Refreshing Defiance...

A sign saying 'English owners'? Racist:

Calls have been made from Burnley’s MP and the mayor of Padiham for it to be taken down. But Mr Bradbury remains defiant and said people who think it’s racist are narrow-minded.

A sign saying 'Immigrant bags'? Racist:

“They are called immigrant bags, so I drew a picture of an immigrant to go with them,” Benefactors owner, Bruce Webster, said, speaking to The Kent and Sussex Courier.

“I don’t really see the problem, people get so touchy about things these days," Mr Webster said incredulously, adding that the sign has been displayed for three years.

More of this! It's about time people started remembering the wise words of Stephen Fry...

Post Title Of The Month

Beating off strong competition from Pavlov's Cat and Anna Raccoon, it's RAB at 'Counting Cats...' with this little gem:

Quote Of The Month

Once again, the incomparable DumbJon on the insanity of Liberal outrage:

For proof of all this, consider the Twitter Wars Bandwagon Jumper In Chief: Stella Creasy. She claims to be worried, shocked, appalled and worried again about fellow media luvvies facing rape threats on Twitter, but what happened when girls in Rochdale were facing real rapes? The Criminal Protection Service and the Police buried these cases and where was Stella? Chaining herself to the railings, or happy to climb aboard the Good Ship Diden C Nuffinkguv? Need you ask?

Honourable runner-up is NickM at 'Counting Cats..' on the shocking deterioration in driving skills:

I’m a warden of a religious meeting house (Quaker) and part of my duties include maintaining cordial relations with the neighbours. Well, I say that but it’s just good manners really. The same ageing moo (by which I don’t mean destined for MacDonalds but for a dodgy halal burger gaff in Gorton**) “young-manned” me over her horrendous parking. Put it this way, if she’d been a USN Hornet pilot she’d have put it down not just off the wire, not just off the deck but in the wrong ocean.

Post Of The Month

Tom Paine's superb post on the warnings in fantasy literature about England's fate under the progressives.

"Remember, Only Highly Trained Professionals Should Be Allowed Firearms..."

"...because we're trained to evaluate the situation with a clear head and react appropriately, with judgement and after assessment, not just believe what we're told by panicky members of the public and blaze away at shadows."

What...?

Malcolm McHaffie, deputy head of CPS Special Crime Division, said: "On the basis of the evidence provided, including CCTV footage and police log record, I have determined that no charges should be brought against the officer.

"The circumstances are unusual because the officer was acting on the basis of erroneous reports from members of the public that the victim was carrying a samurai sword."

No-one's really complaining that a taser-equipped officer was despatched, Mr McHaffie. That's only to be expected in these times, where samurai swords are strangely popular amongst the underclass.

But on arriving, where was that cool assessment of the situation we are always told only highly-trained police officers possess?

Where was the realisation that this was no inner city yob or gang member about to get his revenge on for some slight, but in fact a blind man with a white stick?!

"The officer has been informed by the police control room that they had received reports that a man was walking around the streets of Chorley carrying a sword.

"It appears the reflective nature of the stick used as a walking aid by the victim, who is partially sighted, led members of the public to mistake it for a weapon. The officer, who was acting on this misinformation, made the same mistake."

So, in effect, despite all the training he's supposedly had, he's really no better than any member of the public? And is clearly expected to behave no smarter?

Hmmm. In that case, where's MY taser? I'm just as equipped to wield one, aren't I?

Mr McHaffie said he had considered all the evidence in the case and there was insufficient evidence to prove the policeman had not been mistaken.

No-one really doubts that. The point is: with his training, he shouldn't have been...

Whereupon I Upset Dick Puddlecote...

...sorry, Dick, but this time the thick-tongued Mockney twat's right. Stopped clock, and all that:

Some poorer Britons choose to eat "chips and cheese out of Stryrofoam containers" while sitting in a room with a "massive fucking TV", Jamie Oliver has said, adding that he cannot understand "modern-day poverty in Britain".

The celebrity chef made the remarks while promoting his next television project, which he hopes will encourage healthy eating by people on modest incomes. In an interview with the Radio Times, Oliver expressed bewilderment that poorer Britons would choose cheap fast food while spending their money elsewhere.

I do, of course, have no objection to people spending their money where they choose, and if they prefer to gorge on chips that don't taste markedly different than the container, well, good luck to them.

But I do object when that then becomes an excuse for hectoring fakecharities to attempt to stick their hands even deeper into my pockets, or restrict my choice further for 'my own good'.

And yes, we all know he's spouting off to publicise his new cookery show, and he's hopelessly out of touch, as one revealing little nugget shows:

"One of the other things we look at in the series is going to your local market, which is cheaper anyway, but also they don't dictate size," Oliver said.

"From a supermarket you're going to buy a 200g bag of this or a 400g pack of that. If you're going past a market, you can just grab 10 mange tout for dinner that night, and you don't waste anything."

Riiiiight... Because mange tout is often on the menu chez Wayne and Shaznay, I suppose?

But about the real truth of 'modern poverty'? Well, he's nailed that, hasn't he?

And This Is Why We Have A Dangerous Dog Problem...

Grandfather-of-four Terry Mitchell was walking his Jack Russells close to his home when the huge dog attacked Chaz, Rosie and Lucy in King Harolds Way.

As the 68-year-old desperately tried to prize his three pooches from the jaws of the rampaging Staffy he was thumped to the floor by its owner.

Lovely...

An off-duty female police officer came to the rescue after witnessing the retired fishmonger’s terrifying ordeal at about 10.30pm on August 20, close to the junction with Westbourne Road.

He said: "The copper told him ‘you’re bang out of order, you’ve got the dog off the lead’."

All's well that end's well? Errrr, no:

The incident was reported to police but Mr Mitchell has decided not to press charges against his attacker.

No, you aren't reading an article from the States. We don't 'press charges' here, the reporter's been watching too much 'The Wire'.

But the police clearly feel the CPS won't take it on without the co-operation of Mr Mitchell, despite the eye-witness. So the scum who used his fists on a pensioner is free as a bird...

OK, Don't Comply Then...

...do not pass go, do not collect £200, go straight to jail:

A woman who posed as an undercover police officer after a row at a petrol station said she would not be able to comply with her sentence.

Janette Bentley, 63, of MacGregor Drive, Wickford, said she might not be able to pay £705 court costs as part of her sentencing at Basildon Magistrates’ Court yesterday.

Bentley was also sentenced to 12 weeks in jail suspended for a year for claiming to be a police officer at Texaco garage, in Wickford, to try to gain access to CCTV.

Have you tried the Victimhood Poker cards? Oh. You have...

During sentencing Bentley, who said she was disabled and deaf in one ear, said she still denied the charge of pretending to be a police officer with intent to deceive.

Martin Hampson, chairman of the bench, said: “I suggest the costs are paid, otherwise you could find yourself in the court again.”

Bentley added: “I think that may happen.

“That’s going without food and utilities.”

Well, yes. Those are consequences of illegal activity.

But there's always one sucker:

Lisa81** says...

Why are you all assuming she was drunk? She actually suffers from mental illness. Why they are prosecuting her is beyond me. She obviously needs medical help and making her pay a fine will achieve nothing. She needs help with making sure she takes her medication and monitoring so she doesn't have these manic episodes. I can't believe all these scathing comments about a women who so obviously just needs help not judgement.

/facepalm

Because 'Dumbing Down', Ashley...

