Wednesday, 12 December 2018

"Not Even With Yours, Sarge!"

A woman said she has been left traumatised after police burst into her flat searching for a man she has not spoken to for nine years.
Meg Le Chalmers, 25, was sound asleep in her flat in Roosevelt Way, Colchester, at 7.30am on Saturday when her sister woke her because there was loud banging at the door. Seconds later, police burst through the front door smashing it from the hinges.
Whew! I thought for a moment I was going to read that they'd smashed her back doors in!
Miss Le Chalmers said: “My sister woke me up saying ‘What is that banging at the front door?
“We didn’t know what was happening. We thought it might even have been the postman.
Blimey! Postmen are hardcore in that neighbourhood!
She plans to make an official complaint against Essex Police and says the incident has triggered her anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder conditions.
One wag in the comment section has the perfect rejoinder:


Yeah, It's Not As Widespread As You'd Like Us To Believe...

A mother was horrified when she learned her ten-year-old daughter was threatened with a knife on her way to school.
The woman, from Southend, who will remain anonymous, said her daughter was cycling to school when she accidentally bumped into two teenage boys in Cecil Jones Academy uniform.
The girl apologised, but claims she was told by one of the boys “sorry isn’t good enough I’m going to stab you” and he then pulled out a small pen knife.
Oh, well, if it's only a small penknife....
“Cecil Jones needs to do much more to make sure kids aren’t able to bring knives into school. When I phoned them and spoke to staff, I was told ‘I’m not quite sure what you want me to do?’.”
I sympathise, unnamed lackey, it's not like you get a lot of practice at this, is it?
A spokesperson for Cecil Jones said they couldn’t comment on individual incidents, but highlighted the incident didn’t take place on school grounds.
They added: “We work hard to tackle incidents of challenging or difficult behaviour but it must be stressed that most schools in the UK deal with these type of incidents from time to time. Cecil Jones is not alone in this regard.”
'Most schools'...? Really? Do you think this school suffers these sort of incidents?

And if the answer is 'No', maybe ask yourself why...

Tuesday, 11 December 2018

I Don't Think 'Differently' Is The Appropriate Word Here...

Yesterday morning we published a story that had a profound effect on our entire newsroom.
It's Liverpool, so of course, it's a heartwarming tale of how people came together to help their fellow citizens.
Within six hours of our story going live - our readers had contributed an incredible £7,000 to a fund launched to help the siblings cover funeral costs and the huge financial challenges that now lie ahead for them.
And here's another heartwarming tale of how people came together to help....

Well, not their fellow citizens. Far from it.
...yesterday also brought us the incredible moment a group of young Liverpool fans found they had been travelling back from France with two alleged asylum seekers hidden in their coach. The young men were discovered stowed in the vehicle after the fans had returned to British soil. The immediate reaction from the Reds fans? Naturally, it was to embrace the two young men, make them feel safe and welcome and even pose for a photo.
We don't know the specific circumstances that have led these two young men to try and make it to the UK - but it stands to reason that you must be escaping from a pretty difficult situation if you are ready to risk your life by travelling in the engine compartment of a coach for miles on end - with no idea how far you will get.
No, not 'differently'. Try 'with extreme gullibility' instead...

"One said: ‘It’s mortifying to think somebody capable of that could be living along your street.’"

A murderer? A paedophile?

Well, no:
Colin Wing, 60, was caught on camera hurling insults at the Manchester City player in a Premier League match at Chelsea on Saturday.
A man who gets a bit too excited at a football match. Have we lost all reason in this country?
‘Nobody around me said they heard anything. I want to apologise unreservedly to Raheem and hope he can be a better man than I am by accepting it.
‘I offer him an unreserved apology. Even if it wasn’t racist, it’s not right what I said. Even the swearing is bad – but I got carried away.
‘I was completely out of order, but I’ve lost my job and my season ticket now so everybody’s got what they wanted. So why can’t they leave me alone?’
Oh, I'm sure the mob will lose interest now. There'll be another Two Minute Hate along in a minute to distract them.

Monday, 10 December 2018

But The British Taxpayer Is A Victim, Surely..?

