Saturday, 10 July 2010

The Diary Of Phil Woolas, Aged 51 And 3/4

Extraordinary extracts from the diary of Phil Woolas, showing just how unbelievably out of touch he was with the mood of the nation:
17 January
Once again, the [media] coverage [on immigration] is either from the authoritarian right or the naïve liberal left. The voice of the elected government is simply not being reported. We will lose the election because we are not able to get our message over.
...

Yeah, sure. That's why you lost the election... *rolls eyes*
29 January
For all I know I am £3,500 worse off [after the Legg review of expenses] and facing a press barrage. The truth is, I am so weary and sickened by the Kafkaesque powers that if they say I've done wrong, they will have to find some other mug to do the job...
That turned out to be about as accurate as Raoul Moat's threats to re-enact the final scene from 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid'.

He hung in there, to the bitter end.
5 February
Have been very shaky all week and not slept well. Woke up with heartburn – not had anything to eat since yesterday morning. The expenses crap is taking its toll... The blogs are awful and it looks like I fiddled £706 even though it's just the retrospective. Who the fuck wants to be an MP?
Clearly, lots and lots and lots of people. So, we're obviously paying you far too much...
23 February
All over the news for my attack on Mrs [Christine] Pratt [who claimed her anti-bullying charity had been contacted by Downing Street staff and she was called a "prat" by Mr Woolas]. On the one hand they say I am gaffe-prone and on the other that it's a Labour Party trick. I didn't talk to anyone about the interview and most people agree that she is a prat!
The baffled incomprehension is getting rather pitiful now. What was this man thinking, putting all this on paper?
26 February
So what's the positive side? It's interesting, though once you've done it for so long that wears off. You can do some good (although most of it would happen anyway). It's better than stacking shelves. Some of the colleagues are superb.

Do I like what I'm doing? In truth, it's tempered by the calling, the addiction, the fear that the Tories would wreck it for everyone.
So, it's a terrible job, but he's nobly suffering it all for the sake of the country. My hero! *swoons*
25 March
Most MPs are sick of it – Sir Paul Kennedy [who was considering appeals by MPs ordered to repay expenses claims] is a reactionary, arrogant bully boy who, far from cleaning up Parliament is making it look worse. The power of Parliament and MPs is hugely diminished, not by an overbearing government but by its neutering by Kennedy ... We are all tarred with the same brush and, more importantly, the pride in being an MP is gone.
A minute ago you thought it was a thankless task, only just better than stacking shelves!
5 April
I feel sympathy and pride in Gordon Brown – especially for the way he handles the lies told against him. God knows I get very grumpy so how he copes I can only imagine.
Do elaborate on the way he 'handles the lies told about him', Phil...
21 April
The harsh truth is that Charles Clarke was right. GB is not going to win it for us. David Miliband would have trumped Cameron and Clegg and we would be home now. I swing from loving admiration for GB to furious contempt for his machine political attitude.
God, it's like reading some 12 year old's diary on her infatuation with Darren from 14B, despite the fact he won't talk to her and is going out with Charleene. I feel a little bit grubby...

As the campaign wears on, the tarnish has started to appear:
29 April
[In the neighbouring seat, Rochdale, Gordon Brown has described Labour voter Gillian Duffy as a "bigoted woman"after she raised the immigration issue with him]. Why fucking me? Completely wiped out our event and I ended up on Newsnight defending the Great Leader. I can't see Labour recovering from this nationally: we may come third. Locally we will be very lucky to hang on.
*wipes away tears of laughter*
9 May
I am still an MP. I was just going to write "just" but being an MP is not a relative thing. 103 [his majority over the Liberal Democrats] is enough.

On the day I thought we were in by between 2,000 and 4,000, I even fantasised about an increased majority. There were two groups: "we'll vote for you but you've got to get rid of Brown" and "get rid of Brown and then we'll vote for you". If we do get rid of him, then we can win again.
Yes, you stand a far better chance with Ed Balls David Milliband Diane Abbott...

Bwahahahaha!

12 comments:

English Viking said...

He should try 40+ hours a week in hot factory, keeping up with conveyors, getting up at 5 AM, paying his own travel and food expenses, and getting paid just enough to ensure you return to work next week, but never quite enough to pay all the bills on time.

