Not Quite, Aseem...

Fry-ups, burger and chips, fizzy drinks and ice cream for pudding. You would expect to see these delights on the menu at a McDonald's or Burger King. But, sadly, this is the sort of food that is also likely to be served at your local hospital.

So says Aseem Malhotra, heart surgeon, who clearly never read 'Notes From A Hospital Bed', or perhaps works at a much, much better class of hospital. I mean, just what IS some of that stuff?

Despite D-Fens' plaintive rant in 'Falling Down', while burgers may not quite match their image description above the counter, they are at least identifiable.

So it's no surprise that patients go where the food is not just recognisable, but edible AND appetising!

And why should a heart surgeon care about the hospital food anyway? Shouldn't he be on the 15th hole by the time the patient wakes up enough to consider whether the removal of the 'nil by mouth' sign is a good thing, or another crushing disappointment with the NHS?

Coronary atheroma (fatty deposit within the artery wall) takes many years to develop and is the culmination of risk factors, of which lifestyle – and diet in particular – is a major contributor.

Oh. I see where you're going...

As a clinician, it is very difficult to reconcile the paradox of a treatment centre administering life-prolonging medications and at the same time serving unhealthy and often unpalatable food to patients and staff. The majority of hospitals spend an average of less than a pound on each meal per patient. Children are given options such as chicken nuggets, sausage rolls, fish fingers, pizzas and pasties. Often, the only vegetable choices are peas or sweetcorn.

And if patients are lucky, they are easily able to tell those last two apart!

Addenbrookes Cambridge, a well-known cardiac centre, has a Burger King on site where it is very common to see patients with heart conditions devouring double whoppers with cheese and french fries. I find this sickening.

Well, stay away from the place then!

How did we allow this to happen? Throughout my medical training, we were taught the ethos: "Prevention is better than cure." Obesity and its related conditions such as diabetes can only be seriously tackled with lifestyle changes and hospitals need to set the example.

*sigh*

No, hospitals need to fix broken people. That's ALL they need to do. Good grief, maybe one of the reasons patients tuck into a Big Whopper is because a) it's edible, where the hospital food is not and b) they are grateful to be alive? Having avoided MRSA and the neglect of the hospital staff?

Thanks to Jamie Oliver, school meals in England must meet minimum nutritional standards. So why does this not apply to hospital food?

In my frustration, I wrote to Oliver last year to seek his help in cleaning up this mess.

Fantastic! So, when an aggrieved patient finally lashes out at the irritating, hectoring mockney git, he won't have so far to go to Casualty...

Diet-related ill health costs us £6bn a year and 70,000 deaths could be avoided if diets met nutritional guidelines. These rising costs threaten to cripple and bankrupt the NHS as we know it.

You sure it's not the inflated fees we pay the staff and administrators, particularly the surgeons?

When it comes to health, the government should not be afraid of being accused of the "nanny state" approach. In my opinion, the greatest legacy of the last Labour government was the introduction of the smoking ban in public places.

That's because you are clearly someone who is far ahead of even the usual 'I'm god!' surgeon.

Vending machines selling chocolate, crisps and fizzy drinks should be banned from hospital grounds.

Welcome to NuPuritanism, Aseem. Pull up a (non)comfy chair. I think you'll be here awhile, as Leg-Iron points out...