'Police will never check a database only to establish a victim's immigration status,' Mr Sawyer added.
'If an officer becomes aware that a victim of crime is suspected of being an illegal immigrant, it is right that they should raise this with Immigration Enforcement officers and not take any immigration enforcement action themselves.
'Throughout, the police should treat them as a victim of crime.
'The police priority is to protect victims and investigate crime, and we are extremely careful about doing anything to deter victims from reporting to us.'
Illegal immigration is a crime. Isn't it?
Corey Stoughton, advocacy director at campaign organisation Liberty, said: 'We have repeatedly raised our concerns about this practice of sharing a victim's data with the Home Office and we are pleased the NPCC is finally addressing it.
'This inherently biased practice actively discourages victims and witnesses of crimes coming forward, leaving criminals to continue committing crimes with near impunity and victims with no recourse to justice.'
What about our 'recourse to justice'?
She said the issue will persist unless there is a 'complete firewall' between police and the Home Office.
In other words, 'Until we get the open borders we want, and our Common Purpose troops can move on to the next agenda item'.

Demand For Free Stuff Increases At Christmas? Who Knew?

Staff at a foodbank are asking for urgent donations as they warn Christmas could be their busiest month ever.
Last December, The Whitehawk Foodbank provided 137 three-day emergency food supplies to people in crisis, 47 of which went to children.
That figure is expected to be higher this year as it launches its Twelve Days of Christmas campaign.
Gosh! Who could have exp...

Oh, yeah. Everyone.
Manager Rich Merrick said every year, the foodbank sees an increase in demand in December.
So it's not remotely 'news' then, is it?

Sunday, 9 December 2018

Yet More Normalising Of Mental Illness... they even get dedicated gardening tips in local newspapers!


*googles schizostylis*


"It's Right There In The Headline!" Pt 24967

How can you get it right and wrong at the same time?

H/T: Paul Herring via Twitter

Sunday Funnies...

Doesn't cover the myth that Katie Price is somehow considered a celebrity, though...

Saturday, 8 December 2018

I'll Tell You What 'The Reasons' Are, Hamida...

Hamida Ali, Labour cabinet member for Safer Croydon and Communities, today emphasised the need to balance robust sentencing for violent offenders with measures to rehabilitate them.
The violent offender she's pontificating about is this charming fellow.
Councillor Ali said: "Robust enforcement is hugely important and will need to include custodial sentences.
"The judge seems to have taken into account significant contextual factors in coming to her decision, particularly the traumatic experience the defendant suffered in the run up to the attack.
"When we commit someone to a sentence, we have to consider what else we can do to get to grips with the reasons why they commit violence and use weapons, so when the come out they won't reoffend.
"It is as important as the message that a deterrent sends out to the community."
We know the reasons why people like him commit their offences. It's because there's always people like you seeking to absolve them of responsibility for them...
Councillor Ali, representing Woodside, says it is crucial that the work of police and the courts is coupled with a longer term social strategy.
"There is a public consensus that the public health approach is the best."
Is there? Have you asked the public, then?
"There's no one organisation alone that will be able to stop this."
The prison service would do it. If people like you didn't get in their way.
"Elements of the public approach will not be popular as one part of it is the length of commitment we have to make to an area. It's a ten year strategy."
Even Mao only had a 5 Year Plan!

"Yeah, But No, But Yeah, But..."

Stacey Hallsworth took perfumes and gift sets from Boots and Superdrug to fund her addictions to drugs such as Spice.
In court she admitted three theft charges, where Paul Lamb, prosecuting said she stole £212 worth of goods at Superdrug in London Road, before further thefts worth £54 at Boots in North Street and £93 at Boots in St James’s Street in October.
Mr Lamb said the public tried to stop her leaving, but she managed to get away without making any effort to pay for the goods. The 30-year-old of Percival Terrace in Brighton has 13 previous convictions for 24 offences, including five convictions for shoplifting between 2008 and 2013.
I'm astounded the police bothered; didn't they have 'hate crime' to concern themselves with instead?
Ed Fish, defending, said Hallsworth has previously managed to get herself off drugs and alcohol, but since having her daughter taken awaythings have started to go wrong”.
Errr, I think that's the first sigh od 'something going wrong', ism't it?
He said that because she has previously completed rehabilitation, she is “well capable” of conquering her addictions once again.
'Well capable'...? What sort of language is that?
Magistrate Nick Letherby told her he would impose a community order for a drug rehabilitation requirement.
She interrupted him in the dock and said: “I don’t understand you mate.”
“I am definitely not your mate,” the magistrate replied. He imposed a nine-month community order and told her to complete 15 days of rehabilitation at Pavilions in this time. She must also pay compensation of £359 as the goods were not recovered.
How am I going to pay that bruv?” she asked.
Ah. Clearly, he'd been consulting with his client too long and picked up the vernacular.

