The Perfect 'Rebellion' For The Modern Generation...

Fan fiction is democracy in its purest, most chaotic form. It’s the people seizing the means of production. Every “what if?” is a tiny revolution.

Yes, some blue-haired nose-ringed creature leeching off a genuine creative to make up a wish-fulfillment screed is a sign of the times, of course. And it's only fitting the 'Guardian' should consider it worthy of a column. 

Because fan fiction isn’t just rewriting, it’s repairing. It’s giving yourself the closure you need when the author won’t.

How very DARE an author write the story they want to write!  

It’s deciding that pain can end differently, that love can be louder, that characters who were doomed in print get to live this time. It’s literature written by people who refused to move on and sometimes these people spell really badly (and that is completely OK). And yes, it’s rebellion.

No it's not. The people of Iran are showing you what rebellion is. It's risk and heartache and peril, not scribbling a different ending to a classic or popular story because it didn't end the way you wanted.  

Against gatekeeping, against prestige, against the assumption that stories only count when they make money. Fan fiction exists because readers loved something so much they refused to let it die.

Who IS this moron, anyway? 

Urooj Ashfaq is a Mumbai-based comedian, writer and actor.

Ah.  

Proof – As If We Needed More – That The Wrong People Are Attending University

The parents of a student who killed herself after receiving inaccurate exam results are calling for universities to provide better support.

What? How exactly are universities to anticipate some snowflake topping herself over something so trivial...except, perhaps, by better screening of the people they let in? 

Mared Foulkes, from Anglesey, received an email in July 2020 saying that she had failed an assessment and could not progress to her third year – even though she had already re-sat it and passed.

Did she know she'd passed on the retake? The article doesn't make it clear. 

Mared’s family want to see a change in the law on how universities support students with mental health issues, and how they communicate with the families of students.

Mared’s mother, Iona Foulkes, said: “She came home that evening from work and we had a normal family meal.

“Then she decided she wanted to make a cheesecake and said she was going to the local supermarket and asked if I wanted anything.

"She took the car keys and left.”

Two police officers visited the house later that evening to tell her family that she had died.

How this could have been forseen by the university, if the family didn't suss it out, is anyone's guess.  

"She had worked so hard at her course," her mother added. "She had her heart set on becoming a pharmacist from a young age. She had done voluntary work in a hospital in the Philippines and been accepted to study in China.

“To be informed that you have failed two years of study and you couldn’t progress – it must have been horrific.

“You are talking about a 21-year-old, a young person getting this information.

Did she expect to go through life never encountering disappointment? If so, her family failed her.  

“It is a tragedy which should never have happened. It shouldn’t be. Something needs to change – quickly – before more families have to endure what we have to live with for the rest of our lives.”

Well, we could mandate mental health assessment before attendance? 

Nine months before Mared died, she had visited the university’s support services to discuss her mental health, but her family did not find out until a year after her death.

They had no idea? It's not like the university could breach her confidentiality and tell them, is it?  

Are We Allowing The Wrong People To Attend University?

Oxford University has been hit by a second sudden student death - just days after news of a tormented student killing himself made headlines. Neuroscience PHD student Cal Shearer, 25, who is said to have 'radiated warmth to all those around them', was found hanged in digs at St John's College in the city on October 30.

Oh, if only there had been some warning? 

Caring Cal, who was autistic and transgender, volunteered talking to callers to The Samaritans helpline, but privately battled with their own mental health struggles.

Truly, the blind leading the blind! What sort of parents produced this disaster, I wonder? 

Cal's parents, former Fast Show actor Paul Shearer and former former children's TV presenter turned actress and film producer Vicky Licorish are understood to have been left devastated - as is longtime family friend, acclaimed author Jeanette Winterson.

Aha! I suspect this is a clue... 

Imogen, Cal's long term friend, then partner and, last year, wife never left their side. 'Now working for the NHS, Imogen tried to secure Cal the right treatment for this all too prevalent but not yet understood crisis of suicides amongst autistic people identifying as trans.'

I think it's perfectly understood - unstable people do unstable things. I'll reserve my sympathy in her case, as I don't think anything of value was lost, unlike other cases:  

Alexander Rogers, known as Xander, found himself frozen out by his social circle after he had sex with a female friend who told other male students she had felt 'discomfort' about the encounter, a coroner heard. Despite having no intentions of reporting the incident, two male friends confronted the third year student, telling Alexander he had 'messed up' and they 'needed space from him'. The next day, the undergraduate jumped into the River Thames from Donnington Bridge and died from serious head injuries.

