"No Spellcheck Please, We're The 'Daily Mail'.."

Ah, the masters at work!

H/T: Stephen Brown via email

"No Spellcheck Please, We're The 'Southend Echo'.."

Whut..?

H/T: wiggia via email

Sunday Funnies...

I can't help thinking No. 4 might mean SkyNet is emerging....

Technically, He's No Longer Driving, Surely?

A driver who ran out of fuel on the A30 near Exeter today has been reported by police for driving without due care and attention.

You think they might have a bit of sympathy, no? But wait, is it even an offence?

It is not in itself an offence to run out of fuel on a motorway. However, unless there's a mechanical fault with your car, there's no excuse for running out of fuel.

Not letting it get super low is just part of the basic responsibilities of running a car. By running out of fuel, you risk creating a dangerous situation and obstructing the roadway.

 And you're at risk of one of our police arresting you for that. Because they've nothing better to do.

Maybe one of them should hang around an ambulance station or police station waiting to pounce, if this is such an issue...

H/T: IR Jackson via email

I Didn't Realise The High Cost Of Sweeping Dog Waste Off The Street...

Hooded youths hurled rocks, bottles and eggs at bystanders as a stream of limousines adorned with garish floral arrangements snaked through Kent and south-east London.

One man living near the church where the funeral – thought to have cost up to £100,000 – took place was struck with an egg, and a photographer was punched in the face.

As classy in death as in life.

Remake of 'Reservoir Dogs' is not expected to do well...

The heavy police presence at Henry Vincent’s funeral is likely to have cost taxpayers around £15,000.

 Still, a small price to pay so that people can walk the streets in safet....

Oh.

Officers warned residents to avoid walking too close to the entrance of the church for their own safety.

Journalists were told by police their safety could not be guaranteed.

Yes, that's a British Police force pretty much admitting that they are useless in any kind of crisis. I suppose it's nice of them to confirm it officially.

I Sense A Pattern Emerging...

Whitby crewman Ben Laws and his workmate Joe Winspear were allegedly sacked over the phone on Tuesday. The pair are reported to have swapped the 'jokey' tea mugs for Secret Santa presents. One featured Mr Winspear's head superimposed on a naked woman's body.

...

...

And? Which delicate flower even thought this worthy of note?

When a senior female member of staff found them at the headquarters in North Yorkshire, their jobs were brought into question. The pair were initially told to destroy the mugs and that they would face no further action.

'Destroy'..? Not 'take home', but destroy? What the f...?

But the men, who are not paid for their work with the RLNI, then had to go through a disciplinary hearing that looked through their private Whatsapp messages.

They were eventually let go, sparking resignations from four of their colleagues in protest, reports The Sun.

Remember back to November, when the RNLI found that putting a woman with no practical qualifications in charge doesn't work out so well?

This is, I suspect, yet another instance of the same sort of cluelessness.

According to the newspaper they were told they could no longer work at Whitby's RNLI branch because the mugs could have been found by schoolchildren, which posed a 'safeguarding risk'.

Following the backlash, the RNLI fatcats have rushed out the usual self-serving guff companies always rely on, hinting that the MSM has got it wrong, and these are bad 'uns but ooooh, no, we can't tell you why because the lawyers won't let us:

The lifeboat station should be an environment where people can expect to be treated with dignity and respect.

We can not allow bullying, harassment or discrimination in what should be a safe and inclusive environment and there will be serious consequences for anybody who demonstrates this behaviour within the RNLI.

Just the sort of crap you pay...HOW MUCH!!??

Worth it only as a sea anchor... 

Here's a notice to the shiny-trousered morons who've taken over a once-proud charity and made it no better than the bloated, overstuffed RSPCA and RSPB - if I'm in peril on the sea, I don't give a rat's arse what the men - volunteers, too! - who come to rescue me drink their tea out of, nor what mucky jokes or office gossip they might swap on What'sApp.

Nor do I care if the RNLI is a 'diverse and inclusive environment', either. What matters is their seamanship, not their obedience to whatever the SJWs care about at this precise moment.

And if you think I put money in tins to buy the RNLI more 'compliance officers' and 'diversity consultants', think on!

Useless, Beleaguered, Beset By Scandal And Resignations...

