They Shoot Clamp Horses, Don’t They?

Nina Pettit, 11, was left in floods of tears after her treasured pet went missing from its paddock off the old A130, Rayleigh.

So when she discovered Steel, a year-old Welsh section A pony, had been recovered nearby by the police she was over the moon.

Three cheers for the police!

Oh. Wait…

However, her mother, Alison Pettit, then spent ten hours frantically trying to find out where the animal was because police had lost the records.

*grinds teeth*

Officers finally tracked him down, but said a private company is holding the animal. Mrs Pettit claims the company wants £806 to release him.

Ah. They’ve clearly learned from the car clamping racket…

Mrs Pettit, who lives in May Avenue, Canvey, said: “I understand one of the sanctuaries around here charges £50 a night for a horse.

“I don’t know how they can come up with this figure unless it’s been eating golden straw and was taken away in a limo. I can’t afford to get him back.”

So, just how did Essex Police manage to cock this one up?

The first she knew about the pony missing was on Wednesday morning when her husband went to do his daily check.

She then rang Rayleigh police station, but the system was down. She tried to call Wickford, but couldn’t get through. Eventually, she spoke to the force information room in Chelmsford.

She was advised to try ringing a kennels and cattery in Sevenoaks, Kent, to see if the pony was there, only for them to tell her they only dealt with dogs and cats.

Good grief!

She was even advised to call the British Horse Society to check no one had tried to get him a passport.

Well, I’m sure armed police would have been available to halt any attempt to have it on his hoofs to a country with no extradition treaty…

An officer finally tracked the pony down at 8pm, but demanded the huge fee for its return. Police also said, for security reasons, they could not disclose the company holding the pony.

Nice!

Mind you, highway robbers DO often wear masks for prevention of identification, so that’s not as unusual as you might think.

So, why are the police acting as go-betweens for this company, then? What contracts have they signed to enable them to accept payment on its behalf? What regulations allow this?

A spokescreature was dragged to the starting gate to explain:

She said: “We did have some difficulty finding where the horse had been taken. However, later that day officers advised the woman the horse had been found and advised her of the charge for transport and livery.

“Essex Police had no involvement in the charges levied by a private company.”

But you’re acting as go-betweens, aren’t you?

I don't think that'll spare you any of the opprobium that's coming your way. A pimp takes no part in the actual sex act, but we still regard them with contempt just the same….

Just Because There's A Recession On...

...doesn't mean councils are going to neglect their main responsibilities so easily.

No, not keeping the streets clean and the verges mown, or any of that other boring stuff:

The district council has sponsored a marquee at the forthcoming Essex Pride event to develop closer contacts with the gay community.

Officers from Epping Forest District Council have said they will attend this year's event, at Central Park in Chelmsford, on Sunday, September 5 to gain more information about sexual equality.

Well, that's money well spent, I'm sure you'll agree? And what will they be providing at this marquee?

As well as providing community play workers and face-painting at their marquee...

*boggle*

...council offices will undertake a consultation exercise on the day.

A consultation exercise on what?

And it's not as if this event gives one a representative sample, any more than a country and western concert or a rave gets one a representative sample of music-lovers, after all...

The most likely target audience for this sort of event is the activist or professional grievance monger - is that the sort of person likely to give the council a balanced idea of how it can attract gay or bisexual employees?

Because it seems that's the point of this:

A spokesman for the council said: “The aim is to promote Epping Forest District Council as a progressive service provider and employer seeking to provide excellent services.”

Aren't councils supposed to be in dire financial straights, and shedding staff, rather than attracting them?

'Big Society' Finally Working...

...albeit perhaps not in the way iDave expected:

Anna Raccoon takes the fight to Sandwell over their hi-vis Staazi

Fuel Injected Moose feeds the loons of 'Ciggy Busting' infamy to an ever hungry local press

Obo The Clown has a hi-larious excerpt from some epic eco-warrior bothering

Captain Ranty and MummyLongLegs ensure some unwanted public attention is paid to the ever-useless PCSO force farce

Leg-Iron has some ideas on strategy

The autumn's starting to look interesting...

Just Another Day In Croydon...

Seven people have been arrested after a man was seriously injured in an early morning bottle attack.

The victim, believed to be in his 20s, was found by police with three puncture wounds to his back near West Croydon station at about 2.20am.

The newspaper prints the contact address if you have any information about this:

Did you see what happened, or do you know the people involved? Contact Mike Didymus on 020 8330 9556, or email mdidymus@london.newsquest.co.uk

Wait, what?

Shouldn't it be the police you contact? Aren't they the ones who...

Ah. Actually, there might be a good reason why the paper doesn't bother with them:

Croydon police let a man off with a caution who attacked his former tattooist, hospitalising him for two days and almost tearing off his ear.

Eh..?

The victim is equally bemused:

"The police deemed it important enough to come see me while I was in hospital but then I got told about two weeks after the attack he was being let off with a caution.

"It’s disgusting they didn’t do anything about it. I had two witnesses and they must have had it on CCTV.

"Whether they were just being lazy, they just thought it was just another Croydon attack or they wanted to keep the stats down I don’t know.

"I just want to find out why the police decided to do absolutely nothing about this and didn’t push it further. It should have gone to court and instead it was just left with the guy getting a caution."

