Thursday, 4 December 2008

Such A Terribly British Story…

The leader of a sex cult who paraded his girlfriend round a town centre on a leash has been jailed for three years.

Inspired by science fiction novels Lee Thompson, 34, launched the cult from his pebble-dashed semi-detached house in Darlington.
Hmmm, a ‘pebble-dashed semi-detached house’ doesn’t really sound much like the fictional Romanesque abode of one of Norman’s virile alpha-male heroes, but you have to go with what you can afford, I suppose. And no doubt the mortgage was reasonable…

But didn’t he ever once glance up from reading about the ‘the sweeping plains of Ar’, look around his grubby living room, and wonder if he’d perhaps not made the right choices in life?

Or wonder why, lying submissively at his feet was no ‘doe-eyed, sultry collared she-beast’, but instead Brenda from across the road, who’s mother had served him corn plasters in Boots just yesterday?
Heavily-tattooed Thompson, a self-styled sex master, came to the attention of police when he paraded his girlfriend round the town on a leash as she wore a dog collar and wrist cuffs.

Businesses in the town centre were incensed by his behaviour and the local butcher’s banned him from his store.
Well, quite! It’s likely to put anyone off their sausages…
He appeared on the Trisha TV show with a young trainee sex master from Essex, who has since left the cult.
I wonder if he could have got a Government grant to set up a ‘YTS’ type scheme for the gangly youth of Darlington? As long as it was properly accredited, naturally. We have to maintain standards, after all…
Sentencing, Judge Tony Briggs told him: 'What rather shouts out from the papers is you have an extraordinary ability and appetite for dominating and manipulating others.'
He’s obviously completely wasted in the field of dodgy sci-fi sex and roleplay – this chap should stand for the local council instead!
After the case Detective Constable Scott Denham said: 'He is a self-styled sex cult leader. He is a very intimidating character with a very forceful personality. He has children all over the world.'
Really? Where on earth did he find the time…?

And did he take his girlfriend with him on his foreign trips, or board her at the local kennels?

8 comments:

Nick von Mises said...

Anybody else struggling to find the crime in all this tawdry drivel? I mean, stabbing a stranger gets you less than three years at her majesty's pleasure

JuliaM said...

Oh, yeah, me too.

"Dan Cordey, prosecuting, said the victim did not see money change hands but she believed Thompson was charging the men."

Sounds like she was upset at not getting her cut. And if that upset her so much, I guess she didn't read the books thoroughly... ;)

Umbongo said...

NvM/JuliaM

From the quoted news story it appears that "he was jailed for three years for forcing one of his lover's [sic] to have sex with other men against her will."

Note the redundant apostrophe which also deserves at least three years inside.

patently said...

Well, quite! It’s likely to put anyone off their sausages…

Rofl!

JuliaM said...

"Note the redundant apostrophe which also deserves at least three years inside."

Oh, yeah, that's almost commonplace now, even in the 'quality' papers. I usually have to correct one or more spelling errors in one fourth of the excerpts I clip...

We could blame the faster-paced needs of e-publishing.

Or we could wonder at those marvellous educational results that get trumpeted in the media every year?

Mrs Smallprint said...

Don't correct them just name and shame.

Anonymous said...

A lot of people are into domination and submission,its not a crime yet. Surely she could have just left and earnt some money herself.Was he actually caught pimping or just on her sayso.
Bet the goverment spring him and he,s on their payroll next week, maybe being groomed as future home secretary.

JuliaM said...

"...its not a crime yet.."

With Harriet Harperson in the driving seat, it's only a matter of time...