Swine Flu Vaccine For Porkers First!

The obese should be first in line for the swine flu vaccine, a leading expert said today.

Very overweight people in danger of developing breathing difficulties should be put on the priority list for treatment, according to Professor Hugh Pennington, bacteriologist at Aberdeen University.

Wow! There’s going to be a rush for pies at Greggs this morning…

Professor Pennington said: 'There are a proportion of obese people who are so fat they have trouble moving and get short of breath. This may make them more susceptible to developing complications if they contract swine flu.

Other people might say that’s evolution in action, prof…

Luckily, it looks like this is a non-starter with the health authorities:

The priority list has not yet been finalised, but it is expected to include people with underlying health problems such as heart disease, which can also increase the risk of dying from the virus.

However, so far officials have not indicated that obese people not at heart attack risk should be included.

Except John Prescott, presumably…

But what say the anti-fatty lobbyists?

Last night Dr David Haslam of the National Obesity Forum said: 'I have heard reports a high number of people who have died from swine flu so far were obese.

'We should raise awareness of the danger swine flu poses to people who are obese, but we won't be campaigning for all obese people to be given the vaccine early.'

Really…? Don’t you want to protect your vested interests then, to keep yourself in a job?

Haven’t really thought this through, have you Dave…?

”And the money kept rolling in out…”

Money coming in falls:

Tax receipts flowing into the Treasury fell by £32 billion last year as the recession hit Government finances, official figures showed yesterday.

The perilous state of the national finances was made public as it was disclosed that the National Audit Office (NAO) has refused to sign off part of the Treasury’s accounts.

Money going out increases:

Human rights compensation claims by murderers, paedophiles and other dangerous criminals demanding release from jail have reached 'new heights', the Parole Board warned yesterday.

In its annual report, officials warned resources were being 'stretched to the limit' by convicts claiming they had been kept in jail for too long.

And the reason for this? Why, it’s totally a Labour/Human Rights Act cock-up of massive proportions:

The so- called Indeterminate Public Protection prisoners are claiming compensation when hearings to decide whether they are safe to release do not take place within an agreed time frame.

Under Labour's Human Rights Act and the European Convention on Human Rights, the convicts are successfully arguing they are being unfairly detained.

And who introduced a policy of IPPs that would, inevitably, lead to delays if you did not also increase the numbers of people looking at them:

IPPs have proved controversial since they were introduced by Labour six years ago.

They allow the country's worst criminals to be held indefinitely, but - upon sentence - they are given a minimum 'tariff' and a date is fixed at which they must first be considered for release by the Parole Board.

Once again, ministers have nodded through legislation that is now coming back to bite them in the backside:

Ministers underestimated the number of IPP sentences that would be handed down and some have been given to inmates given only short tariffs. In total, there are 5,237 IPP inmates - of whom 1,838 have gone beyond their tariff.

That’s a lot of potential compensation…

I’m Confused…

…how could they possibly be any more ‘left-of-centre’?

A senior BBC executive has claimed that the corporation should foster "left-of-centre thinking", leading to accusations of political bias from the Conservatives.

Ben Stephenson, the controller of BBC drama commissioning, said that the corporation should encourage "peculiarity, idiosyncrasy, stubborn-mindedness, left-of-centre thinking."

Which will come as a surprise to the people who follow ‘Biased BBC’, as there’s plenty of evidence that it already does…

Jeremy Hunt, the shadow culture secretary, said: "What Ben Stephenson said was a clear breach of the BBC's impartiality obligations.

"No journalist or editor should be following a political agenda, let alone someone as senior as a controller."

Stephenson was quick to claim that he didn’t mean what he obviously said:

He later denied that he had meant the comment to have a political meaning.

"Like 'left-field', it is a phrase that I use with frequency when talking to the creative community to encourage them to develop and approach their ideas from a completely new perspective," he said.

There’ll be some hollow laughter at the idea that ‘left of centre thinking’ would be considered a new perspective for many from the creative community…

Certainly, they appear to be having difficulty with the concept:

A BBC source said that executives believed that their casting of Boris Johnson, the Conservative Mayor of London, in an episode of EastEnders, proved that they did not have a left-wing bias.

Eh…? Seriously?

Doesn’t that just sum up the disconnect between ‘creative types’ and everyone else perfectly?

Ross, Iain Dale and Stan all have fun with this one too...

"..They say the sky high above is Caribbean blue.."

Floella Benjamin has realised that there’s a case to make that the government’s green taxes might be racist:

At my local train station, the normally chirpy lady behind the glass booth in the ticket office looked sad and forlorn. Her grandmother in Trinidad had died and she couldn't afford the fares to attend the funeral.

