Newsflash, Lord Hanningfield: They Won’t Be Judging Gary Glitter By His Previous Record Either…

Still sporting a beard, the former head of Essex County Council sat in the glorious Chelmsford sunshine and said he is hopeful he can ditch the title of "disgraced peer" following his conviction for fiddling his parliamentary expenses.

Really? Just how do you plan to do that, then, and does it involve operation of a specially-fitted DeLorean?

"I hope people do not judge me by one mistake, but my previous record," said Lord Hanningfield, jailed for nine months after being found guilty at the end of a ten-day trial in May for fraudulently claiming nearly £14,000.

It’s just so unfair, isn’t it?

"I don't want to be called 'disgraced' any more. I just want to get back to having a normal life. Even Jeffrey Archer is not 'disgraced' any longer."

Really? Oddly enough, it does get mentioned in articles and is forever enshrined in Wikipedia. Just like it will be with you.

"I think people who know me know I made a mistake and know I'm not a master criminal. Anyone would have thought I committed two murders with the amount of publicity I got."

You didn’t ‘make a mistake’, you claimed for hotel stays in London that you didn’t make! That’s deliberate fraud!

He will either get involved in international development or, more likely, penal reform, a topic close to his heart after spending nine weeks at a minimum security prison in Kent.

He is adamant he can make a difference to the lives of young inmates and still keeps in contact with his old cellmate, Dell, a petty crook caught with a boot full of cannabis in Maidstone, and plans to meet up with him in the near future.

*bites lip*

"Some people in prison would be better served in their communities – it won't cost so much money and would help them with their rehabilitation. There are so many people in their 20s who need a lot of help with the rest of their lives," he said.

You know who really deserves ‘a lot of help’? It’s the people who aren’t criminals…

Fortunately for him the expenses system at the House of Lords has changed.

"You can't mess it up," he grinned. "It's completely idiot-proof."

You didn’t ‘mess it up’! You committed fraud!

Yet Again, Magistrates Fail To Protect The Public…

Thug Noel Jarman laughed when he was shown CCTV footage of his unprovoked attack on a homeless man, a court has heard.

Jarman, 23, pleaded guilty to kicking his helpless victim in the head after throwing food at him.

An offence of the worst sort, you might think. Drunken, unprovoked, persistent violence against a vulnerable target. The sort that should draw a lengthy sentence.

You’d be wrong. He didn't even get the 56 days he might have got if he'd Tweeted abuse at him, instead of getting physical:

But he was not given a jail term as Exeter magistrates decided he need to be given a chance to battle his alcohol addiction.

No, of course it isn’t this waste of skin’s first appearance in the dock, either. It never is, is it?

Jarman has 15 previous conviction and is currently subject to two conditional discharges relating to an incident of domestic abuse and possession of a class A drug.

There’s not even the faintest hint of justifiable ‘mitigation’ either:

Jeremy Asher, defending, told the court that his client was due to take part in courses to help him with his temperament and alcohol consumption as part of the conditional discharge, but this process had not started.

He said: "He has been ordered to do specified activities but these have not started yet. He has not obtained the help he needs. In relation to this incident, we are not talking about a David Beckham penalty kick, it's more of a shove to his head with this foot."

I know who needs a ‘shove to the head with a foot’, Jeremy. And it isn’t some homeless man.

Tip: If You Want To Maim Someone And Get Off Lightly…

…use a car. Not a baseball bat:

A woman has had to learn how to walk again after an aggressive drink-driver ploughed into the car she was in, a court heard.

The woman was with her two sisters, travelling along Cymbeline Way, Colchester, when Enoch Aykeampong’s van crashed into them.

He was jailed for four months after admitting drink-driving at Colchester Magistrates’ Court.

Yup. Four months. He won’t serve it, we all know that.

Ms Hall said: “Three sisters had to be cut out by the fire brigade.

Police attended and the defendant was clearly intoxicated. He became a aggressive when arrested.”

Hopefully, he got a face full of CS gas at least. I wonder what possible sort of mitigation will be…

Ah. Right. None, really:

Louise Reader, mitigating, said the sisters had since been compensated by an insurance company.

How in the hell is that ‘mitigation’? Do you need a dictionary, love?

Nottingham: A UK Hotspot For ‘Homophobia’?

Well, so the screaming headline would have you believe:

Nottingham's growing gay nightlife scene plans to ban problem punters from venues.

Drinkers and nightspot owners have created the plan for the city's gay and gay-friendly nightspots. Those hit with a ban could be also be barred from July's Nottingham Pride festival.

Oooh! Harsh!

Gay revellers say the idea could help tackle homophobic abuse in the city centre, after recorded incidents increased in Notts.

Can we hear from the pressure groups and various public servants desperate to puff up their profiles?

Reader, we can:

Police community support officer Zoe Wade, from The Lace Market beat team, has been working with the community to develop a poster campaign.

She said: "This is about all the businesses coming together to say no to violence and unacceptable behaviour in their premises, with an appropriate period of exclusion for those caught causing trouble."

Quite right! Like all those drunk and violent gay peop…

Wait. What?

Those backing the scheme include Michael Connolly, 49, of Mapperley Park. He said he was shocked when he was punched by a gay female drinker in November last year.

Ummm…

Presumably, she’s not ‘homophobic’? Is she?

He said the teenager struck him without warning in Lower Parliament Street after he tried to calm down a row between a group of gay women and gay men in AD2.

He said: "I was saying it's not acceptable and that the community are supposed to stick together. Then she ran out of nowhere and punched me in the face.

"I think we have seen some incidents like this because there are more bars and clubs now."

So, really, despite the screaming headline, the problem seems to be less a case of those awful straights persecuting the gays, and more a case of people being unable to control their inhibitions when in drink.

But I guess ‘Plans To Tackle Drink-Related Violence Problems In Nottingham’ doesn’t make the right politically-correct headline, does it?

And doesn’t continue the right ‘separatist’ movement, that these identity groups need special venues and special treatment, and aren’t, well, just like anyone else….

Russell Thorpe, general manager of gay nightclub NG1, in Lower Parliament Street, is also backing the move. He said: "I think this will make people think twice about entering a venue and causing trouble.

"Some venues have become a lot more mixed and sometimes people go into places not realising it's a gay venue and can be offended and sometimes get aggressive, so this could stamp that out too. There is the odd problem, although it's not a major issue. As far as homophobic abuse is concerned it's mainly outside of venues."

