Saturday, 26 July 2014

Is ‘Flattening It With The People Still In It’ An Option..?

Councillors and town planners have held behind-the-scenes talks over flattening the Queensway Estate, which houses more than 600 people, in a major revamp of the heart of Southend, the Echo can reveal.

Ian Gilbert, deputy leader of Southend Council, said: “The council is looking at a number of options for the Queensway site.”
Because that could quite easily solve more of Southend’s problems than just those with housing.

”Bad dogs, bad dogs, whatcha gonna do, what ya gonna do when they come for you…”

Senior officers at Cleveland Police said they “deeply regret” the incident, on Penrith Road, which led to the woman being taken to Middlesbrough’s James Cook University Hospital.
I’m sure that will help her bite wounds heal so much quicker…
Next-door neighbour Jack Williams, 20, saw the drama unfold: “There was a lot of police cars and loads of people running around. The police came through our back as well, and were looking over the wall into next door’s garden. It was bedlam.

“We saw the police dog in her front garden. We told police that she was very ill and told them to go careful.”
Maybe you should have told the dog as well?
Assistant Chief Constable of Cleveland Police, Sean White, said he was “deeply sorry” for what had happened. He said: “Our main concern at present is for the welfare of the lady and her family, we deeply regret what has happened and we wish her a full recovery from her injuries.

“The dog has been removed from operational duties whilst an investigation takes place and the matter has been referred to the IPCC, which is mandatory in these circumstances.”

ACC White said that the “victim has the full support of Cleveland Police” and called the incident “unusual and unprecedented - the first such incident I have had to deal with in almost 30 years of service”.
Well, there’s plenty of colleagues who’ll give you advice, having been in that same ‘rare and unprecedented’ situation…

Update: The lady has since died. Will anyone be charged with manslaughter or criminal negligence?

Friday, 25 July 2014

"I'm Not Joinin' No B Ark, Man..!"

Remember this place?

It was a daring bid for freedom that could have come straight out of The Great Escape or The Colditz Story.
But the intrepid five who attempted to tunnel under a spike-topped 12ft metal fence using nothing more than pilfered cutlery were not plucky PoWs fleeing the Nazis – but Nottingham schoolboys trying to break out of their city academy.
If any of the youngsters tasted liberty, however, it was short- lived as the culprits were soon rounded up, and the already imposing security measures tightened up even further to thwart future escape efforts.
Tracey Phillipson, whose daughter is a Year 9 pupil, said: ‘The fencing with security signs all over it does make it look a bit more like a prison than a school and I guess to some pupils that’s a challenge.'
You could say it's merely trying to acclimatise them to their likely future 'careers'..?
The school, which is in the deprived Hyson Green area of the city, is in ‘special measures’ after an inspection by the watchdogs Ofsted last year ruled it was ‘inadequate’.
It has suffered from high truancy rates, and pupils aged under 16 are not allowed out of the grounds without permission during the day.
Ofsted also noted in its report: ‘Students’ conduct, particularly outside lessons, shows a lack of respect for belonging to the academy.’
How (un)surprising...

Thursday, 24 July 2014

And When Are They Supposed To Fit This In?

Police have asked schools across London to warn pupils about illegal raves after the deaths of two teenagers with links to Croydon.
Is that going to be part of social studies? English? Maths?

Maybe chemistry…
In the letter, sent to secondary schools, sixth-form colleges and pupil referral units, Commander Letchford said: "As we approach the summer holiday period, some students may be considering their options to relieve exam pressure and may be attracted by the lure of an event such as a rave.

"It is important that those of us with responsibility for safeguarding young people do all in our power to prevent a further tragedy. The Metropolitan Police Service seeks your assistance with this by asking you to address your students, and their parents, on the dangers of attending such events."
If they haven’t figured out, from the headlines about the deaths, that it’s a risky choice, is the school going to be able to help?

And if they are the sort to take drugs & indulge in illegal raves (that often turn into mini-riots), why would we – meaning, we as a society – want to preserve their lives?

Our gene pool is better off for this dose of music-associated chlorine.

