I Should Have Gone Into Counselling...

...I'd have obviously made a fortune. There's clearly a great need for it.

But what kind of children need counselling after this:

Children at a top Sussex private school have been offered counselling after a porn movie appeared on an interactive whiteboard during a lesson.

You're having a laugh! Right?

Nope:

A teacher at the £11,200-a year-school accidentally beamed the blue film, featuring "adult sexual activity", into the classroom full of eight and nine year olds.

The teacher, who had previously taken the computer home, has not been dismissed from the posh Pennthorpe School in Rudgwick, West Sussex.

But the kids who saw the graphic video have been offered psychiatric support.

*sigh*

No, 'Responsibilities' Are The Last Thing This Man Has...

A Colchester man on a Think First scheme didn’t, and ended up in front of a judge.

Chelmsford Crown Court was told, although Steven Fenton, 21, of Gardenia Walk, Greenstead, was thirsty, he refused to drink water out of a jug that was available during the scheme, which is used to help offenders with their behaviour, and instead poured it out of a window.

He was dismissed from the scheme and as a result probation officials took his case back to Chelmsford Crown Court, where Judge Peter Fenn imposed a 20 hours work order.

That'll teach him...

Afterwards Fenton, who at the original court hearing which resulted him being on the scheme had received a 24-month community order for setting fire to a car, said: “I was upset. It was warm water on a hot day and I didn’t want to drink it.

“I’d done 19 out of 22 sessions,” he said, adding he now has a pregnant girlfriend and wants to put it all behind him.

Oh, just great...

Catherine Bradshaw, mitigating, said he had psychological problems from meningitis.

Making the work order, Judge Fenn told him: “You’ve got responsibilities now.”

Really, Judge? You think he's going to be supporting his pregnant girlfriend?

Because I rather think it's going to be us taxpayers instead...

Thank God He Qualified It...

..with the word 'political':

"I would not want to share a drink with Glenys Kinnock," said Mr Griffin, speaking to The Times outside the chamber. "She is a political prostitute, simple as that."

Whew!

I'm Sure The Guardian Womyn Will Be All Over This One...

The Attorney General has been asked to investigate the case of a rapist who was allowed to walk free from court with a community sentence - and allegedly struck again just days later.

A rapist set free with only a community sentence? Allegedly committing another crime straight away?

Oh, boy! Cath Elliot and the usual crowd over at CiF will be climbing aboard their steeds and donning their colours to bring the fight to the Criminal Justice System and its rampant misogyny any...moment...now.

But wait. There might be some tricky issues here:

Meanwhile, his close-knit local community has been left in a state of disbelief by the chain of events, with friends and family of the victims incensed he was let out to allegedly attack again. The teenager was allegedly known by police for his sexual interest in young boys.

Hmmm....

The accused boy's family - he lived with his mother after his parents separated - have since left the area and moved into a safe house following threats.

A neighbour claims that the boy's mother had pleaded with social services to take him into care, but was ignored.

I can feel the brakes being thrown on right now...

Over at House of Dumb, DumbJohn points out that not only are we not able to know the rapists name, but we can't know the judge's either.

"...considered vulnerable..."

That's the verdict of Gravesham Council on the women and children of the travellers who, having been evicted once at a cost of £40000, have picked a new patch:

A group of war veterans face being evicted from their clubhouse after travellers demanded it be torn down to make way for more caravans.

They 'demanded'..?

Well, why not? Expecting them not to is rather like expecting Hannibal Lecter to pass up the human kidneys in favour of a nice spinach omlette. It's their nature. It's what they do...

And thanks to the spineless idiots who infest all councils that have to deal with these 'travellers', it works:

On its website, the council noted it had to be sensitive to the needs of the women and children on the site who were 'all considered vulnerable'.

So let's hear from one of these delicate, vulnerable women:

Gypsy traveller Anne Scarrott said: 'The council are going to knock the navy club down so we can have more space.

'There is not enough space while the navy club is here. We are all too close to each other and can see into each others' windows.'