Of course, we know who will pay, don't we, reader?
Mr Letherby told her the sum would be taken from her benefit payments.

Friday, 7 December 2018

Laying The Blame On Everyone Else....

Concerns about the speed of the lorry and the driver’s visibility were raised by her family during the hearing.
The student’s family - who said they were “broken” by her death - also raised questions about measures put in place by the bonfire society organising the event and of the company which owns the lorry, Maritime Transport.
I'm not entirely sure why it's any of these people's responsibility to make sure their daughter didn't drink herself into a stupor.
Reports found she had a “significant blood alcohol level” of 194mg per 100ml of blood in her system and would have been “severely intoxicated”.
Sussex Police forensic collision investigator Julian Taylor said the size of the vehicle meant speed would make little difference if it hit a pedestrian and it would have been hard for any driver to avoid the crash.
Marks on the lorry were consistent with the theory she had been lying down at the time of the crash but Mr Taylor said he “could not explain” why she was in the road.
I think we all can, can't we?

With Excuses Like This, Mr Razi, Why Aren't You In The Law Business..?

The mum of the man, who suffers from autism and epilepsy, contacted the Echo after her son was charged a £10 deposit, and told he would have to pay another £25 on collection of the...
Kettle? Toaster?
...lightbulb, by Phone Experts, in the Knightswick Centre, Canvey.
Wait, what..?!?
The vulnerable adult, in his 30s, had ventured to the centre in the hunt of a new lightbulb, without his carer, and said a shopworker from Phone Experts approached him offering help.
Yeah. I just bet he did.
Manager Hussain Razi stated the employee was trying to help, but admitted what he did was wrong.
He said: “It was a misunderstanding, and they are now making it into a large issue. It has been resolved now and we have refunded the money.”
Oh, really? And you think that should be the end of the matter, do you?
“The employee who dealt with him has been sacked. He was already serving his notice and that was his last day.”
I wonder why he was sacked...
“He was just trying to help the man. He has said he looked like he was disabled in some way, and was just trying to help.”
Gosh, he seems like a helpful individual with exemplary customer service skills, according to you. So again, why was he sacked?
“He quoted him between £10 to £35 for the lightbulb. I am not sure why, as we do not sell lightbulbs.
Oh, I think we can all guess why.
“He tried to help but he was mistaken. This was not the shop, it was the individual.”
Yeah. Sure.

Thursday, 6 December 2018

Modern Families...

A mother has been banned from contacting her daughter after she smeared paint on the younger woman's kitchen window.
Blackburn magistrates heard the incident followed Tasmin Ashworth's son being savaged by her dog.
But the court was told ill-feeling between the two of them went back to when another son and brother hanged himself when he was just 16.
So very different from the home life etc, etc...

Coming Over Here...

...doing the jobs our own psychos won't do:
Alejandro Cuenca, described as extremely dangerous by a judge, was released under investigation after climbing through a window to attack the girl as she slept.
The girl was 12 years old. And that wasn't enough to hold a dangerous sex predator on remand?
Sussex police released him under investigation and two months later he struck again. He broke into the home of a woman and attacked her as she changed out of her work clothes.
He pleaded guilty to four charges in February. Sentencing was delayed while he was assessed by experts at a secure hospital in Kent.
Because he's not a criminal. He's 'unwell'.
Dr Jonathan Pyott from the Trevor Gibbens unit near Maidstone, Kent, said there was a clear diagnosis of schizophrenia and Cuenca showed violent sexual compulsion. He was asked to assess Cuenca before the sentencing hearing.
“We believe he had been unwell for some years,” the doctor said. “A long course of treatment will be required.”
And as he's presumably a British subject, despite the name, we'll be paying for that, I suppose?
Born in Spain, Cuenca spent years living in Ecuador before moving to the UK.
Thanks, EU. It always helps to be reminded why I voted 'Leave'.

