Post Title Of The Month

Tim Worstall wields the scalpel:

Quote Of The Month

Leg-Iron gives advice to those planning a skinful (or a trip to Denmark):

"I’m back from a short trip to Denmark where I saw a very tall (well over six foot) Pikachu carrying a half full bottle of Famous Grouse along the street. Later, that same Pikachu pushed a fifties gangster on a swing that looked like a spider web. There was a violin case involved.

At that point, I started drinking. I thought, if all that shit starts to feel normal, that’s when I’ve had enough to drink."

Post Of The Month

Bill Sticker on Canada's descent into madness.

I Can't See What She Could Be Studying, Can You?

A student defrauded a council out of more than £5,000 by secretly moving her mother into her home.

Poor kid, probably lonely, missing her mum while...

Wait, what?

Biri Chingwaru, 55 (Ed: !!!), of West Road, Westcliff, told Southend Council she lived alone so she would be exempt from paying council tax.

She admitted fraud at Southend Magistrates after claiming more than £5,000 she was not entitled to.

Council finance boss Joe Chesterton said the case should serve as a warning to anyone thinking of committing the same kind of offence.

Yes, a warning that the UK justice system is very, very lenient and there's nothing to really lose by trying to game the system...

In mitigation, her defence stated that she had now repaid the debt in full and had shown remorse.

She was sentenced to a community order of 12 months, in which she will have to complete 150 hours of unpaid work, costs of £287 and a victim surcharge of £60.

*sighs* Was deportation too much to hope for?

My Pulse Is Already Irregular And I'm Nauseous...

Louis said 'Huntsman spiders can give a nasty bite so they were lucky they didn't get hurt.'

A bite from one of these spiders won't kill a human, however, it can cause nausea, an irregular pulse rate and can get infected.

...and that's just from the thought of these things getting established over here!

Operation 'Nuffin' To Do Wiv Islam!' Rumbles On....

In our job, we have to figure out the most likely scenario. I thought it was probably a terrorist attack, with the perpetrator likely to be identified as a Muslim. It is not simply a misinterpretation of Islam but exactly the opposite of what our religion teaches. There is nothing in Islam that endorses such actions. Islam sanctifies human life.

Tell that to the Didsbury mosque congregation, chum.

Unfortunately, the Muslim community as a whole has to deal with the consequences.

The 'consequences' being what, exactly? The UK police farce being more obsequious and pandering than normal for a while? The MSM running sickening congratulatory articles?

I’m from Egypt but trained in Britain. At least six of the other surgical consultants at the children’s hospital are also Muslims, plus many other doctors and nurses. Manchester has great ethnic diversity so the hospital staff reflects that.

 It does now, but what about the long term?

You could sense from the families and talking to them that this is not part of their thinking. They understand that this attack does not represent the Muslim community.

Really? Why can no one in the MSM tell me just exactly what Georgina Callender's grieving family think the UK government should 'open their eyes' about, then?

Cuts, Cuts, Cuts..!

Under the Tories, more than 20,000 police officers have been cut. The government was warned by experts, by police officers and, yes, by Jeremy Corbyn and others at the time that this could have grave consequences in the fight against terrorism. But with Theresa May as home secretary they cut anyway.

The same is true for the Border Force. Despite lots of rhetoric about border security and control, the Tories have axed 1,000 staff from the Border Force on May’s watch. We know our security and emergency services spring into action in an emergency. But the Tories cut the fire service too

But what will perhaps most concern those asking how terrorists slip through the net, is that the Tories cut the budget in real terms for the security and intelligence agencies themselves. They also cut the numbers of personnel.

Hmmmm....

This is the wrong priority. The safety and security of our citizens must always come first. Labour will always ensure that is our priority, and that the security and intelligence services get the resources they need to defend us from terrorism here at home.

Says who..? Well, believe it or not, this woman:



Gosh. I'm convinced. Anyone else?

"The worst thing about living in the declining era of a great civilization..."

"...is knowing that you are." — Robert A. Heinlein.

Yesterday, we saw the obligatory round of arrests in the aftermath of the Manchester atrocity - the number is now up to 15, as far away as Sussex - and the (also totally predictable) revelation that this could once again have been prevented.

And also, while these stories were garnering headlines, we saw smaller glimpses into the priorities of the UK Police forces. I won't comment on this, as Fahrenheit211 has said all that needs be said.

And no doubt, some people out there will welcome this action, no matter how utterly ridiculous, because 'racism is bad'.

But it seems that only some racism is bad, in the eyes of the police:

The family of two parents and their five children aged 8 to 15, were playing on the beach when two boys and three girls aged 16 to 18 allegedly ran towards them, hurling stones.

As the attack continued and the parents tried to shelter their children, the family called Kent Police, but the emergency operator advised them that no officers would be dispatched, despite the assailants remaining at the scene.

Instead, they were told that an officer would contact them the following week to “investigate”.

That's odd. Or ... is it?

When are we going to wake up, and realise that radical Islam may not be the greatest threat our civilisation faces?

Yikes, Better Pull The Communication Cord!

I mean, we wouldn't want that...

Caption Writer Thinking About....Other Things?

Their hard what...?!?

And...isn't it 'from' the roads..?

H/T: Custard Cream in comments

Sunday Funnies...

The UK features in these listings waaaay too often for my liking!

Just What We Need....

...more bloody irritating pop-ups:

“It’s interesting to see Instagram and Snapchat ranking as the worst for mental health and wellbeing. Both platforms are very image-focused and it appears that they may be driving feelings of inadequacy and anxiety in young people,” said Shirley Cramer, chief executive of the Royal Society for Public Health, which undertook the survey with the Young Health Movement.

Two organisations that could also be said to be 'driving feelings of inadequacy and anxiety'..?

She demanded tough measures “to make social media less of a wild west when it comes to young people’s mental health and wellbeing”.

Social media firms should bring in a pop-up image to warn young people that they have been using it a lot, while Instagram and similar platforms should alert users when photographs of people have been digitally manipulated, Cramer said.

OK, let's tackle the first idiotic suggestion: these apps and programmes already exist, and if young people felt it was a concern, there's nothing to stop them using them.

And as for the second....well, how on earth could you even...?

However, the leader of the UK’s psychiatrists said the findings were too simplistic and unfairly blamed social media for the complex reasons why the mental health of so many young people is suffering.