Poor guy should have realised his chosen 'social circle' weren't real friends at all, and he was well rid of them.  

The Department of Education has since been urged by coroner Nicholas Graham to review the 'cancel culture' phenomenon sweeping across university campuses in the UK.

What are they supposed to do about it?  

I Guess She Just Couldn't Be The Bigger Person About It..?

A pub called The Midget is to change its name. The watering hole, in Abingdon takes its name from the classic MG sports car which was manufactured in the Oxfordshire town, and was opened as 'The Magic Midget' in 1974. But the name was labelled 'disablist hate speech' by disabilities studies lecturer Dr Erin Pritchard.

Oh, FFS! 

Dr Pritchard, who teaches at Liverpool Hope University, said that she and other people with dwarfism find the term 'offensive'. She previously campaigned for Marks and Spencer to rename their Midget Gem sweets to Mini Gems.

Someone who is employed to teach at a university turns out to be a crank with a chip on her shoulder? Gosh! You could knock me down with a feather!  

I wonder why she's not objecting to other, more problematic things? Is it because she'd get a decidedly rougher ride from them? 

Dr Pritchard spoke with the owners of the bar, brewers Greene King, which is set to reopen the venue with the new name in December following a renovation, the Telegraph reported. Its managing director Zoe Bowley said the new branding would honour the town's heritage while ensuring the pub remains a place 'where everyone feels welcome'.

They don't say what the new name will be. May I suggest 'The Special Snowflake'? 

Greene King previously found itself in hot water over a pub called 'The Black Bitch' in Linlithgow, West Lothian, amid fears the name could be seen as racist. Its origins derived from a female greyhound that formed part of the town's traditional crest - but pub bosses opted to rename it The Willow Tree regardless.

And thus left yourself open to pressure from every crank and nutter in the land. So you've only yourself to blame. 

How Else Are You Supposed To Train Recruits?

A Royal Marines major who was a member of the bearer party for the Duke of Edinburgh’s coffin has denied telling a teenage trainee who is believed to have taken his own life that he was the “worst recruit” and a “failure”.

I'm guessing he wasn't a failure, then? 

Oh... 

Clark’s family believe his death was avoidable and are concerned about how he was treated by trainers and fellow recruits.

At the start of his inquest in Exeter, his mother, Tracy, said he was kind, generous, thoughtful and selfless. He loved rugby and had decided aged 13 he wanted to be a marine. Clark was taking part in a four-week course called recruit orientation phase (ROP) at the commando training centre in Lympstone in the summer of 2021. He had struggled with his “personal administration” – a military term for keeping uniform, kit and locker in order – and was frightened at losing a piece of equipment, a blank firing attachment.

Sound like he was indeed a failure. Was he not supposed to be pulled up for it, then? 

Why are people reluctant to state 'These are the required standards. You're not meeting them'? How else are you supposed to know?

Thrift, who described himself as a “father figure”, told the inquest that it had not crossed his mind that a cut Clark had on his arm could have been self-inflicted, saying he had believed the teenager’s story that he fell against a radiator.

So he's to be castigated as well for believing the recruit when he told a lie?  

Things You Never Knew About Colditz....

...it had a bar! 

Is it just me, or are today's generation the most dim and self-absorbed ever..? 

Oh, What A Nuisance!

On Friday, AQA said sorry to A-level law students for the "confusion and stress" after questions on nuisance were included in their paper, despite there being no advance warning that the subject would be included in the exam.

Oh no! Poor little snowflakes! Mummy will go to the papers for you about this terrible injustice! 

Coralie Foster, from Bolton, said her daughter was "more angry than upset" at the surprise question in the A-Level law paper on Monday.

She added: "Nowadays these university offers are so high - so the pressure on these kids to get the top grades is immense.

"Advance information was meant to help focus that work, but it's all been completely undermined."

Does she imagine she'll never be faced with the unexpected when she's in court, then? 

H/T: i.r.jackson via email

I Wonder If This Applies To Ukranian Students..?

On Thursday a new survey found that 45% of UK students worry about climate change once a week or more.

