Friday, 19 January 2018

Someone Can't Count...

John Barker, defending, said ... 'The defendant had an appalling childhood, but has since done the best she can to help herself.
'Today she is asking for a second chance.'
 Well, it's no surprise maths isn't a strong point, since clearly, neither is biology!
Previous breaches were for failing to register a change of address and twice being in possession of a mobile phone with Internet access.
The judge can count, luckily:
Judge James O'Mahony accepted that Laws had an 'awful childhood' during which she had been 'exposed to extreme sexual behaviour by others'.
He said: 'This is your fourth breach. If it is understood that people can continuously breach court orders without consequence, they will lose their effect.'
Whew! So, what's the punishm....

Oh.
Laws admitted the breach and the suspended sentence. She was ordered to do 20 days rehab and 100 hours unpaid work.
Well, that'll teach him. And clearly, 'consequence' means something rather different to O'Mahoney than it does to the rest of us....

I Think The DWP Will Want To Have A Word Too....

Kirby’s barrister Felicity Hemlin told York Crown Court he had had to give up his apprenticeship because of medical complications caused by cystic fibrosis.
Oh, poor chap, he must find it so terribly hard to get abou...

Oh!
David Wain, prosecuting, said Kirby and his friends had surrounded two victims in the early hours of May 1. The victims had retreated down the street. Judge Andrew Stubbs QC said Kirby and about ten of his friends had gone looking for one of the two and chased him down an alleyway off Castlegate.
He said: “You and that pack of friends of yours then set about the two complainants in this case who weren’t looking for trouble." Kirby would have continued the assault but for some of his “more sensible” friends restraining him.
“It took three of them to stop you assaulting that person,” said the judge. “It was disgusting and disgraceful behaviour, the type of behaviour that will always result in a custodial sentence.”
Well, indeed! How long did he get?
He gave Kirby an eight-month prison sentence but suspended it for 12 months with a requirement he does a nightly curfew from 8pm to 7pm for the next six months.
*baffled face*

Thursday, 18 January 2018

Council Incompetence Part 579214558

Brighton and Hove City Council said the tree was blocking the pavement and ordered Mrs Hasler to take action within 14 days.
Marcia Hasler, 76, received the letter on the day she returned from two weeks in hospital for emergency heart surgery.
Well, if her tree is at fault, then...

Wait! Is it her tree?
It later apologised after discovering it was a council tree – but a month later it has still not pruned it.
/facepalm

Still, a mistake anyone could make?
The letter, signed by highway enforcement officer Gail Barnett, begins: “It has been brought to our attention that vegetation that appears to be coming from your property is now growing over the public highway causing problems for pedestrians.”
On the reverse of the letter is a photograph of the tree, clearly showing it is planted in the pavement, four feet from the edge of the pensioner’s house on Chelston Avenue, Hove.
Ah. Yes. A mistake any incompetent, slapdash council worker with no fear of the sack could make...
After the Haslers complained, the council apologised in writing.
Let's see the letter! I bet they got something else wrong!
Brighton and Hove City Council did not respond to The Argus’s request for a comment.
Probably wise...

The Continuing Saga Of The Untouchables...

A Surrey Police spokesman said: "We had two separate incidents yesterday morning (November 27) of a small dog biting members of the public as they walked along Goldsworth Road.
Why don't you turn up and seize it then?
"Officers will be attending the location today (November 28) to speak to those on the site about the need to control their dogs."
 Ha ha ha! Yes, I'm sure they'll stick around for that!
The group have now left the site after the owner of the land posted a notice on Tuesday (November 28) stating it had applied to Guildford County Court for a possession order.
Photographs show rubbish left behind, including plastic bags, food waste and a single shoe.
Well, you know who they are, you know where they went - why is no-one prepared to do anything about them?

Wednesday, 17 January 2018

Maybe Your Family Had The Solution All Along?

A dad has demanded for CCTV cameras to be introduced to Church House Gardens park after claiming his son and three friends were robbed there last night.
Cameras, eh? Well, that's a good idea!
Dad of one of the boys, Colin Welling, told News Shopper: "Yesterday (December 28) they stayed longer than normal. They don't usually stay after dark.
"They were approached by lads wearing balaclavas."
Oh. Maybe not.
"One of my son's mates saw it and ran off at speed. He wasn't chased and he rang the police straight away.
"My son had the presence of mind to stick his phone down the back of his trousers.
"They were pushed against the fence, they took a phone off one boy and said 'you're lucky we weren't shanked tonight'. They took another phone and smashed it on the floor."
Lovely! Still, it's one of those modern things, you just never know when an areas will become a no-go area and...

