!

    Jolly good. It will burn nicely ;)

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  10. Weekend Yachtsman27 October 2010 at 12:18

    "A Charity"

    I think we all know what kind of charity this will turn out to be, don't we?

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  11. Two front teeth27 October 2010 at 13:05

    Ha! They perhaps failed to mention that he wears fur round his outfit, so therefore must be against animal welfare too!

    (PS Santa, can I finally have that Porsche I keep asking for every Christmas? Ta)

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  12. cornyborny27 October 2010 at 13:38

    Santa should issue a press release in response.

    Dear Cathy

    Thanks for your unsolicited advice. I must point out that, though I may appear to be an elderly white man, I am in fact a magical being and so not subject to the same medical concerns as mortal folk. That's why I have been around since before you were born and will be around long after you have shuffled.

    In summary, kiss my jolly red ass.

    Love, Santa.

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  13. DJ27 October 2010 at 18:41

    Danny Baker used to say you could always tell Christmas was coming when regional news programs started featuring their reporters in the local market saying things like 'This might look like an ordinary hand grenade...'

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  14. JuliaM28 October 2010 at 05:26

    "...but I was happy"

    :D

    "Jesus Wept. What a bunch of miserable shitstains these people are."

    In one sense, she's merely doing her job, getting the name of her charity on everyone's lips. It helps if people aren't spitting it out, though...

    "Fakecharities.org is down."

    Yeah, it's been defunct for a while. DK says he will fix it when he gets time.

    "Santa should issue a press release in response."

    I like it!

    "...you could always tell Christmas was coming when regional news programs started featuring their reporters in the local market saying things like 'This might look like an ordinary hand grenade...'"

    Heh! :)

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