Next year, though, things will get even tougher for people like her, when the departure tax for flights to the Caribbean will shoot up by almost 100%. When I told her this, she replied angrily: "Pretty soon you're going to have to pay to breathe in this country, it's just not fair."

Welcome to NuLabour’s Britain, love…

Under the new Air Passenger Duty (APD) scheme, which began life as a green measure aimed at reducing aviation emissions, the tax will be calculated according to the distance in miles from London to the capital city of the destination country. This all sounds fine in theory, but the system places the Caribbean in a more expensive band than the US. Not only will this make the tax on a flight to the Caribbean higher than for a flight to southern Florida – both roughly equidistant from London – but it will also result in travellers on a flight to Hawaii, some 7,200 miles from London, paying less than those going to the Caribbean, 4,000 miles away. How is this in the interest of reducing emissions?

None of it is in the interests of reducing emissions.

It’s in the interests of seeming ‘green’, and increasing stealth taxes, and ensuring that enough of the hoi-polloi are priced out of the market to ensure a comfortable flight for the rich, and the people not using their own money to pay for flights – ministers, journalists, heads of charities, etc.

Our new ruling class, in other words.

Still, good luck with the ‘Is it ‘cos we is black?’ tactic:

The duty will hit British Caribbean families hard. Many of those who migrated to Britain in the 1950s and 60s are reaching their twilight years and they and their children are travelling back to their homelands to retire or for christenings, weddings and family funerals.

Perhaps a complaint to the Equality Commission is in order, Floella?

Not surprisingly, Britain's Caribbean community is deeply concerned about the livelihoods of their friends and families. They are angry at the injustice of the system, angry about the possibility that from November they will find it much harder to visit their loved ones or conduct business in the region, and very concerned that the Caribbean will be at a competitive disadvantage to neighbouring destinations in the US.

So vote! And don’t vote Green, or anyone else in hock to the ‘man made global warming’ theory.

Sadly, that doesn’t leave you with many options come election day…

Treasury minister Sarah McCarthy Fry defended the proposal, but agreed to look further at the US v Caribbean disparity. This is encouraging, but the pressure needs to be kept up for the sake of my friendly ticket lady and thousands like her.

Actually, it needs to be kept up for the sake of everybody, not just ‘your friendly ticket lady’.

Because these people don’t give up. Ever. Not until we are all, as your ticket lady put it, ‘paying to breathe’…

It's Traditional? Well, We Can't Have That...

A village fair which dates back to 1873 has fallen foul of environmental health chiefs for being too noisy.

Because we should all sit quietly in our homes until night falls, never ever enjoying ourselves least someone is upset…

The Gooseberry Pie Fair in Galmpton, Devon, sees villagers parade a giant pie through the streets to traditional music from noon to 5pm.

But the organisers have received an official warning after members of the public complained about the noise levels at this year's event, on July 5.

How many? We aren’t allowed to find out.

It could be two, or two thousand. No matter. One complaint is all complaints.

Torbay Council's letter to the Gooseberry Pie Fair committee said the department had received complaints from a number of residents about the music causing a disturbance.

It said: 'The music was live and amplified. This type of entertainment will require a Temporary Event Notice to be submitted in the future. Noise should not be at a level that causes a nuisance to neighbours or residents.'

Oh, dear. That’s going to be a tough circle to square for the Notting Hill Carnival then, isn’t it?

Or will it get an exemption?

"...all procedures have been followed..."

A mother has been banned from a primary school after confronting a bully who used her five-year- old son as a 'human punch bag'.

It seems a little stupid, in this day and age, to confront a pupil directly. Why didn’t she go through the school if her child was being bullied?

Ah. It seems she tried:

Christine Hart, 38, calmly asked the pupil to 'please stop hitting' her son Arthur after he endured months of bullying despite several complaints to teachers.

But a teaching assistant saw and hauled her off to the headmistress, who told her not to cross the school gates and to attend a hearing with the governors to discuss her conduct.

Parents are getting hauled off to see the head now?

Crikey! Hope they don’t give her lines, or six of the best…

She has been warned she could face a further six-month ban for 'verbally abusing' the pupil and interrupting a class.

She was also told that causing a 'nuisance' at school could constitute a criminal offence and that any further incidents will be reported to police.

And probably to the Independent Safeguarding Authority to, once it’s up and running…

'I am being punished because I stood up for my son when the school appeared to be doing nothing about my complaints,' she said.

'What message does this send to the boy? I don't know if he's ever been told off. Instead, I'm the one who is made to feel in the wrong.

