Relax, They'll Still Be Traditionally Painful When You Step On One In Bare Feet...

People are outraged that technology is being used to improve something again....

Tom Donaldson, senior vice president at the Lego Group, claimed the new smart brick system “brings creativity, technology and storytelling together to make building worlds and stories even more engaging, and all without a screen”.

Some people just seem to want to complain about every change to childhood favourites - I understand why, as so often it turns out not to be an improvement at all, but a response to some snowflake who wants things to be more 'multicultural', but this seems to be a genuine improvement!  

The smart bricks communicate with each other and will even decide whether enough accurate laser blasts have been delivered to achieve destruction. The smart bricks also emit light and play music. At a demonstration of the new toys, a Lego executive explained that, when playing with Darth Vader’s craft, “once in a while you get The Imperial March, just to get the vibe going”.

As a kid, who wouldn't want that? What could the objection possibly be?  

...some argue new ‘Smart Play’ technology undermines the Danish construction toy’s gift for harnessing a child’s own imagination.

Well, imagination doesn't seem to be something valued in children anymore, since they might use it in ways policymakers don't like. 

For Once, I Doubt It's The Police Letting Women Down...

Women who report men filming up their skirts are having their ordeals ‘minimised’ by police as figures reveal less than one in six cases result in a criminal charge.

The police don't charge, they just arrest and gather evidence - that's the purview of the CPS.  

Analysis of so-called ‘upskirting’ in the past two years shows police logged almost 800 allegations, yet just 118 ended up in court. Despite new laws being introduced in 2019 to better protect women, critics fear many victims are still failing to secure justice.

Then point the finger at the right culprits.  

Andrea Simon, director of the End Violence Against Women Coalition, said police were still failing to take women seriously over the issue, adding: ‘Upskirting is a traumatic violation in its own right, and can form part of a wider pattern of offending that includes rape and other forms of sexual violence. 

‘We’ve long called for non-contact sexual offences to be taken more seriously. However, the reality is that they are often minimised when reported, with police frequently failing to investigate them properly or recognise patterns of offending. 

‘This leads to missed opportunities to prevent further abuse. Upskirting has been a specific criminal offence since 2019, but the low number of prosecutions shows that criminalisation alone is not the solution.’

Oh good grief. Way to paint women as unserious hysterical exaggerators, Andrea! Thanks for that... 🙄

Home Office figures show that in the past two years police logged 772 upskirting offences, of which 118 saw somebody charged and taken to court, while 11 accepted a caution. In 265 cases a prime suspect was identified, but problems gaining evidence meant they were not charged. Another 201 cases were shelved as officers could not track down a suspect, with 17 cases closed after a community resolution was reached, often an apology from the offender.

The police's hands are tied by the need to gather enough evidence to suit the CPS who will only prosecute if it's a slam dunk (or is it's something Starmer is politically interested in). 

The Perfect 'Rebellion' For The Modern Generation...

Fan fiction is democracy in its purest, most chaotic form. It’s the people seizing the means of production. Every “what if?” is a tiny revolution.

Yes, some blue-haired nose-ringed creature leeching off a genuine creative to make up a wish-fulfillment screed is a sign of the times, of course. And it's only fitting the 'Guardian' should consider it worthy of a column. 

Because fan fiction isn’t just rewriting, it’s repairing. It’s giving yourself the closure you need when the author won’t.

How very DARE an author write the story they want to write!  

It’s deciding that pain can end differently, that love can be louder, that characters who were doomed in print get to live this time. It’s literature written by people who refused to move on and sometimes these people spell really badly (and that is completely OK). And yes, it’s rebellion.

No it's not. The people of Iran are showing you what rebellion is. It's risk and heartache and peril, not scribbling a different ending to a classic or popular story because it didn't end the way you wanted.  

Against gatekeeping, against prestige, against the assumption that stories only count when they make money. Fan fiction exists because readers loved something so much they refused to let it die.

Who IS this moron, anyway? 

Urooj Ashfaq is a Mumbai-based comedian, writer and actor.

Ah.  

She Just Wants Needs Publicity...

Zara Larsson slammed Immigration and Customs Enforcement as she declared her love for immigrants, trans people, socialism and even criminals in a furious social media rant.

To which I can only say...

The Swedish pop singer, 28....

 Oh.

...has long been a champion of left-wing causes and posted several furious rants to her Instagram story in reaction to the ICE-involved shooting of Minnesota woman Renee Nicole Good.