Then banning them from those venues is going to be….well, no solution at all. Is it?

Up Is Down, Black Is White, Violent Muggers Are ‘Vulnerable Women’…

A pensioner was punched in the face and robbed – by a woman who was weeks away from giving birth.

Her target didn’t let that hold her back, though:

When the brave 71-year-old fought back, attacker Clare Louise Jones told her: "Don't hurt me, I'm heavily pregnant."

Now that’s chutzpah!

Speaking after Jones was sentenced at Leicester Crown Court on Friday, Mrs Harris said: "She's a scumbag.

"I regret hitting a pregnant woman, but I didn't know she was expecting because she was wearing a coat. Anyway, what kind of person attacks a pensioner when she is seven months pregnant?"

Scumbags, Mrs Harris. The sort that the justice system is supposedly set up to protect people like yourself from, at least, in theory…

Jones, formerly of Border House Hostel, Belgrave Boulevard, Mowmacre, Leicester, admitted committing the robbery at 8.50pm on July 29 last year.

She was given a 12-month jail sentence, suspended for two years, with supervision and conditions to undergo drug rehabilitation and attend the Just Women project, which aims to improve the lives of vulnerable women.

Ummm….

Maybe I’m missing something here, but isn’t Mrs Harris the vulnerable one?

James Varley, mitigating for Jones, told the court his client had committed the robbery when she was the victim of an abusive relationship and under extreme pressure.

He said: "She was desperate."

I think you highlighted the wrong word in your thesaurus, Mr Varley. The word you should have used was ‘despicable’. It’s an easy mistake to make...

.. Mrs Harris, who is now 72, said she thought the sentence was "a joke".

She said: "It's ridiculous. I knew all that would happen was she would get her wrists slapped.

"Everyone is bending over backwards to help her, but no-one thinks about the effect on me."

And no. It’s not her only offence. It never is, is it? We aren’t talking Jean Valjean, here, after all…

Jones has 24 previous offences on her record, mainly for shoplifting.

Let me guess, she was ‘desperate’ all those times, too?

Mr Varley added his client was "aghast at how she had sunk so low last July, when she was pregnant as well".

He said Jones had previously shoplifted because of a heroin addiction. She has since sought help and is on a methadone prescription, he said.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…

Let’s face it, Mrs Harris is right. She’s just a scumbag.

”Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours…”

Malik Al-Abdeh is one of hundreds of British Syrians who have watched the state killings of protesters in their homeland with horror over the past year.

Six weeks ago his cousin joined the list of 8,000 fatalities, helping the opposition fightback amid the ranks of the Free Syrian Army.

The trauma has not been helped by increasingly fraught relations in his own road in Acton , west London – where he lives opposite the father-in-law of the Syrian dictator.

Splendid! Aren’t we lucky?

We don’t have to just watch foreign tribal conflicts on our 50” screen TVs now, they happen right outside our door!

The Independent revealed in November that Dr Akhras's house had been attacked by opposition protesters, and Mr Al-Abdeh said relations in the neighbourhood are prickly because of his family links.

"There has been a lot of animosity toward the Akhras family," he said. "A woman from Homs saw Asma's mother walking down the street as she was driving, so she wound down the window and swore at her."

And no doubt with a chic foreign accent, quite unlike our home-grown abuse-yelling chavs. Oh, how deliciously vibrant and diverse!

Post Title Of The Month

Goes to Macheath for this little ditty on the resignation of the Archbish...

Quote Of The Month

Comes from S Weasel, in the subject of that now-infamous EU advert:

"Ummmm…yeah. The EU really made that movie. And were shocked that people thought it was racist. And sexist. And generally gob-smackingly idiotic.

It’s like that nice Mr bin Laden used to say: when you have a weak horse and a strong horse, they both come together to laugh at the retarded horse."

Post Of The Month

All Copped Out points out just how mind-bendingly bonkers our legal system cam be, with Sue Akers' evidence to Leveson being reviewed for possible contempt!

This Just Sums Up Our ‘Justice’ System, Doesn’t It?

Blackburn magistrates heard Nawaz Khan was due to be recalled on prison licence.

But when he appeared before the court for shoplifting on Monday the necessary paperwork had not been completed and he was given a conditional discharge and told the police would be calling to arrest him.

He took matters into his own hands and went shoplifting at Asda and when he was put before the court the following day was jailed for seven days.

*sigh*

I Think They Did The Wrong Sort Of Psychiatric Report…

A Carmarthenshire woman who admitted suffocating her dog has been jailed by magistrates — against the advice of a psychiatric report.

No doubt it was the usual garbage about how she wasn’t hugged enough as a kiddie.

But given the horrific act it’s to the mags’ credit that they kicked it into touch…

Hillary Rees, 44, of Park Hall in Carmarthen, pleaded guilty to causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal when she appeared before Llanelli Magistrates' Court earlier this year.

Rees killed her black and white English bull terrier Lockie on May 14 last year after being told by Carmarthenshire Council it could be a danger to her family.

Interesting. I wonder just how that came about? A complaint? And if it's a potential 'danger to her family', is it not a potential danger to others?

Something the council should therefore be acting on, rather than hoping the owner will do the decent thing?

At her sentencing, magistrates heard how Rees suffocated the dog by putting him in a muzzle and putting a plastic bag over his head, a method which took 10 minutes to kill the dog.

And did she try the ‘I can’t afford a vet’ excuse tried (and accepted) by so many others?

Well, no:

Prosecuting, Jon Tarrant said Rees had received a number of offers from friends and neighbours to look after the dog, and had been offered help by the council.

Mr Tarrant said she had refused the offers, saying she had paid £700 for the dog and wanted £700 back.

The vicious underclass animal-torturing bitch! No wonder they told the defence to take a hike…

Mitigating, solicitor David Williams said a report from psychiatrist Dr Christopher Moyle warned an immediate custodial sentence "would not be appropriate" for Rees.

Mr Williams said: "He and the psychotherapist are of the view that Miss Rees's mental health would deteriorate and undo a lot of the positive work undertaken to date."

What ‘positive work’?

Mr Williams then asked the court to consider a suspended sentence with a 12-month supervision order.

But chair of the bench David Owens ignored their advice, handing Rees a 16-week prison sentence.

He said: "We have listened to all the facts.

