To Paraphrase Buffy: "A cry for help is when you say help in a loud voice..."

...not when you go on a spending spree with stolen money:

The partner of a pound shop boss who stole £9,500 takings and fled to Spain has described the theft as a ‘cry for help’.

*gets popcorn*

Last week Mark Atherton, 29, pleaded guilty to stealing the cash from Pound World in the Mall Shopping Centre, Blackburn.

Yesterday Jamie Crossman, with whom Atherton fled to Benidorm, defended his long-term partner - and pleaded for him not to be jailed when he is sentenced.

And why shouldn't he be jailed?

He said: “His actions were a cry for help — a moment of madness — but it was me who pressured him to go to Spain.

“I know he must be punished, but a community order is best, and he needs to be offered emotional support, like counselling.

"Prison would be far too much for him. He couldn’t handle it.”

He could handle spending the loot in Benidorm, though, couldn’t he?

And since you've just admitted you knew the money was stolen and you encouraged him to flee the country, shouldn't you be facing a little bit of jail time yourself?

Mr Crossman said: “We were spending the money on going out and drinking a lot. I locked the money away so it wouldn’t all get spent.

“Mark just wanted to go home, but I persuaded him to stay. He would lock himself away for hours on end. He definitely felt remorse.”

He might have felt guilt. That's not really the same thing.

Mr Crossman said: “Eventually, we realised the money was going to run out and we began arguing more and more and I ended up moving into a different hotel.

“The next day, I called in to the hotel and asked ‘where’s Mark?’ The reply was ‘on a plane back to England’.”

So you both felt so much 'remorse' you didn't stop partying until the money ran out, and now you're facing the music you are wriggling frantically to try to get off the hook?

*checks sympathy bank*

Oh, look! It's run out.