'The message is hit Arthur whenever you like as you cannot be touched. If anyone challenges you, they will be cast out of school and threatened with the police.'

Yes. That’s exactly the message that they are sending to bullies. They know it, too.

After all, how else can they ensure that they nurture enough future police officers , transport managers and cabinet ministers for the future…?

The school issued a statement saying that pupil safety was paramount and all bullying procedures had been followed.

Whew! Thank the lord for that – ‘all procedures have been followed’.

No, they didn’t resolve the situation, but so what? That’s not what ‘procedures’ are for anymore, are they?

They are for creating the illusion of action, and batting away criticism…

Rifleman Cyrus Thatcher

A lot of blogs like mine often dwell on the youth of today and take a somewhat pessimistic view of them, inspired by overwhelmingly bleak MSM stories of knifing, drinking, mindless violence and lives thrown away on trivialities. Sometimes this is even based on personal experience.

As an antidote to that, I can think of no better example than that of 19 year old Rifleman Cyrus Thatcher, killed by an explosion seven weeks ago. The 'Jeremy Vine' radio show had his mother on this afternoon, talking about his letter home to her, written in the event of his death.

You can listen to it here (at least for the next seven days).

You can read the text here

A lot more families get a lot more right than the media would sometimes have you think. His family can be proud of Cyrus. We can all be proud that Britain still produces young men like Cyrus.

”A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.”

So, while Humberside police were persecuting dumpster-divers, their West Sussex colleagues were having a jolly day out scaring the kiddies:

Some of the seven to 11-year-olds were left in tears after a spaceship apparently crash-landed and a teacher was abducted by aliens.

To make it look realistic, the school obtained sirens and flashing lights from the police and littered the grounds with debris from the 'spaceship'.

I could do with some sirens and flashing lights the next time I have a garden party. What do you reckon the hire rates are?

The 'Everyone Writes Day' - for all 370 pupils at the school in Burgess Hill, West Sussex - was designed to develop youngsters' writing skills.

It is based on an idea from the Department for Children, Schools and Families and the National Literacy Trust. The aim is to find ways to take writing beyond the classroom and to provide 'exciting stimuli' for storytelling.

At the start of the day, head Diana Goss informed pupils that an alien craft had crashed near the school and pupils were encouraged to 'follow a trail of debris' before stumbling across the UFO.

Sussex Police set up a crime scene around the crashed craft and supplied a police constable and a community support officer for two hours to help the children produce witness statements.

Let me just get this straight here - Sussex Police saw nothing wrong with spending the time of a PC and a PCSO helping a school fake a saucer crash?

There wasn't anything else they could have been doing, perhaps? Patrolling for crimes being committed? Watching the skies, perhaps?

Oh, and the children they decided to scare out of their wits were special needs children:

Pupils were told that Joy Law, the school's learning support teacher, who is responsible for special needs pupils, had been abducted.

Which didn't go down too well with the children or the parents:

Linda Molds, whose son Harry, nine, is autistic, said: 'He was genuinely worried that Mrs Law had been abducted.

'Because she deals with the learning support kids, they're all very close to her - and I know many of them were terrified by the whole experience.

'Harry will take everything you say literally, so when he was told aliens had taken Mrs Law away and the police were investigating - and then he actually saw the police - he believed every word.'

Lisa Maynard, 34, whose nine-year-old daughter Ashleigh is also a pupil at the school, said: 'She was incredibly upset by the whole thing.

'She came home in tears, telling me Mrs Law had been abducted. She's very fond of Mrs Law, and the whole thing really shook her up. She couldn't sleep.

'It was just too realistic, too dramatic. All the police, the sirens, the cordon - it was just too much.'

Quite.

And all those parents who have told their childrn to trust the police, because they never lie to you, will be having some awkward moments right about now...

Last night, in a statement the school said: 'A few parents expressed concerns that some of the children had been upset by the apparent realism, and the head has spoken with them personally.

'The school would never knowingly do anything to upset or alarm children.

'The children were reassured throughout the morning that they were perfectly safe. They produced some excellent creative and factual writing.'

Perhaps we ought to report these jokers to the Independent Safeguarding Authority as a 'potential danger to children'?

Sussex Police said: 'The police input was well-intentioned, and it was thought pupils would have a fun day.'

Oh, I’m sure you did.

But that’s not what we pay you for, is it?

Yet More Police Hijinks

This time it’s harassing dumpster-divers:

A judge has blasted a waste of taxpayers' money after a couple who picked up items of rubbish from the garden of an abandoned house were thrown into a riot van for attempted burglary.