Tosser.

Obsidian said...

He's not well liked round here. He was saved by the fact the locals generally loathe the Tories and the local Lib Dems frequently resemble Swampy, meaning they voted for Labour the party rather than the representative.

Next time Woolas, next time...

We'll probably still get a silly twat, but at lest it'll be a different silly twat.

Anonymous said...

Was someone twisting your arm to make you an MP, Philip - or is it that you didn't like being found with your fingers in the till?

ZaNuLabour is crap and you're the crappiest.

Anonymous said...

Phil Woolas is a jackass! How on earth people of this type are supposed to represent the electorate defies belief. That he should STILL be an elected Member of Parliament is even more odd, given his comments, but, from his perspective it must be really difficult to give up the gravy train lifestyle, free this and that and if people were foolish enough to relect him then... why not? Beats working for a living!

SadButMadLad said...

The same Phil Woolas who claimed for things like shoes and dresses on his expenses. His expense forms included detailed receipts from shops like Tesco which were mainly for food items but also included other items which were not permissible. He wasn't clever enough (which MP is?) initially to use the £400/month no questions asked method and instead submitted the receipts and claimed a specific amount, which included the non-food items. And he think this is totally fair and above board? When people in other walks of life try such tricks they usually get sacked or even sent to prison. And yes people have been sacked for even less fraud than Phil's case. Sometimes even over claiming for as little as 10p.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/mps-expenses/5301789/MPs-expenses-Phil-Woolas-in-row-over-shoes-and-nail-polish.html
http://mpsallowances.parliament.uk/mpslordsandoffices/hocallowances/allowances-by-mp/phil-woolas/Phil_Woolas_0405_ACA.pdf

Other parts in the diary are a laugh. "Sir Paul Kennedy is a reactionary, arrogant bully boy who, far from cleaning up Parliament is making it look worse." Only because the MPs thought they could get away with fraud. Just because someone has brought something to light doesn't mean that they are the ones to blame for the bad press. The ones to blame are the ones who actually commited the *crimes* in the first place.

I like his final comment - "I was just going to write "just" but being an MP is not a relative thing. 103 is enough."

Brian, follower of Deornoth said...

He was president of the National Union of Students when I was at Uni. He was a gigantic bumhole then and doesn't appear to have changed much.

Woman on a Raft said...

On the plus side, being an ugly stupid bumhole appears to be no bar to electoral success, providing you suck the right, er, mints.

JuliaM said...

"He should try 40+ hours a week in hot factory..."

Like the common people do..? *shudder*

Do you know, in most factories, one cannot always get guineafowl and truffles in the canteen?

"He was saved by the fact the locals generally loathe the Tories and the local Lib Dems frequently resemble Swampy, meaning they voted for Labour the party rather than the representative."

I wonder just how far that sort of tribal loyalty goes. I wonder just what someone would have to be/do before it would shift..?

"Just because someone has brought something to light doesn't mean that they are the ones to blame for the bad press. The ones to blame are the ones who actually commited the *crimes* in the first place."

And yet, we seem to do the former far too much.

"On the plus side, being an ugly stupid bumhole appears to be no bar to electoral success..."

Indeed. Looking at the deeply unimpressive line up of all parties, it almost seems to be an advantage...

Anonymous said...

Easy to call him, yet why is it so hard to get rid of all of them and start again? I can't find enough in Parliament to fill a soccer team.

I'm not much of a believer in IQ and EQ, but wonder what these prats would score if we put them through an assessment centre? I occasionally dream I'm their career advisor at the end, saying 'it'll be down the pit for thee lad' at the end and then reminding the sod they are shut now.

Mark said...

As Brian mentions, Woolas, like Straw & Clarke before him, is an ex NUS president.I find all 3 of them pretty obnoxious for various reasons, but Woolas singularly seems, from the witterings Julia has reproduced, to be stuck irrevocably in the ghastly sandpit world of student politics.

As anon 18.36 wrote- Phil Woolas is a jackass!

Greencoat said...

To be fair to Wool-Ass, he's as much in touch with law-abiding, tax-paying English people as 99% of Labour MPs.

David Gillies said...

One could easily trot out the tired old Wildean trope about needing a heart of stone not to laugh were it not that one would first need a stomach of iron not to puke.