Saturday, 1 August 2015

‘Guardian’ Journalists – Just Not Equipped For Modern Life…

Charles Arthur struggles with technology:
Visited anyone recently and tried to use their microwave oven?
Ummm, no, can’t say that I have, Charlie…
Of all the familiar devices in a house, the microwave has long been the laggard in usability.
Really? Well, I only use mine for ready meals and microwave side dishes, so maybe I’m not best placed to judge, but it seems pretty idiot-proof to me…
… when you buy one, or go to someone’s house and use theirs, you will almost certainly be confronted by an unfamiliar interface. How powerful is it? Do I have to set the heat or time first? If I have to press digital buttons to set the heating time, will it interpret them as hours? If I need to set a heating time of more than an hour, do I enter the minutes, or is there an “hour” setting?
Well, gosh… *nonplussed face*
… we’ve got used to smartphones and tablets whose interfaces have undergone a flurry of interbreeding. Even in rival mobile interfaces, you expect to find apps offered as an array of icons; to have notifications about events in a sliding layer at the top; and get easy access to key functions such as Wi-Fi and Bluetooth from any screen. If microwave interfaces had standardised to the same extent, we’d be able to operate almost any on sight. Instead, they still can’t tell when you’ve put metal in them.
I have a great idea for a reality TV show – 10 ‘Guardian’ journalists in a room with a microwave and a stack of ready meals! Last one not starved to death wins!

Friday, 31 July 2015

Post Title Of The Month

David Thompson announces a break in scheduled programming in his own inimitable fashion:


Quote Of The Month

S. Weasel notes that the papers are being a little bit reticent again:
"We live near several beaches popular with tourists in the Summer. Over the weekend, a young woman drowned at one of them. The local paper ran a couple of lines on it: thirty year old woman, got into trouble in the water and drowned, was airlifted to the hospital, all attempts to save her were in vain. End of.
Here’s what actually happened: a Muslim family came down from London for the day. I doubt any of them could swim. The young woman went into water in her Muslim regalia — I’m not sure if it was the full niqab, but certainly a large, loose, heavy skirt. When it got soaked, the weight of it pulled her under the water. Her female relatives were afraid to come after her and the men of the party — because of awkward prohibitions about touching — stood helplessly by her body in the water until rescuers arrived. By which time it was impossible to save her. Though the police tried, giving the family the additional upsetting spectacle of seeing her largely disrobed and handled by a strange man in a public place. This is not the first time this exact thing has happened on this same beach.
So: the papers are not telling you things because they are desperate not to offend.
And: the group they are desperate not to offend really, really needs to know this thing, at risk of drowning.
This is all kinds of messed up."
Indeed it is...

Post Of The Month

MacHeath has another nautical themed post - with a difference.

On The Other Hand, There’s Nothing To Suggest People Shouldn’t Be Fearful…

…is there?
Ds Richard Burgess of Basildon CID said: "This is a particularly unusual incident with no clear motive.
"It appears from the scene that the suspected jemmied open the front door and encountered the woman when she came out of her bathroom.
"After first punching the woman in the face and then shooting a pellet at her, he has then fled the house. I am urging anyone who saw a man running along Chesham Drive at around 8am this morning to contact my team as soon as possible.
"There is nothing to suggest anyone should be fearful that this man should strike again. Local officer patrols will be stepped up in the surrounding areas to offer reassurance to residents.”
So a woman was burgled and shot in the eye by a unknown assailant, but there’s no need to panic..? 

You don’t know who he is or why he did it, or at any rate, you aren’t telling us, but you think he won’t do it again?

And that’s based on…what?

Thursday, 30 July 2015

She Owns Dangerous Dogs? Well, Let’s Give Her Some Kids As Well…

Mum-of-three Mrs Clegg said she had just returned from shopping and was in the kitchen with Little Man.
Although she was aware of the delivery driver she said she did not see the dog attack Miss Larham.
She certainly saw the aftermath, though. As did the delivery driver’s young son.
Since the incident she put a bell at the gate, and more signs of ‘beware the dog’.
The mother-of-three who is applying to look after her sister’s three children told the court she takes her responsibilities as a dog owner seriously.
She keeps five dogs in all.
Sounds like a lovely house. Let’s give her some kids as well.
Mrs Clegg’s defence explained that her husband is currently in prison for eight years, and imprisonment would be “too much” for their children.
At the moment she is seeking to care for her sister’s three children, aged between seven and 11. Social Services have done over a dozen visits to her home and are supportive of the application.
What could go wrong?
After making the destruction order on Little Man, magistrates also ordered Mrs Clegg to pay £600 compensation to Mrs Larham and made her subject to a three month curfew between 9pm and 7am.
Outside of the courtroom, Mrs Clegg wept at the dog’s fate.
I weep for the fate of those poor bloody children, left in her ‘care’…

What I Learned On Twitter...

Shoot a lion (with some dodgy legality involved) and there's outrage!

Strangle a Staffie bitch, and.... *crickets*
"The witnesses attended that night and found the freshly dug area. They confronted her the next day but were told it was just toys that had been buried. The next night they went back and discovered the body, and called us.
"A couple of weeks later, Cowan admitted she had killed Beau and buried her in the garden at the incident location."
Yet no anchormen weep at the thought of the dog's demise.