"We have been concerned, and still are concerned, of the extreme level of suffering of the dog, the use of the bag and the muzzle to bring about its extended death.

"And so our sentence is that you will be sent to prison for a total of 16 weeks."

Rees was also banned from being involved with the keeping of dogs or cats for 10 years.

She should have received a lifetime ban.

There Should Be A Law Against I…. Oh!

Alex Stewart, 38, jumped at the chance to apply for a job at Clacton’s 99p Store when he saw a sign in the window.

But Mr Stewart, of Bluehouse Avenue, Clacton, said he was told not to bother applying because females were needed to fill vacancies for part-time assistants.

And, ignoring the fact this is illegal, what reason did he give?

“I went in optimistically and the cashier called the manager, so I could talk to him about the position.

“When he arrived, I started explaining why I was there.

“But he cut me short and told me the work was only available for girls, as it involved being on a till.”

…

…

Nope. Me neither!

A store spokesman said: “We are looking into this as a matter of priority. We have a strict equal opportunities employment policy at all our branches. Any manager found to have breached that policy would face severe disciplinary action.”

Ooooh! ‘Severe’. I wonder what that means?

You Know How Owners Grow To Look Like Their Pets? Well….

Remember this gormless pair? Seems they decided not to risk a trial after all:

… they admitted lesser charges of using disorderly words and behaviour in an eleventh-hour plea before a planned trial this morning.

Hmmm, what sort of ‘disorderly words and behaviour’?

Katrina Mann, 48, was seen ‘kissing and embracing’ fellow teacher Darren McCarthy, 38, before their late-night clash at Barking station, Essex.

Witnesses called the police as the couple shouted and swore at each other at 11.45pm, Havering Magistrates’ Court heard.

Mann, the headteacher of Barking and Dagenham Tuition Centre, yelled at officers, screaming ‘why are you f***ing stopping me’.

She then told McCarthy to ‘shut the f*** up, you p****, don’t say anything - you’re coming home with me.’

She added that she was ‘the head of a centre for excluded children and you don’t know what it’s like dealing with their behaviour.’

Oh, I think they do! It’s rather similar to having to arrest a drunken slapper and her pickup for the night at Barking Station…

Remember I said it was a place very well served by CCTV?

CCTV images showed the pair in the train station, where McCarthy was seen standing with his hands outstretched and shouting before aiming a blow towards Mann’s head.

Both were then seen punching each other in the head, prompting a second member of the public to call the police.

Lovely.…

Officers arrived to find McCarthy ‘shouting and aggressive,’ claiming they were only stopping him because he was a ‘n*****.’

More blows were exchanged between the pair, Mann punching McCarthy three times before they were arrested on suspicion of drunk and disorderly behaviour.

This is while the police are present, remember!

Of course, they just get a slap on the wrist:

They were each handed a conditional discharge for 12 months and ordered to pay £85 court costs.

And why?

Roy Baxendall, the presiding magistrate, said today: ‘The behaviour that went on was totally unacceptable, particularly in the light of the jobs you do and the vulnerable people you are dealing with.

‘You completely lost it and completely showed yourselves up. Had your mitigation not been so strongly put you would each be facing very serious levels of fines.’

Ooooh, let’s hear it then!

Donal Lawler, defending Mann, said the mother-of-four had been upset because her then-partner had assaulted her daughter.

He was due to be sentenced on domestic abuse charges at Redbridge Magistrates’ Court today.

Well, that’s not very strong. Maybe her paramour has a better excuse?

Andrew Lock, defending McCarthy, said the father-of-two was still angry with police about how he had been treated.

Guess not.

If they are not sacked from their jobs immediately, their charges are going to make their lives hell. Even in a normal school, this would happen; one can only imagine what the excluded population has in store if they return...

"...not consistent with the evidence gathered."

A woman who falsely accused two Victorian policemen of sexually assaulting her after they arrested her for being drunk outside a South Yarra nightclub has been convicted and fined $2000.

And faced court costs of nearly the same on top!

Mr Atkinson said her complaint was investigated by the police Ethical Standards Department which immediately undertook a number of actions.

These included taking a detailed statement from Mitchel, examining the "crime" scene, accessing CCTV footage, arranging the accused to attend an interview and having her forensically examined.

Aaaaaand that's when things started to go, well, let's say, awry.

The focus then shifted from an indecent assault to a false report, and when contacted Mitchel said she did not want to proceed with the complaint but continued to state it was true.

Mr Atkinson said that on collecting all the evidence it was clear from the CCTV footage and witness accounts they did not support her version and she admitted the following month she had made a false report.

Oh, how tempted must those officers have been to indulge in a little movie quotation?

They have the same weak-ass 'mitigation' down under too!

Defence barrister Trish Jones said today an apologetic Mitchel, supported in court by family, had reflected on her poor behaviour and now appreciated the effect of what she had done.

Ms Jones said Mitchel, who has no prior convictions and is a full-time carer for her young child, had written a letter of apology to the police officers.

Alcohol had been a problem in the past, she said, but had now moderated her intake, and at the time she had been involved in a dispute with the father of the child.

Full house!!

H/T: Angry Exile via Twitter

In New Addington, Even The Wildlife Is Delinquent!

A sett of belligerent badgers are making residents' lives a misery – digging up flower beds, tearing down fences and attacking family pets.

The audacious pests have been burrowing into the bramble-covered wasteland between Ownsted Hill and Walshingham Road, in New Addington, and launching daring daylight raids on homes and gardens.

I propose the launch of a new legal safeguard – the ‘BASBO’…

Naturally, to the residents of this benighted area, it’s all the responsibility of…the council!

"I telephoned the council in October and we're still waiting to hear from them.

"No one wants to help us."

What can they do?

A Croydon Council spokesman said: "As badgers are an endangered species the council cannot take action to disturb their habitats.

"They are not considered to be a pest and as such do not fall under our pest control services.

"Concerned residents should consider contacting animal welfare organisations like the RSPCA or more specialist bodies such as the Badger Federation for information and advice."

There is a solution. But it comes at a price.

Warwick Reynolds, senior field officer for the East Surrey Badger Protection Society said residents often have to resort to extreme measures to keep the badgers away.

He said: "Electric fences are almost 100 per cent effective, or you could get a licence to close the sett from Natural England.

"You can put up badger-proof fences and bury them six feet down if you get a mini-digger in."

