Going Ape…

What more can one say about the ‘pet’ chimp shot in the US after attacking a friend of its owner, and the cops who came to rescue them, other than perhaps they should have saved a bullet for her:

"Travis couldn't have been more my son than if I gave birth to him," said Mrs Herold. "It's a horrible thing, but I'm not a horrible person and he's not a horrible chimp."

Well, no. He was a typical adult male chimp.

In other words, a wild animal fully capable of tearing apart a 300lb linebacker in body armour with ease, never mind an unarmed elderly lady.

Hopefully, there’s a lawsuit (or twenty) winging its way to Mrs Herold right about now:

Travis, a usually mild-mannered chimp, had appeared in numerous television commercials for Coca-Cola and Old Navy. Initially, Mrs Herold told the police that she put the anti-anxiety drug Xanax into his tea, but she has since denied it.

I suppose it’s just as well he didn’t advertise that….

And because no story is complete without a ‘No shit, Sherlock!’ comment from an ‘expert’:

According to experts at savethechimps.org' chimpanzees do not make good pets.

"Keeping a chimpanzee as a pet is not a rewarding experience for the chimp or the people. Chimp babies soon grow out of their adorable stage and become dangerous and destructive," the website says.

Thanks, ‘experts’.

However, Mrs Herold, who reportedly used to share a glass of wine with her beloved chimp every evening before they bedded down for the night together, has stated that she cannot understand how Travis could have turned violent.

I’ll help you out there – because he was a wild animal! ‘Violent’ is pretty much their default setting.

And is it just me, or is that turn of phrase ‘before they bedded down for the night together’ wrong on so many levels? ‘Telegraph’ editors, behave yourselves!