...that's why...

Before they arrive on campus this fall, many American college freshmen will already have finished their first assignment. Their colleges have given them a "common reading", one book that they are all expected to read. Last year, 309 colleges made such assignments. It's a great tradition, but something curious has happened since my days as a college student. Only eight schools assigned anything published before 1990, and only four assigned books that could by any stretch be considered classics.

It's something of a rhetorical question she asks, though. She really knows the answer:

Racism is probably the most commonly touched chord in the common readings. Of course, there are great works of literature such as Othello that might serve to introduce students to that, but the emphasis in the common readings is on indicting contemporary society, not on discerning an age-old affliction.

Quite...

Yet another reason why colleges harvest only new growth in the book vineyard is the idea that students are ready for only the most tender shoots. Defenders of the choices say they want "accessibility" and "relevance". Mark Twain, Charles Dickens, and even Zora Neale Hurston just don't make the cut when it comes to relevant social issues. In response to critics, some of the colleges say that the books they pick are likely to be the "classics of the future", but the turnover among the choices from year to year suggests either that we are due for an unprecedented avalanche of new classics or that most of these hunches are off the mark.

I know where I'll place my bet.

Well, The Thing To Do, Alistair, Is Ride It Into The Restaurant...

..where at least it won't crap on the floor:

Alistair Thompson had promised to buy his four-year-old son Edward a McDonald’s meal as a treat.

So when he found that his trailer bike was too big for the bicycle rack at his local branch he had what seemed like a bright idea. He rode the bike into the restaurant’s drive-thru.

Oh oh...

But when he reached the payment window staff refused to serve him, saying that the bike was a health and safety risk and that only motorised vehicles were allowed in the drive-thru.

Yep, daft, but hey, their business, their rules.

"I was so cross I rang the Health and Safety Executive and they said it was nonsense."

/facepalm

Shouldn't Really Have Had A Dachshund As Guard Dog...

Just 45 minutes after the family left the property locked and secured on the morning of 16 May, the householder’s son returned to find it had been raided.

Sofas in the front room had been arranged to trap the family dog while the housebreaker, who smashed his way in through the back, had searched every room in the house for valuables.

 *boggle*

Even more mind-boggling was the reason for the theft. No, wait. Not mind-boggling. Infuriating!

John Adams, 37, cleared the victims’ property in Weaste, Salford, of nearly £10,000 worth of goods because he was waiting for his benefits, Manchester Crown Court heard.

John Adams being, you see, an incorrigible criminal who - once released - found himself as unable to survive as any habituated zoo creature.

Iain Johnstone, defending Adams, whose criminal history stretches back twenty years. He said: “Mr Adams has spent the majority of his adult life in custody. Unfortunately, becoming reliant on the three meals a day being provided for him, with no particular worries about finance, he found it difficult to cope with living on the outside.

“Due to problems with his benefits and lack of income he did what he knew best.”

Well, it's hardly surprising, is it?

H/T: Curmudgeon via email

TONA*

The family of a teenager who was speared through the head with a shard of wood as he rode pillion on a motorbike today appealed for help in breaking down a “wall of silence” surrounding the killing.

Tommy Warde, 17, died after the piece of wood penetrated his skull and “pierced deep into his brain” in the attack in Orpington two years ago.

He was on the motorbike with a friend when they passed a group of men who had been drinking and who began throwing cans at them.

Tommy’s friend said he remembers the teenager suddenly falling backwards from the bike and landing in the road. He turned and saw him lying there with the shard protruding from his head.

A sad story. Even sadder:

In February last year John Vincent, who had been charged with Tommy’s murder, was acquitted after his trial at the Old Bailey was discontinued.

But wait! Isn't there something missing from the report in the 'Standard'?

Tommy Warde, 17, was riding pillion around a travellers' site in Orpington, Kent...

Ah. There it is...

* I think we can all guess what that stands for...

How I Love Reading The Phrase 'An Argument Broke Out In An Asda Car Park'...

...because you always know you're in for something special:

The mother of four was in her car when she was approached by the woman who became argumentative.

Out of the blue she unzipped her three quarter length jacket which revealed she was completely naked.

Yes, well, we're all 'completely naked' under our clothes, aren't we?

Acting Sergeant James Proffitt, from West Bromwich investigation team, said: "In all my years I have never known of a lady flasher. What has happened here is a sexual offence and the victim was understandably shocked and offended.

"The woman had no regard for the young children who were exposed to this kind of behaviour."

It's Asda. In Birmingham. I think they'll see worse before they're older...

H/T: Ron Hughes via email

Not So Mouthy Now, Are You?

Remember the fuss over the transgender teacher? Committed suicide over the publicity? Coroner slammed the media?

And lo! There was a wailing and a rending of garments in all the usual places, and a demand for heads to roll...

Suddenly, though, they've fallen silent. I wonder why?

A coroner has been given an official rebuke after making an outspoken attack on the Press over its coverage of a male primary school teacher who returned to class as a woman, it emerged yesterday.

And now he's (perhaps wisely) decided to clam up:

Asked yesterday whether he wished to retract his comments or make an apology, an official in his office said yesterday that Blackburn and Hyndburn coroner Mr Singleton was ‘not available for any comment’.

Once again, Spiked called it right...

Me, For One. Next Question?

Barbara Ellen in CiF:

Who couldn't feel pity for Melissa Reid and Michaella McCollum Connolly, the Scottish and Irish 20-year-olds currently detained in a Peruvian jail, accused of smuggling £1.5m-worth of cocaine?

*sighs* I guess I have to haul this out again:

...it is imperative that these girls are viewed as what they are (young individuals in trouble in a foreign country) and not unfairly portrayed as convenient totems of greedy, gormless "broken Britain".

Your generation broke it, Barbara. So I can understand why you don't want to see the results...

Have You Considered NOT Putting Them In Open Prisons..?

"We are not complacent about this issue and are looking at ways in which the risk of absconding can be reduced further.

"We are committed to ensuring that risk to the public is minimised."

Yeah. Sure you are.

H/T: Curmudgeon via email Whoops! My mistake - it was CJ Nerd via email! 

Yeah, Even The Police Couldn't Get This One Wrong, Really...

Marcel, who was found standing over the apparently lifeless, half-naked body of his wife with his hands drenched in blood, told officers 'it was me'.

Amazingly, she's divorcing him. But it's not like the signs weren't there:

Recounting previous episodes of violence, Miss Small said: 'He pulled radiators off the wall, punched holes in every door and one night he ripped kitchen units out.'

In the summer of 2012 Marcel attacked the mother in front of her children for the first time.

Yes. Just the sort of ideal breeding material a modern woman looks for...

So, Unnamed Senior Police Officer...

...just where can Londoners walk in safety? And when?

Sabrina Moss, who had a four-year-old son, is believed to have been caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, a senior Police officer said.

But we don't have a gang problem, oh, dear me, no...

Maybe He Doesn't Understand The Word 'Suspended'..?

An unemployed engineer who smashed into a traffic light while ‘drunk’ slammed his suspended sentence.

No. He didn't think, when he sobered up, that it was too lenient. Far from it...

Patrick Joseph McGrath (22) of Noel Street, Mansfield, said he did not understand the seriousness of the incident and said he knew people ‘who had got less for doing more’ when he was handed a 12-week suspended sentence and banned from driving for 29 months.