Prof Sir Simon Wessely, president of the Royal College of Psychiatrists, said: “I am sure that social media plays a role in unhappiness, but it has as many benefits as it does negatives.. We need to teach children how to cope with all aspects of social media – good and bad – to prepare them for an increasingly digitised world. There is real danger in blaming the medium for the message.”

I fear this eminently sensible view from a genuine expert will simply go unnoticed. Because the amateurs are connected.

Young Minds, the charity which Theresa May visited last week on a campaign stop, backed the call for Instagram and other platforms to take further steps to protect young users.

*sighs*

Tom Madders, its director of campaigns and communications, said: “Prompting young people about heavy usage and signposting to support they may need, on a platform that they identify with, could help many young people.”

You mean, help you stay in a cushy job?

Middle Class Angst

Councillor Lynda Hyde, former mayor of Brighton and Hove, will cut the ribbon to greet Costa Coffee’s arrival in High Street, Rottingdean at 10am.

But not everyone is happy with the national multiple opening in a street of independent retailers and cafes, with many venting their frustration on social media.

Oh?

Cllr Hyde said: “When they asked me if I would open it, I had to think whether this would be detrimental to other traders or will it be beneficial to the High Street.

“Because we need to do all we can to get as much footfall as we can in the High Street.

“So I did think about it but my view is Costa is likely to encourage more people into the High Street and therefore benefit the other traders.

“And, they’ve done up an empty building which was empty for over a year, which again is beneficial to the High Street.”

Splendid! What's the problem, then?

Juliet Ryan, who owns the Open Art Cafe in the centre of Rottingdean in Nevill Road, said: “I feel quite strongly about it, a lot of the traders do. “It’s something we didn’t want.

“Nobody knew they were coming, we didn’t see any signs or anything about the planning application.

“If we’d known, we’d have protested like they did in Totnes in Devon where they stopped a Costa coming.

“We’re a historical village, we don’t need a massive franchise coming in.

“It’s already crippled a lot of small business.”

How? Surely if everyone feels so strongly, they'll refuse to shop there & Costa will pull out. What have you got to be afraid of?

Kate Sandford, of Rottingdean, said: “Had to say something about this as it made me so angry.

“Costa don’t need to be in a small village. They make enough money globally as it is.

“Leave the small town alone and stop crushing small local businesses that work hard to pay the bills.

“I loved working in a cafe as a teenager in Rottingdean and it’s sick to think the individuality of British tea rooms is being pushed over by corporate franchises.”

Perhaps what you're really worried about is that people will find their coffee or service isn't all that good after all, and Costa is better?

Maybe 'Demolition Derby Driver' Would Be A More Realistic Goal..?

A 25-year-old man, who hopes to pursue a boxing career, has been jailed for two offences of dangerous driving in the space of four months.

Judge Jonathan Durham Hall QC described Theophilus Barrett's first offence last August as "outrageous" after hearing how the speeding BMW he was driving collided with six other vehicles during a protracted pursuit around streets in Bradford.

Ouch!

Prosecutor Graham O'Sullivan said during the pursuit on August 2 another man in the car leaned out of the BMW and pointed a two-foot long metallic object towards armed police officers in their vehicle.

Mr O'Sullivan said the officers initially thought the object looked like a sawn-off shotgun and it was only when it was thrown from the car that it was seen to be a folded up hazard warning triangle.

/facepalm

The court heard that Barrett was given bail, but in November he was caught behind the wheel of a £25,000 Mercedes bearing false registration plates.

After being given bail again he went on to commit the second dangerous driving offence in December when he was spotted by police officers in a friend's Seat Leon.

*sigh*

Barrett's barrister Nigel Jamieson said the defendant realised he faced an immediate jail sentence, but there was a more postive side to his client.

Really?!

He handed in references from previous employers and said Barrett now wanted to put his idiotic behaviour behind him. Mr Jamieson said his client was interested in amateur boxing and wanted to concentrate his energies on the sport when he was released from prison.

Shouldn't that read 'if he is released from prison'..?

H/T: SimonMagus via Twitter

Well, As Mick Said, 'You Can't Always Get What You Want'...

Natalie Collins, 39, of Delhi Road, in Pitsea, wanted to get her hair cut into a “short back and sides” style, which is frequently favoured by men.

She had initially hoped to get her hair cut by a stylist in the hairdressing side of Broadway Barbers, in High Road, Pitsea, but there was nobody available.

So she went elsewhere, right? Wrong!

The mum-of-three claims she then asked for a barber to style her hair - but was told he “doesn’t do women’s hair.”

My car mechanic doesn't do gardening, either. What an outrage!

“I asked what’s different about cutting my hair to a man’s hair as I wanted a men’s style and he just said again: ‘I don’t cut women’s hair.’

“I was told I could wait for another hairdresser to arrive so waited about 25 minutes and she never arrived so I ended up just sitting there.

“I felt really angry, upset and humiliated to be honest and eventually left.

“I would understand if I had long hair and wanted a women’s haircut as I know they are trained differently but I wanted a men’s haircut.”

Oh, grow up! Go somewhere else, it's hardly less 'humiliating' to have your little whinge in the local paper, is it? Do you realise just how you come across?

Amir Glassi, the barber at Broadway Barbers, said: “She came in asking for a haircut so I told her I don’t do women’s hair and that the other hairdresser isn’t here yet so she said she would wait.

“The woman who did it before wasn’t here.

“Her hair wasn’t that short - if she wanted an all over cut it might be different but she wanted it long on top and short on the sides.

“Can you imagine if I cut it and she didn’t like it?

“I don’t cut women’s hair - we didn’t do anything wrong. The other hairdresser was on her way.”

This is what the 24/7/365 news cycle has brought us.

The 'Guardian' Is So Busy Monstering Morrisey For Wrongthink...

                                 

...that they trip over themselves in their haste to continue the narrative at all costs:

Will he? Gosh. Are you sure?

Nor is the 'Guardian' alone in pushing the jihadi agenda:

Check out the burkha!

The REAL 'FakeNews'..!

So at what point to we start to treat the progressive MSM as what they are? Quislings & enablers?

Time For Clarkson's Law To Be Extended...

“Ben has always been there in my life and I feel as though I have nothing left now.”

He is concerned that it could have been a child that was attacked and wants the “archaic” laws about dogs to be changed so that if one attacks a cat it has to be destroyed.

He also wants the dog that attacked Ben to be put down.

