Local Council Planning Department Speed: Slothlike...

...when faced with a certain demographic, anyway:

Residents are growing concerned after a group of travellers have set up site on green belt land in a village.

A planning application to allow caravans to pitch up on the site has been submitted to Rochford District Council to make the site off Pudsey Hall Lane, in Canewdon, permanent.

They are already starting to lay down hardstanding which is used to park their vehicles and caravans on, even though the application is yet to be approved by the council.

Well, of course they are. They know full well that no-one will do a thing.

The resident said: “They just don’t seem to care that the land is green belt.

“And Rochford District Council aren’t doing a single thing about it.” He continued: “It’s very intimidating and they clearly just seem to be doing what they like.

“Something needs to be done.”

Over to the council.

A spokesman for Rochford District Council confirmed that the land was designated green belt and added: “The travellers arrived over the bank holiday weekend.

“The travellers own the land and have submitted a change of use application to the council.

“The planning application is currently invalid as it requires additional information.

“It will not be validated and accessible on the planning portal until officers receive the relevant missing information.”

It doesn't really matter whether it'll be validated, does it?

They Never Look Like They Miss Any Meals Themselves, Do They?

Sandra Mullen, 56, and her daughter Julie Mullen, 26, each admitted a charge of animal cruelty. They were both ordered to serve 150 hours community service.

It's a constant of these cases - black or white, male or female, they are always, always, absolute porkers...

A vet who carried out a post mortem on the dogs noted they were both severely underweight, and had died "painful and miserable" deaths.

The judge told the women they were both "utterly unfit" to look after animals due to "wilful neglect".

They should be thrown into a cell with narrow bars, and told their release is dependent on them being able to fit through those bars...

Looking A Gift Horse In The Mouth, And Demanding A Unicorn

A former rough sleeper claims he lived off takeaways after moving into a property without a cooker last year.

Mathew Hatch-Diespecker, aged 29, said Fortis Living failed to refit his kitchen. He claims that left him with a shoddy kitchen with a layout that doesn't allow him to install both a cooker and a washing machine.

He says he ate fast-food for five months until he managed to install a cooker, and is still living without a washing machine.

You used to live on the streets. Isn't this better? I'm pretty sure you didn't have a cooker and a washing machine next to your park bench either!

Mr Hatch-Diespecker, of Rodborough Drive, Worcester, said: "It's making me feel down about everything.

"The kitchen is meant to be the heart of the home and if the heart is not working properly how's the rest of the body meant to work properly.

"When I moved in a year ago I was told I was due to have a few things updated in my house. None of it has been done to date.

"They said the kitchen was meant to be fitted up-to-date within two months of me moving in.

"I am frustrated that they have failed to provide the correct layout as it means I am unable to have both a cooker and a washing machine."

The sheer ingratitude is enough to make you weep. Or kick something.

He added: "Before I got the cooker in I had to get food every day, it was costing me money and it was an inconvenience. I had to pretty much live off takeaways."

Luckily, Mr Hatch-Diespecker was able to get a cooker from his father, who lives in Thailand, in October. However he still has no washing machine.

He said: "My grandmother's currently helping me do washing. She collects it from me.

"If I can't get in touch with her I have to go to the laundrettes in town and it costs me about £2.50 per load. It's too expensive."

What else do you have to spend your money on then? Oh, wait, my mistake. OUR money!

Mr Hatch-Diespecker, who suffers from epilepsy and fibromyalgia, was made homeless in 2013, after suffering a mental breakdown and falling behind on rent. He said his current situation is playing on his mental health.

I'm pretty sure their must be far more deserving cases out there. Perhaps another spell of rough sleeping would adjust his attitude somewhat?

Slow Learners...

West Midlands Police is beefing up its dangerous dog unit in response to a 12 per cent increase in attacks and offences in the last year.

Finally! They can start with their call handlers.

And an eye on the costs, too:

Officers are also taking action to speed up enforcement action to slash the £430,000 a year costs of keeping dogs in kennels before destroying them or sending them back to their owner.

Looks like someone has finally realised what I've been saying for a long time.

The West Midlands Police and Crime Commissioner’s board was also told that while animal cruelty is often seen as a low priority it often an indication of other criminal activity from domestic violence to organised gangs.

 What took them so long?

