Thursday, 21 May 2009

A Snippet From The 'Big Book Of Chav Names'

From the 'Southend Echo':
Jewellery, a Nintendo Wii, computer games and DVDs belonging to her children Rheannon, 13, Porsha-Louise, eight, and Della-Jane, was taken.
The devil, as always, is in the detail comments...

10 comments:

ChrisU said...

What tickled me especially is that the housing association have agreed to reimburse her for the cost of the stolen goods.

Suppose it didn't occur to her to take out insurance. Of course not... silly question. Why bother to pay insurance premiums when the generous Council Tax payers of Essex can be relied on to foot the bill?

steveshark said...

Quite, ChrisU.
If you can afford all that stuff then you can afford the insurance.
I'm sick of supporting the spongers.

North Northwester said...

Shavvonn. Epiphany. Tyson. Jo-jo. Joey-lad.

I've seen 'em all.

Poor little bastards.


Mind you, the absence of a lock would invalidate most contents insurance policies, but "five years after she first asked her landlords to fix it!"

Nice spread of kids' ages, though: should keep her safe from having to go anywhere near the jobs market for another 12 years, and beenfits and tax credits all the way.

Edwin Greenwood said...

There is a story, which for the child concerned's sake I sincerely hope is an urban myth, that a registrar tried repeatedly and eventually failed to convince a mother not to call her new daughter Chlamydia (or some suitably approximate phonetic spelling thereof), a word she had heard somewhere and thought sounded "nice".

(Now I can't get the thought out of my head of Charlie Drake singing "Chlamydia the tattooed lady". Bugger.)

Angry Exile said...

Edwin, I hope that is still as myth. I've been joking for years that Chlamydia is a lovely sounding name for a little girl, but I suppose it's only a matter of time that some Wayne & Waynetta will realize that Spudulika was a joke and loke for something else that's "exo'ick innit".

JuliaM said...

"What tickled me especially is that the housing association have agreed to reimburse her for the cost of the stolen goods."

Well, it's only money, innit? The government will provide more from the magic taxpayer tree...

"Nice spread of kids' ages, though: should keep her safe from having to go anywhere near the jobs market for another 12 years, and beenfits and tax credits all the way."

Yup! Nicely planned, wasn't it?

"Edwin, I hope that is still as myth."

Oh, me too! I keep checking 'Snopes', just in case...

Anonymous said...

Possibly fake, but still amusing.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080513203534AAWomze

Malthebof said...

Edwin, I think that you may be thinking of Groucho Marx singing 'Lydia Oh Lydia The Tatooed lady'
It is one of those songs that sticks in your head, the one for me is Clinton Ford singing 'In the Old Bazaar in Cairo'

David Gillies said...

Edwin Greenwood: I used to know a girl called Candida. She was known to all and sundry as 'Yeast'.

Edwin Greenwood said...

"Edwin, I think that you may be thinking of Groucho Marx singing 'Lydia Oh Lydia The Tatooed lady'"

Indeed it was a Groucho sig tune.

Perhaps it's just the traces of a realistic nightmare, but I definitely have this memory of the late and lamentable Charlie Drake singing a snatch from it on one of his TV shows.

Quite why I would have been watching Charlie Drake on the telly in the first place is another question entirely, now I think of it; probably in the hope that Henry McGee would just once completely lose it and throttle the irritating little bugger.