The ‘Fourth Emergency Service’…?

When a gang of youths rolled his girlfriend's parked car on its side, Simon White thought there was a good chance that the police would catch the culprits.

But instead of the swift response he had hoped for, they told him to call the AA.

Can’t think why he’d think that, personally. I mean, most people must by now have given up on expecting a response on vandalism. As the police blogs so ably show, most of their time is taken up with the trivial disputes of the growing underclass.

Still, Mr White obviously thought it was worth a try:

'I couldn't believe they were telling me to call a breakdown service,' said estate agent Mr White.
'I explained to them that a neighbour had seen a gang of about 30 youths hanging about when he was walking his dog and had come back half an hour later to see my girlfriend's car on its side.

'At no point did the police ask me anything to do with solving the crime. There was no mention of witnesses, possible fingerprints, or any desire to catch who'd done it.

'All they said was call the AA or Green Flag. When I told them there was petrol leaking from the car they said they'd call the fire brigade and then ended the conversation.'

Of course there was no desire to catch the perpetrators – at 7:30pm on a weekday evening, they must have had so many other things, better things to do with their time. Like ensuring their staff are diverse. Or providing personal security to Securicor, because Birmingham is infested with gun-toting gangs. Or helping offenders...

Mr White, 37, added: 'I sat there fuming for a few minutes and then rang them back and demanded someone come to investigate but even then they said all they could do was put out a call to see if there was a police car in the area.'

The vandals struck at about 7.30pm one evening last week.

Your taxes at work…

Mr White said: 'The police are always telling people to report antisocial behaviour and vandalism but when we did it seemed they didn't care. It was only because I insisted someone came out that the crime is being investigated.

'To be fair, the two officers that did come were very helpful, but by then the youths had gone.'

By what standards were they ‘very helpful’ then? Or are we now supposed to be grateful that they turn up at all?

No one from West Midlands Police was available to comment.

No, I expect not…