Handbags At Dawn!

A fashion designer has been jailed following an adrenaline-fuelled attack on police officers in his cell.

"Call that a uniform? I wouldn't let my lapdog wear that, dahling!"

Courtney Dwayne Valentine, 32, of Heygate Avenue, Southend, was found guilty of attacking police officers at Southend police station on May 18, after they insisted he take off his glasses – eventually taking them from them from his face after he refused.

Prosecutor Sam Doyle told the court Valentine then decided to fight the officers.

If you're wondering if he's a strapping six-foot bodybuilder, wonder no more. He's a skinny little bloke. As will be revealed at the bottom of this post

The defendant swung his hand towards the officer’s face, who felt a stinging sensation to his left cheek, and realised he had been hit.”

I bet he barely felt it!

She added the officer in question then hit Valentine in the face with his elbow “as hard as he could” in order to subdue him, hitting him another four or five times, as officers were unable to use pressure techniques to restrain him because he was “full of adrenaline”.

Heh!

Valentine’s solicitor Beth Brown told the court her client was not present at the hearing in which he was found guilty because he was homeless at the time and was not informed of the date, but had intended to plead guilty.

Yes, yes. Of course he did.

She added: “He was diagnosed with schizophrenia by a doctor who has signed him onto benefit but, to his credit, he isn’t somebody who sits at home, claims benefits, and doesn’t try to get work – his interests are in fashion and clothing design and tells me he has started his own fashion range.

“He doesn’t have an income, but intends start his own business.”

So the fashion designer bit was all fantasy?

Bench chairman Michael Jones sentenced Valentine to eight weeks’ imprisonment, mentioning his previous convictions for assaulting police officers, adding “You obviously have an issue with the authority of the police.”

He has issues all right...

NB: Remember when I did jury service? Well, this chap was one of my trials. Breach of restraining order. Clearly as mad as a hatstand, too. He dismissed his brief on the second day & opted to defend himself, with predictable results.

I knew I'd be seeing his name again. At least it's not for a murder.

Yet.