 /facepalm

He had been warned by magistrates that he could have faced a custodial sentence.

Hah! As if that was ever really likely...

H/T: MostinHorton via Twitter

TV Is A Feminist Issue!

I like Breaking Bad. I like it. It's a good, solid drama. I watched this new episode determined to fall in love; after five seasons of increasingly breathless adoration from viewers and critics, I had hoped it might all finally slot into place, that I would think about Jesse's descent into horrified blankness in the same way as Adriana's final scene in The Sopranos, still able to recall clearly that gutpunch of loss and sorrow. And I thought it was good, and solid. The last 10 minutes were a masterclass in terror and tension.

But...? I mean, come on, you just know there's a 'but' there, don't you?

The rest of it made it clear that my problem with the show is the same as it has always been: its women are underwritten characters who only exist as plot-enabling satellites to the men.

Oh. Of course.

It's easy to argue that Breaking Bad is about a masculine world because high-level crystal meth dealers are likely to be men, and that, therefore, its female characters could only be secondary. That doesn't hold up.

Really?

Breaking Bad's women exist on the outskirts, circling the men. They are an adornment to the fabric of the plot. Walt's wife Skyler is written as a nag and a bore.

And that's just unbelievable! What do they think this is, the Seventies?

...perhaps it is time to start applying the film-focused Bechdel test here, too. To pass, a show must have at least two women in it, who talk to each other, about something besides a man. Top of the Lake and Orange is the New Black, to name two current examples, make it look easy.

Any other requests demands? I mean, I'm sure the scriptwriters are just hanging on your every word...

After this week's episode of Breaking Bad, so obviously well-crafted, I still don't feel as if it is one of "my" shows. Its proportions are wrong. As a female viewer, I feel like an afterthought.

Well, if you see everything through a prism of feminist bollocks, you will, won't you?

Best 'Daily Mail' Typo EVER!

...bar none!

Well, It Probably Isn't Widescreen...

She said: "Afterwards the staff just let the people go who attacked me.

"I phoned them about the CCTV and they said it doesn't work in that aisle."

Eighteen years old, pregnant with her second child (though might need the scanner at London Zoo to confirm that) and living off the state. Lovely!

An Answer To ‘Fatberg’..?

A new criminal craze is thought to be sweeping through businesses in the Bromley borough as criminals are targeting used cooking oil.

Petts Wood Cafe, in West Approach, has suffered two incidents in the last six weeks as thieves are believed to be converting it into bootleg car fuel.

Oh..?

He said: “If these people really want to get something, they will find a way to do it.

“When I reported it to the police, they said a lot of similar incidents had been reported in the borough, although I don’t feel they are taking it seriously. “

Give them hard hats and shovels, and bid them go to it!

Sunday Funnies...

PR people - they're not like us...

It's That New Definition Of 'Vulnerable' Again!

Yesterday the girl’s mother Angela Godwin, 34, said: ‘I think it is disgusting he has got away with just a £40 fine.

‘It’s pathetic. My daughter was vulnerable and she was put in a compromising position by this man.’

Oo-er! Just what has gone on? The mind boggles...

Oh, wait. It's that most heinous of crimes. The unlicensed tattoo.

Hey, it's not like the 'Mail' hasn't banged the hysteria drum over these before, is it, as MacHeath points out? 

So, are we talking something tasteful here, at least? Reader, we are not:

The schoolgirl paid him £20 for the tattoo – designed to commemorate her late grandfather...

Lovely! It's the modern way, innit?

The mother-of-three, who works as a midwife, said: ‘I’m so angry and so upset with what has happened and the tiny amount of punishment he received.

‘It was an unforgivable act of selfish greed. I despise him.’

Hey, love! It takes two to tango, so to speak...

Speaking at their family home in Gloucester, she said: ‘She had blood tests and they are clear but it has petrified her.

‘She hates it and regrets it entirely. She is desperate to have it removed and is really upset she has this horrible mark on her.’

No doubt the NHS will helpfully remove it for her, if you lay it on thick enough.

I mean, why not? Why should anyone be expected to carry with them the visible marks of their foolish behaviour? I mean, that way, they can not learn any lessons...

She said: ‘He never asked her age [or] gave her any information on safety and just did not seem to care.

‘He asked her who knows about it and she lied and said her dad, to which he apparently replied “That’s good enough for me”.

'At the age of 14 I do not see how it can be her fault. She didn't have the capacity to make her own decisions. He had a responsibility to say no to her.'

I wonder just how many times she's said that word to her own daughter, the accomplished liar..?

So, David, What's Your Suggestion?

David Dennis takes issue with the ‘advice’ given to African-Americans:

Take a look at comments sections, Facebook statuses and Twitter accounts acroses the country. On any given second, you'll see someone flippantly discovering the way to solve the various disparities in rights afforded African Americans.

Want to rise up in literacy? Black people should stop buying Jordans and buy more books for their kids.

Want to stop violence in Black communities? Just stop shooting each other."

How about incarceration? Don't commit so many crimes."

Gee, thanks. I didn't think of that. Do these pundits somehow think they're smarter than millions of African Americans? That we're all too busy sagging our pants, buying Jordans or getting single mothers pregnant to see the "obvious" solutions in front of us?

Well, they aren't the ones with populations with appalling social prospects, but what do they know, eh, David?

The approach of offering such flippant solutions is just a carryover of a paternalistic tradition built on the stereotypes that people of color are somehow in need of guidance or care from those in power. Black America doesn't need to get lectured or reprimanded.

Yeah! If Black America wants to stay out all night drinking with its friends, it will! It's so unfair! Asian America never gets grounded! *sulks*

Black America – and people of all races – need co-operation. Togetherness. Working in unison to help every group of people to rise above their circumstances.

What circumstances? The fact that your reputation is so low, that armed guards are considered necessary where large numbers gather, no matter how ordinary the pastime?

Unfortunately, this teamwork is hard to come by, especially in light of the fact that so many Americans have failed to incorporate people of other races into their own social lives. A recent study revealed that 40% of white Americans don't interact with anyone from other races and 25% of non-whites interact exclusively with people of their own races.

If no-one wants to sit next to the unruly kid, or invite him to any parties, maybe it's the unruly kid that's the problem?

The New Definition Of 'Woman Of Good Character'...

A few days ago, this video was being shuffled around Twitter in an attempt to show that police brutality is rife.

 

Now, I'm not averse to giving the police a doing over, myself, when they clearly deserve it.

But... I couldn't see quite where I was supposed to get too excited about this video. Because they weren't 'beating' her, they were clearly restraining her, and she was clearly not co-operating.

And I had the uncomfortable feeling that the reason some people were getting so hot under the collar was her sex...

Now, remember that what got her into the cells (back in 2011 - this is NOT a new story!) in the first place was a row with her boyfriend sufficiently vicious that the police had to be called. whereupon it's claimed she assaulted three cops. And yet this is no longer, it seems, enough to disqualify anyone from the title of 'a woman on good character'?!

I can can remember where a row with your boyfriend resulted in icy looks, burnt dinners and the witholding of feminine affection, not a vanload of TSG and a night in the cells being required to sort things out.

And I'm apparently considered strange for holding that view. I must want innocent women beaten up in the cells, right?

The conversation didn't go very far after that, with the new definition of 'troll' being applied ('Person who disagrees with me and won't back down, damnit!').

But I'm afraid the increasingly hysterical attempts to persuade me of the rightness of their cause cut no ice at all.

