Tuesday, 27 September 2016

Wow! Car Valeting Pays Better Than I Thought..!

Stephen Sparks, prosecuting, told the court the self-employed car valeter was then approached by a security guard.
He said: “The defendant was challenged with a request for him to move his vehicle.
“At this stage he became angry and said: ‘Let’s have it’. He was being aggressive and getting in the officer’s personal space.
“He starts swearing and says he has ADHD and is going to ‘flip out’.
“Families and customers were watching. The police attend and he swears when they are in attendance.”
He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer, clearly. Pretty fertile, though!
Roger Neild, mitigating, said Kalyan was “ashamed” and “sorry” for his actions but that he had been “exasperated” at not being able to find a parking space.
He said: “It was a very hot day. He had driven all the way from his home in Ilford with his partner and six children and no air conditioning.”
Probably couldn't afford a car with aircon, supporting six kids on a car valet's salary... /sarc
Kalyan was fined £160 and ordered to pay £85 costs and a £30 victim surcharge.
Going to have to wash a lot of Ford Escorts, isn't he?

Presumably, 'Getting Up Off It To Earn An Honest Living'...?

Mr Gordon read out a letter from Lewis-Barnes’ mother, Joan Lewis, pleading for leniency.
She said she depended on her son because she had problems with her back.
£5000 of drugs buys a lot of chiropracty...
Judge Samantha Leigh said she had given some credit to Lewis-Barnes thanks to the letter.
*sighs*
Lewis-Barnes was jailed for two years and six months, while Burrett was given an 18 month prison sentence, suspended for two years.
She was also ordered to complete a thinking skills programme and 100 hours of unpaid work.
She's 19, and clearly hasn't started doing any thinking yet...

Monday, 26 September 2016

When 'Challenge' Doesn't Mean What You May Think...

The campaign is run by the Brighton and Hove Food Partnership, Jamie Oliver’s Food Foundation and Brighton and Hove City Council.
Oliver said “It’s great to see so many people across the city up for getting involved with the campaign – taking a Sugar Smart challenge is a great way to start thinking about how to reduce the amount of sugar you consume.
An even better was would be to not read his cook books.

And judging by the number I see unopened and pristine at boot sales, lots are following this advice!
The first challenge, which started yesterday (Thursday September 15) ) is “make your breakfast low-sugar”. All people need to do is like a Facebook page and send in a photo of their healthier breakfast.

YCMIU...

More Joy In Heaven, And All That...

“I have an element of anxiety when I’m out and the other day as I was crossing in Barnes High Street a cyclist whizzed through a red light and in front of me. I thought it was happening again.
“I’m not sure what can be done but there doesn’t seem to be any significant penalties for cycling on the pavement or for riders who whizz through red lights. The feeling I got from police was that there was nothing they could do in my case.
“Had this man hit an elderly man or my young daughter it could have been a different story.
Says another anti-cycling driver who just wants to keep the roads all to themselves?

Well, no.

Sunday, 25 September 2016

It's No Good, I've Checked Everywhere...



...in 'Settings', I've tried the 'Help'. read the manual, even asked Siri, and I just can't find them.

Are they new apps, maybe, and not features at all?

Well, He'll Never Match Up To His Father With This Menu...



...unless he moves to Korea, I suppose.

Sunday Funnies...

Can't help but think George R R Martin has .... plans.... for the Arbor, though!

Saturday, 24 September 2016

I Guess 'Moana ' Was A Pretty Good Name For The Film...

People of color have been fighting for white people to stop appropriating and stereotyping their cultures with blackface, brownface, or yellowface costumes. It’s about time companies like Disney actually listen and stop making outfits that cross the line from cosplay to The Jazz Singer.
'Sacred tattoos' ...? *sighs*

The Miracle Of The Five Loaves And Two Fishes Two Bags Of Stale Breadsticks...

“I’m going to toss these,” my director says of the two bags of breadsticks left over after our open house. My coworker, Jack, and I look at each other wide-eyed before I quickly announce that I’ll take them. “Really? They’re gross and stale!” he exclaims. “Really,” I say, and look to Jack for confirmation that he wants some, too. “I’ve got six people to feed."
Blimey! Those two bags of stale breadsticks are going to have to stretch almost as far as my bloody credulity...
I’m glad I stuck around that night – because the leftovers from the open house fed me and Jack and some of my roommates for two days. I only wish our third food-insecure coworker had been there to take home some of the haul. I don’t think my boss had ever considered that his employees might be hungry before that night. It took a lot of guts for me to admit that I could use help, and I’m still afraid of the impact it might have on his perception of me as a valuable employee, but I’m glad I spoke up.
Oh, so am I. This is comedy gold!
Whether you’re coming from a place of compassion or a place of wanting your employees to be more productive, making sure they have enough to eat is essential.
No. Paying them money is essential. The alternative is slavery.

It's up to them to spend some of that money on food, and if they choose to spend it on 52" flatscreens or rent or holidays in Spain instead, well, that's no business of their employer.

But it seems 'food insecurity' is another stick these millenials are using to beat 'the man' with, so this idiot has actually come up with rules for employers! 

And yes, they are every bit as hilarious and infuriating by turns as you'd expect:
4. Whenever possible, allow privacy in staff kitchens, at shared tables, coolers, and other places staff may interact with non-claimed food.
Translation: "Fall upon the remnants of the meeting buffet like half-starved beasts..."

"Good meeting, Brad?" "Yeah, Accounts raised some issues, though, and HR want to... Ooh, rotten liver! 'Scuse me!"
6. Handle food theft carefully. Although, clearly, theft should not be tolerated in the workplace, sometimes people steal because they feel that they have to.
By which I'm assuming they mean 'When Janet from Reception complains that someone's stealing her yoghurt from the company fridge, berate her for not thinking of the poor unfortunate moochers co-workers.."

H/T: @Johnb78 via Twitter

Friday, 23 September 2016

"Wait, There Are Rules? No-One Told Us!"

Donna Wiggins, 55, her daughters Nicole Tilley, 34, Jade Tilley, 26, and daughter-in-law Sara Woodcraft, 31, paid £800 for a black ornamental fence to go around the edge of their grandparents’ grave.
However, they were horrified when at the end of August, they found a note on the grave telling them the railings, artificial rose and decorative stones breached the rules of St Katherine’s churchyard, in Long Road, Canvey and needed to be removed.
Ding! Ding! Ding! All aboard the chav's Outrage Bus!
“We should have been given rules when we bought the headstone but we weren’t aware that we couldn’t have the railings.”
Did you enquire before buying them? No?