Wednesday, 5 December 2018

Suddenly It's Not An Urban Myth...

In one of London’s most prestigious parks, streets away from the hustle and bustle of Mayfair, it would be impossible to think that a notorious dognapper was at large.
However, wealthy residents using Green Park to walk their dogs have been told by police to be on the look-out for a thief, who reportedly drugs pedigree pets and hides them under his coat in order to sell them on.
Well, well, well.... I thought the police usually pooh-poohed such reports?

I guess it depends on who is allegedly doing the dognapping...

I Wonder What Would Happen If He Broke A Magistrate's Nose?

Remmi Kibera, 35, of Beaumont Court, Victoria Avenue, Southend, was drunk and arguing with his wife on September 22 when two police officers rushed to the scene to help.
Upon arrival, the officers were subjected to what magistrates called “a protracted violent incident” which involved being the targets of Kibera’s abusive and violent outburst.
Kibera physically assaulted the two police officers and broke one of their noses which left her needing surgery.
Let me guess, instead of sending male officers equipped to go hand to hand if a wifebeater got handy, they sent a couple of diversity hires.

Maybe the female PC I've seen around Southend who is shorter than me...? The outcome is hardly surprising.

Nor is this one:
Kibera appeared at Southend Magistrates’ Court, where he admitted all three counts and was sentenced to ten weeks in prison, but it was suspended for 12 months.
Chairman of the bench Wendy Black said the offence was serious enough to warrant a custodial penalty, but his guilty plea was taken into account when determining his sentence.
I suppose Wendy can take that chance. After all, she's not going to be called out at 12:30am to try to subdue someone, is she?

Tuesday, 4 December 2018

There's Always A 'Butt' Somewhere...

A Labour councillor who failed to declare an interest in two properties her husband rents out when she was responsible for punishing rogue landlords has apologised.
Well, well, well....
Cllr Laila Butt breached Barking and Dagenham Council’s code of conduct three times after failing to register financial interests in properties in Strathfield Gardens and St Awdry’s Road, Barking. The first property did not appear on a compulsory private landlord register, breaching council requirements.
Cllr Butt said at a council meeting on Wednesday: “I am apologising willingly and believe it is the right thing to do.”
Why would anyone expect you to know what that is...?!
The local authority’s standards sub-committee recommended the councillor for Abbey ward take an opportunity to apologise and carry out training in the code of conduct.
You need 'training' to be honest?

"Stab Me, Stab My Dog..."

Another dog stabbing? They are like buses, always arriving in pairs!
Police were called to Crawley Leisure Park after the incident at 6.30pm on Saturday.
A fight had broken out in an alleyway near the multi-storey car park, and a 40-year-old man suffered a minor cut to his neck. But his dog suffered serious stab wounds and died as a result, police said.
Sounds a bit like the dog was considered more of a threat....
After the attack, Chief Inspector Rosie Ross says the people of Crawley are concerned after a “number of incidents”.
She said: “We are doing everything in our powers to target those responsible and bring them to justice.”
The comments are interesting:
*guilty LOL*

Monday, 3 December 2018

As Excuses Go....

A bus driver who was sacked after testing positive for cocaine has won almost £40,000 in compensation at an employment tribunal.
Kenneth Ball, 62, from Canvey, failed a random drugs test after a shift in June 2017 when he worked for First Buses. Dad-of-two Mr Ball, who had a previously unblemished 21-year career, insisted he had never taken drugs and blamed the result on cocaine getting into his saliva from bank notes.
Well, when I'm at a cashpoint, the very first thing I do before tucking the cash away is lick them. 

Doesn't everyone?