What we have here looks bad, yes. Much was made of 'Oooh, it's four against one!', as if there were some Queensbury Rules that police were bound to follow...

But just how are the police to deal with non-cooperative prisoners, other than force? When it seems every adult they arrest is merely a child in an adult's body, and this is the first time they've ever met anyone prepared to tell them 'No. You can't..' and make it stick? Had she self-harmed, they'd be for the high-jump!

The people criticising the police would be the first to call them if their sleep was disturbed by a violent domestic row. Criticising them for what they have to do to resolve that is like criticising your dustman for dumping your rubbish in landfill rather than making a work of art out of it...

This Is Why You Suffer From ‘Exclusion From Society’…

Crews from Preston Circus were called to the site on Tuesday at about 10pm after reports of a group of children setting some trees on fire.

When they arrived, a fire source told The Argus rocks and other debris were thrown at them as they tried to tackle the flames.

The source added a “wolflike” dog was being goaded into attacking the 999 team while there were reports of people trying to take things off the engine.

Just let it burn. If it spreads to their site, well, too bad, so sad...

Fire crews have now said they will not deal with any incidents at the site unless there are police present.

And the police say ‘Woah! We don’t fancy that much!’:

A police spokeswoman said: “Police have spoken to East Sussex Fire and Rescue and have agreed that they will liaise with the council security on the site and will assess any future calls to the encampment and decide if police presence is required.

Which, translated, means 'We'll take the advice of MC Hammer on this one'.

"A police presence will be on site until 10pm and officers will be speaking to adults to make them aware of the incident and to take appropriate steps to supervise their children.”

Good luck with that.

Who Were Those Masked Politically Incorrect Men?

Patients and staff were locked inside a doctors’ surgery for nearly an hour after men threatened to “trash” the building.

Staff at Waters Meeting Health Centre in Waters Meeting Road, Astley Bridge, decided to lock the doors to protect staff and patients at about 2.30pm on Monday.

Police were called when two men started being aggressive and threatening to “trash” the building, but no arrests were made.

No arrests? Why not?

A police spokesman said: “A 29-year-old man was given a fixed penalty notice for public order offences.”

Hmmm....

Now, normally, I'd skip straight to the comments to get the skinny. But it seems I wasn't quick enough:

boltonchap says...

So wrong to give these criminals anonymity. It doesn't matter what their nationality is, we have a right to know.

Jim271 says...

BIG BROTHER strikes again, removing comments the liberal/labour press don't agree with.

Hmmm,. indeed. It seems local newspapers are starting to realise the MONA card can't be played while comments are allowed!

Julian Thorpe says...

Removing comments that are racist. Once again people seem on intent on imagining a race angle on a story that has nothing to do with ethnicity and makes no mention of it.

Thanks for giving the game away, Julian...

No, I Think These Sort Of Weddings Are Still Out Of The Ordinary…

… I'm happy to say:

An eyewitness to the incident, who did not wish to be named, said: “There were about 20 or 40 people out in the street during the wedding. I’m not sure if they were all fighting or if some of them were just trying to stop a couple of men from hitting each other.

“These things get this way when people have too much to drink at weddings.“

I have to say, I've never attended a wedding of that sort (or indeed a christening). Am I missing out?

Inspector John Fryer, of Rossendale Police, said: “Officers were called to a punch up in Market Street during a wedding at around 9.45pm on Friday.

Nobody was fighting when we got there, but we believe between 20 and 40 people were involved.”

Maybe they might want to reconsider this proposed sculpture’s subjects.

I don't think it's the wildlife that the only thing squaring up to each other…

Left-Wing Concern...

Oh, really? Well, let's look at the details:

The men were eventually brought out of the cafe and arrested at 6am. Mrs Marshall said:

'Apparently they were hungry and wanted some quiche. There was a little bit of money in the till, but I think they just wanted food and then it got out of hand.

'It obviously must be very good quiche.'

So, these poor starving fellows broke in for a feast?

'They were in there a long time and they trashed the cafe.'

Ah. Guess not.

But perhaps Ally meant a 'desperate story' for the poor bloody cafe owner, who now has to bear the cost of the clean-up and repair while wrangling with the insurance company, all thanks to two drunken, druggie or just hopeless wastes of oxygen?

Yes. I'm quite sure that's what he meant...

Is There Anyone Who Is Happy With Your Level Of Service?

Thames Valley Police spokeswoman Rhianne Pope said: “A theft was recorded at that address between midnight on January 16 to 7am on January 17. The crime log was updated on July 3 to say the drums had been returned.”

Well, not really accurate, surely? Shouldn't someone get a ticking off for falsifying records?

She said: “We would not respond to a complaint through the media.

“We would encourage anyone who is not happy with the level of service we have given or our response to an inquiry to contact us direct.”

And if they do, will you just lose all record of the call or not bother to pass the message on?

Ah, The Sounds Of The City...

The photography student added: “At one point there was a woman screaming at him ‘Paul get down, you f***ing d**k.’

“He replied ‘go home and go back to the kids.’”

Lovely...

Met Police officers, London Ambulance Service (LAS) paramedics and three fire engines were on standby for more than three hours, after all being called at around 8pm.

Sidcup High Street was closed in both directions between Elm Road and Christchurch Road throughout the incident.

It's the modern way.

Art For Art's Sake: Chihuly

Way back, in 2005, I took a trip to Kew with a friend to see the Chihuly glass exhibition. She's a real glass sculpture enthusiast, and I never need an excuse to go to Kew, one of my favourite spots in London.

So I was planning to nod approvingly at the art and feast my eyes on the plants. Not being into glass that much, I'd never even heard of this chap.

But to my surprise, the sculptures were a revelation! Organic and compelling, they matched up beautifully with the setting. I even sat down and watched the 'making of...' video that was running in a loop in a little auditorium set up in the Princess of Wales Conservatory - twice!

Sadly, although I took lots of photographs, I can't seem to find any more of them on my PC than this one, which I must have copied out of its folder and sent to someone a few years later.

But the book is available for sale, and the Kew Website maintains an archive of the exhibition. And if it's ever repeated, I shall make sure I go again.

"You've got big dreams? You want fame? Well, fame costs. And right here is where you start paying ... in sweat."

Sadly, landlords won't take sweat in payment...

A leading performing arts college has described the decision to stop housing benefit to its students as "catastrophic".

 Really? We don't have enough dancers already?

Those affected are on the college's foundation course and three year diploma in theatre and dance - which costs £16,500 a year - and launched the career of many of the country's top performers, including...

 *holds breath in anticipation*

...Victoria Beckham, and actress Kerry Ellis who sings with Brian May.

Oh. *shrugs*

Peter Barlow, consultant at Laine Theatre Arts in East Street, said they informed the students of the ‘sudden loss’ by email today.

Mr Barlow said: "We are understandably very upset.

Oh, I bet they've never seen you very upset, eh, Peter?

"It’s devastating really because it is going to have a catastrophic effect on individuals and the college itself.

Steady on. Don't over-dramatise th...

Oh. Right.

"Some of these students may not be able to return to their studies. They have been relying on that additional money."

Yes. That's the problem. What happened to waiting tables while you wait for your break into stardom? *tuts*

He said: "They want to pursue vocational training to become highly skilled professionals. The Government are continually penalising them and making it more and more difficult."