Another 'Staffie' owned by inadequates, another person left bereft of a pet, enough is enough. Put the dog owners down as well.

Sure It's Not 'Party Political'...

...it just happens to align with the campaign your union (who back Labour) are pushing.

Dozens of schools in Brighton and Hove will take the unprecedented step as part of a campaign by parent-led group Save Our Schools.

The action will be go ahead today despite Brighton and Hove City Council issuing a warning to headteachers not to display the banners because they were promoting “one-sided political views”.

Well, yes. The Civil Service goes into purdah for a reason.

Andy Richbell, headteacher of St Nicolas Primary School in Portslade, said the issue was above politics. He said: “We don’t agree with their analysis this is political because we don’t think we are taking a party political stance.

“There are politicians on all sides who are concerned about the Department for Education cuts and have been lobbying them.

“We’ve had support from several of our MPs and every MP we have spoken to recognises that there is an issue.

“So this isn’t party political – it is the community that is really concerned about the impact of the cuts on the children in our schools right now.”

You're wrong, chum. Which really calls into question your integrity.

TONA*

The Basildon cabbie, who wishes to remain anonymous, picked up two young children at Basildon Station at 9.30pm on Monday night.

The terrifying incident happened after he dropped them in Oak Lane, off Gardiners Way, where the driver of a Nissan Juke blinded him with full beams as about six people hurled missiles at the cab.

He said: “I suddenly couldn’t see a thing, and I heard these missiles raining down on me from behind the vehicle as six shadowy figures threw rocks and metal objects at the car. There was music blaring.

“I don’t know why it happened, I haven’t been involved in any altercations. The children paid up and ran off looking terrified.

“It was scary. I quickly did a three-point turn and raced away at 40mph while the people in the Nissan chased me, but I managed to get away.”

Sounds horrifying.

Essex Police will be carrying out an investigation into the senseless attack.

Whew! I know this would make me feel ever so much safer...

But what sort of people are they? Can the comments shed any light?

Aha! That's what we call 'a clue'.

*Travellers of no appearance

But Irony Is, It's No Longer Shocking....

Woke up this morning, put in the radio, wondered why Vanessa Feltz wasn't wittering on as usual, tuned in with half an ear as I made the tea and fed the cats.

That's how I learned about the Manchester terrorist atrocity.

Nigel Farage tweeted this morning that the bomb was targeted at children, and this would be 'a big shock for the UK'. Would it? Really?

IS ANYONE SHOCKED ANYMORE?

We go to the polls in a few weeks. Choose wisely.

When Did We Become Superstitious Medieval Peasants?

A petition has been launched calling for Ian Brady to be buried at Ashworth Hospital - the “one place he tried desperately to get out of”.

The campaign, launched online, aims for Brady’s remains to be kept permanently at the Maghull site so that he is kept locked up “even in death”.

 WTAF..?

His death has sparked controversy about what should happen to his body. Sefton coroner Christopher Sumner sought assurances Brady’s ashes would not be scattered on Saddleworth Moor - the resting place of four of his and partner Myra Hindley’s victims - before releasing the body on Thursday.

What on earth does it matter? He's dead. Isn't this supposed to be the age of reason?

Councils across the UK have publicly refused to cremate his body.

Well, why not? There's a precedent. But do we have to follow the strange superstitious customs of the excitable Johnny Foreigners? Aren't we better than that?

But then, they already demolish perfectly good housing for ridiculous reasons, after all...

With uncertainty remaining about what will happen, Brad Savidge has launched a campaign pushing his own proposal.

Writing on campaign website Change.org, Mr Savidge wrote: “Nobody wants Ian Brady’s remains anywhere. Quite rightly so. If we could simply make the monster disappear we would.”

He's dead. You don't get more 'disappeared' than that.

I Know The Sort Of 'Help' These People Need...

Simmonite, 40, was found to have failed to control his dog, a black lurcher named Stan, and allowed it to maul the cat. The incident took place on around midnight on December 6 last year in Steamer Street, Barrow.

Witness Geoff Hoyland told Furness Magistrates' Court: "I was in bed when I heard the disturbances and it was a dog and cat fighting outside.

"I saw a man with a hood up covering his face holding onto the dog talking to it. I heard him say 'taste' before he let go and the dog chased the cat up the stairs.

"He was standing by the side of them not interfering. I have a dog of my own and I would have been on it like lightning.

"I shouted for him to get his dog under control but he just stepped back into the shadows so I couldn't see him." Kayleigh Turner also witnessed the attack and later tried to alert the cat's owner by posting on Facebook.

 Filth who should be destroyed along with his animal.

Simmonite denied being behind the attack, saying it was a case of mistaken identity.

Sure, that's believable.

Simmonite was found guilty of causing unnecessary suffering to a protected animal. He will be sentenced on May 23.

Let's hope the judge throws the book at him. And doesn't miss, like all the other times he's appeared in court.

A crook with an ‘appalling record’ for dishonesty tried to con a 78-year-old cancer sufferer out of £200, a court heard. Drug addict Samuel Simmonite, 36, had claimed the vulnerable victim owed the cash for scaffolding used in repairs allegedly carried out on the pensioner’s home in Nelson by two other men.

Lurcher, animal cruelty, preying on pensioners with building scams...? Hmmm. I detect a certain 'type' here...

The hearing was told Simmonite had a record of 90 offences, mainly for dishonesty and had served time in the past. Mark Stuart, for Simmonite, said he had no previous convictions of a similar nature.

He had a long-standing drug problem, but had been going to Inspire. Sentencing, Judge Andrew Woolman told the defendant the victim was vulnerable. He said: “They are mean offences.”

Only to be expected from members of his 'community'.

The judge, who said Simmonite had an “appalling record” for dishonesty, said he would give him one final chance. He continued: “It may be you may be more willing to accept help than on previous occasions.”

That 'one final chance' cost a lady her pet. Don't make the same mistake again, justice system.

Proof That Met Cops Can't Cook....

...

...

....wait, what? I've got bigger knives than that in the kitchen!

Atlas For The BBC, STAT!

An 89th-minute Aston Villa goal that put Newcastle United top of the Championship has won a football fan more than £60,000.

In a £10 bet the man, from the Scottish Borders, chose seven league winners.

Wait, that's not a story about England!

H/T: Stephen Guy via email

Sunday Funnies...

I tend to believe they pretty much all are...