All the things that have made her native Sweden the lovely, welcoming, safe place that it is today seems to be what she claims to revere... 

'The reason why my sweet, loving, kind, caring, compassionate, smart, generous, talented, thoughtful man can't come to the US - AT ALL - to visit me ever since we got together almost six years ago is because he has a criminal record. Guess for what! Weed!'

A criminal record is still a criminal record, sweetie, even if you don't think it should be one. And if you're missing him so much, you can always go back to Sweden, can't you?  

I Think The Phrase Is: 'You're Bang To Rights, Son!'

Police chiefs facing scrutiny over a decision to ban fans of an Israeli football team from attending a match in Birmingham have insisted the move was not politically influenced. West Midlands police (WMP) leaders defended their position at the home affairs committee on Tuesday after being recalled to give further evidence over the decision to ban fans of Maccabi Tel Aviv from attending a Europa League match against Aston Villa on 6 November.

Just the WMP living down to their reputation, or something more sinister? 

Members of the home affairs committee on Tuesday recalled West Midlands police’s chief constable Craig Guildford, and commanders involved in the decision making, greeting parts of the force’s new testimony before them with outrage.Police said they had intelligence the Israeli fans would be the main perpetrators of trouble, a claim that is disputed.

The one thing guarenteed to irk politicians is when their pets in blue start lying to them. That's something they are free only to do to us, the public who are paying for them. 

The cross-party committee of MPs said parts of the intelligence gathering seemed “one sided”, inflating the threat Maccabi fans may have posed while underplaying the threat to them from those in Birmingham angered by Israel’s attacks on Gaza. They said the minutes from SAG meetings showed pressure coming from two councillors, who said that away fans should not attend the game.

And we can guess who those two councillors were. Or rather, what they were.

As intelligence was being gathered ahead of the game, one document contained claims locals in Birmingham might “arm” themselves.

'Locals' with good old Birmingham names? I suspect not. 

Guildford denied he or the police force were politically motivated to find evidence to justify the ban. “From everything that I’ve read, and the commanders that I spoke to, I do not believe that there was political influence on that decision. 

“Lots of local politicians and local members of the community I’m sure wanted to try and influence it, but I honestly don’t think it was influenced,” he told the committee.

You couldn't lie straight in bed, Guildford. Even if you were to be believed, and we were to accept that you honestly believe that, it makes you a disgrace to the uniform and a total liability due to extreme gullibility... 

And Why Should This Be A Surprise?

 

To the families of the victims, the idea that a woman might have had a hand in the deaths, as reported last week, is an unexpected twist to say the least.

After all, there's even a book about it.

Say What You Want About The Freemasons...

 

...but at least they can spell! 

I Don't Think He's Down To That Just Yet...

 

..though Matt may be right, if he has to commit everything else to Greenland and Iran.

Sunday Funnies...

 And not a Banksy among the lot! 

Not At All, It's The Least A Taxpaying Farmer Should Expect...

Mr Jackson told the Daily Mail of the police response: 'It was a little bit OTT (over the top), I must admit.'But nevertheless they did come, but when they got there, the disaster had already happened, and the dog was long gone.'

The police are always a day late and a dollar short in these cases, but at least this time they turned up ready for action. Some detectives would have been good though: 

There was also speculation that the dog in question could have been owned by one of several famous footballers who live in the area. However, Mr Jackson dispelled the rumour, saying: 'I don't think this dog has any connection with him whatsoever.' He believes he is aware of whose dog the real culprit is, however, with three witnesses all reporting the same person. 

He did not reveal who he believes is responsible. Mr Jackson added: 'This dog in question, I think is kept for a status symbol, and it's there to ward people off. 'It's kept for a reason; it isn't a pet.'

 I think we can read between the lines to what breed is under discussion here....

But whether he can get a legal case against the owners may be halted because an update on The Dogs (Protection of Livestock) (Amendment) Act 2025 is due to come into force on March 18, 2026. This act would empower police to enter premises, take DNA and other forensic evidence from dogs suspected of 'worrying livestock'. But this new law comes in exactly three months too late for Mr Jackson.

As always. Police PR Team weren't exactly on the ball here:  

A Cheshire Police spokesperson said: 'At around 1pm Thursday 18 December, police were called to reports that a dog had attacked a number of sheep on a farm on Bradford Lane, Nether Alderley. 

'Officers from the Rural Crime Team attended the scene and found that 21 sheep had been killed by an unknown dog. 

'Armed police also attended the scene, but no firearms were dispatched.'

Eh? You meant 'used' or 'fired'?