Well, quite. His girlfriend has had a few illusions shattered too:

Mr Wilkies girlfriend, flim studies student Lois Jones, said: "Up until now I have had total faith in the police, but now I am shocked with their actions as now they are giving out the message 'go beat the crap out of someone, that's fine, we don't care as long as our statistics are down."

And it seems the police don't consider this worthwhile enough to even trot out a spokescreature to make the usual soothing noises:

A spokesman from the Metropolitan Police said: "We are not prepared to discuss this matter."

"Is this what we are? Savages?"

I'm going to have to reply in the affirmative...

Mind you, I'm surely going to hell for finding this phrasing grimly amusing:

Malik criticised the spectating police officers' lack of action, saying they should have at least fired their guns in the air to disperse the crowd.

He also said the disgusted nation are baying for the mob's blood.

/facepalm

Oh, These Two Have Got To Share A Cell...

Cretin One:

A businessman embarked on a two year campaign of hate after a woman accidentally bumped into him in the street.

Michael Scott, 58, tracked down the 23-year-old woman who he claimed had not apologised for colliding with him in the street.

After the brief encounter in Worthing town centre, Scott spent two months making repeated phone calls pestering her.

During calls Scott, of Stewards Rise, Arundel, told his terrified victim she would be sold into slavery and shipped to the Middle East.

Cretin Two:

A man tried to stab a house-mate after a row about leaving the loo seat up.

Sanjhiv Auchraj saw red and took the toilet seat away altogether after his patience snapped.

He scrawled a message on the cistern telling others living in the shared house to leave the lid down in future.

Clifford Meaden was asked by other residents to speak to Auchraj about the missing seat, Brighton Crown Court heard.

Auchraj, 44, who had been drinking, was in bed in his room when Mr Meaden asked him where it was.

Auchraj told him he had thrown it in the bin and then jumped out of bed brandishing a 12ins kitchen knife.

It'd just be awesome, wouldn't it?

Tough On Traffic Disputes, Tough On The Causes...

...of traffic disputes:

A man was ordered off a flight and arrested by four armed police at Heathrow over a traffic dispute seven months earlier.

Wow! Clearly a dangerous fugitive! Did we have another potential Kenneth Noye here?

Err...

Officers swooped on Tom Hardyment as he returned from a trip to Washington – even though he had told them he would be away and had offered five times to fix a date to report to a police station.

D'oh!

The car dealer was led off the Virgin plane, driven away in a cage inside a van, then held in cells for six hours before being released without charge.

Five days later he was told no further action would be taken.

That must have been some traffic dispute, surely? I mean, forgetting the sheer incompetence of rocking up mob-handed to arrest a man who'd already made plans to come quietly, to generate that kind of response he must have done something to trigger...

Ah:

Police were investigating claims from a driver that he had been threatening and racially abusive.

Well, let's not be too hasty. To certain sections of the Met, this'll be a sensitive area, and a tick in the box for them if they can pro...

Oh, FFS!

Mr Hardy­ment swerved at a junction after a car pulled out in front of him. When both cars stopped at lights, an Asian woman leapt out and pounded on his passenger window.

He said: ‘At first I thought it was an attempted robbery. The woman was going berserk.

‘I got out and the woman was screaming abuse. She said she was a nurse looking after a child. I said judging by her violent behaviour she shouldn’t be in charge of children and I’d make sure she never worked in this country again.’

*sigh*

Now, admittedly, we only have his side of the story here. Maybe the police were suspicious because he couldn't keep those appointments. It was him who cancelled them, wasn't it?

Errr...

On one occasion when he tried to meet police, the officer concerned was away on holiday, and a further meeting was cancelled because a new officer assigned to the case needed more time to research it.

/facepalm

A Scotland Yard spokesman said: ‘We treat all allegations of race crime seriously.’

You missed out the words 'far too'...

Why The Certainty That This Must Be A Conspiracy?

Julian Assange, the founder of the Wikileaks website, was at the centre of an extraordinary "dirty tricks" row today after the Swedish government issued and then withdrew an arrest warrant against him for rape.

Is it convenient, given the ire he's raised in the US government?

Hell, yes! But that doesn't mean it has to be a conspiracy...

After all, it's not as though there's a shortage of women out there who are perfectly happy to accuse a successful man of awful things entirely off their own bat and for their own twisted reasons, is there?

What it does mean, as Jack of Kent and Al Jahom point out, is that the case for anonymity for rape suspects just got that little bit more urgent.

And Angry Exile points out that the Swedes take a very dim view indeed of false rape claims. Our prosecution authority should take note of that too.

Sunday Funnies

Silver linings. They exist in the most unlikely places...

And I Thought 'Silly Season' Would Pass....

...without, well, someone being silly. So vive la France!

English Channel beaches in France were closed yesterday after a crocodile was said to have been spotted in the sea.

The 'huge' creature was apparently seen swimming around sailing boats in the port of Boulogne.

It is high season on the Channel beaches, with thousands swimming and sunbathing, and a local official said: 'We decided to close all beaches nearby and ban swimming just in case.'

Just in case...what?

Earlier this week beaches were shut in the south of France following a shark alert, but the creature turned out to be a dolphin.

*sigh*

Artists impression of the hunt for the Beast of La Manche