Well, at least the judge saw sense. This time...

Public-spirited Richard and Lynne Small, both 38, believed they were helping the environment when they recovered leftover junk from the garden near their home in Hull, East Yorks.

They collected a pair of old boots, a hose-pipe, a plant, half a shoe lace and used tins of paint from the empty property and used a wheelie bin to carry the trash to their home just a few yards down the road.

But they were left stunned and humiliated when they were arrested, handcuffed and bundled into a police van after being confronted by four officers.

For a pair of old boots, a hose-pipe, a plant, half a shoe lace and used tins of paint?

Not exactly the Brinks-Mat job, is it, even if they'd decided to half-inch it all from Halfords, instead of collecting it from an abandoned rubbish pile...

After a five-month ordeal ending at the city's Crown Court the couple were finally released without charge.

And the case judge has condemned the decision to pursue the matter as a sickening waste of taxpayers' money.

Then let's start docking the costs of these sorts of wastes of everybody's time and money direct from the salary or pension of the Chief Constable.

That might concentrate the mind a bit..

Bricklayer Richard said: 'We couldn't believe it when they slapped handcuffs us and threw us in a riot van. You'd think we'd robbed a bank the way we've been treated.

'When it finally got to court we were charged with the lesser offence of theft by finding and refusing to take a drugs test. We'd refused the drugs sample because we'd done nothing wrong.

'All we did was pick up a bit of litter, we were doing a public service. We'd just been on a walk and thought we could use some of the stuff. It was an eyesore.

An eyesore no-one cared about, until they saw someone 'stealing' it.

The Crown Prosecution Service offered no evidence when the pair appeared at court and their barrister Paul Genney said: 'This was rough justice. It is a gross matter of overkill.

'One would question the reason for the arrest and as for the request to take a drugs test one can well understand their indignation.'

One can, indeed...

Recorder Paul Isaac formerly entered not guilty verdicts on the theft charges but gave the couple six month conditional discharges for refusing the drugs test.

He said: 'This is all unfortunate. It does seem to me to bring this matter to the crown court is something of a waste of public resources.

'Whatever the rights and wrongs, your defence that you have taken these items believing them to be abandoned would likely have been accepted by any sensible jury.'

And are the police ashamed?

Are they hell. They were just 'following procedures':

A spokesman for Humberside Police said: 'We had received a call from a member of the public saying they believed two people were stealing from the house.

'We followed procedure and now the police and the Crown Prosecution Service have decided not to continue the case.'

Handy to have someone else to blame, isn't it?

Let's abolish the CPS and give the police back their prosecution responsibilities. Then when there's no one else to pin the blame on for these wastes of time, they might start to act more proportionally...

CSI: Greater Manchester

An office worker was accused of burgling a colleague's home after police found her fingerprints on a wedding card she had signed at her desk.

Alysha Wilson was arrested at work, marched off to a police cell and accused of breaking into the home of the bride while she was on holiday.

Wow!

Who knew they took burglary so seriously in Greater Manchester?

Earlier, the 19-year-old's solicitor had insisted on an independent forensic examination of the evidence and found officers had incorrectly labelled his client's fingerprints.

Whoops!

Gus Gil Grissom, these guys ain’t…

'It's been traumatic really,' she said. 'I am just so happy now that it has come to light what the truth was behind it and why, otherwise I would have been another person on a list and being named a criminal. Being put in a police cell is not nice for anyone.'

She’s awfully forgiving, under the circumstances. I don’t think I’d be.

Greater Manchester Police has now launched an investigation, which could result in disciplinary action against blundering officers.

‘Could’…?

But the statement from the police seems a little economical with the truth:

'A fingerprint taken from a greeting card was mistakenly labelled as coming from a games console box, which led to the woman being charged,' said Asst Chief Con Ian Seabridge.

'As soon as this mistake came to light, all charges against the woman were dropped.

And how did this mistake come to light, officer?

Was it when her solicitor insisted on a recount, correctly surmising that your crack crap team of investigators couldn’t find their bums with both hands and a flashlight?

Well, no. Asst Chief Con Seabridge reckons it was down to their own procedures:

'It was discovered as part of the preparation for the court case when all evidence is rigorously scrutinised.

'The detailed checks and balances we always carry out ensured an innocent woman was not put through further distress.

'This kind of error is extremely rare and unacceptable and we are, of course, sorry that the woman was put into this dreadful situation.'

Mmmm, sure it was. Suuure it was…

After all, they can't both be right. Someone’s spinning the truth about how this ghastly error came to light, aren’t they?