My plumber and tree-surgeon are 'highly skilled professionals'. People who prance around on stage? Not so much...

The Nonsense That Is Our Benefit System, Laid Bare…

Ces Loftus, who is currently going through a divorce, was made the Daily Echo’s Business Mum of the Year for 2012 after winning the greatest number of votes for her website Supportive Business Mums.

A successful businesswoman? Cause for celebration?

Well, not quite…

Ces, who runs three successful businesses but needs £300 in top-up benefits each month, said: “It has been a living nightmare.

Yes, you read that right. She's so successful, we are paying her...

“My landlord gave us notice on our home in February as he plans to sell it. But we just couldn’t find anywhere else to live. No one would take us because I am on benefits. Despite the fact that I work ridiculous hours and run these businesses, we just got nowhere. It has been awful.”

Yes, it is awful. But not, I suspect, for the reasons you seem to be raising.

The World’s Their Oyster Prawn!

Former PHD students from University College London are putting their biomechanical engineering skills to use in Haringey, growing warm water prawns in a super-intensive aquaculture farm.

Isn't it nice to have a good news story, for once?

They pitched their idea for Marizca to London investment company Student Upstarts, who invested £15,000 in their idea.

Leonardo, who is the CEO of Marizca, said: “The technology comprises of square layered trays, each utilising a minimum volume of water. There is also a new filtration system that uses a solid carbon source such as starch. This makes bacteria grow fast and can act as a food source for the prawns.”

The warm water prawns the trio will be growing are usually imported from South Asia or South America. Their research showed that retailers and consumers were attracted to sourcing locally produced, sustainable prawns in London.

More power to them!

Why Can’t You Do Your Job? Part 3567

A guesthouse owner who lost nearly £10,000 to a conman is angry that police did not prosecute the fraudster over their unpaid bill.

North Yorkshire Police told Riccall guesthouse owner Sue Taylor that Michael Luck’s non payment for a prolonged stay by himself and his family was a civil matter.

 Wha..?

Mrs Taylor told police: “You will hear this name again” and less than three months later, Luck defrauded Michael Bartram, of Abbey Travel, out of £5,375 by getting and not paying for airline tickets.

 Ha ha ha ha! I hope Abbey Travel sue NYP for costs...

This time police did prosecute him and Luck, 72, of Church Street, Bubwith, received a ten-week prison sentence suspended for 12 months and was ordered to pay £5,375 compensation.

 /facepalm

Now Mrs Taylor wants to know why the police took a different approach with her and her husband when Luck used similar tactics in both cases.

Yes, indeed. So do I...

She believes that if police had prosecuted her case, then the travel agency fraud may not have happened.

You mean, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure? That's crazy talk!

A spokesman for North Yorkshire Police said of the decision not to prosecute the guesthouse fraud: “It would not be appropriate to comment on this case as no-one was charged with any criminal offences.

“Each case is dealt with on an individual basis. If it is believed that the investigation has gathered enough evidence to support a successful prosecution, the case will be put before the courts.”

So, basically, you didn't gather enough evidence in the first case? Or do you just prefer the lazy option of pressing 'Print Screen' these days?

He’ll Blend Right In…

James Frank Lisbon has not been seen since August 4 when he was allowed out of the John Howard Centre, Kenworthy Road, Homerton, for a period of unescorted leave.

Yes, there’s a description:

The 34-year-old man is described as 6ft and of large build. When he was last seen he was wearing a navy blue short-sleeved top, navy tracksuit bottoms and a white baseball cap. He has scars on both arms and a tattoo on his right arm.

Mr Lisbon is believed to be in the east London area.

*chuckles*

A Met police spokesman said: “Members of the public are warned not to approach him. We are concerned for his well being as he requires treatment.”

Then why isn’t he secured?

Common Sense From The Judiciary?

Davies, aged 30, of The Farthings, Dudley, admitted allowing Gucci to be dangerously out of control near his home, between Stourbridge Road and Junction Street, and was jailed for 12 weeks.

The court heard he had two breeding pairs of Presa Canario dogs – a type originally from the Canary Islands – and a litter of eight puppies that were going to new homes next week as he planned to come off benefits to breed and sell the animals.

Because who better to sell potential killers than a criminal?

I mean, why does anyone think the sort of people this man almost certainly lives amongst and socialises with want these type of dogs?

But District Judge David Miller, who heard Davies had previous offences including robbery, threatening violence, possessing cannabis and being drunk on a railway station, told him he was not a ‘fit person’ to have dogs and banned him from keeping them for two years.

Hurrah!

Miss Amy Jackson, defending, immediately said he would appeal to the crown court against the sentence - but the judge refused to suspend the jail term or ban pending a new hearing.

Double hurrah! But isn't it sad that this needs to be applauded, because it's so damn rare..?

I mean, we all know why people of this type want these type of dogs. It isn't to play 'Fetch!' in the park, now is it?

Not Part Of Society..?

A group of travellers have taken over part of a doctors’ surgery car park in Blackburn, causing difficulties for elderly and disabled patients.

Staff at Little Harwood Health Centre have fielded complaints from patients who have struggled to find a space at the Beech Street car park.

Typical...

A spokesman for the health centre, in Plane Tree Road, said: “Parking is always at a premium here and they are probably taking up about 20 patient spaces. We’ve had a lot of complaints about it. It’s also cost an awful lot of money out of the NHS property budget to take it to court. I’ve been told it’s costing about £7,500.

“They got on before we locked the gate in the evening. We asked them to leave last week, but they just said we’d have to get a court order. We’ve just left them alone since.”

Because they are a protected species.

One of the group, a 19-year-old man, who declined to give his name, said: “ We've come over from Ireland and are making our way south. Because of some health issues, we needed to stop somewhere to see a doctor. My father got ill and has just had an operation at the hospital. He’s not fully recovered and has a follow-up appointment, so we’re waiting until he’s all right again.”

And everyone else? Well, why should they care?

Well, To Be Fair(Way), A Golf Course Is Bigger Than A Loft…

Police searching for a man who has been missing for five weeks have discovered a body.

They do get there eventually, as we know from Croydon…

Michael Redmond, 47, who lived in The Vale, Vange was last seen on Friday July 5.

He was seen walking near the 13th hole at Basildon Golf Course on Clay Hill Lane, Basildon, but has not been seen since.

Today specialist police search officers returned to search the undergrowth at the golf course and discovered a body.

I wonder what skills they have that the average copper lacks?

What To Do…

…if you are an aspiring rap artist and your stepfather has been shot dead by men your activities brought to his door while protecting his wife (and you)?

In two emotional YouTube videos Karl Wilson recalls the murder of Carlton Ned, 41, who was shot in the chest while protecting his wife and step son from two gunmen.

There are no words…

Yes, I Know What You're Thinking...

...but it was still in the can!

Yes. Really:

Harry Hadfield, prosecuting, said the victims had stopped on Union Street in the Teesside town to divide bags of shopping on the evening of April 10 when they saw McNicholas, whose nickname is Snapper, and his dog.

Rather makes you wonder what the dog's nickname was, eh?

Mr Hadfield said McNicholas asked the man for a tin of food, but when he refused, McNicholas struck him once over the head with a large stick knocking him to the ground and causing swelling and bruising.

McNicholas then struck the woman over the head splitting her scalp open, the court heard. She needed eight staples in her head to fix the wound, Mr Hadfield said.

Ouch!