I have to say, if I was unfortunate enough to live in New Addington, I’d probably already have those…

Mr Reynolds added: "I cannot see there is any reason why the council should pay.

"If the people are really concerned about it they will have to pay up."

Oooh, that won’t go down well at all!

Fear And Loathing…

Parents of children at a Hull primary school have been sent warning letters after a girl was approached by two men in a car.

Linda Burrows, head teacher of Endike Primary School, has instructed her staff to talk to their classes about "stranger danger".

Good advice!

Over to the parents:

Parents collecting their children from the school in Endike Lane, north Hull, told the Mail they were concerned but pleased the school and police appeared to be taking the matter seriously.

Laura Heogh, 27, whose children, Harry, 7, Charlotte, 6, and Thomas, 3, are pupils at the school, said: "I have told my kids if they are ever lost, they must go into a shop and speak to a lady, if possible, rather than a man."

Ah. OK. Right. If you say so, love…

I Think The Council’s Right….And I Don’t Say That Often!

Speaking to The Argus in 2003, Miss Taylor said: “I get letters from the council twice a year – once around Christmas and once in the summer.

“They seem to think I am an obsessive compulsive who collects rubbish for the sake of it and has it piled up in the house. ”

Gosh, why would they think tha..

Oh. Right.

This week, waste was piled up to four feet high at Miss Taylor's home, including tins, food containers, newspapers, milk cartons and rotting fruit, most of which was in carrier bags.

Flies were also visible as the rubbish heap stretched all the way down her garden path.

/facepalm

She began recycling when she worked at Portsmouth docks and collected enough tin foil to pay for the training of four guide dogs for the blind.

She said: “I know what it’s like to have nothing. During the war we had an ounce of butter a week.”

Thanks for the non sequitur, but back to the enormous piles of rotting garbage at your house?

The local authority removed eight lorry loads of rubbish from the property back in 1993.

But eight years later Olive presented animal charity PDSA with a cheque for £30,000, which she raised by collecting cans, scrap metal and anything else she could exchange for cash.

Very admirable, but should the fact she claims to collect for charity excuse her actions?

In 2003 she was threatened with eviction when the litter stored in her garden was deemed a health and safety hazard.

The local authority eventually backed down when Miss Taylor said she would keep the area clear.

Yet nine years later Brighton and Hove City Council has finally had enough.

Officials have gone to Brighton County Court and have secured an order forcing her to remove all items stored in her garden by April 10.

I think the council has been more than patient with her, and no doubt her long-suffering neighbours think they’ve been far too patient.

And yet, there’s always one, isn’t there?

Hard times says...

This loverly lady has generously provided 5 guide dogs to needy people - something that should come out of our tax money, and all these clueless desk-jockey scumbags at the council can do is attack her?

I'd say sack these clueless idiots and use the money to buy some more guide dogs.

I wonder what all those criticise her on here do for charity?

I tell you what I don’t do for charity, chum. I don’t hoard great stinking piles of rubbish in my garden and house, to the detriment of my neighbours!

Oh, Look! CiF Does Advertising Now!

I am not in a position to say what happened that night in Thornton Heath, or what the sequence of events was that led to Townsend's death.

“But, by god, I’m going to use this CiF article to imply that women are never to blame for their own bad decisions in life, oh no, there’s always some bloody man at the bottom of it!”

I’m paraphrasing here, but not by much.

Tonight, the BBC's programme My Murder will tackle the "honey trap" case, in which teenager Shakilus Townsend was lured to his death three years ago. What I will be looking out for when I watch it will be whether this tragic death has been responsibly set within a narrative that takes into account the pervasive violence that characterises all of these young people's lives, and which often distorts, beyond recognition, the characters of the girls and young women trying to be part of this violent male world.

Ahhh, yes.

Because Dinah Senior is street, Dinah Senior is down wiv da yoof, and she knows what’s really goin’ down, out there on the mean streets.

Even if she’s about as street as Vanilla Ice.

But tell us, Dinah, what’s really goin’ on out there?

… what I hear on the frontline is that girls are not out there "doing it for themselves". In fact, it is quite the opposite: they are submitted to a violent male culture in which they struggle to define a role for themselves, often and inevitably by whatever means necessary.

*sigh*

But Dinah’s not the standard issue feminist nutjob, using her space in CiF to push the same old tropes. Oh, no indeed. Dinah is a Senior Partner for Coreplan UK.

Dinah makes a tidy living as ‘a practitioner and consultant in the serious youth violence sector with an interest in the effects of violence on children and young people’ who has ‘developed psychosocial programmes for girls and young women drawn into violent and gang-related lifestyles’.

Which is no doubt why she ‘really hopes that’…

…My Murder will give a full and fair representation of all the characters involved in this tragedy, and genuinely explore how and why it is possible that so many of our young people put themselves and others at such serious risk of harm in their efforts to be safe.

Because, for her, it’s a payday.

Well, The Headline Says It All…

Cy Podmore, of Davenport Street, Middleport, appeared at Stoke-on-Trent Crown Court yesterday after admitting assault occasioning actual bodily harm.

The court heard victim Brendan Turner was on duty at a shop in Sandon Road, Meir, on November 11 when Podmore and a woman came in. The woman wanted to buy some cans of alcohol, but because it was after 10.30pm on a Sunday, the shop’s licence did not allow it.

A row ensued when Mr Turner tried to stop her walking out with the cans.

Paul Spratt, prosecuting, said: “The defendant’s attitude changed completely.

“He delivered what the victim thought was a punch. It turned out he had been struck with a hammer.”

And, leaving aside his youthful breeding spree, this is his only step outside the norm?

Of course not!

Podmore was said to have a ‘lengthy’ list of previous convictions, and was on licence at the time of the offence after being released from a previous prison sentence.

*sigh*

Anis Ali, mitigating, said Podmore had ‘vowed to put his criminality behind him’, now he had a supportive partner.

Oh, really?

The court heard his daughter was due to give birth to his first grandchild, which had also prompted him to turn over a new leaf.

Ah. Right. The birth of his daughter clearly didn’t, but the birth of his granddaughter? That’ll work like a charm, I’m sure…

Judge wasn’t fooled either:

Sentencing Podmore to 10 months in prison, Judge Paul Glenn said: “It is my public duty to protect people like Mr Turner, who was simply doing his job and did nothing to deserve this.”

If you took your duty a bit more seriously, you might have doubled that, so maybe he’d actually do ten months...