The Tangible Whiff Of Desperation Permeates The 'Guardian'...

And the arguments get even more bizarre and narrowly-focussed:

There's a glimmer of hope:

But it seems no-one's listening. Oh, well... *orders more popcorn*

Repeat After Me: No More Legislation....

A spokeswoman for the charity said: “Dogs Trust is concerned to hear that dog attacks in Suffolk and Essex are on the rise, but believes demonising certain breeds is not the answer, and that there is a vital need to overhaul the existing dangerous dog legislation.

It just has been overhauled....

“One of the biggest failures of the Dangerous Dog Act is the emphasis on breed-specific legislation. Dogs Trust believes in deed not breed.”

So do lots of idiots, apparently....

But it can't have escaped anyone's notice that a chihuahua is much less of a threat to life and limb than these creatures.

A spokesman for Essex Police said the force treated reports “very seriously” and would fully investigate each incident, with action taken against the owner if a crime had been committed.

*hollow laughter*

Pc Emma Grosvenor, dog legislation officer for Suffolk Constabulary, said: “We receive occasional reports of incidents involving dogs.

“Each case is judged on its merits and if called to an incident we would assess whether the dog was a danger to the public or an illegal breed and take the appropriate action.”

Which is usually the square root of sod all, until the injured parties start a social media fire under you.

No-One Comes Out Of This With Any Credit...

Jon Joe Teague, of London Road, Leigh, was arrested on February 24 after police were called to his home over a domestic assault.

Basildon Crown Court heard the 25-year-old joined the Army four years ago but has allegedly been absent without leave for the last two years because of an issue arising from an “initiation ceremony.”

Lads will be lads...

Carolyn Gardiner, prosecuting, said Teague assaulted his partner after flying into a jealous rage when she came home late from the pub, while he was babysitting their 15-month-old child.

The assault involved smacking a phone out of the woman’s hand and shoving her in the chest, which caused her to fall to the ground. Police were called and while checking their systems they found Teague was wanted on a court martial warrant.

Got him! Bang to ri....

Oh.

Miss Gardiner said: “Mr Teague was told that he was being arrested for that warrant and he went back inside the flat and closed the door.

/facepalm

“He is described as putting the child in front of the door in order to prevent the police from kicking the door in.

“He then managed to escape by the window.

/doublefacepalm

He later said he had too much time to think. He knew what was likely to come to him if he went back to the Army and he decided to get away.

“He denied using his daughter to prevent the police entering the property. He said he put her on the sofa and said goodbye to her.”

Who would believe that?

Matthew Bone, mitigating, said Teague made the decision to run because, despite being absent from the Army, he was working and wanted to pick up a final pay cheque for his family.

Mr Bone said although Teague is officially AWOL, the regimental boxer has returned to his barracks in Colchester on four occasions in order to seek a discharge. He said: “This was a man who wanted a career in the military. An incident arose while he was in the regiment in relation to certain initiation ceremonies. It was that that caused him to desert.”

Wait, hang on, he returned four times?!?

Judge David Owen-Jones questioned why Teague’s case had not been dealt with by the Army on the occasions he returned to barracks. He said: “It’s extraordinary for him to have been going back and them doing nothing about it.”

Well, quite!

Well, I Think Gruinard's Still Available..?

Southend Council has confirmed it is to refurbish the empty Wentworth Road school building, former Cecil Jones Lower School, and use it to cater for children who have been excluded from school for behavioural and emotional issues.

Nice for the neighbours...

But not everyone viewed it as a positive move.

I'm shocked!

Resident Chrissy Bacon, 42, said: “No thanks. It’s going to be a nightmare.

"The last kids we had there used to leave lots of rubbish outside the house. You couldn’t even park your car.

“I’m not looking forward to it reopening, it’s going to be bedlam.

“I don’t really want it there. I don’t suppose anybody else who lives here does either, to be honest.”

I'm betting no councillors or council heads live anywhere near it!

On the Echo’s website Shocked Resident posted: “To see this on Facebook last night and to be told it was in the Echo I am shocked & disgusted that no thought has been given to the residents.

“I have lived here for 25 years and we have never had any issues. Well done to those concerned that have now made a nice road into a worried neighbourhood.

“Maybe if you had kept us informed things would be different!”

Good luck moving, too, now everyone knows what's in store...

Gullibility Level: Super Expert

Shocking CCTV footage captured the man punching, kicking and throwing beer over a dog in the beer garden of the Royal Oak pub in Lewes.

A clip from the pub’s CCTV cameras was shared by The Argus, thanks to barmaid Mia Finch, in the bid to identify the man involved.

And it worked! Hurrah for crowdsourcing and local social media!

After thousands of people watched the video and gave police and the RSPCA the man’s name and address, Sussex Police say they are no longer investigating.

A spokeswoman for the force said: “This is now an RSPCA investigation.”

*rolls eyes*

The RSPCA said in a statement: “The RSPCA and police have traced and spoken to the man who features in CCTV footage obtained from The Royal Oak pub in Lewes following concerns raised for the welfare of a dog with the individual.

“An RSPCA inspector has also traced the dog, who does not belong to the man in the footage. Our inspector has examined the dog - a bull terrier cross type - who has no physical injuries and who is in a good condition.

“After speaking to the dog’s owner - who is not the individual featured in the CCTV footage - we are satisfied that the dog will be properly cared for.

Because the owner has realised the wisdom of loaning his treasured pet to a drunk?

“The matter is now an ongoing RSPCA investigation, but we would like to thank those people who contacted us with information after seeing the CCTV footage which was shared online. “

*sighs*

It's A Good Start, But That's All It Is...

...horse rescue officers, supported by Essex Police, attended the site on Saturday (22 April) to find four animals in distress.

One pony, a piebald mare, was discovered in a small area approximately five feet by five feet, without access to food or water and surrounded by live cattle wire which could have electrocuted the animal.

A second pony, a foal filly, was found tied dangerously with two rub wounds to her back legs from cart/trap sores. Two small ponies were then found detained inside a large dog kennel which was incredibly cramped and dangerous for the animals.

The usual suspects, of course. And this is just a drop in the ocean, if the comments are to be believed.

The operation took place using the Control of Horses Act, which gives councils the power to remove and detain animals found to be unlawfully occupying public land.

The Act is designed to protect the welfare of animals while making owners liable to pay any costs for damage caused during the unlawful occupation, as well as expenses incurred by the council in detaining the animals.