Oh. Wait!
"The council need to put CCTV there," Colin said. "It is almost secluded, it is amazing that there is no CCTV. There never has been. My oldest son is 30 and he said he was mugged there in the same way years ago.
"My daughter who is 29 also said she knows people who say it happens a lot there."
Errr.... Maybe this is a known place to avoid then?

If only your son & his friends had listened to the wisdom of his elders, eh?
"This has been shocking for everybody. You can't have anything in this world anymore without someone taking it."
Well, yes, sadly true. 'Twas ever thus, though. Avoiding the opportunity for others to take it would be a start, though.

Pecking Order....

Michael O’Byrne, 52, was given a £600 fine yesterday for using racially aggravated threatening, abusive or insulting words towards a rival fan on November 28 before the match kicked off at the Amex Stadium.
The plasterer, of Farncombe Road, East Worthing, was heard by a police officer shouting “**** off you black ****” at the Palace fan, before he was arrested.
*gasps* Oh noes! Racism!
Brighton magistrates heard the comment was made after the Eagles fan said to O’Byrne: “get out the way you gay boy.”
Oh. Anti-gay slurs. *shrugs*
Before he was sentenced, O’Byrne, who said he has been watching football matches for 42 years, said: “all Brighton fans have had enough of homophobic attacks.
“I am sick of people saying to fans things like ‘I hope you die of Aids’.
“I am not a racist. I was approached by him and his first words to me were ‘Alright gay boy’.
I still don’t know if he was arrested.
You clearly have a losing hand in Victimhood Poker,chum. On this occasion at least.

On others, the police officer's hearing hasn't proven so deficient.

Tuesday, 16 January 2018

Yay For Gender Equality!

Several men and women, aged 18 to 35, were assaulted near Burger King in North Street, Brighton.
Disgraceful! You can't go anywhere these days without risking attack by gangs of testosterone-filled youths and their aggression...

Or, maybe not.
Sussex Police said the victims were in the area of Burger King when the assault by a group of young women took place between just after midnight and 1.10am on Friday, December 15.
Lovely! Still, progressives will be happy they are now equally as scummy as their male counterparts.
A 21-year-old woman from Hove was arrested on suspicion of assault and later released under investigation.
Hove!?

Remember when that used to be such a genteel area?

The Ineffectual Blue Line....

Police were pelted with stones - and one officer hit in the eye with a drinks can - as 50 yobs gathered to watch teenage girls fight.
The two schoolgirls arranged to meet in Limeside in Oldham on Tuesday night, with huge numbers of teens taking to the streets to watch.
Residents near to Limeside Road contacted police after seeing youths gathering near their homes. GMP said 10 officers attended and attempted to disperse the group before being subjected to a tirade of vile abuse. Sergeant Paul Archer said the culprits are being sought.
...facing the inevitable result of the indulgence of the No Consequences Generation.
One youth was arrested and charged with a public order offence.
One. Out of 50. Even those educated under Blair's mantra of 'education, education, education' can easily see those odds are in their favour.

Expect more, much, much more, of this in 2018.

Monday, 15 January 2018

Island Life...

A 17-year-old boy suffered a suspected stab wound to the head and seven others were attacked after a mass brawl erupted in a street.
Oh, which street? Where?
Police were called to a chaotic fight involving a large group of people, reportedly up to 30, on Runnymede Road, Canvey.
Oh. Say no more....
In total, seven people told police they had been assaulted, with one 17-year-old boy claiming that he had been hit with a motorbike crash helmet. A woman, 19, had been struck with a belt.
Police attended the scene but did not to (sic) make any arrests.
Why not? Are they allergic to them?
The community policing team increased patrols across the island following the brawl.
What for, if you're not going to make any arrests?

Forgiveness, Thy Name Is Woman...

The girlfriend of a designer stabbed in the head as he walked his puppy in a south London park today said a “sense of justice” had been served as his attacker was jailed for 13 years.
Really? I'd want the bastard hanged.
She said: “This sad chapter in our lives is closed now and we can all carry on focusing on the most important thing which is Sinuhe’s recovery. The sentence brought closure and a sense of justice. The sentence is severe.
“I’m not glad about this. Someone will spend part of their life in prison and I would not wish that on anyone.
I wonder what the actual victim thought?
But when I told Sinuhe about the sentence, he just said ‘good’.”
Thought so.