Crumbs!

British households throw away 4.4m tonnes of edible food a year, estimates suggest - and bread is the most wasted provision of all. But why?

Because it goes stale. Next!

Oh, hang on! Here comes a chance to blame ‘modern society’:

"Freegan" Mark Boyle sees plenty of bread in rubbish bins when looking for free food, and thinks people have lost touch with the bread-making process.

"If you make something yourself, you've spent half an hour kneading the bread and then baking it, you don't waste that bread because you know how much energy you've put into it," he says.

"But if you can pick up a loaf of bread for about 20p at the end of a day from a supermarket... then you don't have the same respect for what you're consuming."

What the hell is all this ‘back to nature’ horseshit? You aren’t some grizzled old pioneer, living off the land by the sweat of your brow – you’re one step up from a stray dog or an urban fox!

So-called "rag-pickers" in Paris in the 1880s never wasted any bread scraps - they ate any clean bread they were given or sold it on to tradespeople, and used dirty bread to feed animals or as breadcrumbs that were sold back to restaurants.

Yes, indeed they did, but you know what we’ve got since then?

Hygiene laws. Health and safety edicts. The sort of things that ensure that when you go out to a restaurant for lunch, you aren’t taking your life in your hands.

I think most people would call that progress…

Another way to reduce wastage is to freeze bread - so why are people not doing that?

What do you mean they aren’t? I do it all the time!

The BBC - It's the unique way it's funded....

I’ve Had No Formal Pub Training Either…

…not sure it means I’d do this though:

Michael Blacklidge, defending, said Whitehead had experience of working in pubs but no formal training.

“The way he dealt with people on this day clearly left something to be desired,” said Mr Blacklidge.

“Not surprisingly he is not pursuing a career in the licensed trade and has got himself a job as a metal fabricator.”

So, what did he do? Pour too much of a head into the glass? Fail to wipe the tables and bar properly?

Blackburn magistrates heard Harley Clayton Whitehead dragged one female drinker out of Hemingway’s, in Longridge, because she asked him to play a record from the film Grease.

And a man stood talking to his sister was asked, “What are you doing?” before he was punched from behind.

Ah. Right.

He was sentenced to three months in prison suspended for 12 months and ordered to pay £100 compensation to Miss Lewis and Mr Cookson and £150 to Mr Young and £500 costs.

He was also made subject to community supervision for 12 months with attendance at an anger management programme.

Yes, he clearly needs it…

Place Your Bets, Ladies And Gentlemen!

It seems Trayvon Martin is the Left's new Baby Seal (™ DumbJon) with 24 - count 'em - articles at the 'Guardian' when I typed this, and I'll be shocked if it isn't more by the time it posts up to Blogger.

The race-hustlers are in full swing, even the Most Exalted President In The World has weighed in, and the circus has come to Florida. Whatever the facts of the matter, whoever was in the right/wrong, it doesn't matter now.

The only thing that matters is getting some of that limelight for your cause, whatever your cause seems to be. How long before there's a riot?

Anyone?

Oh Flower Of Scotland Femininity!

Two mothers arranged a fight via Facebook and brawled outside a school after dropping off their children, a court heard yesterday.

Joanna McVey, 25, and Lorraine Couper, 30, fought near Dunblane Primary School after the online dispute.

And, because it was near Dunblane, this little wrinkle is especially apt:

Couper warned McVey that she should bring an AK47 assault rifle with her for the fight.

/facepalm

And, of course, the usual chav reason for the disagreement (or, given it’s Scotland, the usual ned reason):

The dispute apparently started after a falling out over who should have been invited to a party McVey had hosted.

Lovely…

In court yesterday, Emma Whyte, prosecuting, said: ‘On the evening of 13 December, Miss Couper was at home using the internet to access a social networking site….

*sigh*

… ‘The accused was on the same site at her home. A text conversation took place in relation to a party the accused was having. The complainer was angry the accused didn’t invite a mutual friend and the conversation became heated.

‘The next day, the accused challenged the complainer to a fight and said, “Come on, then. We’ll sort this out now. Square go”. The complainer advised the accused she would not fight there but would elsewhere. A short time later, the accused approached Miss Couper and they engaged in a fight.’

Well, since they were both going to be at the school at the same time, why not?

Frazer McCready, defending, said: ‘This involved two women who should have known better and started with name calling over the internet on Facebook.

‘My client took her child to the school and met up with the complainer and it all spilled over.

‘When my client was interviewed by police, she said, “It was a square go, which she wanted. She was the one with the chain and I’m the one with the sore face. I don’t believe I got involved in this”.’

I wish I couldn’t believe it…

Mr McCready said Couper had also been charged by police, ‘but for some reason The Crown decided not to proceed against her’.

Sheriff William Gilchrist fined McVey £190.

That’ll teach them.

Have Elected Police Commissioners If You Want…

…but until you root out the likes of Chief Superintendent Rick Proctor, nothing’s going to change:

There have been 104 reported knife crimes in Hull in the past 12 months but just five were committed by offenders who were not British nationals.

The figures were released to the Mail by senior officers at Humberside Police after violence involving ethnic minorities.

Well, that’s really nice, I’m sure, but oh, if only that wasted effort had gone into catching some of the 104 and sending them for trial, rather than trying to ascertain where they fall on the Big Dulex Colour Wheel of Races, eh?

Chief Superintendent Rick Proctor, Hull's commanding officer, said: "I do not belive (sic) the migrant communities are any more or less violent. It is a myth that is simply not true.

"By my calculations, 4.8 per cent of the all the knife crimes are committed by non-British.

"And while we are still awaiting confirmation of last year's census data, which will not be available until 2013, current estimates indicate that black or minority ethnic groups now account for about 10.9 per cent of Hull's total population.

"This indicates, as I believed, that there is not a disproportionate amount of knife crime committed by our minority communities."

And you gathered this vital data how? By attending regular meetings, of course!

Chief Supt Proctor told the Mail how he had recently set up a newly invigorated set of quarterly meetings aimed at engaging more with the city's ethnic communities.

Why? If your own figures indicate there’s no problem, why the need for the meetings?

Chief Supt Proctor said: "They have been around since the Macpherson Report following the murder of Stephen Lawrence but had petered out somewhat of late.

"We get members of different communities together so we can have an open dialogue with them.