Good luck getting any of the money!

By law, all horses, ponies, donkeys and related animals in the UK must be microchipped and have a horse passport.

What a pity there seems to be no way of enforcing this law...

Nope, Need An Electron Microscope To Spot The Difference...

Dexter Neal died in hospital after being bitten by Jade Dunne's dog Ruby at her home in Halstead, Essex, on the afternoon of August 18 last year.

Dunne, 29, pleaded guilty to being the owner of a dog dangerously out of control, resulting in death, at an earlier hearing.

She was sentenced to 12 months in prison, suspended for two years, at Chelmsford Crown Court on Tuesday.

She was also disqualified from owning a dog for 10 years and ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid work.

Meanwhile, PC Clare Ferdinand is never ever charged. So it would seem Jade's lawyers were not on the ball, since I'm still baffled as to how there's any material difference in this case.

I did wonder if this particular dog had a history of human aggression, but if that came out in court, it's not been reported:

Ruby was a rescue dog who was rarely walked, had shown no aggression towards humans in the Dunnes' home before but “sometimes didn't like other dogs” and had to be muzzled when walked.

She said Dunne could not reasonably have foreseen the attack.

Just like PC Clare Ferdinand?

"But...But...What About My Compo?"

From the 'Metro' story on the Drayton Manor theme park drowning:

Some parents are just totally lacking in self-awareness, aren't they?

Envy Politics...

In a clip of the exchange, Cathy said: “Theresa, are you going to help people with learning difficulties? I’m being serious, I want you to do something for us.”

What do you want her to do for you? You've managed to get to a market town to question the PM on live TV, I'd say you weren't doing so bad...

...I’ve got mild learning disabilities and I haven’t got a carer at the moment and I’m angry and I would like somebody to help me because I can’t do everything I want to do.

Like what? We never quite find out. All Chatty Cathy can manage is boilerplate Labour rhetoric, as you'd expect from someone with learning difficulties:

“I’m talking about everybody, not just me, for everybody who’s got mental health and anybody who’s got learning disabilities. I want them not to have their money taken away from them and being crippled. The fat cats keep the money and us lot get nothing.”

'Their' money, 'taken away from them' and given to 'fat cats'. That sounds familiar! And of course, the usual suspects cheer on their stooge.

She went on to tell Mrs May that she wanted disability living allowance to be reinstated as the personal independence payment had left her worse off and said: “I can’t live off £100 a month.”

You won't be, because PiP is a top up - it's applied to whatever other sources of income you have, either from work or Jobseeker's Allowance. So you aren't expected to 'live off it'.

As the Prime Minister stopped off at a pet food stall, she was questioned by pensioner Duncan Macarthey 83, who lives in Abingdon, on why high earners were able to take advantage of Government schemes to buy new homes.

He said: "Rich people jumped on the bandwagon of that and got houses that they shouldn't have got."

Good luck designing a system that allowed only the targeted audience from benefiting, Mr McCarthy. And just who do you think should get the task of determining what sort of property people 'should get'? You?

Who Was Escorting Him, Stevie Wonder?

A Met Police spokesman said: “He is a black man of slim build and was last seen wearing blue jeans, a black sweatshirt, a green coat and carrying a black rucksack.

“He has links to the Blackheath area.

“Bokesa is considered dangerous and should not be approached.”

 Well, why isn't he locked up safely, th...

Oh.

Police have released CCTV footage of a “dangerous” man who escaped via a bus while on escorted leave from a mental unit in south east London.

/facepalm

It Pays To Know All The Facts...

On Saturday, I blogged about the demand by one Stacy Banner that the police should pay for the death of her mother and sister. One might be stunned at the chutzpah, given she withdrew her complaint.

Well, turned out I didn't know the half of it!

A relative of two women who were brutally murdered at a puppy farm in Tilford has been convicted of defrauding the killer’s dead partner.

The full details of Banner's conviction can only now be revealed after the Crown decided on Thursday (March 2) it was not in the public interest to prosecute Banner’s accomplice John Lowe.

Stacy Banner was convicted of five charges of fraud, totalling £107,950, by a jury at Guildford Crown Court on January 20. She was sentenced to 12 months in prison, suspended for 18 months.

Gosh! I wonder why the police-hating 'Guardian' didn't see fit to mention this in their article, which portrayed her as a victim, instead of a victimiser?

H/T: Retired via comments

I Can Find The Words Quite Easily...

He told The Sun Online: “My main upset is that the police haven’t spoken to me about it.

“I was worried the dog might get out and hurt a child – we live near a school.

“You feel so utterly helpless.

“I don’t have words to describe how upset and angry I am with the police because of their complete lack of care.”

...but since this is a family blog, I'm completely unable to use them.

A Hampshire Police spokesperson said: “We were called at 12.49 on Thursday 11 May about a report of a dog that had killed a man’s cat and also bitten him on his hand in Iris Road, Southampton.

“It was reported that someone caring for the dog got the dog under control after the incident.

“The man was advised to seek medical advice regarding the injury to his hand and contact the dog warden with regards to the dog attacking his cat.

“The investigation into the dog biting the man is ongoing.”

It's must be really hard for you to track the owner down. You know, the injured party's neighbour. But then, that seems par for the course with Hampshire Police.

'Sun' commenters show more intelligence than cops. What a time to be alive...

Gotta Catch 'Em All...

...but no-one's catching the typo!

Looks Like The 'Daily Mail' Photo Editor Uses eBay...

...I mean, who else?

Sunday Funnies...

Because real life always beats fiction in a straight fight...

""Wait, No, Outrage Is OUR Weapon! You Can't Turn It On Us!""

It’s important for progressives to have in-group conversations about how we talk about our political enemies and the people who hurt us. It matters (and it’s telling) when men jump straight to misogynist tropes when criticising rightwing commentator Ann Coulter, or when thin people use fatphobic slurs to decry New Jersey governor Chris Christie. It’s also important to keep a grip on nuance in those conversations, taking into account a person’s track record (Colbert was a staunch advocate of marriage equality) and intent and willingness to listen and change.

"Because, hey, he's one of the good guys! Don't you get it? He gets a pass"

Colbert is now being investigated by the Federal Communications Commission, a relatively routine procedure, but alarming in the context of Trump’s obsession with punishing unfriendly media outlets and flirtation with amending the first amendment.