Peter Wishlade representing McNicholas, said his client had been throwing the stick for the Alsatian when the other man swore at him, told him to shut up the dog and then threw a can of rice pudding at the animal.

And you thought it was just the punchline to a joke...

The Recorder of York, Judge Stephen Ashurst jailed McNicholas, who has 43 convictions for 104 offences, for nine months for the ABH assault and 15 months for the wounding to be served concurrently.

Ah. There's this one's punchline.

H/T: Anna Raccoon via email

Venison, Guaranteed Fresh!

Families taking their children to play in their local park this morning were shocked to find …

In Stratford?

Ooooh, I shudder to think! A dead gangbanger?

… a mutilated deer bleeding on the children’s slide.

…

…

Oh. Well, I wasn't expecting that…

It Explains Some Things, But What I Want To Know Is...

...just how much were the executives who signed up little Tommy Cruise to play man-mountain Jack Reacher smoking?

Sunday Funnies...

Who lives in a house like this one..?

Well, If The Mountain Won’t Come To Mohammed...

Teenagers have come together to fight for more facilities for disabled children in parks.

They realised many families had been left without access to green space after a spell of volunteering at the Blind and Deaf Association in Blackburn as part of their National Citizen Service work.

Their….their what..?!?

Is this what they are learning now, while not reaching required desired levels in reading, writing and adding up? How to lobby, organise and hector on behalf of special victim groups?

Alltogether Club founder Lizzie Toms, whose group provides activities for disabled children and adults said: “People don’t seem to realise that a simple activity such as going for a picnic in the park just isn’t possible unfortunately for these families which is massively unfair.”

Youth MP Harry Bithell said: “I think it’s an important campaign and I hope that the council will look into the possibilities of making parks more friendly for those with disabilities. ”

Meanwhile, in Brighton they are just doing their best to disable the children already in the playground:

Play equipment at a newly refurbished park has been closed off to the public after three children were reportedly injured playing on it just weeks after it opened.

Whoops!

Brighton mother Tammie Lindsay said her daughter, Isabelle Moss, has had her summer holiday ruined after breaking her leg on the equipment last week.

The six-year-old was playing on the seesaw with her three-year-old twin brothers Callum and Kye on Thursday when she slipped and had her leg crushed underneath the wooden equipment.

Nasty. But the family do seem to be making a bit of a fuss over it:

Little Isabelle is now having to sleep downstairs because getting upstairs is too difficult for her and her family are considering selling her mid-height bed because it’s too high for her to get into.

Yes. That’s right. Selling her bed. That seems a reasonable response, doesn't it?

The spokeswoman said the seesaw had been designed to meet new European safety standards and was inspected by a qualified in-house inspector on Friday afternoon.

She added: “Due to the high level of usage that the Level play area is currently experiencing we have decided to temporarily fence off the item while we investigate the accident further.”

/facepalm

Oh, Keith, A Fine Might Be The Least Of Your Worries...

Keith Askew, of Ravensbury Road, says the can bin at the Cotmandene Crescent centre was full, so he left the bags next to it.

Having driven there in a company van, his boss received a call within days saying Mr Askew had been fined.

His 'crime'? Well, according to the council, flytipping. You see, if they don't provide the facilities to recycle, you're supposed to...well, what?

But he might find himself in hotter water:

"I couldn't believe it. There are no signs or anything there. How was I supposed to know what I was doing was wrong?"

Mr Askew, who described the fine as a "stealth tax" says he complained about the situation to the council, but they stood by the fine.

He said: "I am not just some pikey boy who leaves his bags down there.

"I pay my taxes, I go to work, I am a law abiding citizen."

Oooooooohhhhh! Some eagle-eyed commenter leaps on that like a [censored] on a [censored]*...

Lewisham62 says...

He said: "I am not just some **** boy who leaves his bags down there. Is that not a racist statement? I await the NS readers to decide.

 Yes, of course you do. Your kind always try that passive-aggressive crap, don't you?

Some skip the 'passive' bit:

Comments by an Essex councillor who suggested a travellers' site would look like "My Big Fat Gypsy Cesspit" are being investigated by police.

Mark Coxshall, a Conservative member of Thurrock Council, made the comments about a site in Stanford-le-Hope. The Irish Traveller Movement in Britain said the comments were racist and complained to the council.

 *sighs*

Mr Coxshall said: "I utterly refute any suggestion that the comments I have made are in any way racist.

"My comments were about the illegal traveller site. I certainly do not apologise for taking a hard line approach against illegal sites.

"It is very dangerous to make the leap that comments which may not be politically correct are by definition hate-fuelled."

He's right, of course, but such is the political climate I give it three days before he's forced to make a grovelling apology.

* fill in the blanks in as politically-incorrect a manner as you can manage...

"You think you’re the first person I’ve dealt with woke up with a dead body?”

A Bexleyheath man woke up to find his girlfriend lying dead next to him in bed, an inquest heard.

Wow, Bexleyheath could probably keep Ray Donovan busy for months…

Keeleigh Kinsella, 26, of Slade Green Road, had been out drinking with her boyfriend Aaron Reeve on April 7 this year when she returned to spend the night at his flat in Tower Road, Bexleyheath.

Her boyfriend had told the paramedics who responded to his 999 call the following day she could "barely stand up" when the couple returned home, before she necked "at least another bottle of wine."

Nor, finding herself in Bexleyheath,  was that all that she decided to ingest, and who can blame her?

A post mortem examination showed there was 1.21 micrograms of methadone for every millilitre of Miss Kinsella’s blood.

The hearing heard how anything above 0.24 micrograms of methadone can be fatal and traces of tramadol and diazepam were also found in her bloodstream.

Unsurprising then that this Darwin Award winner checked out…

Recording a verdict of non-dependant abuse of drugs, Dr Palmer said: "This was a one off and sadly it didn’t go well for her. "

But it did at least go pretty well for society.

This Is Why We Have A ‘Jeremy Kyle’ Generation…

A christening party at a pub ended with guests fighting, police officers being assaulted and the baby's father being shot twice with a Taser gun.

Chavilicious!

Geoff Gibson, prosecuting, told the court: "Edge struck a police officer on the head a number of times and was tasered. Moynihan threw a table towards an officer which caught him on the head and Harnett was trying in a blundering way to get involved."

/facepalm

Edge, aged 26, of Lanark Walk, Newcastle, and Moynihan, aged 55, of St George's Road, Newcastle, both admitted an offence of assaulting police. Harnett, aged 26, of Berwick Walk, Newcastle, admitted being drunk and disorderly.

Edge was fined £300 with £85 costs and ordered to pay £100 compensation to PC Nicholas Bennett. Moynihan was fined £110 with £85 costs and told to pay £100 compensation to PC Nicholas Oldfield. Harnett was fined £75 and told to pay £85 costs.

*sighs*

Evidence-Based Policy Making?

Not in Brighton and Hove!

Most of the city is en route to become a 20mph zone – despite no evidence proving the scheme’s initial phase has worked.

This is the Green’s ‘scorched earth’ policy. It means they know their time is up, and they are making it harder for any incoming politicians to do more than shrug and declare it a ‘fait acomplit’ on cost grounds. Much like armies used to salt the earth of their enemy’s territory when the battle was over.

Ian Davey, the council’s transport spokesman, said: “The council is committed to making the roads in the city safer for everyone and we know reducing traffic speeds to 20mph in residential streets is a practical and popular way we can do this.”

