Tuesday, 21 October 2014

Why Doesn’t Someone Just Point Them To The ‘Guardian’ HQ?

One middle-aged woman, who would not give her name, said: “We are from Romania. We are in the European Union. We need help with a house. Give us a house and we won’t be here.”
You won’t be ‘here’ in Park Lane, no, but you’ll be ‘here’ in the UK forever!
Hakan Altay, whose Park Lane salon overlooks Marble Arch, said a quarter of his clients had taken their custom elsewhere because of the camp, costing him “tens of thousands”.
He said: “My business has been killed by them. When I ask them to leave, they just shout. They don’t understand. They sleep outside the shop and make my property smell of urine. They go to the toilet where they like.”
Mr Altay said the group was ruled by one or two members:
“They work with a leader who controls everything. Two Saturdays ago, there were 20 people sleeping outside my salon and the leader moved them into the subway.”
He has pleaded with the police and the council to remove the group but it has come to nothing, he said.
Of course it has. Their hands are (mostly) tied.
Nickie Aiken (Ed: Yes, the name should ring a bell), the council’s cabinet member for community protection, said the legislative powers available “allow some EU nationals to exploit a three-month window to stay here without making a positive contribution to London life."
More votes for UKIP, methinks!

In Today’s ‘Can’t Buy Publicity Like This!’ News…

One shopper reported they were “up in arms” about the decision to place three items reading the slogan “it was all ******* awesome” in the shop front window in the shopping centre.
*yawns*

Of course, the bandwagon-jumpers and ‘look at me, I have my name in the paper!’ crowd are jumping up & down:
Claire Jones-Hughes, from Brighton Mums, said while swearing is part of modern language it is still offensive.
Ms Jones-Hughes said: “It is misguided and irresponsible to have in a location where children can see it.
“Especially age groups which are impressionable and don't fully understand the impact of bad language.
“We have to accept swearing is part of modern language but is offensive to some and we all need to respect that.”
Do we? Why?
Sussi Lassen, Director of Improve Your English International, said she wondered if the owner of the store was aware of the F-word being used as a marketing tool.
Ms Lassen said: “I am not quite sure about the ranking of the word in question according to the book Forbidden Words by Keith Allen and Kate Burridge. But from my source, a study by Timothy B Jay, it is number three on the list.
“As a teacher of English as a foreign language I cannot recommend it.
“My students would come across as very rude if they were using this word.
“I wonder if the owner of the shop knows it is in the window and consented to this marketing tool?”
I bet they did. It’s free!

‘Almost’ Only Counts In Horseshoes & Hand Grenades, Chum…

A father has called for ancient ruins to be made safer after his son “almost broke his neck” while trying to climb them.
*sigh* Clearly, parent of the year…
He said: “There’s one sign that says ‘climb at your own risk’ on an English Heritage noticeboard but it’s obscured by a hedge and it’s pathetic.
“I don’t think it’s safe at all and some teenager will die some day from falling off. A health and safety officer needs to look at it and put something in place so it’s less dangerous.”
Yes, save us, Health & Safety Officer, you’re our only hope!
English Heritage spokesman Phil Harper said: “We are aware of the incident. Our current signs make visitors aware of the danger of climbing on Minster Lovell Hall, but we are reviewing whether further measures are required.”
A ban on visitors who can’t produce a valid MENSA certificate, perhaps?

Monday, 20 October 2014

I’ve Said It Before & I’ll Say It Again…

…we don’t need a Dangerous Dogs Act.

We don’t need to ‘clamp down’ on dangerous dogs.

We need to clamp down on the people that own them!
The owner of a dog that killed an 11-month-old baby girl later sent her mother sick online abuse threatening to kill her and have sex with her corpse, a court heard.
 Yes, the hits just keep on coming from these ghastly specimens of humanity...
Paul Huxley, defending, said his client felt "utter regret" about what his dog did in February. He said: "Since then he has been the subject of abuse from members of the public. Miss King’s mother, Claire King, has called him a murderer in a text message."
 Awwww, wait, wait, I have just the thing!


But the lawyer's just hitting his stride! You see, poor Lee's the real victim here:
Mr Huxley said it was a terrible situation for everyone involved.
He told the court: "It wasn’t his fault the child died, that was the last thing he wanted, He has let the stress, which he is not sharing with anyone, bubble over.
"It has come out in comments to Chloe who is also going through a terrible time. It has been the worst year of both of their lives to say the least."
Yeah. Those are called consequences.

And once again, this most recent case is a carbon copy of the previous one - chavs, complaints ignored, complacent authorities, child dead.