Well, perhaps you shouldn't have parked your caravans there then....!

Guardian Columnist Gets A Taste Of NHS 'Efficiency'...

We did go to hospital, where they were terribly nice but made me wear a face mask – it turns out you can't actually breathe through them. Once they'd ruled out meningitis, I got a prescription for Tamiflu and a cocktail of painkillers, but when my partner tried to get it fulfilled, he discovered it's not so easy to find a chemist with Tamiflu in stock, even in London, and it can't be on the same prescription as any other drugs. "You can have the Tamiflu or the painkillers," they told him. "Choose one." Back to the hospital that we were never supposed to have visited in the first place, then.

I Think He Misread The Title On His Job Application...

...as 'Save One For Me':

A Save the Children worker who led a double life as a member of an international internet paedophile ring is facing years behind bars.

He got around quite a bit, too:

Sohail Ayaz, 35, of Whiting Avenue, Barking, came to the UK on a two-year visa after molesting a 13-year-old boy and taking photos of the abuse.

He is also wanted in Italy accused of helping perverts there and in Norway sexually assault at least 15 Romanian children.

So, we don't have any low-level clerical staff in the UK (or even in Barking itself) who could do this job, but we need to import them from Pakistan?

I thought charity began at home...

Red...Mist....Descending!

Again:

Police community support officers have startled homeowners by wandering uninvited into their properties during a burglary crackdown.

If doors were left open, the civilian officers - nicknamed 'Blunkett's Bobbies' after the Home Secretary who created them - walked straight into homes.

Which, of course, they deem to be quite safe for them to do. Try the same thing in Texas, why don't you...

One resident, who came face to face with a PCSO in her home, said she was 'totally shocked' when she met the officer in her kitchen.

The 38-year-old, who did not want to be named, said: 'I was just pottering around in the kitchen and then all of a sudden there was an officer in front of me.

'I really didn't know what to make of it and just stared at her for a while.

'She had clambered through my living room window and started lecturing me about crime prevention. I thought it was a bit much really, but it did make me think.'

What did it make you think, love? That you should have battened down the hatches and sat tight in your living room, despite the heat?

Or that you really, really wish you'd bought that pitbull after all? And starved it for a few days...

PCSO Thurley admitted that she might have locked some people out of their homes by closing doors they had found open with nobody home.

She said: 'We may well have been locking people out, but it's better safe than sorry and would teach them a lesson.'

Oh, how I wish I was a swearblogger, but I don't think I could spell the words I'd want to use...

'Teach them a lesson', indeed. You jumped-up, sanctimonious little jobsworth! Who the hell do you think you are? Do you really believe that you are in the job you are in to 'teach people lessons'?

Well, you aren't. You are in the job because NuLabour is too skint to be able to afford more real police, and too desperate to massage the unemployment stats to hide their failings, so is clearly reduced to handing out plastic police uniforms to any bumptious little wannabe gauletier who fancies lording it over the rest of the population.

And why, it seems it was only yesterday that the fat waste of skin occupying the Met top job (until prised off like a recalcitrant limpet by Boris) was trumpeting the fact that 'residents in Haringey, north London, are now happy to leave their front doors open and unlocked' as a triumph for his police force! What happened, love? Didn't you get the memo?

Oh, and I bet you didn't try this on any chav estates, did you? Not so much fun when it might not be harmless females to surprise and terrorise, but Darren and his skunk-smoking posse?

Cool Idea, Harriet!

But we are going to need a test for Northern-ness in order to make it work:

The Mail on Sunday has learned that she wants to introduce rules to halt discrimination against people from ‘up North’ and other regions, and has instructed her Equalities Office to look at ‘diversity proposals’ to stop Londoners and other Southerners lording it over the rest of the country.

I propose we offer a plate of Southern fish (cod) & chips, cooked in vegetable oil, and a plate of Northern fish (haddock) and chips, cooked in beef dripping. Make them choose. The true Northerner will surely spit out the Southern effort!

Any other suggestions?

Leonardo's Lion

Sometimes, I think it's worth paying the licence fee: