There Are No Winners...

A school is changing how it picks players for its football team.

OK, I'm not the greatest football fan, and my knowledge of the offside rule is non-existent, but...don't you pick the best players for each position?

I mean, how else could it be done?  

Saltdean Primary School has announced that instead of having trials to select players for its football team, they will pick players with a range of footballing abilities. Where teams are over-subscribed, players will be picked out of a hat.

Ha ha ha ha ha...! 

Oh, wait. They're serious? 

One concerned parent, who did not wish to be named, said: “My child was really upset. He plays outside of school but he wants to represent the school.

“It feels like if you’re achieving in sport there’s no celebration of that. There’s a handful of parents who feel very strongly about this.

“When you think of the success of the Lionesses this year it doesn’t make sense.”

Only a handful of parents are concerned? That's, frankly, far more concerning than the bonkers woke decision by the school, isn't it? 

Reheated: Culture Clash Part 2

Long time readers may recall this story from 2011. Now there's a follow up:

An ex-policeman whose 16-year-old daughter was fatally stabbed through the skull by a teenager using a steel comb says he is horrified that she could be free in weeks.

Rebecca Douglas was aged just 15 when she was dubbed the 'afro comb killer' after brutally attacking rival Julie Sheriff, but now MailOnline has learned her case has been referred to the Parole Board.

Reader, you know you've been blogging for a long time when killers you commented on are up for review! 

A spokesperson for The Parole Board said: 'The parole review of Rebecca Douglas has been referred to the Parole Board by the Secretary of State for Justice and is following standard processes.'

I'm sure it is. But isn't that the problem? 

'Parole Board decisions are solely focused on what risk a prisoner could represent to the public if released and whether that risk is manageable in the community.

'A panel will carefully examine a huge range of evidence, including details of the original crime, and any evidence of behaviour change, as well as explore the harm done and impact on the victims.'

Well, she won't have stabbed anyone else while behind bars, but isn't that more lack of opportunity..? 

What More Evidence Do You Need..?

Police have seized the dog and another belonging to the same owner. They remain in police kennels. A 56-year-old woman was interviewed under caution on October 18 but no arrests have been made so far. A spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police said its enquiries are ongoing.

Another triumph for the 'nanny dog'. Perhaps this was the sort of 'nanny' they really mean when they use this phrase? 

The mother had been watching from inside when her neighbour's dog was released into the area without a lead or muzzle on and charged directly at Elsie. The children ran to a wall and climbed to safety but Elsie fell over as they ran which allowed the dog to grab her by the face.

At which point, did the mother not remember that her kitchen was full of razor-sharp utensils? 

South Yorkshire Police Slightly Better Shots Than Their North Yorkshire Counterparts...

Officers were called to the fields near Hollinsend Cricket Club off Fox Lane at around 2pm yesterday afternoon (October 31) after a woman was severely bitten on the arm by her own dog. While the breed hasn’t been confirmed by police, witnesses told The Star they believed it was a mastiff.

The dog then reportedly ran from the scene towards Thornbridge Close. Local schools were advised to keep students indoors while police officers attended the scene. Residents told The Star they saw officers arrive ‘armed with shotguns’. Shortly afterwards, gunshots were heard coming from the scene.

How many? Well, less than 19 but who's counting? 

One resident said: “I heard what I thought was one shot, and then it went quiet. Two minutes later, they jumped in their police cars and went round to Thornbridge Drive, and my friend told me they appeared there. He said he thought he heard two shots, and then another two.”

Blimey, with shotguns...? Weren't they close enough? 

South Yorkshire Police have now confirmed they destroyed the dog at the scene after deeming it a risk to public safety.

A spokesperson for the force said: “It was determined that the dog was a potential risk to public safety and the decision was unfortunately made to destroy the dog to protect the public. Officers continue to investigate the matter to see if any offences had been committed.”

The woman was taken to hospital with serious arm injuries that are not believed to be life-threatening.

At least the police didn't pussyfoot around this time. But what's the betting the silly cow faces no charges for keeping a beast like this? 

Awkward!

Four men go on trial this week. And it would have been five...

They are suspected of conspiring to murder a 23-year-old rival who was shot on the dance floor at the Oval Space nightclub in Cambridge Heath, according to The Telegraph.

The victim was chased out of the nightclub and shot twice by a gunman before being taken to the Royal London Hospital in Whitechapel. He was treated for gunshot wounds to both legs, but survived the attack.

The four men appeared at Thames Magistrates Court on October 28 charged with conspiracy to murder. The newspaper reported that the prosecution will allege Mr Kaba helped plot the attack and was present at the incident.

Yes, Reader. That Mr Kaba.

Here's A Tip, 'Mail Editor'...

...don't rely on autocomplete when writing your headlines:

Oh well, worse things happen at sea!

H/T: David Bain via email

'Bournemouth Echo' Hot Tip: Don't Try Petting Them...

...if they are on fire!

H/T: Ian J via email

Sunday Funnies...

Reasons to be cheerful...I think!

They're Like Buses...

...you wait ages for unsuitable police hires and then two come along all at once! 

A Met Police officer and beauty queen has been thrown out of the force after a cannabis farm and Class A drugs were found at her home and old address.

PC Rasvinder Agalliu, 47, was arrested on suspicion of conspiracy to supply the drugs after police searched her two London properties in 2020. Officers raided her house on June 25, 2020, where they found Class A drugs, drugs paraphernalia, a large quantity of cash and a Metropolitan Police radio.

/facepalm 

The former PC, who was based at the Met's Central West Command Unit, was not charged with drug offences but was found to have breached the Met's standards of professional behaviour.

Wait, what..? Why not? 

The misconduct panel also found she breached the force's standards on respect of honesty and integrity, discreditable conduct, duties and responsibilities and orders and instructions.

Maybe some of those who decided not to charge her with anything should be considering whether they too have breached those... 

"We're Shocked, SHOCKED..."

"...to find religion going on in here!"

The row flared on Sunday when the priest gave an outspoken homily at St Mary’s church in Listowel in his native County Kerry, reportedly causing dozens of people to walk out.

The bishop of Kerry, Raymond Browne, apologised and said Sheehy’s views did not “represent the Christian position”.

Now, I'm no bible-basher but even I know there's something in there about unrepentant sinning... 

However, the priest confirmed his view in radio interviews. Asked if he thought Varakdar and other gay politicians who supported gay and abortion rights would go to hell, he replied: “Absolutely.”

And...as Tim points out, this comes as a shock why? 

Sheehy is now retired and delivered the homily in Listowel while covering for a parish priest who was away.

I'm betting he won't get asked again!