But offences involving banned fighting dog breeds - including the Japanese Toza, the Pit Bull Terrier - have fallen year on year down from 122 in 2016-17 to 91 last year.

 Why are there still cases? These things were supposed to be eradicated by this law.

Chief Inspector Dawn Miskella said: “Nationally there has been a correlation between organised crime and dangerous dogs offences. We often find we are dealing with dangerous dog type issues when we are dealing with other forms of criminality, for example if we execute a warrant at an address where we’d got drugs intelligence we would often find a certain type of dog at those addresses.”

There's little need for them if you're a law-abiding person, is there?

"Pussy Pass? Nyet"

Look who's back in the news....

Alexandra Woolnough, also known as Al Capone, attacked Robert Yeeles with a bottle as he sat drinking in her Brighton home.

The 42-year-old Russian claimed she attacked Mr Yeeles in self defence.

A jury at Hove Crown Court took less than an hour to convict her of the unprovoked attack.

How much less...? Was it 20 minutes?

“Officers came from Worthing believing she was the complainant,” Mr Pottinger said. She told police nothing had happened and they went on their way, he added.

/facepalm

She was jailed for two years and ordered to pay £3,000 in court costs and another £1,000 compensation to Mr Yeeles.

Bet she'll be out in half that.

As Pathetic Excuses Go....

...this one doesn't even make it out of the starting gate.

A grandad-of-six is in hot water with the council after doubling the height of his garden fence to...

Oh, boy! *settles in with ppcorn*

...protect his beloved Jack Russell Terrier from being killed by foxes.

Ha ha ha ha! You're kidding, right? A Jack Russell? The breed used by hunts since time immemorial to go down holes after foxes?

When he got the keys, Mr MacKay said he spoke to a housing manager who he claims gave him the all-clear to make his fence 6ft high.

Didn't get his name, didn't get it in writing...?

However, he has now been told by Hull City Council that he did not have permission to build the fence higher as he shares his garden with neighbours.

Mr MacKay is desperate to maintain the tall barrier so he can keep Snowy safe, as he is convinced foxes will jump into his garden and tear apart his treasured terrier.

I've got news for you - foxes can climb six foot fences with ease.

Snowy, described by his owner as a “soft dog who wouldn’t hurt anybody,” has always lived outside after being nurtured by a farmer who kept him outdoors.

I think he's seen foxes before. And survived. Better think up a better excuse.

A Penny For Those Thoughts...

It wasn't just drink, either...

Allan Player, 34, from Thundersley, was driving a black Seat Ibiza when he struck a white Mercedes Sprinter van at about 3am. Mr Player, was treated by paramedics but died at the scene.

Essex Senior Coroner Caroline Beasley-Murray, presiding at Essex Coroners’ Court yesterday heard Mr Player’s car crossed onto the opposite side of the road before crashing with the van.

PC Alan Barlow, from the Essex Police Forensic Collision Unit gave evidence after attending the scene. He said: “Mr Player had 177 milligrams of alcohol per 100ml of blood in his system, while the legal limit is 80, this is twice the legal limit.

“The evidence showed the Mercedes driver was wearing a seat belt however Mr Player was not wearing a seat belt.”

And that's not even the end of it!

PC Barlow said: “I went to the scene at about 4.50am and examined the road surface, the conditions and the two vehicles that were involved in the crash.

“Evidence showed Mr Player was driving at about 60mph in a 30mph area and that he lost control of the car before it crashed with the van.

“On the morning of the incident, it was a cold morning and the road surface was wet.”

/facepalm

Mrs Beasley-Murray expressed her condolences to his family and all those who loved him.

Would have been better off thanking providence the selfish chav didn't take any innocent drivers or pedestrians with him.

I think 'the real truth' is pretty self-evident, isn't it?

"It's like banging your head against a wall and this is not a little crime."

Natasha says she contacted West Midlands Police straight after the incident and received a call back the following day.

"Someone rang me and we ended up in an argument as he wasn't bothered about the injuries," she said.

"I'd been attacked by this dog and he was talking about police resources - if this had been a child they might not have survived.

"Then I heard nothing after that and I kept chasing to get updates and then I went to Little Park Street station as it had been over a week.

"I was promised that someone would ring and no phone call came. So I rang them on Friday to ask what's going on and I keep getting passed from pillar to post and that dog is still out on the street."

