Sunday Funnies...

For all my readers about to jet off on their holidays, a few cautionary airport tales fron Cracked...

Just What Do You Have To Do To Get A Licence Revoked?

Now, if I committed a heinous road rage offence (against a pregnant woman), was convicted, and at my hearing to detarmine whether my professional body would allow me back to work, made a racist tit of myself by arguing with the chairman and vowing not to work for foreigners, would I get my licence to work back?

No. I don't suppose I would. And I don't do anything quite as vital as a GP!

So, why is the GMC letting this woman loose on the public:

An Iraqi doctor who crushed a pregnant woman with her 4x4 car in a road rage incident has been told she can resume her medical practice.

Dr May Arnaot (corr) formerly of Chandlers Drive, Erith, has twice been convicted of assaulting people and accused of racial abuse.

At a General Medical Council fitness to practice hearing last week, Dr Arnaot angrily interrupted the panel chairman, Professor Kevin Dalton and vowed not to treat British patients.

But hey, we can just brush that off I guess. After all, it's not like she killed anyone.

Yet.

But the panel decided Dr Arnaot, who has not been allowed to practice since 2005, could go back to work under supervision.

The panel said it thought the decision could be “constructive”.

For whom?

And whoever supervises her has my deepest sympahty...

At her trial, she claimed she was suffering from extreme menopausal symptoms which caused mood swings and irritability.

She told last week’s hearing: “These matters are entirely anger management matters, or it was combined with gynaecology health issues which have now, with time, been surpassed.”

She then proved how wrong that statement was by having a temper tantrum in the middle of her hearing! And yet they still allowed her back.

The panel members should be told they can let her practice so long as they then switch from their existing GPs to her. Fair's fair, right?

Oh, Yeah...

...these guys are getting ganked the minute they log in:

'Of course one problem we're going to have to overcome is that while a psychiatrist may excel in what they do in the real world, they're probably not going to be very good at playing World of Warcraft.

'We may have to work at that if we are going to get through to those who play this game for hours at end.'

Good luck with that, doc...

At Least Dick Turpin Had The Decency To Wear A Mask...

Ahhh, we all remember our first school trip to foreign climes (usually Calais, maybe Boulogne if you were lucky), don't we?

The coach trip to Dover, the delights of the quaint French shops, the extortion by the teachers...

Wait. What?

Staff from Bishop Stortford High School took €5 from each pupil's wallet or purse to put into an alcohol 'kitty' while on a trip to France.

They then bought themselves a selection of alcohol as a 'reward' for looking after the 137 Year Seven pupils.

The 11-year-old boys only realised what had happened when the 12 teachers passed bottles among themselves on the journey home and thanked them for their 'gifts'.

Well, that's probably not what Ed Balls meant when he ordered a survey into whether schools were 'meeting requirements on the moral, social, spiritual and cultural development of their pupils'...

Headteacher Andrew Goulding has now vowed to refund all of the pupils and urged parents to 'draw a line' under the episode.

Or, to translate: 'Oh, God, this is getting in the newspapers now, isn't it?'.

One mum, who did not want to be named, said that spending the money amounted to theft.

She said: 'Some families only sent their kids off with €20 to begin with, so €5 is quite a big chunk out of that.

It's not so much the amount of money as the principle - they took our children's money without their knowledge or consent, and I don't think that's right.'

You are indeed correct. It is theft, and it's not right.

Still, Mr Goulding did the right thing in taking quick acti..

Oh:

Mr Goulding had previously tried to argue that his teachers 'deserve some recognition for the fact that taking students on trips is beyond the call of duty'.

Who the hell does this guy think he is, Tony Soprano?

If they 'deserve recognition' for this, then dip into your own pocket and buy them the bloody wine yourself!

They're Like Buses...

...they come along in pairs now:

A woman who falsely accused her ex-boyfriend of rape when he broke off their relationship was jailed yesterday for her 'vile lies'.

Louise Johnson, 37, drove Andrew Tutty to the brink of suicide after he was arrested and suspended from his job.

Why, it seems like it was just the other day that...

Oh. It was.

Two Cases Where 'Can't They Both Lose?'...

..is the order of the day.

First, it's police vs car clampers:

A uniformed police officer has been caught on film using a pair of bolt cutters to try to remove a wheel clamp from an unmarked patrol car.

The male officer sprung into action after clampers immobilised the vehicle - being used by a plainclothes female officer - and refused to remove the clamp.

The WPC parked her car illegally near he Pheasant pub in Ashford, Kent, after being called out to investigate a 'minor crime'.

But within minutes of parking her car, it was clamped by workers for Parking Control Services (PCS).

Secondly, it's barristers vs professional victims:

Mr Challenger was in the middle of asking Mr Lacome-Shaw to stop Mr Oraki and his friends from 'threatening' him, or he’ll 'deal with them himself' when Mr Oraki walked towards him pointing his finger, throwing abuse.

The exasperated barrister, who is from Lamb Chambers, got up, walked towards Mr Oraki, allegedly put his hands to the top of his chest and pushed him out the door before bolting it.

His wife, who was still in the room, shouted: 'He’s assaulted my husband' and called the police minutes later.

When police arrived at the scene, in the Thomas More building of the High Court, Mr Challenger tried to walk away.

But a policeman arrested him for common assault and put him in handcuffs, before marching him out of the High Court minutes later.

Getting Your Priorities Straight...

The case of the married Muslim woman who has been warned by police that she could be murdered after her lover was attacked with sulphuric acid is ghastly. Words can't express the revulsion that this should happen in broad daylight on an English street.

But, say 'community leaders', let's not be too hasty!

Community leader Imtiaz Qadir, of the Active Change Foundation, said: ‘Honour crime happens a lot in our community, especially the Pakistani community, but we do try to educate the people.

‘It's a cultural thing from back home. But this type of horrible crime is not exclusive just to Muslims, there have been cases in other religions.’

Way to unequivocally condemn this crime, Imtiaz...

Quote Of The Month

Comes from Leg-Iron on the ineffable ability of Labour to grasp the wrong end of the stick:

You know, when the Idea Light comes on above a Labour minister's head, the room actually gets darker.

Foot In Mouth Time...

A comment from a neighbour on the story of the 13 year old Croydon girl and the high-powered assault rifle:

Joyce Birchington, 48, said: “It’s incredible really. These are the type of guns used by the Army, not 13-year-old girls.

What would you recommend for a 13 year old then, Joyce? A pearl handled .22?

A comment from Det Sgt Claire Harvey on the news that Hertfordshire Police are letting burglars escape a charge if they tell police their methods:

Det Sgt Claire Harvey, who works on the project, says the force also uses offenders like John and Neil as 'security consultants'.

She said: 'If a particular area of Hertfordshire is suffering from a lot of burglaries, we would ask one of the guys to come out in a car, asking how can we target-harden particular properties; which houses they would pick and why.

'They are like evil geniuses. And now they are putting their knowledge to good work.'

Not really, Claire love. After all, you caught them, didn't you?

The statement from the 19 year old police support worker at the centre of a police orgy mystery:

The civilian worker refused to comment on the allegations at her parents’ home in South London. She said: ‘I’m off work with flu. I don’t want to talk.’

Well, it's rude to, with your mouth full...

Post Of The Month

Ross at Unenlightened Commentary sums up the school vetting affair as only he can...