But that's not what happened, according to the driver.
As a diabetic, Mr Ball said he had to test his blood sugar every two hours, resulting in sore fingertips which he said he licked continuously. The tribunal heard that the "constant handling of money and hand-to-mouth interaction potentially contaminated the sample".
Convincing? Hmm. I'm not so sure.
In a bid to clear his name, Mr Ball had his hair follicles tested at his own expense. The tests showed no traces of cocaine in his system but the company disregarded this evidence because it was "not part of the company's procedure", the court heard.
Is the company not entitled to say what it considers to be part of its procedure? If it tells employees up front, then surely the answer can only be 'Yes'.?
Employment Judge Tobin noted that in criminal proceedings, hair follicle testing is accepted as more reliable than saliva tests. Referring to them variously as “puerile” and “grossly unfair”, judge Tobin found that the managers throughout the hierarchy of the company were “committed to one outcome only and that was to find the claimant guilty”.
Tobin has form for bonkers decisions. But does this leave the police wide open to similar claims by drug drivers? Will they too start to need hair samples?

Still, there's always the comments to leaven the subject with a bit of humour:


Shoot First, Then Call The Police...

...officers found a German Shepherd, believed to be her beloved Oscar, covered in blood after biting a ewe’s neck. The sheep was put down.
Cops advised the farmer it was illegal to blast the dog since he had it under control.
He would have been entitled to kill it if still running amok.
Repeat after me: "I couldn't catch it, officer, so I was forced to shoot'."
"Claudia was deeply concerned her dog would have to be put down.
“She and Matthew are mortified about being thought of as irresponsible dog owners.”
That's exactly what you are.

Saturday, 1 December 2018

You Can Safely Ignore These Objections...

Sadiq Khan, the mayor of London, has come under pressure to order Cressida Dick, the Metropolitan police commissioner, to...
Pull her finger out and get a grip on London's street crime epidemic?
...stop plans for officers to patrol residential areas of the city with their guns on show.
By which utter morons, may I ask?
Len Duvall, a Labour member of the London Assembly (Ed: Translation: career obstructive guttersnipe) and former chair of the Metropolitan Police Authority, the body which used to oversee the Met, said: “Now the police with guns are in cars, in central London because of the terrorist threat, or for a specific operation.
“Police walking around a [council] estate with guns is a crazy thing. It creates a different atmosphere. It does not make sense and has not been thought through.”
Stafford Scott of the Monitoring Group (Ed: Translation - fulltime taxpayer funded race-baiter), which campaigns against what it sees as police injustices, said: “The more oppressive the policing and state response is, the more the violence will increase. These kids have been bullied by the police and its partners for most of their lives.
“They cannot fight the state so they fight each other. The police need to identify those who are a real threat and not simply use the violence as an excuse to oppress large sections of the community.
Ah. The usual suspects. Listening to them is what got us into this state. Try something new. 

Where's The Outrage And The Headlines? Where's The GoFundMe Page?

The attack, which was caught on the Canvey school’s CCTV system, showed the girl being grabbed by the throat and thrown to the ground causing her to bang her head.
She was taken to hospital as a precaution and now has to leave school early to avoid the bully.
Wait, what? Why is the bully still going to the same school? Why has she not been expelled?
The grandmother, who will remain anonymous, said in a letter sent to the school: “I feel I need to write this openly as I have no faith in your bullying and safeguarding policy.
“My 12-year-old granddaughter who is in Year Eight was openly attacked on Tuesday on the school premises by another student.
“At a recent meeting with the head of year and deputy head before the attack, my granddaughter stated she was afraid of this child and was being bullied. This was brushed off and it was suggested my granddaughter find new friends.
“The attack happened in the school and was recorded on their CCTV with a crowd of children watching.
“The bully grabbed her by the throat, threw her to the ground, hitting her head on the doorframe.”
Fortunately a friend in an older year was able to intervene.
The grandmother continued: “Since the attack, the school’s aftercare has been shocking. The bully was only suspended for three days even though this is not the first person she has attacked at school.
“The bully gets to come back like nothing’s happened while my granddaughter has to leave five minutes early every day to ensure her safety.
“What is more alarming is the school is taking no responsibility. In my eyes this is a total cover up and setting the example bullies don’t suffer consequences.”
Some do. Some get hounded out of the country by a media wolfpack. While the victim is feted.
An Essex Police spokesman confirmed the force was investigating.
Anyone with information should call PC Helen Harwood at Canvey police station on 101 quoting crime reference 42/169838/18 or visit or call Crimestoppers anonymously on 0800 555 111.
But surely the media has taught us that the right thing to do is express national outrage and shower the victim with riches.

Or is this case somehow different?