Funny that they should worry themselves about police resources. They seem to waste enough of them themselves. Sometimes spectacularly.

A spokesman for West Midlands Police said: "We were made aware of a dog attacking another dog and its owner in Radford Road in Coventry just before 9pm on Monday, April 23.

"The attack is believed to have taken place just before 8.30pm that night.

"The 32-year-old woman sustained injuries to her hand and was treated at hospital. Her dog was also injured and required veterinary treatment.

"Enquiries remain on-going and anyone with information is asked to call police on 101, quoting crime reference 20CV/90589W/18."

Yes, I'm sure you're on the case.

Maybe divert some of the resources you expend on monitoring your Twitter account trying to head off the latest PR disaster on to walking a beat instead?

And They Can't Claim Racism..!

Yesterday, a driver who claimed to be asthmatic in order to avoid taking Mr Ahmad and his guide dog Walt, was fined £500, with £500 costs, and ordered to pay £100 compensation to Mr Ahmad at Leicester Magistrates’ Court.

He will also be referred to the city council’s Licensing Enforcement Sub-Committee to decide whether he can keep his Hackney Carriage and private hire vehicle driver’s licence. Refusing to take a guide dog is an offence under the Equality Act 2010.

 Yes, you guessed it.

Driver Mohammed Jauffer, who works for Everest Taxis in Loughborough Road, Leicester, was booked to take Mr Ahmad from the Brew Dog pub in Berridge Street/Friar Lane in the city centre, to the Flamingo Bar on Loughborough Road, on September 15 last year.

Magistrates heard when he arrived to collect Mr Ahmad, Jauffer, 36, of Stockton Road, Northfields, Leicester, refused to take Mr Ahmad’s guide dog, claiming he was asthmatic.

When Mr Ahmad asked the driver if he had the necessary medical exemption certificate, Jauffer, who pleaded guilty to the offence, apologised for not having one and said he was allergic to dogs.

Later that day, 48-year-old Mr Ahmad who was registered totally blind as a young man before going on to have a highly successful career, encountered a similar situation. Mr Ahmad, who joined the GB Paratriathlon squad and set the world record for the fastest Blind Ironman, had taken a taxi from his Oadby home to give one of his inspirational talks to Blaby Beaver Scouts. While there was no problem on the way there, the taxi driver who arrived to take him home - booked through the same company - tried to refuse taking him, saying that he too was allergic to dogs, he said.

 And then of course, it was 'Wait, you're one of us!'...

Mr Ahmad added: “When I threatened to report him, he said "why brother are you going to report me?"

“I pointed out that he was acting unlawfully and that he could lose his licence. He soon changed his mind."

Mr Ahmad said the driver reluctantly opened the tailgate to allow Walt into the car.

This needs to stop. The punishment should be immediate forfeiture of the licence. Obey our laws, or find another way to earn a living.

Well, I Would Get 'Confused' After 10 Pints Too....

The court heard Mr Hassan picked up Kirman, who said he had drunk 10 pints of lager, and his partner from Marchwiel, near Wrexham, after a rock concert. He was forced to drive along country lanes because of a series of road closures.

The court heard this caused Kirman to become aggressive, telling Mr Hassan he would "smash your face in" and banging on the glass separating the driver and passengers. Apollo Taxis told Mr Hassan to drive to Wrexham town centre for safety, where Kirman tried to drag him out of the car.

Lovely!

Defending barrister Neil Usher told the court Kirman had become confused and thought he was being taken off route because he was being kidnapped.

A likely story! Who'd want to kidnap an ordinary bloke?

Oh.

And the partner? Well, you guessed it!

The court heard his partner, Paula Vaughan-Smith, 48, accepted a caution for a public order offence and proceedings against her had been dropped.

She had since lost her administrative job with North Wales Police.

It's clearly not just one rotten apple, is it?

His partner said the driver had been taking them “a silly way” and had been rude to them, and the defendant told two special constables who arrived: “I am Superintendent Rob Kirman but I don’t want to use that.”

Errr, you did, by telling them.

He claimed he told the two specials what had gone on and he thought they realised that “he was not the bad guy”.

Newsflash, sunshine: the general public can no longer see much difference...

H/T: Sobers via comments