"It's about engagement and understanding. The last meeting was excellent and I really enjoyed it. You can really learn something. "

Ahhh, I see. The fact that they might have ‘petered out’ because no-one felt a need for them clearly didn’t occur to you…

"Most of our community are white heterosexuals…

Oh, really? You must have to hold a lot of meetings for them, then?

What’s that..?

Oh. Right. Of course you don’t, do you?

Banks! They’re Grrrrrreat!

The court heard the buyer, Kevin Tomlinson, viewed the mobile home and paid Mrs Manders £10,000 before returning with the £20,000 balance and collecting it.

She said: “I put the £10,000 in a cornflakes box, with cornflakes in the box. It stayed there until he came down with the rest of the money and took the caravan away.”

*boggle*

Of course, she wasn’t totally stupid. Once she had £30,000 in cash, that went in the safe. And then it all went a wee bit pear-shaped:

Mrs Manders told the court: “I put my hand in the safe and it felt all funny. I started to shake.

“I took the bag out and there was all this paper, cut up. I was, sort of like, traumatised for a moment.

“I said to my brother ‘It’s gone Joe’. “He said ‘no’. I tipped all the paper out and with that I collapsed.”

Hmmm….

She said only her parents, two brothers, sister and two sons knew about the safe.

Don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to crack this one, then?

Particularly when one of the suspects was arrested, bailed, and promptly skipped the country!

Judge Martin Picton told him: “All the family has been destroyed by all this.

“It’s a really cruel offence. You stole £30,000 from your own mother, from your own family.

“It was a despicable thing to do. You intended to do it and you tried to hide it. When you were on bail you told lies, got a passport, got out of the country, stayed out of the country and stayed out of the way.”

Not for long enough. Now he’s going to jail.

I bet he doesn’t go to many family parties when he gets out…

I Guess Now They Won't Just Want Guns, But Silver Bullets To Put In Them...

From the comments at 'Inspector Gadget's' blog on the 'pitbull' attack in Stratford:

Oh, my giddy aunt...

Aieeeee! FETCH THE RAILGUN!

You wouldn't think they were just animals, with a heart, lungs and skeletal structure just like any other, would you?

I'm guessing there's a lot of reading (you'll be able to tell, 'cos their lips are moving) going on in SO19 at the moment. Still, at least no idiot has tried the old urban myth about how they have 'locking jaws'.

Yet.

They Do Things….Differently….Down Under!

A woman was today ordered to stand trial in Australia, accused of breaking into a man’s home and raping him.

Strewth!

H/Ts: Anna Raccoon & Angry Exile via Twitter, PJH via email

Most Redundant Headline Ever!

It’s really ‘dog bites man’, isn’t it?

What Would The ‘Mail’ Do Without Wikipedia?

Well, for a start, its ‘news items based around nature shots’ would read a lot better. Take this one:



It’s what? It’s an antelope, ‘Mail’, it has horns, not antlers. As you later go on to state in the article.

But this is even better:




Seriously, WTF..?

Did you give the work experience kid (who is clearly semi-literate) the task of ‘finding out something about lions we can shove in here to fill our word limit’?

Sunday Funnies

Yes, it'll happen. And there won't be a thing you can do about it!

The Only Time You’ll See A Favourable Attitude To US ‘Stand Your Ground’ Gun Laws In CiF…

Sadhbh Walshe on the awful US justice system that criminalises women that murder their husbands and boyfriends:

A few years ago, a young woman named Natasha shot and killed her boyfriend in the apartment they were sharing.

Note that ‘sharing’. It’ll be important later.

He had trapped her in the bedroom and was about to launch into another of what had become weekly "beatdowns", where he would hit her with a closed fist. Prior to the killing, the beatings had become more severe and more frequent, as were the threats that he was going to kill her. None of this seemed to count for much at her trial.

Well, no.

Because no doubt the jury were asking themselves the question that the DV campaigners would love to see them forbidden to ask…

She was given a 15-year sentence and is now in prison, along with countless other battered women (pdf) who found little protection from the criminal justice system when they needed it, but who felt the full force of its prosecutorial might when they took steps to protect themselves.

Except, if she’d fled the home, gone to a motel, shot and killed him when he followed her there, she probably wouldn’t be facing charges, would she?

Every state in America has a self-defense law that allows an individual to use deadly force in situations where a threat to his or her well-being is imminent. If an intruder enters your home with a loaded gun, thereby posing an imminent threat to your life, you're allowed to use deadly force to protect yourself.

Well, yes. It doesn’t work that way if you yourself voluntarily entered that home for good reason. It’d be a recipe for murder.

God knows, as Hogday points out, it's difficult enough to write laws that allow for self-defence while precluding the possibility of deliberate murder masquerading as such. Are you really suggesting more tinkering?

When the intruder with the loaded gun (metaphorical or otherwise) is your intimate partner and living in the house with you, the imminence law frequently fails to apply – mostly because of the perception that the abused woman could have, or at least should have, found a more palatable way of ending the violent relationship.

Well, yes. They should. Who the hell could suggest otherwise?

Only in the pages of the ‘Guardian’, defender of every criminal going and sympathiser of terrorists, could you expect gun-law ‘justice’ to be cheered on, simply because it’s an abused woman wielding the weapon…

Like many abused women, Natasha had made several attempts to escape the relationship, only to be brought back [by the boyfriend] to face harsher beatings and more death threats.

‘Brought back’ how? Physically? That’s kidnap.

The presumption is that a woman who is in a violent relationship, and whose life has been threatened, should simply walk away. In theory, it sounds like a piece of cake: just leave when he's asleep, or at work, or whatever.

Reality is a lot more complicated.

Well, not really. Your own example did it several times! She just couldn’t seem to make it stick.

Much like my mother’s claims that it’s ‘impossible to give up smoking’ which usually draws the retort ‘It can’t be that impossible, you’ve done it so many times!’.

Michael Dowd, a New York attorney dubbed the "black widow lawyer" for having successfully defended a number of women who killed their abusive partners, likens a battered woman's predicament to a hostage situation.

Really? That’s rather an insult to real hostages, isn’t it? Some of them might be guilty of naivety and carelessness, but none of them chose their fate, or refused to come with the rescuers when they turned up…

Dowd most recently defended a woman called Barbara Sheehan, who shot her abusive husband with his gun. Sheehan's case perfectly illustrates the hostage situation. Her husband, who had subjected her to savage beatings during their 20-year marriage, was a police officer, so the option of turning to the police for help was not available to her.