Literature student Meg Watts, 22, said that she had experienced depression after being overwhelmed by the scale of problems facing the planet.

Christ, when I was 22 the only 'overwhelming' thing I faced was whether to go to the US or Europe for holiday, and whether that dreamy guy in the post room would be a hot date (Reader, he wasn't...).  

And she sought therapy after developing disordered eating when trying to cut out food packaged with plastic.

I...

I just...

Of course, where there's snowflakes, there's an 'initiative', as the parasites scramble to such their metaphysical blood: 

The new programme was developed with mental health charity Norfolk and Waveney Mind, who realised young people were coming for counselling about their fears about climate change.

And of course, not told to go away because this was a service for people with real problems... 

Speaking to BBC News, development student Stephen Kirk, 21, said his anxieties around climate change began at school. He dug for information online about global warming and biodiversity, and became anxious and angry.

"Sometimes I feel quite alone with climate change and the emotions that I feel around it," he explained. But the climate cafe was a "safe and open space to just talk" without worrying about how others react, he said.

So it starts in schools. Close this nonsense down to protect future generations! You know it makes sense... 

H/T:Steve Ludek via Twitter

You're Lucky You Haven't Experienced Real 'Hate Speech, Jessica....

Jessica Fostekew (apparently 'a comedian, actor and writer') is alarmed. She's had....wait for it...election material through her door!

It raises the practical question: are we allowed to post those opinions through a letterbox?

What, election material stating what the candidate stands for and will do if elected? Yes. Yes, we are. 

My partner and I asked the internet, via social media. A small storm ensued, so spicy that my partner deleted her tweet. It was too all-consuming. I’m, however, cracking on. The 2% saying it’s freedom of speech: surely, not when it’s hate speech?

No, 'hate speech' is banned. Obviously. Did you report this? 

Lewisham council replied, in effect, that candidates can state whatever opinions they like. Which I get. But really, with zero boundaries?

It appears so!  

There’s freedom of speech, and there’s freedom of hate speech, and there has to be some demarcation between the two. It’s the difference between shaking hands and punching.

So, what, exactly, did the candidate say? Call for gay people to be burned at the stake?

"Marriage: I pledge to cut through political correctness and simply state the truth that natural marriage between a man and a woman is the fundamental building block for a successful society, and the safest environment for raising children."

*blinks*

That's it? That doesn't even merit the tem 'controversial', never mind 'hate speech'.  

Somewhere, A Design Company Is Saying 'Oooh, How Did We Miss That?'

The range to celebrate Van Gogh features sunflowers aplenty, on socks, scarfs, and in packs of seeds, as well as jigsaw, postcard and print mementoes of his best-known self-portraits.

Ooh, I do love overpriced museum tat! 

...a £6 eraser in the shape of an ear...

An eraser? Who uses pencils these days?  

Apart from the eraser ear, visitors can buy a £5 bar of soap, marketed as ideal for “the tortured artist who enjoys fluffy bubbles”. An “emotional first aid kit”, priced at £16, is described as “a box of wise emergency advice for 20 key psychological situations”. Some have been left distinctly unimpressed at the attempt at humour.

Oh, of course. Here come the snowflakes! 

Charles Thomson, a co-founder of the Stuckist group of artists, said: “Suicide is not a joke and mental illness is not a joke.”

“This is shallow, nasty and insensitive,” he told the Mail on Sunday. “What next? Van Gogh’s suicide pistol?”

'Tarquin, why didn't you think of this!?'

Harden Up, Then, Princesses!

Police say they were "disappointed" to be criticised by locals as they took a nuisance motorcycle off the streets of Bradford.

Eh..?

The Steerside Enforcement Team tweeted: "Rider seen by us out on the streets in Fagley, @WYP_BradfordE. Stopped and found to be 15yrs old. Reported for several offences and bike seized. Disappointed to hear so many locals criticising us for taking this off the streets."

Oh, FFS! Just get on with your job. No-one cares if your feelings are hurt because you get comments on social media!

The English Language Means Nothing Anymore...

TV dating show fans have begged for producers to intervene after a contestant was branded “dangerous”.

Oh, good lord! It's not another dig at a man who likes to indulge in a hobby the progressives don't care for, is it?