But…you don’t know this. And just who is it popular with?

Yeah, Good Luck With That, Chief Superintendent Olisa

The head of Haringey police said: “Since the riots it is the narrative that people in Tottenham are thuggish or bad.

“The truth is that this area is no more dangerous than any other and violent crimes can be committed in any London borough but these are always the minority.

“People who don’t live here may have a bad image of the place but the police want to work with community to change that.”

Meanwhile, the community said ‘Oh yeah? Well, just you watch this..!’

ORLY?

Motorists should automatically be blamed for collisions with cyclists unless it can be proved that the rider is at fault, according to Cambridge’s MP.

Julian Huppert argues a law of ‘proportionate liability’, assuming that the larger vehicle and less vulnerable road user should be responsible for a crash, would offer cyclists greater protection and stop drivers claiming they hadn’t seen bikes.

Fantastic idea, I'm sure you’ll agree. We must send the owner of this van the bill immediately!

“I don’t know why people can’t let her be happy.”

Maybe because her ‘happiness’ could be misery to someone else?

A disabled busker on a life-changing journey has hit out after being the victim of a tirade of abuse caught on camera.

The two-minute long clip shows another musician ordering 26-year-old singer Alexandria, who was busking in Bath, to turn the sound down, before he threatens to ram his microphone down her throat.

Ah. A dispute between two street nuisances.

But one has a special card to play! One can whip out the Card of Victimhood!

Alexandria added: “I was born into the wrong body and I have a disability so I’ve been the subject of bullying and people not being nice to me wherever I go.”

Oh, seems she has a whole pack of 'em!

Her mum Caroline said: “This man might not have realised the effect he had on Alex and all that she is going through but I want him to know.

“We moved from Scotland because we had a hard time. I don’t know why people can’t let her be happy.”

Here's a thought, love. Maybe it's not 'people' that are the problem. Maybe....it's you?

The distraught abuse victim is determined to continue to share her passion for music by busking all over the country.

/facepalm

Keeping (Potential) Death On The Roads...

In Oxford Crown Court on Thursday Judge Risius said: “This is not the first time you have behaved disgracefully on a public road.”

Indeed it isn’t, as he has 10 convictions for 21 offences, including for ‘an incident in 1997 where he again got out of his vehicle and struck another car’.

After evidence was given of Beager’s work and family commitments, Judge Risius said he would not ban him from driving.

Instead he made the defendant subject to an 18-month community order with anger management training, supervision and 200 hours of unpaid work. The defendant, from Cheltenham, was also told to pay £275 compensation and was given six points on his driving licence.

/facepalm

“If she can’t concentrate if a baby is crying, why is she a bus driver?”

I think some people must think bus drivers are trained the way they train police horses...

Sophie-May Dickson, 21, said she was left shocked when the bus journey from Canvey’s Haystack pub, in Furtherwick Road, to Basildon town centre, turned into a nightmare.

Mrs Dickson was on the way to Basildon on the First bus with her one-year-old daughter...

*looks at picture of mother* *braces for incoming chavname*

...Precious...

GAH!!!

The embarrassed mother stayed on the bus to finish her journey following the incident, which happened on Tuesday.

However, she said she will now think twice before using public transport again.

WIN!!

Now, give Mr T his necklace back, Sophie-May...

They Aren’t ‘Reducing Their Income Base’ If Their Income Base Is Currently Zero!

Nick Boles, the Planning Minister, wants to relax planning rules so that town centre shops can be converted into homes quickly, after acceptance that some high streets in the UK are dying in their traditional form.

Good news, yes?

Based on official figures, the Government would miss out on £1bn in business rates payments over the next decade if just a quarter of the empty shops in Britain are converted into houses and flats.

Oh. Well, every cloud, and all that.

The estimated tax loss is based on the shortfall councils will face from council tax paid by the occupants of the new homes, compared to the business rates paid by retailers or lands when it was a commercial property.

You mean, ‘when it was an occupied commercial property’..?

The problem is, it isn't. And won’t be. In Southend, the grandly refurbished Victoria Circus development is still more than half empty. Those shops it did attract in, like Boots and Next, vacated premises in the High Street, leaving holes that are only partially filled to this day.

Jerry Schurder, head of rating at Gerald Eve, said converting retail property into homes could create “havoc” for councils.

He said: “Making conversions easier could have a very positive effect on towns that have seen a permanent contraction in the retail sector, but only a foolish council would use its powers to reduce its income base.”

It’s current income base is zero. Unless it can attract a business in to pay those business rates, it might have to settle for council tax.

Something is always better than nothing, surely?

Well, Here's Some 'Crime And Policing' For You To Study....

The cane corso, a large Italian working dog that can weigh up to seven stone, belonged to a house mate of Gabriel Neghina who decided to walk it because she was on holiday.

But during the 80 metre walk to shops in Sussex Avenue, Canterbury, it lunged at Carol Decarteret and sunk its teeth into her hand.

Canterbury Magistrates heard today that Neghina, of Wincheap, Canterbury, did not own the dog but admitted being in charge of it while it was dangerously out of control.

Throw him in jail, destroy the dog and...

Oh. Wait.

Prosecuting, Julie Farbrace said police had been unable to trace the animal. She said: "The belief is that the dog has been returned to Romania.

"Despite letters going out to the person we believe owns the dog, no one has come forward to present evidence.

"The police did not seize the dog and do not know its whereabouts."

They sent letters. Well, great for them, not so great for the postman!

Defending, Victoria Urmossy said Neghina, who is studying crime and policing at Canterbury Christ Church University after moving from Romania, thought he was helping his housemates, who were sharing care of the dog while its owner was away.

She said: "It is a very unpleasant incident and this lady obviously suffered serious injury.

"Mr Neghina believes she may have put her hand out to the dog.

"He tried to regain control. He pulled it into the road when he saw it becoming restless but unfortunately a dog of this size was able to pull towards the woman.

"I can truly say he is very remorseful for what happened.

"This is something he had not expected. He thought he was doing a favour by taking it out for a walk.

"He didn't intend for this woman to suffer. He made a wrong decision in taking this dog out. He is a young man working for a better future."

Which he hopes to bring into being by disclaiming responsibility, blaming the victim and keeping tight-lipped about the beast's whereabouts?

Another New Wrinkle In The Strange Case Of Lee Balkwell..

Scott Bromley, 39, of Herbert Grove, Southend, pleaded guilty to intimidating Mr Balkwell’s sister Tanya in a tanning salon.

...

Five people, including Bromley, were arrested last November in connection with an onging police probe into the death.

Bromley, his parents David, 66, and Linda Bromley, 63, brother Simon Bromley and a 49-year-old woman from South Ockendon, were arrested on suspicion of perverting the course of justice.

They were all released from bail without charge in May, apart from Simon, who remains on bail on suspicion of gross negligence manslaughter and perverting the course of justice.

 The story gets more and more strange...

Basildon Crown Court heard Scott Bromley, while still on bail on suspicion of perverting the course of justice, approached Tanya Balkwell at the Absolutely Fabulous Tanning Salon, where she works in Upminster, on April 25.

He admitted “knowing or believing” that she was a “potential witness in proceedings” and attending her work place in an attempt to intimidate her and “pervert the course of justice”.

When he was arrested last November, a bail condition was placed on him to have no form of contact with Tanya.

