A Bit Of A Sticky Situation, I Guess?

*sighs*

Sunday Funnies...

TV shows lie to us just like the movies? Whodathunkit?

"You couldn’t believe it was happening, it was like something from Line of Duty"

If so, it was the scriptwriter's day off:

A man armed with a ‘sword-like weapon’ was shot dead outside a police station yesterday.

He was gunned down after breaching a secure car park and smashing the windows of parked vehicles.

So much for 'secure car park'... 

Six shots were heard by Mark Baxter, who works at a nearby motor firm.

‘I was in reception with my colleague when there was suddenly a series of bangs,’ said the 59-year-old.

‘We looked at each other and knew instantly it wasn’t a car backfiring. There were two sharp blasts, two shots afterwards, a little delay and then two more shots.

‘We went outside and a lot of police officers were there. We saw there was someone on the ground with a guy stood over him with a gun, a police officer with a rifle and then they shut the road off.’

 So much for 'marksmen'...

Derbyshire Constabulary said armed officers were called to the scene after a man was seen ‘armed with a knife in the secure car park’ of the police station.

A spokesman added: ‘A police firearm was discharged. The man, whose identity is unknown, sustained a gunshot injury and East Midlands Ambulance Service were requested to attend.’

So much for accuracy... 

Oh, Suddenly, It's An Emergency..?

The mayor of New York, Eric Adams, on Friday declared a state of emergency...

Oh, weather related? They get some bad storms ov...

Wait! 

...amid an influx of migrants sent to the city by the Republican governor of Texas.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Wait, wait, I'm missing something.

 Ah, there it is!

“There was never any agreement to take on the job of supporting thousands of asylum seekers,” Adams said on Friday.

Yeah, there was - you just thought it would fall on your political enemies. 

“This responsibility was simply handed to us without warning as buses began showing up. There is no playbook for this, no precedent.”

Yeah, there is - Texas, where they stream over the border in their tens of thousands.  

In a New York Post column in August, Abbott accused Adams of hypocrisy over border policy.

“Adams talked the talk about being a sanctuary city – welcoming illegal immigrants into the Big Apple with warm hospitality,” the Republican wrote. “Talk is cheap. When pressed into fulfilling such ill-considered policies, he wants to condemn anyone who is pressing him to walk the walk.”

Delicious! 

How Many More Failures Of The Mental Health System Can We Stand?

A man has been jailed for life after carrying out a machete attack on a random commuter on a tube train in London.

No, not an incident of gang violence this time. The 'random commuter' tells us what we're dealing with here...

Morgan denied attempted murder on grounds of insanity but was found guilty by a jury at the Old Bailey in May.

It's now September. I guess the usual 'reports' had to be provided... 

Despite attending the trial, Porritt said he still had unanswered questions and was left feeling unsafe. As a result of his injuries, he can no longer sign his own name or do sports he used to enjoy.

“This is not fair; I do not deserve this,” he said. “This should not have happened to me.”

No, it shouldn't. But when someone snaps suddenly and without any warn... 

The court heard that Morgan had a history of low-level violence dating back to the age of 13.

*sighs* 

How 'low-level' are we talking about here...? 

He had 26 previous convictions for 58 offences, including discharging a sawn-off shotgun into a private house.

*blinks* 

Well, at least the defence can't make him out to be the victim here for o...

In mitigation, Warwick Aleeson acknowledged Porritt’s “deeply moving” statement and said the offences were likely to have come about as a result of Morgan’s “profound and serious undiagnosed schizophrenia”.

On Morgan’s willingness to seek treatment, the barrister said: “Ricky Morgan does not wish to be the terrified, deluded creature living in a room he had barricaded from the outside world, believing attackers were going to kill him.”

*throws hands in the air* 

Lessons In UK Justice, Perhaps?

A night porter smashed up the hotel where he worked causing damage of nearly £100,000 as he wanted to "teach the owners a lesson", a court heard.

And now the court will teach him one, right? Wrong:

The judge handed him a 16-month jail term, suspended for 18 months and ordered him to pay £250 in court costs.

So, there you are, folks, angry at your boss? Smash up the office! The so-called 'justice system' will just let you off... 

"Ah, Plucky Little Ukraine..!"

Wait, what..?

A list passed to this newspaper by a Kyiv government source identifies 29 such retribution killings, with 13 more assassination attempts that left some targets wounded.

Well, hopefully the Ukrainian government will get a grip on such war crimes. After all, they won't want to show they are just like their Russian enemy, will they? 

‘A hunt has been declared on collaborators and their life is not protected by law,’ said Anton Gerashchenko, an adviser to the interior ministry.

‘Our intelligence services are eliminating them, shooting them like pigs.’

Oh... 

Well, hopefully they won't do it with anything we've sent them? Because they would make us complicit, wouldn't it?

"And Now We Turn To Social Media For Clues..."

The devastated mother of a cyclist knocked off his bike and stabbed to death in a gangland chase has paid tribute to her 'beautiful handsome boy.'

Wait, what makes this a 'gangland chase' and not a simple road rage incident? 

  Oh. Right. The victim's flashing gang signs...

Rewatchable TV October: Babylon 5

The news that there's to be a reboot (maybe) of this amazing show did fill me with a bit of trepidation, it has to be said... it was truly a new sort of sci-fi saga when it launched in the early 90s, with a breadth and scope that was so very refreshing. 

The five-year plan drafted out by its creator,  J. Michael Straczynski, helped it quickly become one of my favourite shows. And did I think I'd ever say that about a show often described as 'The UN - but in space!'..? 

The Judge Is Doing Her Job, Why Aren't The Police..?

A pit bull is set to be destroyed after she attacked a woman outside her home. Missy the dog bit the woman's hand in the communal garden at her home in Gorton, causing 'a lot of bleeding'.

The dog's owner, Gary Boswell, has been jailed for 10 months after admitting being the owner of a dog which was dangerously out of control and causing injury. He has also been banned from keeping a dog for a decade.

Wow, some tough action for omce! I'm guessing this wasn't a first offence? 

Manchester Crown Court heard Missy was a 'banned breed' and had been seized by police in 2017, but Boswell had been allowed to keep her after gaining an 'exemption certificate', which included rules on how she should be kept.

Police seized the dog again the following year after reports that Missy had 'gone for' a woman and her elderly mother, knocking the older woman to the floor. No prosecution was brought and Missy returned to Boswell, prosecutor Robert Smith said.

Why not..? 

Defending, Natalie Goffe, said Missy had been let out by a friend of Boswell's. She said Missy provided 'protection' for Boswell.

From women and pensioners..? 

She said he has had 'long standing' drug issues but has been clean since last year. Ms Goffe had appealed for Boswell to be spared jail, noting the probation service believed he posed a 'low risk' of committing further offences.

*sighs* 

But Judge Suzanne Goddard KC locked him up. "You were fully aware of the dangerous potential nature of this dog," she told him. "It's clear to me you should have exercised more control over your dog. If you choose to have a dog like that, and you have a warning about the behaviour of that dog and that dog then injuries somebody, it becomes a very serious matter." The judge also ordered that the dog should be destroyed.

She said: "It seems to me that the necessary test is made out. There will be an order for the destruction of the dog Missy."

Pity she couldn't order an investigation into the obvious dereliction of duty of the police whose lack of action resulted in a career-ending injury to this third victim...