Are they now claiming he's one step away from going full-on 'Most Dangerous Game' and tracking his fellow contestants with a view to putting their heads on a wall (I might actually watch it if that's the case...)..?

Oh, no, wait, they must have another victim, since he's been hounded off. So, who is it this time?

Fans called for Connor Durman to be removed from Love Island after an expletive-laden rant on Friday night. Coffee bean salesman and part-time naked butler Connor said he felt “f***ing uncomfortable” after his love interest in the show Sophie Piper paid compliments to fellow contestants.

And...wait, how is that 'dangerous'?

Fans were shocked by his outburst, with many viewers taking to social media pleading with the show bosses to remove Connor, of Worthing, due to his “dangerous” tendencies.

WTAF?

Connor had already apologised for his controlling behaviour in the show last week.

Bad move. You can't appease people like this. You shouldn't even try.

Fans shared their concerns when he lost his temper with Sophie after she celebrated the arrival of two new boys into the TV dating show’s villa. Connor, 25, said he felt “mugged off” by her reaction and pulled the 21-year-old aside to “speak to her”.

She explained she had only been “joking with the girls”. But Connor failed to see the funny side as Sophie was chosen by new boy, 6ft 3in model Connagh Howard, to go for a date and later shared a smooch with him in a game of “beer pong dares”.

Fans called the behaviour “controlling” with one viewer saying: “Connor is so controlling having the audacity to talk to Sophie like that, I’m fuming.”

The future of mankind is doomed, if these morons are representative of the next generation...

Intestinal Fortitude...

I wonder what 'this' is?

The death of a loved one? Being told you have incurable cancer? Losing your life savings?

Oh....

Having called the takeaway to complain, Miss Baxter said she was "disgusted" by the response. "I rang and there was just no remorse, no apology. He said to me three times 'come back and I'll make you another curry', but that wasn't the point.

"The whole experience was completely devastating and I was in tears all night. My 12-year-old daughter's not a vegetarian but was so upset she didn't eat her own dinner."

Good grief! Snowflake mother, snowflake daughter!

Responding to Miss Baxter's claims, Rakib Imam from Melton Spice said: "Someone called to say they had chicken in their vegetarian curry and we have refunded them.

"If there is a mistake, we have to see the curry first and then we can investigate what has happened. The lady said it had chicken in it, but refused to bring it back to us."

I wonder why..?

H/T: Dave Ward via email

No, Love, Your Life Isn't Over...

A dog owner says her life "is over" after her beloved pet was ordered to wear a muzzle in public purely because of its breed.

...well, not until this sort of thing happens. So get a bloody grip!

"She is not an aggressive dog", Anita added tearfully. "But because of her breed, she's automatically deemed a danger.

"You can get aggressive Labradors or German Shepherds, it's almost like racism."

Bloody hell, now even dogs are using the RaceCard!

In Which I'm Forced To Agree With Piers Morgan...

Councillor Andrew Gordon, who represents Lee Chapel North on Basildon Council, took to Twitter to condemn the Good Morning Britain host’s “toxic views”.

About immigration? Racism? Jeremy Clarkson?

The controversial GCSE question asked: “There are 84 calories in 100g of banana. There are 87 calories in 100g of yogurt. Priti has 60g of banana and 150g of yogurt for breakfast. Work out the total number of calories in this breakfast.”

Piers said: “This country is going completely bonkers. We don’t re-write the entire maths paper which has a perfectly reasonable question because somebody may have a trigger moment.

Otherwise - here’s what will happen - with this snowflake generation, you end up with zero questions. You won’t be able to ask any questions about anything because it may trigger somebody and their anxiety - it is nonsense.”

Errr, in other words, like a stopped clock, Morgan is actually right...

What's this idiot's beef, again?

In response Mr Gordon said on Twitter: “My girlfriend had an eating disorder and is unfortunately no longer with us. I had an exam days after she died which asked me to count calories. That question broke me. Piers Morgan if you ever want to be educated on the subject, drop me a line because your views are toxic.

“Unfortunately, I just have to accept there is no real support for people in my shoes. I failed the exam, but oh well.

“That man is so dangerous, he is pushing a narrative that is dangerous and Good Morning Britain just sits back and allows him to shout over everyone who disagrees.

“There is absolutely nothing to gain from exposing someone to such a question. Compassion costs us nothing.”