Did she try..? We aren’t told.

Sheehan was acquitted of the murder but sentenced to five years in prison for unlawful possession of a firearm (the same firearm her husband had so often threatened to kill her and their children with). In a more just society, she would have been compensated for the 20 years of abuse she suffered at the hands of a husband whose job it was to uphold and enforce the law.

And just who should ‘compensate’ her? The police, who may have never been informed, and could hardly have therefore been responsible? The state, who, well, ditto?

Is there to be no personal responsibility from these women, at all? Are we to treat them as children, incapable of making decisions? I thought the women’s movement was against that sort of thing…

But, like Natasha's case, and so many other women's, Sheehan's story illustrates that even now, in 2012, our criminal justice system is much better-equipped, and much more likely, to prosecute and punish abused women than it is to protect them.

No, love. It’s much more likely to prosecute and punish murderers. Male AND female.

And that’s what your example is – a murderer.

Dog Attacks: I Don’t See Why We Should Worry About ‘Privatised’ Police…

…after all, it’s not like the supposedly-impartial service they offer couldn’t be done just as well by anyone else prone to jump to conclusions, is it?

“As I was walking past it looked at me and then jumped,” he said. “It wiggled me about and threw me on the road.”

… Norfolk police confirmed they were investigating the attack.

The owner apologised but Anita, 28, believes the dog should now be muzzled to stop any further attacks on children in the area.

The mother-of-four said: “The dog just went for him. When I told the police they said, ‘what did he do to provoke it?’ “My son was just walking back to his mate’s house. He has got three puncture wounds and a massive chunk of skin missing and massive bruising. It was completely unprovoked. He is in a lot of shock.”

What happened to ‘Just the facts, ma’am’..? Oh. Right. That was so long ago, and in another country…

I wonder if anyone's asked the five police officers serving that warrant on Thursday if they 'provoked' the beast? I bet they wouldn't be all that chuffed to be asked that, as they lay in their hospital beds.

I bet, as a result of that, they'll be a lot less prone to brush aside reports of dog attacks (like the one described in comments) on civilians in future, or to fail to act on reports of serious injuries, especially at addresses they may one day have to visit.

As the comments point out, they've been well and truly hoist on their own petard in this incident, and there's not a great deal of sympathy:

And there's more:

Now, while no-one should want to see anyone hurt, the dangerous dog phenomenon is the inverse of the serial killer phenomenon.

When a serial killer is discovered, the neighbours are all 'Oh, really? Gosh! Dave, you say? Well, he was such a nice, quiet guy! Grew lovely daffodils...'.

When one of these weapon dogs - because that's what they are, despite the 'Mirror' referring to it as a 'pet' yesterday, it's no more a 'pet' than its owner is a 'musician' (cellist? the triangle? place your bets..) - goes berserk, the paper is usually full of neighbours pointing out how it has attacked before, it was clearly dangerous, everyone was afraid of it and nothing was done.

Perhaps now, something will be done. And not the usual blanket something, sweeping up family pets and weapon dogs alike, but targeted action focusing on just these sorts of areas, just these sorts of owners, and just these sorts of dogs.

The police know. They have the information, even if they haven't always shared it with their own people. Up till now, they've lacked the impetus.

I'm hoping they now have the impetus. But it seems it's only to protect themselves and other state employees:

The Association of Chief Police Officers has renewed a call to strengthen the terms of the Dangerous Dogs Act after an attack in east London hospitalised five officers.

Acpo's lead officer on the issue, North Wales assistant chief constable Gareth Pritchard, said he wanted dog owners to be prosecuted if their animal attacked police when they were making an arrest in a suspect's home. Currently owners can only be prosecuted if a dog attack occurs on public land as opposed to private property. Pritchard added that any new legislation should cover nurses, social workers and postal workers, who were lawfully entitled to be on private property.

Why not 'people'? Don't we count?

They’re Just Not Even Trying Any More…

A teenage mugger who consistently provided clues to his identity has been jailed for two years and eight months.

What sort of clues?

Well…

Orien Stevens was not only remembered because of his distinctive "mum" tattoo, but he stole a phone from somebody with whom he socialised and then used it to post a message on Facebook, Bristol Crown Court heard.

And that wasn’t even the worst of it! Behold this example:

He even allowed someone to send a witness a threatening note attached to a letter he sent from HMP Bristol.

/facepalm

Nevertheless, his defence didn’t let this hold her back:

Susan Cavender, defending, said her client had taken maths and English exams in custody, played sport and was "very painfully aware of the need to turn over a new leaf".

Ms Cavender said her client was enthusiastic to carry out any form of probation and had a very strong work ethic.

Oh, really? Doesn’t sound like he gave it his all as a mugger, does it?

Three Words. Epic…Mugging…FAIL!

Drunken strangers who joined forces for a succession of hopeless robberies before throwing themselves in Bristol docks – one not able to swim – have been jailed.

Oh, good grief!

Jetenderpal Singh and Jay Pring managed to rob one man but failed dismally to mug two more, Bristol Crown Court was told.

As the pair tried unsuccessfully to rob a third man, saying they had a knife, their previous unsuccessful target strolled up and told them: "Make up your mind. Was it a knife or a gun?"

SNORK!

They were then…

… chased by police and flung themselves in the harbour before being "fished out" and arrested.

I have to wonder why anyone bothered to fish them out?

Martin Lanchester, defending Pring, said his client was thoroughly ashamed.

Mr Lanchester said Pring had drank heavily, gone missing after an argument with his girlfriend, and carried out the muggings even though he had no money worries.

"Mr Pring doesn't remember what he did," he said. "He remembers being on the run.

"That gives an idea of the control he had that evening, because he can't swim. There was no knife and no gun."

Well, of course. It’s always the demon drink’s fault, isn’t it?

Mael Worsley, defending Singh, said his client was a well-educated man who had worked for both the inland revenue and BT.

He said Singh may have a "Walter Mitty side" and had to learn to control it before it ruined his life.

If Singh is so ‘well educated’, why did he pick such a doofus for a partner in crime?

Spare Me The Sob Story

Ian James, defending, said the devastated family would pay a huge price, losing their business and home.

Mr James said: 'They are very unlikely candidates to be standing before a crown court judge. '

No, they aren’t – they are exactly the sort of people who should be standing before the court.
They are greedy thieves.