No artist will paint a mural on Hayley Cowan's front door.

No enraged mob will descend on her (no doubt taxpayer funded) house to drive her out.

Isn't it amazing what a chav can do, that a rich professional can't..? Who is the 'privileged' one, again?

Wednesday, 29 July 2015

Don’t Expect To See That £260 Any Time Soon…

The owner of both dogs, Paul Cave, 60, from Eton Avenue, Oldham, was found guilty in his absence after a trial of three charges - causing Rebel and Zola unnecessary suffering, failing to take steps to ensure their needs were met and failing to protect them from pain, suffering and injury.
He was sentenced today at Runcorn magistrates Court, but didn’t turn up to the hearing.
Clearly trembling in awe before the might and majesty of the justice system, there…

I make a prediction his cheque for court costs will similarly fail to make an appearance.
Cave, who is thought to have been working at the festival site near Runcorn at the time, was disqualified from keeping animals for life and conditionally discharged for 12 months.
He was also ordered to pay £260 costs.
Let's hope he goes to prison. Animal abusers must rank just under paedophiles.

Ah, Those Benefits Of Free Movement Within The EU…

Non-English speaking Maria Araujo asked her husband Eduardo to help her deal with some documents, Bristol Crown Court heard.
In an argument that ensued she lashed out with a small kitchen knife and stabbed him in the upper inside of his thigh and calf.
And it’s not the first time she’s been in the dock for this…
The court heard the case had a protracted history and included a trial in April 2014 in which she was acquitted of wounding with intent to cause grievous bodily harm.
Time she spent remanded in custody, and also being put on a curfew, meant she had served the equivalent of a ten months prison sentence, the court heard.
So, guess what? Yup, you guessed it!
The court first had to swear in a Portuguese interpreter for Araujo to enable her to understand proceedings.
What’s the Portuguese for ‘pussy pass’? We should ask that expensive court interpreter…
The recorder Mr Stephen Hall: "You attacked your husband with a knife. It is said you employed a device to get him to your home so you could attack him."
Clear premeditation, so why the soft sentencing?
Mr Hollier said the prosecution accepted a jury's finding that Araujo did not intend to cause the injuries, but she conceded she was reckless.
You lie in wait for someone you’ve lured to a place with a knife, and you don’t intend to cause injuries? But let me guess, she’s the real victim?
Mr Nelson, defending, said: "It is hard to argue that it does not pass the (custody) threshold.
"The injuries were serious at the hand of a knife.
"She has suffered a great deal from depression and she has found this whole process extremely difficult. The court will be pleased to hear that since proceedings there has been no issue between the parties. There's no contact."
OK, back to Excuse School for you!

Tuesday, 28 July 2015

No, The Death Of Conley Thompson Is Not The Fault Of The Police...

John Wright, another neighbour, said that he had spoken to police looking for the seven-year-old last night, and told them to search the building site and the schoolboy had previously been warned about playing there.
'Police came round last night asking and my kids told them he might be playing at the construction site,' he said.
'They said they'd looked but not found him. I'm telling you they should have found that bairn last night.
'How can someone not be there then suddenly be there. It's a disgrace.'
It's a disgrace, all right, Mr Wright. But not for the reasons you seem to think it is...
Peter Taylor, who said he was a manager at Security Guards UK, said the firm had reported that children were playing on the site.
'Basically we finished there on July 16, we leave warnings signs up as an extra visual deterrent,' he said.
'When we were there we had reported the perimeter was not secure, there were children trying to come on to the site and we were stopping them.
'We were pulled off immediately without any notice, we then reiterated the issues.'
He added: 'If a security guard was on site then he would have spotted it and would have prevented it from happening. We are very sorry for the family's loss.'
It's not the construction site company's fault either, nor that of the security firm (who clearly want to be continuously employed, and who can blame them?)..
Another neighbour, who lives opposite Conley and his mother, also said local children had been playing at the building site.
'He's been playing in there for about two weeks now,' she said. 'There used to be 24 hour security and gates there, but they've taken them down.
'He's been going a few times with other boys - I've seen them playing on the diggers.'
Alicia Dalton, who had visited the building site today to lay flowers, said: 'I heard he was playing on the site. Kids will go where they want to go.'
If it really does 'take a village' to raise a child, this one's unusually full of idiots, isn't it?
Conley had gone to meet his friends in Locke Park in Barnsley yesterday evening, spending two hours with them before leaving to go home at around 8pm.
But the youngster failed to arrive back home, which is around two miles - a 40 minute walk - from the park, and was reported missing a short while later.
Seven. He was seven...
Ms Fraser said her grandson's father was 'not around', but said his mother, Paula Thompson, would be 'devastated' by Conley's death.
'You can't knock Paula as a mum,' she said. 'She's an absolutely ace mum.
'She really tried her best with him, even though she had her tough days with him she was a brilliant mum and she's going to find it really, really hard without him.'
Paying tribute to the little boy, she said she was 'shell-shocked' by his death She added: 'He was always in trouble, he was never out of it but when he came to my house to stay he was as good as gold, really good.'
There's poverty in Britain, yes. But it's not the lack of money type...