"What are you doing, people? The show trials are for the haters, not our troops!"

I’m happy to criticise Colbert (and my mentors and my enemies and myself), and to have a nuanced conversation about language and power with other good-faith actors. What I won’t do is fight some proxy battle against justice and equality because disingenuous bigots think they’ve found a loophole and I’m gullible enough to fall through it. Principles aren’t a game, a card you can sanctimoniously deploy...

"It's our trump card! The dealer isn't supposed to give it to you to use! What sort of game is this, anyway?"

Looking To The Wrong People...

A woman whose mother and sister were shot dead by an 82-year-old puppy breeder after police returned his shotguns to him has criticised Surrey police’s firearms team as negligent and dangerous, as the police watchdog highlighted “deeply concerning” failings.

Oh..?

Eleven months before the killings, police received an allegation by Stacy Banner, now 42, the daughter of Christine and sister of Lucy, that Lowe had made threats to shoot her. Lowe’s seven licensed shotguns were removed.

As you'd expect. So, what did the police do wrong, here?

Banner subsequently withdrew her complaint, due to his age.

Ah.

Banner said on Tuesday the IPCC report was “vindication” in her long battle for an independent investigation, but many questions remained unanswered. She called for a “Lucy’s Law” in memory of her sister to overhaul gun licence policy, and a full inquest to answer remaining questions.

"The police should listen to me! On this occasion. Not that other one...!"

"We're Gonna Need A Lot More Men, Sarge!"

A man who blasted shotgun cartridges at a family home in Coventry – shattering the front door and window – has been jailed for nearly 10 years after West Midlands Police proved he was the shooter.

Might have needed a horde, you could say!

Genghis Khan opened fire at the house in Lauderdale Avenue in the early hours of 10 May last year – and the following month discharged a sawn-off shotgun at a vehicle parked outside the address.

They caught him because he posted pictures of himself on social media with the weapons.

So, more a clot, than born clutching one...

H/T: Robert Hale via email

FINALLY, Police Act Swiftly In A Dangerous Dog Case...

Six-year-old Louie was accused of menacing the Royal Mail worker near owners John and Linda Anslow’s home in Wimbledon, South London, leading to an early morning visit by police armed with a “lead large enough for a Rottweiler.”

How brave! Because the marauding hellbeast is....a chihuahua!

So a small pet carrier would have been a better idea.

Mr Anslow, 63, said that the standoff between Louie and the postwoman had begun two months ago and that now he and his wife collect their mail from the local depot.

He said that three police offers turned up at their home last week at 7am to remove the dog. “They came with a lead that would fit a Rottweiler. When they said they were here to seize Louie and realised how big he was, they looked ashamed,” he added.

 Didn't think they were capable of this...

Police today confirmed reports that two people complained they had been bitten by Louie. A spokesman confirmed Louie was not seized but Mr Anslow was given a behaviour order.

The spokesman said: “At 7am on 27 April officers from Wandsworth supported by colleagues from the Dog’s Unit attended an address in Campen Close, Wimbledon, to carry out a search warrant.

“The warrant was executed under section 5 of the Dangerous Dog’s Act 1991, after police were informed that a dog had bitten two members of the public.”

Usually, you can't be bothered to get off your backsides. What's changed here?

Is it because it's not really 'two members of the public' at all, but another public sector worker? The police do, after all, have form for being quick to act when it's 'just' a member of the public, while excusing their colleagues...

"I believe that children are our future..."

"...teach them well and let them lead the way..."

Islanders have all expressed their upset at the news on the vandalism, which is the latest in a recent spate.

Plants have been taken from the plant pots along the seafront recently and, further up the beach at Concord Beach, bins have been set on fire.

Another bench at Thorney Bay was also ruined after a woman accidentally put a barbecue on the top of it and melted it.

Nor is Canvey Island the only place to suffer the little children:

Brighton and Hove Buses told Patcham High School they were considering removing the 74 and 75 bus service used by hundreds of students after bus drivers, members of the public and students made reports of anti-social behaviour and so much rubbish was left on one bus it had to be taken back to the depot.

Nor is it just a Southern phenomenon:

Councillor Angela Tait (Royds, Labour) who is a member of West Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Authority, condemned the attack which took place in her ward.

She said: “It is absolutely terrible and abhorrent when our firefighters get attacked by anyone. “There seems to be a high number of attacks in Bradford, such as people throwing stones at crews, and the service does a lot of outreach work with the community to try to stop this.”

Cllr Tait said she has “no idea” why people attack firefighters while they are carrying out their work.

“I guess they find it entertaining,” she continued, “I’ve no idea why they do it, it is just wrong and not acceptable at all.

“Firefighters should be seen as heroes by young people in the community, not targets for attacks.”

If this is the future, I don't want it.

Gullibility Level: Expert

A mother has been cleared of owning a packet of drugs found in her pocket by a prison guard after claiming...

Oh, this'll be good!

...she bought her jeans in a charity shop and had no idea the substance was there.

*blinks*

Latham originally told officers that she had bought the jeans the day before visiting the prison - but admitted today that she said that in a panic.

This jury must have a room temperature IQ.

Cardiff Crown Court heard that she had purchased, washed and dried the trousers before wearing them to visit her son Che, 22.

'Che'..?! Isn't that proof enough that drugs aren't unknown to her lifestyle?

I Do So Love A Bit Of 'Blue On Blue'....

Oxford University has apologised for saying that avoiding eye contact could be "everyday racism" after...

They realised what idiots they looked? No, of course not. There's only one thing that could drag an apoloigy out of these people.

...it was accused of discriminating against autistic people.

And it's getting hoist with their own petard. Delicious!  *gets popcorn*

Emeritus professor of sociology at the University of Kent, Prof Frank Furedi, said the newsletter's authors "need a reality check".

Thanks to the ceaseless efforts of David Thompson, we know, don't we, reader, that 'reality' and 'university' isn't often found in the same sentence...

H/T: CJ Nerd via email

Ugly, Stunted, Squinting, Inbred...

...and the dogs are pretty horrible too.

Andrew McGowan, 35, pleaded guilty at Liverpool Magistrates Court to being responsible for the dogs, which weigh up to 11 stone and left the toddler with 'life changing injuries'.

McGowan has been bailed, on the condition he does not keep any more dogs, but faces up to two-and-a-half years in prison when he is sentenced on June 6 at Liverpool Crown Court. McGowan, from Toxteth had been breeding a large number of dogs, which were kept in an 'insecure' pen.

