From The ‘No S***, Sherlock’ Files…

Sodom and Gomorrah has some serious health problems, according to a new report.

Alcohol-related illnesses, rising adult obesity, high numbers of sexually transmitted infections and high death rates for all cancers are some of the worrying issues affecting the city.

The city's director of public health Tom Scanlon has pinpointed areas of concern alongside issues where improvements have been made in his annual report.

Sorry about the typo there, we are actually talking about Brighton…

Dr Scanlon warned that people needed to take a good look at their attitudes and behaviours and decide whether they were willing to make some changes to help improve their long-term health.

And if they aren’t, Dr?

We should just give you even more money to try to get the message across, I suppose?

Dr Scanlon said Brighton had a long history of risk-taking sexual activity but the public health message did not seem to be getting through.

He said: "This may be due to the particular characteristics of our population, which contains many groups at greater risk.

"The high prevalence of alcohol consumption in the city is also an important factor.

We could react and invest considerable public money in public health messages.

"There is an evidence base on how best to present these messages but our recent track record suggests that while these might be heard, they may not necessarily be listened to. "

So stop wasting the money, Dr Scanlon. These people have every access to the facts imaginable – we live in an information-free society, after all – and if they simply don’t want to heed them, they won’t.

After all, the NHS takes care of them and they don’t pay a penny for it, do they? There are no longer any consequences, so why should they listen?

"We need a long and hard think about the issue of sexual health, about the related health and social costs, about the links to behaviour and the important role played by alcohol consumption."

Well, off you go and think long and hard about it. But don’t expect the taxpayer to feather your nest while you do so, eh?