This isn't 'compassion', any more than coddling a child in cotton wool is 'compassion'. Sooner or later, they have to contend with life, and the realisation that it isn't run to their own personal wishes and desires. They have to learn to cope.

How can anyone elect someone who advertises to the world that he can't?

Generation Snowflake...

A poll of almost 38,000 UK students suggests rates of psychological distress and illness are on the rise in universities, with “alarmingly high” levels of anxiety, loneliness, substance misuse and thoughts of self-harm.

Oh no! This is serious!

*reads further*

The findings were based on responses from a self-selecting sample of students who took part in an online survey.

*shrugs*

*turns the page*

Shame, He Sounds Like The Ideal Modern Police Officer...

An investigation is underway after a teenager suffered serious injuries during a lesson at Bradford College.

What sort of lesson?

Imaam Usmin, 18, broke his neck while taking part in...

Ah. Must be rugby.

...a Public Services class.

Wait. What?

During the session, Mr Usmin claims he was asked to wrestle with one of the teachers. He said he was lifted from the ground in a move he claimed ended with the teacher "falling on top of him."

The college has wished the student a "speedy recovery" and immediately reported the incident to the Health and Safety Executive, but the organisation has since said it does not fall into its remit.

Curiouser and curiouser! What's the point of this course of studies, anyway?

Mr Usmin, who was taking the course to further his dream of becoming a police officer, has had to have a metal plate put in his neck.

He claims he refused to wrestle with one of the teachers three times until, he says, they threatened to discipline him for ‘bad behaviour’.

He does know in the police service you are expected to follow orders?

The former Dixons Kings Academy pupil feared he did not stand a chance against his opponent, who he estimated weighed 15 stones.

He does know in the police service this often happens? And there might be more than one person?

Dad Osman Usmin Sharif, 39, said the college should not have allowed the wrestling to go ahead.

“This was a mis-match and they should not have made him wrestle,” he said.

Is he going to call his dad to complain every time someone kicks off in the custody suite?

The college website states that, while studying Public Services, students get the chance to experience police riot training, visit fire stations and attend an annual army camp residential.

The website adds that: "Our courses aim to offer real-world learning and that's why some of our programmes require you to wear a uniform. Public Services careers provide defence, education, emergency response and health & safety services to our country."

Clearly, it's doing this by weeding out the unfit!

"It's The Ciiiiiircle Of Life..."

Rachel Barton said she often walks past the “distressing sight”.

Well, walk another route them!

“Even some of the staff at the Co-op are getting stressed about this.”

Rachel said it had been happening for some time and little was being done about it.

What do you expect to be done about it?

Rachel has also contacted the RSPCA about the issue but it said it did not have the resources to deal with the situation and the netting, which is there to deter birds, was the Co-op’s responsibility.

Should have told them there was a camera crew present, love!

In the comments, a wag appears:

/applause

It's Madness, I Tell You!

The Drawing Board in New Street advertised its Halloween event - Return To The Asylum - on Facebook...

In the online advert, the bar said: “The deranged doctors and nurses have lost control of the mental Asylum AGAIN and all the killers and psychopaths are running free.

"Enter at your own risk.... Don’t forget to have your medicine on arrival!”

Well, the snowflakes aren't going to take that lying down!

Amanda Griffiths, from York Mental Health Peer Support Group, said the way the party had been advertised was “ill thought out and irresponsible”.

Amanda said: “We would like business owners in York to be a little more responsible about how they promote the events and how they learn about mental health.

“It’s about recognising that a lot of people who are receiving mental health care and treatment, or suffering from difficulties, might have experienced traumatic life changing events in the past.”

*sighs*

"And Now, A Word From The Famous Crisp Salesman..."

'Whatever the outcome...' *rolls eyes*

One critic named Eisha Action accused the club of "irresponsibly glazing over the situation in the most insensitive way possible."

While Zack Goldman tweeted: "This is very bad and you should delete it, apologise, apologise another time and try again."

Football writer Daniel Storey said: "Don't think it's helpful to offer opinions on serious allegations - particularly on social media - but that Juventus statement in (sic) abhorrent."

If the snowflakes are upset, it's a sign you're doing something right.

Ronaldo's sponsors Nike and video game maker EA Sports have both expressed concern about his alleged conduct.

Doesn't anyone believe in 'innocent until proven guilty' any more..?