An Outbreak Of Common Sense…

The unnamed officer, from Devon and Cornwall Police, could have faced charges of manslaughter by gross negligence and misconduct in a public office, but on Thursday the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) decided there was insufficient evidence.
Sally Walsh, a senior lawyer in the CPS Special Crime Division, said: “The evidence suggests that this was a fast-moving incident with events unfolding suddenly and in near darkness - from the police approach to the garden to the petrol igniting the entire incident took less than 41 seconds.”
The officer acted “in a genuine attempt to save Mr Pimlott’s life” on 18 April 2013 and a jury was likely to accept his “reasonable” fear, she added.
“Whilst we cannot know whether Mr Pimlott intended to set himself alight, seeing him douse himself in petrol and holding what appeared to be a lighted match, it was reasonable for the officer to conclude that he intended to,” Ms Walsh said.
“It appears from the evidence that the officer did the best he could in what were clearly very difficult circumstances and that he was faced with a choice of either standing back to allow Mr Pimlott to set himself alight or taking the somewhat lesser risk of applying the Taser in an effort to stop him doing so.”
Quite right. I commend the CPS (and regular readers will know how rare that it!). It now needs to spread to other organisations:
The decision not to press charges means the case has been referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission (IPCC), which is investigating the officer for gross misconduct.
That should be a short investigation, shouldn't it?

Well, Angela, I Feel As If I’m Being Mugged Off By The Likes Of You…

Mum-of-four Angela Worthy, 32, who sleeps in a single bed with her two youngest children, said she had been waiting for a home for three years, but has reached her wits end.
She moved in with her mum, Marcella, and stepdad, Dave, after being forced to flee London while pregnant when someone set fire to her home with her and the children inside.
Ms Worthy (isn’t it always?) has a nice crop of chavname kids (Shannon, Tiffany, Madison and….OK, Billy, which isn’t too bad) and is, you guessed it, on benefits:
She said Castle Point Council officials told her she must bid for a four-bedroom home on the housing register, but none was available and there were no private homes in the borough within the benefit budget of £1,000.
And this is an OUTRAGE!
Ms Worthy said: “We were categorised as a hazard by Environmental Health back in June or July, due to overcrowding.
“It is horrible. I love my mum, but I feel like I am failing my children. I’m just so down in the dumps.
“I knew it would take a little while, but I didn’t have a choice. I honestly didn’t think I would be here three years down the line.
“I just feel like I am being mugged off by Castle Point Council.”
Yup, I know that feeling well, though mine doesn’t originate from the same point…
Grandma Marcella Brady said: “It is destroying the family, it is destroying our relationship as mother and daughter, which has always been extremely strong, and it is destroying my relationship with my grandchildren as I am old school and they are young and have got different views. ”
Ummm, what? Can anyone translate?
“It is against Angela’s human rights to be forced to live like she this.”
*rolls eyes*
“I know people who have moved from Dagenham and have already got houses.”
So..? Are their circumstances comparable?
Mrs Brady, 56, who works as a childminder, said the situation was also making her health worse as she has numerous conditions, including blocked arteries and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, which is not helped by stress.
And…if you work as a childminder, how do you cope with those views you find so taxing with your grandchildren?

Sunday, 19 October 2014

Oh, 'Metro', Sharing Staff With The 'Daily Mail' Again..?


Rheas are flightless birds, yes. But they aren't wingless ones!

The Problem Is, No-One's Located The 85ft Bottle Of Hellman's Yet...



...or the 60ft Hovis.

Social Media: A Godsend For Local Newspapers...

Two women have been photographed fighting in intu Bromley shopping centre, in a confrontation that saw a wig "snatched off" one of their heads.
Photographs of the incident show a security guard attempting to break the women up, while they appear to thrash about on the floor.
Meanwhile a wig lies redundant on the floor nearby.
They were posted on Twitter on September 5 by @BellzLa, who tweeted: "Ratchet girls beefing in Bromley, one girl's wig got snatched off."
Police said they were not called, but intu Bromley confirmed an incident did take place.
And of course, just in case we didn't believe this incredible story, look, here's the photo!



The Commentariat revs up for action:
Harold Larwood says...
I hope the aggressor will be made toupée compensation.
*groans*
Gypo.Joe says...
My Dyslexia must be getting worse. I had to read this a few times as I thought the wig came off her snatch at first glance.
LOL!
Harold Larwood says...
Gypo.Joe wrote: My Dyslexia must be getting worse. I had to read this a few times as I thought the wig came off her snatch at first glance.
Stop merkin about...
Well played, sir!
read20000 says...
Someone must have taken those photos syrup titiously
*groans again*
derby1971 says...
what does 'ratchet girls beefing' mean ?.....or does this mean i am now officially old not knowing this ?
Yup. Nice, isn't it?
Fisherman Pete says...
Not sure security guards get paid enough to be dealing with hairy situations like that IMHO
OK, enough!

Sunday Funnies...

Pay attention to no 4...