Monday, 14 December 2015

Oh Dear, How Sad, What A Shame, Never Mind…

A man has suffered serious injuries after being hit by a double-decker bus in London Road. Police were called today at 9.25am to reports of the crash near the junction with Greenside Road, near Croydon University Hospital.
Witnesses reported that the man, who is in his mid-40s, ran out of a Tesco in London Road into the path of the bus. Tesco staff and other witnesses claimed the man had been a shoplifter at the store.
*muffled giggle*
Police have confirmed they were called twice this morning, once at 8.16am and again at 9.20am, to reports of a man shoplifting at the Tesco store on London Road.
I’ll be astonished if some ambulance-chasing shyster doesn’t offer to take his case for suing the police for not turning up to arrest him and so avoid the accident…
Mr Fernandez said the man had taken a bottle of wine from near the entrance of the shop, before dropping the alcohol and running out into the path of the oncoming bus.
The owner of nearby Caribbean Food Stores, Gee, said the supermarket had experienced similar problems in the past.
He said: "Tesco doesn't have a security man until 10am - what people tend to do is come first thing in the morning and take whatever they can."
This one, at least, will not be back for a while.

There was good news from up north, too:
A shoplifter who stole a tub of sweets from a shop was hit and knocked down after doing a runner. He stole the Quality Street variety chocolates from The Co-op convenience store in Brownlow Way, Halliwell, before fleeing.
However, he ran directly into traffic and was struck by a passing car, causing him to drop the confectionary and roll up the bonnet and smash the windscreen.
Vanilla Fudges, Toffee Pennies and a Coconut Eclair were left along with other wrapped chocolates scattered along the windscreen wipers and in a big mess on the floor.
The shoplifter broke his leg in the collision.
Oh noes! Not the Toffee Pennies! My favourite!
A worker at the store, who did not wish to give their name, said: "It was a prolific shoplifter.
"He comes in regularly, stealing meat all the time. He's an opportunist.
"I know he had just been told to leave the store and the female assistant had walked away.
"He looked through the window and he came straight back in, grabs some plastic boxes of Quality Street and has run straight out of the shop, across Brownlow Way, but this time he wasn't so fortunate.
"He missed one car and was hit by the second."
*more muffled giggles*
GMP's Road Policing Unit, which was called to the scene of the accident, tweeted about the episode the next day using the hashtag #VigilanteChocolate.
I’m surprised some SJW didn’t start up a campaign to get them sacked for irreverent Tweeting…

6 comments:

Richard Brown said...

And meanwhile in Brixton http://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/thugs-armed-with-bottles-board-brixton-bus-and-attack-passengers-a3136461.html

The lack of info on this story is shocking.

Ted Treen said...

Richard,
If it's 'members of a certain community' attacking other 'members of that same community', many plod on the front line will take the attitude that if they ignore it, and those 'members of a certain community' reduce their own numbers then it's fewer for plod to have to deal with. Obviously in the PC stratosphere, occupied by Common Purpose graduates who know all about social engineering but bugger all about basic ploddery, such thoughts would produce a puce-faced fit of apoplexy.

Lord T said...

For my sins I spent some time in croydon and one morning I was nearly knocked down by a guy running from the local Greggs. Seems he regularly walks in takes a sandwich and a drink then walks out bypassing the annoying paying part of the transaction. The racks being right by the door. They were waiting for Plod to send someone around to take a statement. Almost same time every day and no action. I do understand that twitter is heavily used in Croydon so they were obviously busy. I asked why they didn't get a heavy by the door but was told that they had been warned that if the poor chap was harmed by said heavy then Plod would be down like a ton of bricks on that crime. So they just have to suck it up.

Andrew Scarborough said...

Chocolate Lives Matter.

Ed P said...

It's good to know the Darwin effect is still going well in these culturally-enriched enclaves.

JuliaM said...

"The lack of info on this story is shocking."

Just another day in Brixton... :/

"...then it's fewer for plod to have to deal with."

Yup, 'SoS' attacks can be ignored. It's when the taxpaying public are threatened that's the worry.

"I asked why they didn't get a heavy by the door but was told that they had been warned that if the poor chap was harmed by said heavy then Plod would be down like a ton of bricks on that crime."

No wonder Insp Gadget is always telling us we 'get the police we deserve'.. :/

"It's good to know the Darwin effect is still going well in these culturally-enriched enclaves."

Not enough to make a dent, unfortunately.