Well, I Suspect This Is At Least Accurate…

Kathryn Turner, defending Maskrey, said: “He has asked me to indicate remorse.”

In the same way the driver of the Ford Focus I followed yesterday indicated right, then turned left, no doubt…

The magistrates gave Maskrey a two-year conditional discharge, meaning he will be re-sentenced for the matter if he offends again in that period. He must also pay £87 in court costs and a £15 victims’ surcharge.

Chairman of the bench Hugh Riley said: “Regarding Bruno, we are ordering a contingent destruction order. We order that Bruno must be kept on a lead and muzzle in public places and outside home, except when in the secure compound of the home.”

Despite the fact the wretched animal is a serial offender:

Miss Islam asked the court for a destruction order for Bruno and cited an incident in August 2012 when the same dog had bitten through the coat of a man, a matter not pursued in the criminal courts which was settled by compensation.

Bruno’s nervousness around unknown males stems from abuse he suffered at the hands of a previous owner, when he was left in a cupboard.

Which makes him a ticking time bomb around unknown males. Why keep such an animal?

Maskrey, of previous good character, has done a lot of voluntary work with re-homing abandoned dogs with his wife and they allowed dog-training to take place on their land, Miss Turner said.

She added that the couple had sought advice from a former police dog trainer, Ian McParland, who concluded that Bruno did not pose a threat to public safety.

Tell that to the stitches in poor Mr Goggins’ arm…