...and yet the Tories are still more palatable than Calamity Corbyn's mob:

...party chiefs will face an inquest into why Labour is not making progress in crucial swing seats against an ailing Tory government.

Everyone already knows why, don't they?

It's almost like the Tories didn't even need to try. And indeed, some of them didn't!

The tears of the crushed enemies are sweet, as I drink them to the sound of the lamentations of their women:

Oh, Twitter is going to be delicious this morning!

Translation: "Please Lose Us More Votes!"

Haringey Council needs to work better with voluntary sector partners when providing support to refugees to avoid “storing up problems for the future”.

A scrutiny review on support to children from refugee families found Haringey’s approach was “harsh” compared to other boroughs and called on the council to look at other ways of providing funding and support.

One might almost say, they provided a 'hostile environment'. Well, if you listened to the bleating of these Open Borders advocates, that is.

In the past year, the council assisted 254 children and 155 families in these circumstances, with current spending totalling £635,000 a year.

That's harsh, yes, but only on the poor bloody taxpayer!

But the Children and Young People’s Scrutiny Panel heard evidence that the assessment process used to determine whether support could be provided tended to focus on the finances and status of parents rather than the welfare of children.

As well it should. If the parents can support them, why should anyone else?

Mark Blake, Labour councillor for Muswell Hill and member of the Children and Young People’s Scrutiny Panel, said the review showed Haringey was “not working as cohesively with voluntary partners” as other boroughs.

He said: “In comparison to Islington, I felt we were losing out by not working as effectively and in as collaborative [a] fashion as I would have expected.

“Personally, I felt taking an approach that could be more harsh could be counterproductive – as a public authority, we could be storing up issues for us further down the line.”

Sounds almost like a threat. Perhaps we'd simply be better not taking in any more of them?

Then It's Time To Stop Voting For Them, Isn't It?

Maggie Kelly, 51, of Peel Avenue, Shoebury, and Wendy Punt, 50, of Elm Road, Shoebury, say that the town’s streets (sic) and are calling for more bobbies on the beat to combat knife crime.

I hope they are bigger than the one I saw strolling down the high street with her mate the other day. I could see over the top of her hat, and I'm not tall!

Her mate wasn't that much taller, and the two of them together couldn't handle disorder from anything bigger than a toddler...

Maggie’s son Shaun, 19, and Wendy’s son James, 20, were attacked by men wearing balaclavas in an alleyway near Elm Road, and were shoved to the floor. The thugs threatened the pair with a knife and stole James’ wallet.

Two fit young men were helpless. Not sure what Little & Littler could have done to assist...

The mums are calling on Southend Council to help work to get police the resources needed to make the community safe.

Unless those resources are a few units of the ED-209, it's hard to see what difference they are going to make...

Mrs Kelly said: “We want Shoebury to be safer place to live, I like living here but want it to be a better place to live.

Good luck with that!

“I want to see our local councillors doing something more to make sure that we get more police on our streets.

Really? So, are they lacking?

Mrs Punt said: “We have been speaking to our local councillors about the issue and we just don’t seem to get any answers from them.”

Well, the answer's within your own gift, isn't it? What do you plan to do?

Good, There's One Less...For A While, At Least.

Mark Pearson, 47, of Grampian Flats, Balmoral Road, Westcliff, returned to begging after breaching a criminal behaviour order.

The order, which was put in place in November, prohibited him from begging. Yet Pearson was seen outside the entrance to the Co-Operative store in Hamlet Court Road, Westcliff, asking people for money on January 28 this year.

And he didn't confine his offences to just begging, either:

In the aftermath Pearson turned violent and attacked PC Marc Cann and was subsequently charged with two counts of assaulting a police officer in the execution of his duty.

And was bailed. You can guess what happened next, can't you?

Pearson was also charged with an additional count of assaulting a police officer after he assaulted PC Northcott on February 26 in Basildon - an offence he committed while on bail for the original charges.

/facepalm

Pearson denied all four charges and refused to attend the courtroom - and instead insisted on staying inside his cell. The court found him guilty in his absence.

In any other country, he'd have been dragged into the dock in chains. Why are we so supine?

Pearson was sentenced to four months in prison for assaulting PC Cann - and two months for assaulting PC Northcott to run consecutively.

It was decided there would be no separate penalty for breaching the order.

Then what the hell was the point in applying for it?