Wednesday, 23 July 2014

No Decisions Please, I’m A British ‘New Man’…

Stuart Heritage is driven to angst by….charity tokens. Yes. Really.
You're supposed to put these tokens in one of three boxes, each representing an individual cause. Conservatively, I must have spent a third of my life slumped in front of these boxes, agonising over which cause to pick. Should I give it to the dilapidated care home or the local postnatal unit? There's one here collecting money for beehives. Who do I like more, babies or old people? I certainly won't give my token to the beekeepers. But what about the documentary I saw that said we'll all die if the bees go extinct? Perhaps my token would do more good there. Yeah. That's what I'll do. Screw you, premature babies. God, did I really just think, "Screw you, premature babies"? I'm an awful person. On and on and on it goes. Eventually, withered and hungry, I'll give up. I'll press the token into a stranger's hand. "You look like a kindly fellow," I'll croak. "I trust you to make the right decision."
What a man of action you are!
It's also, broadly speaking, my attitude towards voting.
Well, I’m surprised. Not.
Call me naive, but it seems sensible to assume that an MP would be better at making important decisions than me.
Really? Well, actually, you may have a point. Frankly, I don’t think there’s much in it though!
I don't think I'm alone in thinking this, which is why Nigel Farage's newfound love affair with referendums is doomed to failure. This week, Farage declared that a Ukip government would hold regular public referendums for everything from foreign affairs to housing schemes. Direct democracy, he calls it. A massive pain, I call it.
Of course you do – thinking’s hard. Better to get someone to do it for you. Relieve you of that terrible burden of responsibility.
…really, I don't want that much of a say. Nobody does. That's what elections are for. An election is a genius act of delegation. I don't want to spend the next five years embarking on an in-depth series of work and pension spending reviews. That's why I went to the trouble of picking a representative to do it for me.
Hey, I want a say. So do lots of people. You speak for them about as well as those ‘representatives’ you seem to favour speak for….well, for you.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

Another Progressive Demands ‘Diversity’ Be ‘Conformity’…

Julie Bindel, that is.
When I was a young lesbian feminist campaigning to overthrow patriarchy, what irked me most was the fact that some men would impose their own idiotic view of my sexuality on me, by asking if I would perform threesomes with them, or titillate them with a porny kissing display with my girlfriend.
Presumably after a good skinful? They’d need it, Gawd knows…
Today it would seem that, for a number of lesbians, dissatisfaction and anger at being viewed as a male sex toy has been replaced with the desire to become as badly behaved as they are, paradoxically in the name of equality. Last week the Washington Times reported that a lesbian, Tamara Yatkin, who was refused entry to a California strip club because she was not accompanied by a man, is suing the owners for discrimination on the grounds of gender and sexual orientation.
Well, yes. Shouldn’t this be welcomed by you?
I have no doubt that Yatkin was denied entry because of her gender and sexuality, and, in both law and principle, that makes it discrimination. But how have we got to a situation where some of us are trying to enter such bastions of male privilege rather than campaign against the sexual exploitation of women?
Because we aren’t all the same, and don’t all think alike?

We have free will, and that means we get to choose what concepts like ‘equality’ mean for us, rather than conform?
Is liberation tantamount to behaving like some lesbian version of Hugh Heffner? In these times of "choice feminism" and neoliberalism, it seems that the very basis of our political movement is being eroded and replaced with an "anything goes" attitude.
How very terrible. But…didn’t all the boring old straights feel that way when you came on the scene?

So…suck it up. Life is change.

Monday, 21 July 2014

Errrr, No. It’s Not At All ‘Unforseeable’…

Richard Taylor, senior coroner for East Lancashire, recorded a conclusion of death by misadventure. He said: “This is a completely unforeseeable set of circumstances that have arisen here. ”
What? It’s not like it hasn’t happened many times before, is it?
“Companies should give proper guidance as to how these chemicals should be stored and named.”
They do. Do you think these sorts of people bothered to read it?
“In this case, it appears that the person who decanted it has done for good reasons - to share it. ”
It’s never a good idea to put toxic liquid in a drinks bottle, is it?

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Gawd Bless 'Silly Season'...

Mrs Lonnon, who has been on safari twice, said she thought the cat looked like a leopard but that details were difficult to remember as she was so scared.
I take it by 'on safari', she means with Thompson Holidays, not trophy hunting with Ivan Carter?
Mr Tully believes he did not see a leopard. He said: “It didn’t look like a leopard, it was sleeker and smaller.
“It looked like a dirty puma to me.”
Thank god he didn't use 'cougar'. I hate to think the images that would have conjured up!
“It was the size of a puma but it had markings on.”
“My wife told me it must have been a big dog, but its movements were definitely those of a cat. I saw it for at least five seconds.”
I'd listen to your wife, if I was you. That's always sound advice.

Grammar - I'm Not Lovin' It...

What happened to plurals..?

Sunday Funnies...

Surely No 1 being 'It's not a very good idea'..?