Council Tackles The Important Issues...

No, no. Not litter, parking, waste disposal and keeping the public parks pretty.

We’re talking about such things as possible misinterpretation of placenames, which is clearly a major concern in Lewes, of all places:

Street names for new roads in an East Sussex town such as "Hoare Road" and "Typple Avenue" are to be banned under a new policy set out by Lewes council.

Guidelines set to be approved by the district council cabinet on Tuesday said names "capable of deliberate misinterpretation" are to be avoided.

You mean, there are names that are not capable of ‘misinterpretation’ by some idiot...?

A council report said the area "has never had a formal policy on street naming and numbering".

It said that had led to inconsistencies in road names throughout the district.

The new guidelines would provide standard procedures for dealing with requests, it added.

I’m sure most councils would manage to struggle on without a ‘formal policy’, frankly.

"Aesthetically unsuitable" names such as Gaswork Road, Tip House and Coalpit Lane must also be avoided, it said.

Whose aesthetics..?

Councillors have been advised to adopt and publish the policy, after which new software for street naming will be bought.

‘Software’...?

Aha, I see the hand of the IT consultant in this barking-mad proposal. The whine that some place names are ‘unsuitable’ is just the means to award the contract, I suspect...

The council said maintaining a high standard for naming streets would help emergency services find properties, allow mail to be delivered efficiently and lead to reliable deliveries of goods and services.

It’ll do all that...? Wow!

Best move to Lewes – it’ll be a paradise on Earth, where your mail is never, ever lost, your rubbish is always picked up on time and without hassle, the ambulance arrives 5 seconds before you know you are even ill, and your local customs are always enjoyed and respected by others.

Ooops! Maybe not that last one ...