 How large a number of dogs?

Merseyside Police have confirmed that there were 11 of the animals in the three-bedroom, mid-terraced property next door.

 Ugh! Fancy living next door to that...

Police seem to be baffled by some pretty obvious facets of the case, if their spokesman is any indication:

...what we do know is that the dogs are, what we believe at this time, is that the dogs are American Bully dogs, and we need to do some more inquiries to establish exactly what the nature of that dog is.

Oh, I think you can tell that from the sort of people who desire to keep them, can't you?

"Give Us The Failing School And No One'll Get Hurt!"

A failing Muslim school has been shut down by Ofsted - but bosses argued being closed could lead to the radicalisation of students.

Sounds familiar...

The Trust argued that children attending the school were avoiding potential 'radicalisation' during 'unregistered home schooling' by ultra-religious family members.

Also sounds like the Trust isn't discharging its statutory duty to report this to the Prevent project...

It was also submitted that the school addressed the 'fine balance of the requirements of parents seeking a very conservative and traditional Islamic education with the need to introduce a wider modern context.'

If that's the education they want, why are they here, in a modern, mostly-secular, liberal country?

Pupils, particularly girls, would face the prospect of no schooling at all were Ayasofia shut down, it was said.

Which is illegal, and should see parents hauled before the courts, no?

H/T: David Bain via email

"Give Us The Action Park And No-One'll Get Hurt!"

Action Park, at Bonville Farm, Wickford, was forced to shut after Basildon Council issued an enforcement notice in May 2015 against the park. The site had been operating on green belt land without planning permission for seven years prior to its closure.

That's longer than it takes to resolve some traveller sites!

Owner Philip McCaul says the closure of his site has caused motocross riders to set up racecourses on public roads.

Footage available on the Echo website shows about a dozen bikers pulling wheelies and slaloming at speed through traffic cones. He said: “What these riders are doing is utterly insane - they’re closing areas off and using them to race down. Sometimes there can be 30-40 bikes which meet at night, someone is going to be killed.”

*shrugs* So long as it's one of the idiots, and not an innocent pedestrian...

Mr McCaul and park manager Marie Martin’s latest planning bid was scrapped by Basildon Council in February. However they have sent off fresh plans in the hope to get it reopened.

FFS!

John Anderson, Canvey Island Independent Party councillor, said: “If it gets the bikers off the streets, so they’re not upsetting residents in the streets, then park is a good thing.

“But it’s imperative the nearby residents are consulted.”

They are the ones who objected.

A Rape Allegation Not Taken Seriously? In Vera Baird's Patch?

The Devil you say!

It's interesting, isn't it, how far we've come? I mean, it used to be that any claim, no matter how ridiculous or ancient, would be investigated by teams of police. And the court system would bend over backwards to aid the complainant.

Is this 'progress'? Well, maybe not. Especially not when one looks at the Northumbria Police statement:

"It is disappointing that the victim is now having to endure a situation where the case she was involved in is being subjected to entirely misleading reporting, based on unfounded information, via social-media outlets.

"This would seem to be a deliberate attempt to undermine the very strong community-cohesion that currently exists across the force area and we urge our communities to see it for what it is."

Really? What is it then?

Better To Rely On Strangers For Help...

...than those we pay to do so:

A spokesman for Humberside Police said: "Ensuring your dog is kept under control when out in public is the sole responsibility of the owner and not doing so can result in injury not only to your dog but to other dogs and possibly worse.

"Failing to keep your dog under control can be a criminal offence.

"I can't comment on the specifics of this incident but fully understand the distress that it will have caused the owners of the injured dog and appreciate the frustration and concern of not being able to report the incident to prevent another animal from being injured.

"Details of this incident have been passed on to our local policing team in the area so that our officers are aware of the potentially lose (sic ) and aggressive dog when out and about and so that we can try and identify the dog's owner to prevent this happening again.

"Failing to keep your dog under control can be a criminal offence."

Yes, repeating it twice in your long, boilerplate statement doesn't help. Many things can be criminal offenses, but you know what makes them so? Police getting off their arses and doing what they are paid to do - investigate before there's another victim!

This most recent attack happened at 8am and the latest victim, Ann Pedersen, has recalled the terrifying ordeal.

The "shaken" owner of the now scarred-for-life family dog, has described the moment she heard the pounding of paws behind her before a "powerful" dog clamped onto her beloved pet's neck.

"Its jaws snapped onto him and shook Bobbi like a rag doll", said Ann.

She said: "The jaws wouldn't open. The noise was awful. He was screaming in pain.

"It was terrifying and I was screaming for help."

If you'd phoned 999 and said you had a gun you planned to shoot the beast with, I bet they'd turn out lickety-split then.

Well, 50% Accuracy Is Nothing To Be Sneezed At...

....eh, 'Comment Is Free'?

Not Called 'The Grauniad' For Nothing...

Well, I suppose May Day is a big event worth (over) celebrating at the office...

Sunday Funnies...

No 7: That bar must be enormous, the thing's the size of a moo...

Oh.

"Sure, What Could Go Wrong?"

It probably seemed like a good way to stimulate pupils’ creative juices.

Yes, these people probably thought so too, at first...

Pupils were not told that Wednesday’s raid was a stunt, but perhaps giving a clue that they had not really been targeted by hardened criminals, among the ‘loot’ was a teacher’s packed lunch and Easter egg.

You've clearly not though this through, then.

Nor reckoned with the fact that you've been busy inculcating Generation Snowflake for so long, there's now certain expectations.

Valerie Morris, 50, whose son Ben, nine, attends the school, said: ‘Ben was really quite upset by it. The first I heard about it was when we got home and he told me the school was broken into while they were in the hall.

‘He said the classroom had been trashed and they had taken the iPads. My first thought was, “How did they get in?” The doors and gates are locked when the kids are in school.’

She claimed that pupils who had experienced burglaries at home could have been traumatised by what happened at school. ‘It would bring back all those emotions of when you’re a victim of a crime,’ she added.

Well, quite! A movement started by the US has made it over here. As always.

According to the school, parents were informed about the exercise later that day via a mobile phone app – but Mrs Morris did not receive the message and said she had previously complained that the system did not work.

School staff being great at technology...

Louise Graham, 39, said: ‘When my daughter Amelia came out of school she said it had been broken into. She is very sensitive about this kind of thing.