'Their customers are, in many cases, extremely happy with them.

'They have spent some years to build up their business.'

He added: 'The local community benefit from services they provide.'

Really? How can anyone ever trust them now?

Mr James described the fraud as a 'momentary succumbing to temptation'.

Retaining the winning ticket would have been that, yes. Ringing up Camelot attempting to claim it, no. That’s intention to defraud.

Judge Alasdair Darroch told the Jeevarajahs as he jailed them: 'It was a flagrant breach of trust.

'This is the sort of matter which the public expects to be dealt with very seriously.'

Indeed they do. They’ve got 14 months each. They won’t serve it all, but it’s better than nothing.

Extreme Driving, Brighton Style…

A father-of-three says a woman drove at him when he asked for her details after a prang in the street.

And there’s video?

Mr Andersson said he was driving west past Sackville Road when he realised his car had been bumped from behind.

The 37-year-old said he pulled over to ask the driver of the Toyota behind for her details but when he got out near Hove Cemetery and tried to speak to her she would not wind down her window.

He said when he got out his phone to record her number plate, the woman drove towards him.

Footage from his phone shows a car driving towards him, then apparently knocking him out of the way.

How….handy.

Sussex Police confirmed it had a report of a “road rage incident” at 1.45pm yesterday.

The force said in a statement: “Following a minor crash, the man driving the first car pulled over and signalled for the woman driving the second car to stop so they could exchange details.

"He reports that the woman did not stop, but instead her car clipped him, knocking him over. There was no reported injury.

“Police are investigating and have the registration numbers of the cars involved, so are not releasing details at this time while the driver who left the scene is traced.”

And meanwhile, the important details are being attended to:

Mr Andersson, a car dealer from Hove, said he suffered a graze on his arm.

Last night he was planning to seek medical advice about whether he was more seriously injured.

Ah.

Mind you, there’s probably a damned good reason why she didn’t want to get out of her car in Brighton:

A man has appeared in court following a road rage incident in which a mother was dragged out of a car in front of her young children.

The 31-year-old victim had to be treated at Worthing Hospital for a head injury after she was assaulted in West Street, Sompting, on Thursday, January 26.

She was pulled from her silver Vauxhall Zafira and thrown to the ground by a man who was driving a black Renault Clio.

She was also pushed by a woman who was a passenger in the Renault Clio and her car was damaged.

Lovely!

Declan Peake, 19, of North Road, Portslade, has been charged with causing criminal damage and assault.

He appeared at Worthing Magistrates’ Court and was bailed to appear at the same court on April 12 for the case to be committed to crown court.

It’ll be interesting to see what his defence is…

Too Much Time On Your Hands..?

Gourmands in Austria have called for "discriminatory" names for food, such as "n-----bread" and "whore's pasta" to be banned on the grounds that they are offensive.

Is it April 1st? Already? It must be, mustn't it?

The association of Austrian restaurateurs said that while many of the appellations had a long heritage, they were now unacceptable.

To whom? I quite like Puttanesca sauce on my pasta. It's never occurred to me that it's responsible for people's dislike of prostitutes!

"Our job is all about welcoming people and for this reason we should offer a good example," the association told the Tiroler Tageszeitung newspaper.

It suggested that gipsy schnitzel should be renamed "cutlet with pepper sauce", "n----- bread" should be scrapped in favour of "very dark bread" and "Moor-in-a-shirt" should be called simply and rather prosaically "chocolate dessert with cream".

So the long-suffering waiters will have to whisper 'Yes, it's 'Moor-in-a-shirt' when their diners look at the menu in hopeless confusion? Good grief, where will this stop?

I expect someone's welcomed this, though. And right on cue...

The proposal was welcomed by Sos Mitmensch, a group that campaigns for integration and equality in Austria.

"Discrimination is no laughing matter, even when it happens unwittingly or because of tradition," said Alexander Pollak, a spokesman.

'Pollak'..?

That sounds a lot to me like 'Polack', a derogatory term for Polish people. I think you should change your name to something less offensive, mate...

Judge John Roberts – The Stupidest Judge In The UK?

Judge Roberts said: 'You deliberately let your dog off the lead. Anyone who has seen the photographs can only feel horror at the extent of these injuries.

However, the dog is not a danger to public safety.

OK, judge, so when police need to go through the door of whichever of his chav friends has taken ownership of this dog, which you have not ordered destroyed, will you be in first?

You should be safe enough, right?

While on bail for the attack he was seen by police with another bulldog in the town centre, the court heard.

He told officers to stay away from the animal because it had been trained to attack policemen.

Just wear your wig and gown. It’ll go right past you.

Probably.

Questions Need To Be Asked...

Predictably, some of the excitable denizens of Inspector Gadget's blog are losing no time whatsoever in claiming that the horrific dog attack that sent five police officers to hospital yesterday is yet more 'proof' that officers need to be armed.

In fact, comparisons are being drawn with the Cumbrian rampage of Derrick Bird which are as laughable as they are utterly distasteful.

But there are some serious aspects to the case, and they are those that don't reflect well on the police themselves:

Residents in Albert Square, Newham, said the Staffordshire Bull Terrier has attacked before - mauling a cyclist, last summer.

Pregnant Rehema Nyange said locals had repeatedly called Newham Council. But nothing was done.

Do Newham not have a typical council attitude that this is a matter for the police? If so, did they not pass it on?

Speaking about the attack she witnessed last September the 30-year-old said: ‘It attacked a guy as he rode his bicycle to work. The dog was running around the street, it was never on a leash. Then it got the man's leg. It bit him so bad.

‘It must have took a chunk out of it as when the paramedics came they had to cut his trousers off to get to it. It was a big wound.

‘He was crying like a baby but people were too scared to go out and help him in case the dog turned on them.’

Surely the paramedics would have reported this to the police, for their own safety?

It beggars belief that the police were unaware of these incidents. So...why was this dog still there at warrant serving time in the first place, and why was a dog unit/armed officers not with them?

And perhaps, given that the dog was known to have attacked another dog, according to a witness, the police will be less likely in future to be so dismissive and uninterested in dog-on-dog attacks?

We can but hope. Sadly, what we are likely to see instead is the same hysterical call for 'action' that we've seen before, and which led to the useless, expensive and counter-productive Dangerous Dogs Act that solved nothing other than to enrich lawyers...