He indicated he would deny the offence at an earlier Basildon Magistrates’ Court hearing and was remanded in custody due to a risk of absconding.

 Yet, somewhere between then and there, he had a change of heart.

He is due to be sentenced at crown court this month.

Curiouser and curiouser.

If We Just Implement This, Everyone’ll Live Forever!

Friends of a young musician who died after being hit by a car in Dry Street have urged transport bosses to review plans for a 40mph speed limit at the accident blackspot.

What, they were planning to raise it?

More than 2,000 people have signed a petition calling for the current speed limit to be lowered from 60mph to 30mph.

Ah. I see. They were already planning to lower it, but not by enough to suit the ‘Something must BE DONE!’ crowd…

Mr Bowan’s friend, Kerry Kinch, 20, of The Upway, Basildon, launched the petition to stop others losing their lives in the same way in the future.

“We can’t change what happened to him, but we can stop it happening to someone else. I have seen the impact his death has had on his family and no one should have to go through that.

“If the speed limit was 30mph, Justin would have had a few broken bones, but would have lived.”

Would he? Can you say that with certainty?

“Someone travelling at 30mph would be able to brake before it’s too late, but that chance is severely reduced if someone is driving 10mph faster.”

Of course, it’s entirely possible that further deaths will still occur because people are distracted or simply don’t obey the law.

And then no doubt Kerry will get up a petition for a further reduction. Maybe she won’t be happy until we bring back the man with the red flag…

It's About Time Someone Gave The Owners The Same Treatment...

The 21-year-old landscape gardener, of St David’s Road, grabbed a wooden hammer handle to beat the dog into submission during the early hours of Saturday morning. (Aug 10)

Maybe then the police might actually turn up, if only to arrest the householder...

He said: "These people go looking for animals to do this to.

"They were having a ball, they were in their element, laughing, loving it."

You'd think a group of teenagers with huge, vicious dogs roaming the neighbourhood at night would draw the attention of the police, wouldn't you?

If only to protect themselves in any future raid on the homes of these subhuman scum, because it's quite clear they no longer act to protect the public who pay their wages...

Maybe we need to look abroad for some solutions?

Priorities...

Det Chief Insp Scott Cannon has them...

Det Chief Insp Scott Cannon said: “When a false allegation of rape is made, it heightens the difficulty for those victims who have suffered from sexual abuse.

“The outcome of this prosecution should act as a very clear message to those people who deliberately lie to police and significantly hinder a major investigation.

“The actions of Cathy Richardson in this case led to an innocent man being arrested, having to spend time in a custody cell and undergo an intrusive and personal medical examination.

“He had to endure the stigma of being suspected of a serious offence, only to be cleared of a crime he knew he had not committed.”

Gosh, it's almost like the poor innocent sod is an afterthought for you, isn't it?

He added: “People who make false and malicious allegations jeopardise the hard work that Essex Police and partner agencies have done to increase the confidence levels of victims reporting sexual crime.

“My team will relentlessly pursue every line of inquiry in a search for the truth and will always strive to bring sexual offenders to justice.

“I would like to reassure every victim of sexual abuse that Essex Police take any report very seriously and will offer all the support and protection we can.”

And in the next breath, you are advertising how easy it is to do this, because healthy scepticism is thrown away in pursuit of politically-correct guidelines...

H/T: Misanthrope Girl via Twitter

David Lammy Might Not Know His ‘Mastermind’ Questions, But He Knows Who The Real Victims Are!

You could be forgiven for thinking that the headline to this piece by David Lammy MP is a refreshing change.

They believed that the victims not only had stories to tell, but that, through their anger, their obvious decency had a value in and of itself. The victims might actually know better than the politicians how to prevent another riot.

But read the article, and you’ll find that’s not quite the case:

They spoke of building personal resilience and character; how young people could move from education to work; and how to rehabilitate offenders and allow them to give back to their victims. The members also rolled back the stone to reveal issues that don't make news bulletins or daily newspapers: pupil referral units, early intervention in families' lives, and a review of complaints against the police were all covered in a sober and reflective way.

Hmmm. Is it just me, or is he really confused about who the victims are? I mean, I assume that the victims are those who were burned out of their homes and businesses...

If we do not listen to the victims of the 2011 riots, the victims of future riots will want to know why.

Ah. Right. 'We must appease these animals or they'll hurt us again.'

Well, This Is Refreshing!

A fuel thief who lied to a judge in a bid to receive a more lenient sentence has been jailed for 25 months.

Heh!

He lied by telling Judge Mark Horton he had an apprenticeship lined up with car giant Volvo in the belief he would receive a lighter sentence, Bristol Crown Court heard.

Though the judge queried his paperwork and invited him to withdraw it, Purnell persisted and even enlisted a friend to con a job coach into confirming the placement.

An investigation caught Purnell out and he had to further admit doing an act tended or intending to pervert the course of public justice.

/applause

Now, if only all judges were like Judge Horton...

Judge Horton told Purnell: "You are a liar, you are a fraudster and I believe you are a stranger to the truth.

"You have manipulated and defrauded the public and you have misled the prosecution and probation.

"Until I caught you out before this court you were involved in a very clear, planned and deliberate attempt to mislead the court by the creation of false documents."

More please, faster!

OK, I'm Baffled...

How does one do this? Put it in dungarees and Doc Martins?

Scraping The Barrel...

This is news..?

But the comments more than make up for it:

/applause

This Story Would Be So Much Better If It Had Been Glasgow Zoo...

In fact, I think I feel a song coming on...

"If I could fight with the animals, just imagine it,
Scrappin' with a chimp in chimpanzee,
Imagine tangling with a tiger, wrestling with a cheetah, 
What a neat achievement it would be! 

If we could fight with the animals, learn their countermoves, 
Maybe make an animal dojo, 
I'd grapple elephant and eagle, buffalo and beagle, 
Alligator, guinea pig, and flea!" 

With apologies to Rex Harrison, and MacHeath who does this so much better...

Sunday Funnies...

You can choose your friends, but not your relatives...

The Victim Hierarchy Is Still Applied…

The owners of killer dogs could face life in jail under proposals put forward by ministers.

Ministers have now launched a public consultation as to whether owners should face jail terms of up to ten years if their pet injures someone and life for a fatal attack.

This is the same legislative system that reassured us that murderers would face life behind bars, right? Remind me, how did that work out?

Killing or injuring a guide dog could also attract a maximum penalty of ten years.

So, immediately, we have a victim hierarchy for dogs. Family pets and all other types of assistance dog are to be given ‘second class’ status.

What’s that, Mrs Miggins, your Fido was attacked? Not interested.

What’s that, Mr Miggins, your hearing dog was attacked? Not interested.

And all because the Guide Dogs Association got stuck in there, lobbying for special treatment, while the other charities missed the ball.

We've all seen where this sort of prioritisation of some kinds of ‘special victims’ over others can lead, haven’t we?

We've seen the inversion of the justice system* that this can cause, haven’t we?

And we’ve seen how no matter what legislation is available to the police, there is no consistency, with some forces going overboard and some reluctant to use it, preferring the ‘softly softly’ approach when something looks like it might be hard work:

PC Hope said officers may pursue a ‘restorative’ approach to dealing with the incident and it may be that an apology from the animal’s owners is enough to ensure no more action is necessary.

And it may be that the owners tell you to shove your 'restorative justice' so far up your arse it knocks out your back teeth. I would.

*H/T: PeeWee via email