‘She’d been holding in the tears at school because she hates crying in front of people, but when she told me, she started crying.’

The woman in the hotseat is shocked that the parents of her charges could disagree:

Headmistress Kath Higson said: ‘This is a complete storm in a teacup and has been needlessly overblown.

‘We frequently hold events to stimulate children’s creativity in writing, such as inviting in a “real” pirate to talk about their adventures on the high seas.

Eh..? Blimey!

‘At no time did we alarm or cause distress to the children, who thoroughly enjoyed the event and are writing a range of great “newspaper reports” about it. The vast majority of parents are totally supportive of the school.’

Suck it up, love! You've coddled the little darlings for so long, they've come to expect it. This is a problem entirely of your own making.

Now, where's the popcorn?

Promise, Or Threat..?

*shudders*

Borough councillors will be urged to give the green light to releasing £70,000 from reserves and consider spending a further £200,000 later to support initiatives.

But...but the terrible cuts!

The report to the management committee next week says: “The projects represent an ambitious arts programme for the borough and are designed to reflect the aspirations of the management committee to support both high quality public art (for the benefit of both residents and visitors) and community-based creativity.”

It adds: “A key driver for investment in arts projects, particularly public art and the creative improvement of public realm, is the ability of high quality installations and designs to help ‘redefine’ public perception of a community.

“By allocating resources to improving the public realm, the council can help to increase the attractiveness of an area and set the tone for the quality of new development.”

To which I can only reply: "PARKLIFE!"

Mitigation For Dogs...

Claudia Batchelor was dragged to the ground by a French bull mastiff last August, before it turned on her much smaller dog Barney.

Her partner Grahame Boyt then intervened to pull the dog, named Lola, off of Claudia, who told Southampton Magistrates Court she is still haunted by the incident.

What was the owner of the dog doing? Standing there clueless, like so many of them, I suppose?

But owner of Lola, self-employed Andrew Howells, who pleaded guilty for being in charge of a dog dangerously out of control, was spared jail when sentenced at the court.

Instead district judge Lorraine Morgan handed out a 12-month community order, which requires Howells, 50, of Holbury Drive, to complete 120 hours’ unpaid work. He must pay £500 compensation, £200 costs and a victim surcharge of £85.

*sighs*

The court also heard, following the attack, it was discovered the dog was suffering from a painful condition which resulted in her being put down in January.

I'm only surprised they didn't say it was of previous good character, suffered from a poor puppyhood, was a carer for its elderly mother and had a job lined up waiting....

In mitigation, Andy Wheldon said Howells was a responsible dog owner who accepted in hindsight the dog should been on a lead.

If he truly was the former, the latter would never have happened.

Judge Samantha 'Lenient' Leigh, Folks...

Mr Whitcombe said despite Balderstone not entering a guilty plea until the day of the trial, he did so because he had genuine remorse and wanted to spare Mr Dowsett giving evidence.

He said: “He wished to avoid Mr Dowsett coming to court because he predicted it wouldn’t do anyone any good and did not want to force him to relive what could have been a far more tragic incident. Had a vehicle been following then heaven knows what could have taken place."

Nice try, but it's not really going to help, is it?

The court heard a driver who witnessed the incident said Balderstone was “swerving across lanes” and the driving was “deliberate”.

Quite. You'd have to be a moron not to see that...

Oh. Spoke too soon.

Judge Samantha Leigh (Ed: Oh, gawd..!) handed him a 20-month prison sentence, suspended for 24 months, and disqualified him from driving for 24 months. He must also complete 240 hours of unpaid work and pay £500 costs.

*sighs*

What Happened To Due Diligence..?

Heather Ffrench, 52, of Sparrows Herne, Basildon, and Anthony Olomofe, 46, of Curling Tye, Basildon, both worked for Southend Council between 2009 and 2016, when up to 38 alleged frauds were carried out.

Basildon Crown Court heard Ffrench, who worked in the parking department as a parking notice officer, faces the bulk of the charges. She denies 30 counts of fraud by abuse of position. Olomofe, who was employed in the council’s IT department, denies four counts of fraud by abuse of position and four counts of fraud by false representation.

Not any more, he doesn't.

Ffrench is accused of fraudulently issuing 13 permits, including at least one to herself and one to Olomufe. The permits had a combined value of £11,880. She is also alleged to have cancelled a ticket for Olomofe, who had a habit of racking up parking fines.

Mr Gurjoy said: “He had been issued work parking permits so that he could exercise his duties. However, there are certain restrictions on even those permits and he was not allowed to park in certain areas. He used his parking permit to park in areas he should not be parked in and received parking tickets.

“Some he challenged through the formal channels, some he paid, some were cancelled by Miss Ffrench without going through the proper channels.”

Seriously, no-one thought it might not be a good idea to have the guy who racks up parking fines shacked up with the girl who issues them?

Why We Can't Have Nice Things...

The Exmoor ponies were put in the National Trust owned fields near Southwick Hill as part of a grazing conservation scheme.

The animals were being managed by the Sussex Pony and Grazing Conservation Trust.

Bosses had said they were excited about being asked to help with the conservation of the South Downs.

Of course, we can all see where this is going, can't we? And sure enough...

However, at the end of last week the animals were moved from the fields, which are near Mile Oak.

Anna Bogg, from the Sussex Pony and Grazing Conservation Trust, said the decision had not been taken lightly. She said: “We have been seriously concerned by some of the irresponsible behaviour we have witnessed from dog owners, parents of young children and adults in this short time period.

“We are further worried by other evidence and stories we have been given of incidents past and present, concerning the treatment of livestock on this site.

“People have no understanding that they are wild – you need to keep a distance and it’s illegal to take your dog off the lead.

“There are signs that say that but they got taken down and the gates were left open in protest.

“People’s dogs were chasing the ponies around and they were laughing about it.”

And idiots like Monbiot think 'rewilding' will save the world?

Some Guidance For United On Animal Transportation ...

Cannot go in the freezer

 Can go in the freezer

Black-furred Simon - expected to outgrow his 4ft 4 father to become the largest rabbit in the world - was alive when he was taken off the plane from London Heathrow but died at a holding facility at Chicago O'Hare Airport.

But now an airport worker has revealed that the pet was placed in temperatures of 0 to 2 degrees celsius by mistake, causing it to freeze to death.

Good grief!